Notes: Thanks for the reviews, people! I really appreciate it. Yeah I know this was a pretty quick update, but keep in mind, not all my updates will be this fast. I'll try my hardest but life can get pretty complicated at times so no guarantees that it will always be so quick. But like I said, I'll really try! Thanks again, and enjoy!
BTW, Nat, I'm thinking of you too. 3
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Chapter 2, Fall From Grace
I drove for about three days straight and I wasn't even aware of where I was. I didn't care enough to check. All I knew was it was dark and I was in some run-down town with only a few houses, a gas station and a sleazy motel. A few of the residents – who looked rather dodgy – gawked at my car as I drove into the motel car park.
Of course I didn't actually need to sleep, but I needed to stop and think for a while. I had to check my phone, and check in with Edward like I promised to. I reminded myself to refill the gas before I took off again.
Approaching the front desk, I kept my eyes down and tried to blend in as much as possible. Of course that was hard. I was probably the only vampire in this backwoods town and I inevitably stood out. The person behind the desk was a young, pretty blonde who looked utterly bored.
Her face was a mask of pure shock as I drew closer. I tried not to let this bother me. Of course I was used to people staring and gawking and whispering behind their hands about me and my... family, but for some reason it bothered me even more than usual. Perhaps I was just irritable from all the different kinds of emotional aching that were going on inside my body.
I asked for a room – any room will do, and I used cash to pay for one night. I would be leaving the key on the front doorstep before dawn, anyway. I just needed time to think – even if it was just a few hours.
I took the key the young receptionist handed to me – her hands were shaking. I looked up at her and realized she looked terrified. I arched an eyebrow, and took the key with an appreciative smile, and a quiet "thanks".
"C-Check out time's at 10." She spoke nervously, before the phone rang. The relief was almost tangible as she answered it – an excuse to turn away from me. I couldn't understand her fear of me. But maybe people in this town were more perceptive than I gave them credit for. Maybe they sensed something was off about me.
Either way, it didn't matter. I would be gone before the sun rose tomorrow morning and they would never have to think of me again. I would just be a brief nightmare in their lives, and they would soon forget me.
I opened the door to the fourth room in the motel and stepped inside. It was exactly how I expected it to be. Cheap and filthy. What else did I expect for a room that cost 25 bucks for a night? I switched the light on, although I didn't really need it.
It took me all of half a second to scan the entire room and every single bit of filth there was in there. The TV was busted, and there was no food in the fridge. Not that I needed it, of course.
I turned and sat down on the bed. It squeaked slightly beneath the pressure my body applied to it. I placed my tiny silver phone beside my lap in preparation of ringing my estranged family.
Not yet. I sighed to myself. But I will.
Finally, it was time to get lost in thought, and despite the amount of hurt it gave me, I allowed myself to think the thoughts that cut as deep as any knife wound would that I forbade myself to think before.
Jasper.
You know how they say, that in those final moments before your death, the entire world seems to slow down? As if it's some kind of sick joke, to prolong your death? To mock you with it? To make you stare death in the face and realize that you're going to die?
That was the same thing that happened to Jasper and I. Only, I wasn't the one who died. I wished I was. I would have given absolutely anything for it to have been me. Edward always told Bella that he couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist. That's what Jasper always told me too. But little did they know that the same applied to Bella and me as well.
I spun around just in time to see it. I whipped around, and saw Jasper face me at that exact same moment. His mouth twisted up slightly at the corners, as if he wanted to smile at me. I found myself smiling back at my beloved. It was wrong to be cocky, but it felt as if we could actually win this thing.
But suddenly, his face disappeared and new images played out in front of me. Jasper, smiling at me. And then he turns around in time just to be attacked by one of Victoria's army. The vampire was a large male, much, much bigger than my Jasper. He immediately starts ripping Jasper to bits, roaring with sadistic glee.
I just stood there.
Reality snapped back to me.
"Jasper!" My desperate plea gets lost somewhere in my throat, and all I can do is stare. My eyes widen in alarm. My mouth pops open in surprise. I could've stopped it. But I didn't. Not even vampiric speed made me move faster.
Just like my vision.
And then it happened, and it was too late.
I just stood there.
Jasper.
Jasper.
Jasper.
His name was the only thing that went through my mind.
"No."
