I realize the water is too hot just as it burns me.
"Ouch." I yank my hand out from under the faucet, the soapy water glass in my hand suddenly a weapon as I accidentally fling it at Edward next to me. It misses his bare feet by an inch as it shatters against our kitchen floor.
"Bella? Are you alright?" Of course he's more concerned for me than his nearly massacred feet.
"Yeah, I just didn't realize the water was so hot. It burned me a little."
"Let me see."
I hold out my index finger, and Edward inspects it briefly before wrapping it in his fist.
"Oh, that doesn't really work anymore does it," he chuckles. "Let's try this." He turns on the cold water, and I stick my throbbing finger underneath it.
He wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my temple. "Better?"
"Much better."
"What were you thinking about just then? You seem a little distracted," he probes gently.
Edward is blatantly giving me an in, a wide open opportunity to bring up the turmoil that has plagued the Cullen household for the past two weeks, but I don't want to ruin our perfect evening with distressing talk.
"I was thinking about...this amazing meal we made together..."
"You made."
"No, that's not true, you helped with the chopping, and I think your chocolate cake has potential."
"Bella, it was disgusting."
"Disgusting is such a strong word. Interesting, maybe. I'm sure someone somewhere likes chocolate and tomatoes together, we just happen...to not like them?"
He laughs. "Right. You're way too forgiving, but I appreciate it."
He makes a move to step into me and pull me into his arms, but I hold him back.
"Wait, Edward the glass."
"Oh, right. I...forgot." Not that the glass was there, but that he can't walk through it remains unspoken between us.
"I've got flip-flops on. I'll get it."
I hurry to the hall closet, searching for the broom hidden there. I know it's buried somewhere but considering how neat and tidy the Cullen's house was before I and my clumsiness joined the family, it's probably buried deep. Anxious to continue our light conversation, I search for something that will distract me from the more pressing, difficult issues I know we should be talking about.
"You're actually a good cook, you know." I call out to Edward.
"I can follow recipes, but improvisation is obviously not by specialty."
Finding the broom, I return to the kitchen and start sweeping. With the glass finally gone, our perfect meal and perfect night is able to continue.
"Can I come hold you, now?" Edward asks, still poised next to the sink.
"Of course, Mr. Cullen."
"Why, thank you, Mrs. Cullen."
He walks to me as I lean the broom against the kitchen table. I expect him to gently wrap his arms around me, but instead his arms are insistent and strong. I briefly wonder if this is how he always wanted to hold me but was afraid to.
"We have the house to ourselves, you know," he whispers. He's taunting, teasing me as his hands wander beneath my shirt to the small of my back.
"Hmmm..." I half hum, half sigh, dimly remembering that yes, the rest of our family left for a hunting trip, their first since Edward's change. I unzip Edward's hoodie and snake a tentative finger under the hem of his T-shirt to brush his stomach. "That sound was a yes, in case you were wondering." I smile.
I become more bold with my hands, and he gasps as they find the skin of his hips. "I still love the heat of you," he says, his voice shaking slightly. "It somehow still surprises me."
"I love the heat of you, too."
"Do you?" His hands roam further, one splays across my back, holding me to his body, the other traces a tantalizing line on my stomach, asking permission to travel further down.
I sigh again through the haze of his hands on me.
"Is that also a yes?" He's laughing now, softly against the skin at my shoulder.
"Yes." I use all of my strength to pull him to me, and for once it works, my arms circling his back, my lips crashing into his. We are both impatient, and he lifts me up into his arms, running his hands down my hips and legs as I wrap them around him. The desire bubbles so quickly up and out of us, and as I feel him against me, I give a silent thanks that we can act on it now. No more waiting, fumbling, wanting what we can not have. It is ours.
He lowers me gently on to the kitchen table, hastily brushing a newspaper and a couple dishes to the floor. The crash of them startles me, and we laugh.
"Bella, is this alright? His breath is heavy, and he's trembling. "Would you rather be upstairs?"
"No, I want you here."
Edward's smile melts everything inside of me. "Good."
And then he's kissing me, deep, rough kisses that I know will leave my lips red and swollen with him. I grab the hem of his T-shirt, the hoodie long-since discarded, and he helps me wrangle it off of him. Edward pushes my thermal shirt up, past my stomach and plants moist, desperate kisses there before quickly moving to the damp skin between my breasts. I'm sweating now with just the tension of wanting him.
We wrestle with my shirt. It sticks to my arms and chest as Edward finally peels it off of me, and he immediately reaches for the clasp of my bra, apparently impatient for my nakedness. Our chests heave in unison, his breath is my own, and I want all of him against me. I reach for the button on his jeans.
