04.10.2016 – This chapter has had minor adjustments
EPOV
Walking back outside I was thinking back to everything that just happened. It was weird, how the hell did we go from dis-liking each other to sort of becoming friends again?
I think I blame it on females, their emotions are always up and down. It confused me to no end. One minute she hates me and is ignoring me, the next minute she is playfully hitting my arm and confiding in me.
"How is she?" Alice asked as she walked up beside me.
"Yeah she is alright, just resting at the moment" I sighed as I picked up a new bottle of beer and cracked it open.
"Did she tell you what happened?"
"Yeah" I replied "Did Jasper tell you?"
"Yeah he did" She sighed "What do you think will happen between them?" She said as she bit her bottom lip.
I shrugged "Don't know to be honest."
"Hmm" She got a faraway look in her eyes
I looked at her for a minute, trying to work out what the hell she was thinking. Sometimes I wish I could read minds.
"Edward?" I turned around and saw Jasper standing behind me
"Yeah?"
"How is she?" He asked
"Could be better" I scoffed
He nodded his head, and looked like he wanted to say more but stayed quiet for a while. Maybe I should leave... The emotional crap is really starting to piss me off. I never was one for a lot of emotions.
"Should I go talk to her?" He finally asked
I had no idea why he was asking me, but I replied anyway "She's resting at the moment. Give her a minute, I'm sure she will be down again soon"
He nodded "Thanks man"
"No worries" I replied.
He walked away, Alice following close behind him. There was seriously something wrong here. Shaking my head, I sculled the rest of my beer and threw it into the metal trash can sitting under the table then grabbed another beer. I fucking need this after everything that has happened tonight.
"Hey" Claire said as she stumbled over to me
I laughed, she looked like she had one too many drinks "Hi"
"You know" She said as she grabbed onto my shirt trying to keep herself from falling over "That YOU" She continued poking a finger in my chest "Are s-sexy" She slurred
I laughed at her again "Claire, you're drunk"
"NO! I'm not, really I'm sober see look" She let go of my shirt and tried to walk in a straight line, stumbling everywhere and almost falling over backwards "See, I'm sober" she smiled
"You almost fell over, your feet weren't even going in a straight line, you're drunk"
"Fuck you" She spat
I laughed at her and shoved my hand in my pocket.
"Really, let's go have s-sex" She slurred, her words barely making any sense.
"We are not having sex Claire" I said, half shocked that she even suggested that.
"Why not?" She whined "I think you would be good in bed" She smiled as she pulled herself closer to me
"Claire, you're drunk we are not having sex" How the hell do you say you don't want to fuck someone without seeming rude, I know she wasn't serious because she was drunk but still.
"Fine, later then" she winked at me then stubbled away again.
I looked over to where Emmett was still passed out on the grass, he can't stay there. But who the hell can move him? He's just too heavy. Maybe I should throw a bucket of water over him, that should wake him up.
I went inside and searched the laundry for a bucket, and found one under the sink, it wasn't that big, but it was big enough. I put it under the tap and filled it with cold water.
I walked back outside and stood over Emmett, he would still need a shower even after I throw this water on him, I don't know who's vomit the is laying in but it fucking filthy.
I threw the cold water on his face and he instantly shot up.
"What the fuck man?" He growled, he shook his head and wiped the water out of his eyes
"You were passed out in vomit, and no one can move your big arse so this was the only way to get you up" I laughed.
He looked at the ground around him and jumped up and ran towards the house, I could hear him let out a string of curse words, and something about it being gross.
Bella walked out just after Emmett ran in, she looked at me and smiled before Alice jumped on her, then Jasper walked over to her and lead her away to a secluded part of the backyard where no one was sitting, watching them, I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something that I had never felt before.
I quickly finished my beer and threw the bottle away and decided it was time to go home, the party was dying down, everyone was drunk, except myself, Alice, Jasper and Bella. And I didn't really want to see Jasper and Bella making out. Plus, I was exhausted from all the 'talking' about feelings and emotions, though spending that time with Bella was good. Huh? Did you just say it was good? I couldn't be bothered walking around to the front of my house so I just jumped the fence into my own backyard.
BPOV
Once I regained myself I decided to go back downstairs and see what was happening. On my way out Emmett ran past me, he wreaked of vomit and beer. It was disgusting, what the hell happened to him? I looked over to were Edward was standing and gave him a smile.
"BELLA!" Alice screamed as she jumped on me, causing me to tear my gaze away from Edward.
"Hey Ali" I sighed
"Are you ok?" She asked
"Yeah, I guess I'm alright" I tried to smile at her
"Bella?" I looked past Alice and saw Jasper making his way over to me. "Can we talk?"
"yeah sure" He grabbed my hand and walked me over to the far corner of the backyard where no one was.