And then, a sort of frenzy began. I felt my body almost spasm in unadulterated fury. I lurched myself with all my power at the vampire, and bite hard into his neck. He roars once more, but this time, it's in agony. He grabs a fistful of my hair and tries to pull me off, but he has no prevail. I don't even think about what I'm doing. I don't even really think about what is happening. Or what has happened.
I just bite, tear, and rip flesh off his body, using my teeth, my fingernails, anything I can.
And then it's over.
I turn to face what is left of my love. My legs get shaky and suddenly I can't hold myself up anymore. My knees buckled, and slowly, I fell to the ground. I can hear loud sobbing and screeching and I realize that it's coming from me. My fingers claw desperately at what's left of him, my body heaving, like I wanted to throw up.
There are a few moments of silence until I hear them.
Rosalie's scream. Emmett's roar.
Suddenly, someone is trying to pick me up. I try to put up a fight but it was useless. I was being held like a toddler against someone's body, being carried swiftly away. My cheek was pressed firmly against the person's bronze hair.
Edward.
It's Edward.
I hold him tightly, my body lurching with my tearless sobbing. I'm shaking. My head is going to explode. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I just hold Edward tightly as images of Jasper and I flicker through my head. My thoughts are helter-skelter. I can't make sense of any of them.
All I can see is his face in my mind.
Jasper.
Jasper.
Jasper.
Oh my God.
Reality snapped back to me like a slap in the face, and I realized that I was curled up into a little ball on the bed, uncontrollable sobs racking my tiny frame. The pain inside me was absolute torture. It burned my heart and I found myself gasping for air I didn't need.
He was gone.
He was really gone.
And now I was all alone.
It's too much. I can't take this. I buried my face further in my knees as my sobs just got louder, in an attempt to muffle them. Three hours passed and all I could do was cry. And then, I just stopped, and I laid there.
I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I could sleep. I imagined lying on my soft bed back at home. Edward was with Bella, Carlisle was studying, and Esme was cleaning and baking simultaneously. I pretended I could hear Emmett screaming at a make-believe football match on TV and I could hear the clunking of gears as Rosalie fiddled with the cars downstairs.
Most importantly, I pretended I could feel Jasper lie on the bed beside me, wrap his arms around my waist and hold me close to his lean body. My eyes tightened as I imagined him placing a kiss on the back of my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. I smiled.
"I love you." He whispered to me, and my eyes flew open in shock.
He was really gone. I repeated this to myself, and slowly I sat up. I could hear the tiny silver phone vibrate loudly beside me, and my eyes flickered immediately to the front to see who was calling.
It was Edward.
My hands actually shaking, I took a hold of the phone, opened it, and pressed it to my ear.
"Alice?" Edward's voice was relieved on the other line.
"Yes, Edward." I replied, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible. "I'm okay. I'm sorry I forgot to call. I've just been a bit… busy." My eyes squinted in concentration as I was still lost in my thoughts, and the shock of the idea that came to me as I imagined Jasper here with me was still heavy in effect.
"It's alright. We just got a bit worried… you know." From the way Edward was speaking to me so kindly and not with a hint of annoyance in his voice, it was obvious that he missed me. But he wasn't going to say it out loud. Old Mr Poker face.
Bella must be there with him.
"I understand, and I apologized." My voice was still accidentally detached – it was obvious I was paying attention to something else. And since Edward couldn't read thoughts over the phone, I was able to get away with these particular thoughts.
Jasper and I reunited again.
Just like he wanted to be with Bella when he thought she'd died so many months ago. But then it turned out he didn't have to die to be reunited with her after all. But that was different, I told myself. Jasper wasn't going to come running after me. He was definitely dead. Thinking this caused another hole to be drilled into my heart. He was dead because I saw him die with my own two eyes.
I couldn't even believe I was thinking of this, and I was even more horrified that the thought of doing what Edward had brought me some kind of peace. Some kind of relief.
I blinked a few times.
Was I really going to do this?
Jasper's face flashed through my mind, and all the times we spent together, and everything we shared.
Yes.
Yes I was.
"Edward…" I began, clearing my throat to show him I was back from my reverie now. "May I please speak to Bella?"
Edward was quiet over the other side.
"Why do you want to speak to Bella, Alice?" Edward was cautious.
Don't give yourself away. A voice inside my head hissed.
"I have my reasons, Edward." I paused. "I miss her, and I know she misses me too. Now pass the phone over."