"I'm sorry" He said as he pulled me into a hug
"It's ok. It isn't your fault" I sighed as I wrapped my arms around his neck
"It is; I shouldn't just expect you to feel the same way. It's not like we have ever talked about this before"
"Don't blame yourself" I whispered
He pulled away from me and cupped my face with his hands "I really do love you Bella, and as much as I wished you felt the same I know you don't" He sighed "I think that we should maybe have some time apart, and you know... figure out what we want from each other"
I slowly nodded my head, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over the edge.
"I just want you to know that I love you, and whatever your decision, I'll respect it" He continued
"Ok" That's all I could say. He gave me one last long kiss before walking away and leaving my house.
This has all turned into one big mess. One huge ugly fucking mess! I searched the backyard for anyone who may still be hanging around but it seemed that everyone had gone home so I went inside and up to my room. I looked out my window, and noticed the light on in Edwards room, I craned my neck to see if I could see him. Sure enough, he was sitting on his bed, but he didn't seem happy. His elbows were resting on his knees and his head was in his hands. I frowned, he seemed ok when I came back outside, before Jasper pulled me away to talk.
I watched as he stood up and slowly walked over to turn out the light, then it was dark and I couldn't see him anymore. I had this funny feeling in my stomach, a need to talk to him, to find out what's wrong with him. I ran downstairs and out the front door, I made my way around, through the back gate and Edwards and checked the backdoor, to my surprise it was open. I wasn't sure if his parents where home, so I tiptoed and quietly as possible up the stairs and softly knocked on his bedroom door.
I heard the rustle of his blanket and then the bedroom door opened, he looked shocked when he saw me standing there but I could still see some sadness in his eyes.
"What are you doing here?" He whispered, he peered down the hall quickly then looked back at me
"You looked sad so I thought I'd came over to talk to you" I said as I stepped around him
"I'm not upset" He said, closing the door behind me.
"Then why were your hands covering your face?" I said as I crawled into his bed and under the covers, I didn't really care if it bothered him or not, I was freezing
Ignoring my comment, he asked "How did you get in here?"
I shrugged "Your back door was unlocked"
He didn't say anything in response, just stood there staring at me
"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"
"I told you there is nothing fucking wrong with me" He laid down next to me covering his face with his hands again
I lowered myself in his bed and pulled the covers up more to get warm. I put my head on his pillow and turned to face him.
"Why are you lying to me?" I whispered
He turned his head to face me, furrowing his brows then shaking his head and turning away.
"I can see your upset about something" I continued when he didn't reply "I won't go until you at least admit there's something wrong, you don't have to tell me what it is. I won't pry into your private life"
I closed my eyes, waiting for him to reply. I don't know how long I had been lying there for but it felt like forever. I had no idea why he was lying to me. I knew something was wrong, wasn't he the one who said 'how can anyone help you if you don't tell them what's wrong'.
EPOV
What the hell was going on with me, and why did it bother me so much that Bella was talking to Jasper? Walking away like that was like a kick in the nuts.
I sat on my bed, and picked up my guitar playing the tune I had composed myself.
So I was now on good terms with Bella, she was in some kind of rut with Jasper, Alice seemed overly happy while dancing with him, I was happy talking to Bella, even if it was about emotional shit, and then it stung to see her walk off with Jasper to talk. I can't possibly... no, I don't! Can I? Oh fuck this cannot be happening. I DO NOT LIKE ISABELLA SWAN. Shut up, who are you kidding? YOU. LIKE. BELLA. No, no I don't. I put my face in my hands. Yes, you do like her. I can't!
I felt like a mental person arguing with myself, maybe I should see a therapist or something. I got up from my spot on the bed and turned off my light, before climbing into bed.
Sleep didn't come at all. I can't believe Alice was right, this is fucked up. I have to stop seeing her, I can't like Bella, it's just... wrong. Edward Cullen doesn't fall for girls; he has fun with them. Feelings are very rarely involved, and more to the point, Bella and I hadn't been friends for ages up until tonight.
I heard a light tap at my door so I got out of bed and opened the door, half expecting to see my mother standing there, except it was Bella. I was a bit taken aback as I wasn't expecting her to come over, I thought she was still with Jasper, and how did she even get inside?
I peered down the hall to make sure that my parents hadn't heard anything, I was sure they would flip if they saw Bella here this late
"What are you doing here?" I asked
She stepped into my room "You looked sad so I thought I'd come over to talk to you" She replied
"I'm not upset" I followed Bella into my room, closing the door behind me. The last thing we needed now was for my parents to hear us and come to check in.
"Then why were your hands covering your face?"
So, now she was the one watching me. I decided to ignore her and instead ask "How did you get in here?"
"Your back door was unlocked" Must remember to lock it next time, I thought. I stood there staring at her, not knowing what to say or what to do.
"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?" She asked after a while
"I told you there is nothing fucking wrong with me" I was getting frustrated now, mainly because it would seem I'm easy to read and that I didn't shut my god damn curtains when I first got home. Without thinking about it, I laid on the bed next to Bella and rubbed my face. It had been a long night and all I really wanted at this point was to go to sleep. But Bella seemed to have a different Idea and made herself comfy in my bed.
"Why are you lying to me?" She whispered
I turned to face her, trying to think of something to say. Other than admitting what I was really feeling, I hadn't even really sorted through my feelings myself yet. I wasn't sure if I was ready to actually voice them out loud to anyone, especially Bella, the person of my newly found feelings.
"I can see your upset about something, I won't go until you at least admit there's something wrong, you don't have to tell me what it is. I won't pry into your private life" She said when I didn't reply.
She was so close to me, so close that if I moved even the slightest my forehead would touch hers. She closed her eyes, how can I tell her about these things I'm feeling. It's all been so sudden, I could probably lie and make something up. But if I was really starting to like her, would lying be the best option?
I decided to stop thinking about it and rolled onto my side to face her, reluctantly I moved my hand up and ran my finger down her soft cheek, hoping that maybe my actions would voice what I couldn't verbally say out loud.
I watched as she closed her eyes as I ran the back of my finger up and down her cheek. It was so quiet that I could hear her heart thumping in her chest, it sounded like it was almost beating as fast as mine. Without thinking about it I cupped her cheek with the palm of my hand and started rubbing circles on her temples.
Why she hasn't stopped me yet is beyond me, but if I didn't stop myself soon then I would end up doing more then what I should be doing.
She opened her eyes and looked at me with a small smile on her face, her lips parted slightly and I could feel her breath wash over my face. It was intoxicating, I could taste it in my mouth.
I closed my eyes trying to control the need I had to lean closer to her.
Her hand found its way up to my arm and wrapped around my bicep.
As hard as coming to terms with this whole 'having feelings for Bella' thing was, I was actually comfortable laying here with her, not saying anything.
I opened my eyes to see Bella was still looking at me. I wonder if she had worked it out or not?
BPOV
I heard him sigh, and watched as he rolled over to face me. He started running the back of his finger up and down my cheek, it felt nice. Maybe he was only doing this to get out of talking to me... or maybe this is a sign, a way of him telling me what's wrong with him. But what is it?
I closed my eyes enjoying the feeling of his finger stroking my cheek. I shouldn't like it this much... Jasper and I hadn't even broken up and yet here I am, lying next to Edward. Enjoying the feeling of his touch.
His cupped my cheek with his hand and rubbed soothing circles with his thumb on my temples, it was relaxing. I knew I should stop him, but I didn't want to. I opened my eyes and looked at him, he was staring at me. I couldn't help but smile.
He closed his eyes and I watched as his face relaxed, my eyes gazed at his face, his eyes, His perfectly chiselled jaw, and soft lips. I had the urge to run my hand through his unruly hair, but I settled for just wrapping my hand around his tense bicep.
He opened his eyes and looked at me, there was something there that I could see Adoration? I thought Longing?
I moved closer to him and rested my head under his chin, I felt him tense but then move his arm around my waist, his hand lightly rubbing the lower of my back. I closed my eyes, and relaxed my body under his touch.
I wonder if this is classified as wrong seeing as I am still technically with Jasper... Even if we are on a break. And then another thought struck me, why was I even here? Sure, I'd seen Edward sitting at the edge of his bed looking sad, we had just become friends again so I guess the need to comfort a friend made sense. But lying in his bed? His arms wrapped around me, the sudden need to run my hand through his hair. I felt comfortable, maybe too comfortable. Something in my stomach fluttered as I came to the conclusion that there was something more going on here, something deeper than friendship. And it had come around so quickly after we resolved our issues earlier and started being friends again.
"Bella?" I heard Edward whisper
"Yeah" I sighed
"What were you dreaming about before when you fell asleep in your room?"
"Why?" I asked a bit nervous
"Because you said something while you were sleeping" He sighed, oh god please don't let it be what I think it is "You said my name"
I groaned. Great, just bloody great. How embarrassing. I felt my cheeks warm up from the blush that covered them.
"I... Uh... Yeah" I stuttered.
He laughed "It's ok, I kind of feel special that you were dreaming about me. Though I did think I was imagining it"
"Ok, that's enough" I said, I didn't want to talk about this.
"Alight" He whispered
I tilted my head to look up at him and gave him a smile. His eye were boring into mine and I leant closer to him, closing the gap between us a little bit more. I smiled when I noticed his eyes were dancing from my eyes to my lips and back again. He leaned in a touch as well and now we were only a centre metre away from each other.
...
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