Edward went silent, before I heard him whisper something to Bella. I heard some muffling back, and finally the phone was passed over and Bella spoke.
"Alice?"
"Isabella." I breathed contently, closing my eyes. "Hello."
"Oh, Alice I miss you so much." Her voice broke. "Have you decided when you're going to come home yet?"
I felt a large lump form in my throat and I tried not to let myself feel guilty about what I was going to do.
Think about it this way. That same voice inside my head spoke to me. In a way, you'd be doing them and yourself a favor. You wouldn't burden them any longer, or cause them anymore pain. And you'd be with Jasper again. Everybody will be happy. You'll be better off this way.
"No, Bells, I haven't decided when I'm coming home… because I'm not going to."
There was a shocked silence over the line.
"You're… not… coming home?" Bella breathed. "Ever?"
"Ever again." It hurt me to hurt Bella and my family this way, but like my subconscious told me… we'd all be better off. "Because… because I'm gonna go be with Jasper."
"Alice!" Bella gasped. "What are you saying? Jasper is dead – wha- what do you mean?"
"Bella, hand me the phone." I heard Edward demand over the other line, but Bella ignored him.
"Bella, you of all people should know how I feel right now." I sighed and bowed my head. "You remember all those months without Edward – but at least you knew he was alive, out there, somewhere. And a part of you knew he would return to you one day, that's why you heard those voices inside your head. How would you feel, if you knew Edward was never going to come back? That there was no chance of him ever coming back… because he didn't exist anymore?
"That's how I feel Bella. You said it yourself; you can't live in a world where Edward doesn't exist. I can't live in a world where Jasper doesn't exist. And I tried, okay? I really tried. For half a year I tried, which is the same amount of time you spent without Edward. And now I realize… I can't handle it. This pain I feel is never going to subside. It won't fade away; no matter how much time you give it.
"And that's why… I'm going to the Volturi." I bit my bottom lip. "And I'm going to ask to die."
"The Volturi?!" Bella squeaked, but she couldn't get another word out. Edward had the phone again, and he was furious.
"Alice, don't you dare." Edward's voice was as cold as ice and as dangerous as the sound of a snake hissing.
A new emotion made itself known inside me. Rage.
"Don't you dare tell me what I can and cannot do, Edward Cullen." I made my voice as thin and as icy as his. "So you're the only one who's allowed to sacrifice yourself in the name of love? Don't you dare be a hypocrite!"
"Alice." His furious persona was gone now. He was pleading with me. Begging. "Please don't do this. Please."
"It's too late." I spoke quietly. "I've already made up my mind."
"No, it's not too late!" Ahh, the anger was back. He was shouting now. "Don't do this Alice! We will come to Volterra and we will stop you! We will not let you do this to yourself! Jasper wouldn't want you to do this."
My eyes narrowed to the point of slits. How low it was, to use Jasper as a way to try and convince not to do this.
"Well, Bella would've have wanted you to go to the Volturi, but you did anyway. So you could be reunited with her. And now I get to be reunited with Jazz. And I won't be some loathsome burden to you – any of you – anymore."
"You're not a burden, Alice!" It hurt me how Edward continued to beseech. Why couldn't he just accept the fact that no matter what he said I wasn't going to change my mind? "We love you. I love you. Bella loves you – please, please we can't lose you like we lost Jasper! It'll kill all of us – we can't go through something like that again! Alice!"
My eyes stung and my heart was going to explode. But I ignored this feeling – I was used to ignoring feelings by now. I remained disconnected… uncaring.
"Tell everybody I love them." Those were my parting words. "And I love you, Edward. And Bella. Tell them for me."
"We're not going to let you do this." Edward growled, and suddenly, he sounded so sure of this it was hard to doubt him. "We're going to go to Volterra and stop you. We'll hold you down if we have to but we will not let you kill yourself."
My mouth twisted up into a grimace.
Why won't you just let me go? I'm a caged bird – I want to be freed.
"Catch me if you can." I whispered, and snapped the phone shut.
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Oooh cliffy. Well not really, if you read the chapter summary. But still, there are so many questions on your mind, right? Oh yeah, that's what I'm aiming for… coz I'm evil. Well, there's only one way to find out. Click "Review" – they are what keep me going! Thanks again for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!
Oh, and don't fret too much about Demetri's appearance – he's coming next chapter. :)