"Bella, wait." He steadies my hand with his. He's trying to catch his breath. "I wanted to do this slowly, to take our time...I..."
He cannot talk us out of this. "Edward, I want that too, at some point...but not now. Please, not now." I feel like begging him to take me but clamp my jaw shut. This has to be right for him, too. "We have all the time in the world for slow."
He smiles down at me. "You're right. I don't want to wait anymore."
His hands are on my jeans now, and despite the trembling that racks both our bodies, he has them off of me in blinding speed. He briefly moves away from me to shed his own, and then it is just us, his body pressed against me so tightly I can barely breathe. He is closer than he has ever been.
I squirm against him, desperate for an even greater closeness. "Edward..."
"I know..."
He buries himself deep inside me as his hands tangle in my hair. The moan that escapes his lips at that moment shakes the center of me. It is like a cry of joy and anguish together. He waits the span of two breaths before beginning to move, first a gentle rocking then quickly more frantic, and I have a momentary fear that maybe the table will not hold us. I meet him roughly, spreading my hands out above my head to try and find some tether to this world, but his hands find mine, and he is my anchor. Our passion has escalated so quickly, so fiercely, and I already feel his need for release in his hands, in the back of his thighs as my heels dig into them, in the frenzied kisses he rains on my face and neck.
"Edward, it's ok." I gasp.
His voice is desperate at my ear. "Bella...you feel..."
"Let go."
"Bella...I..."
He stifles a moan against my breast, and I arch into him, bringing him even further towards the center of me. This is enough to unravel him, and he is clinging to me, all tension and tight muscles, fingers clasped so tightly in mine, strangled, beautiful sounds against my shoulder. After the full force of it passes, his hips spasm against me, and his breath is shaky, "I love you," and he begins to come down. I move my hips slowly, gently against his, unwilling to stop the movement just yet, wanting him to feel everything I feel when he makes me come undone like this.
We breathe together for a few moments, then he releases my hands only to bring them to my face, my lips. Our bodies are still molded together.
"Bella...that was..." His voice is still trembling, his face spent.
"Pretty amazing." I smile up at him.
"I've wanted you like this for a very long time."
His happiness makes me giddy. "On our kitchen table?" I tease.
He laughs breathlessly. "Well, that too."
Edward sleeps soundly, curled into my back, his breathing slow and even. He clutches me in his sleep, as if I might disappear if we're not touching. As if someone might sneak into our bedroom at night and whisk me away, and Edward would never know. But despite the comfort I find sleeping in Edward's arms, restlessness will not let me go tonight, and I lay awake, staring out at nothing.
I know it frightens him a little to sleep without me, so I feel guilty as I slip out from under the protective arm wrapped around my waist. Somehow I manage to find our bedroom door in the darkness without crashing into anything major, and I tiptoe down the stairs.
I'm halfway to the fridge, irrationally thinking that maybe some of the chocolate ice cream we have stashed in the freezer will lull me to sleep, when I catch a glimpse of a small, dark shape against the living room windows.
I let out a strangled cry before she is at me, her cold hand pressed over my mouth.
"Don't wake your sleeping beauty upstairs, Bella," she whispers.
I sag in her arms on trembling legs, my heart making a valiant effort to explode out of my chest. "Holy crow, Alice! You just about killed me!" I gasp back.
She wraps her arm around my waist and leads me into the living room, guiding me to the couch. We both sink into it, and Alice pulls her knees to her chest, her posture nervous and edgy.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you both were asleep."
"Are you OK? I thought you guys were hunting?"
"Everyone else stayed. I came back early." She seems wary about meeting my eyes, finding everywhere to look besides at me.
"Jasper didn't come back with you? Alice, what's going on?"
"You know what's going on, Bella."
Great, she wants me to be the one to say it. I think. Excellent. Part of me knows that nothing will be the same after this conversation. As much as Edward and I love our normal life, it cannot remain the same. We cannot run from what the rest of our family is going through.
I resign myself, taking a deep breath. "So...my blood turns vampires back into humans, which definitely means something to Rosalie and maybe to the rest of you. But no one wants to talk about it because they don't want to upset Edward, or maybe me... But we need to talk about it because there's far too much tension in this house and we're all going to crack."
"Bingo."
We both laugh a little with relief.
"Wow, that felt really good to say."
"Yeah, I bet." Her tone turns serious. "Thank you for saying it."
"No problem."
I wait for Alice to say something, but she's remaining stubbornly silent. Her body is poised as if ready to spring.
"Alice, I thought we were gonna talk about..."
She launches herself off the couch and starts pacing in front of me, the words flowing so fast I can barely keep up. "What does she know? I mean, she thinks it's going to be this easy transition back to being human just because it's been pretty easy for Edward. But she remembers things, Bella. She remembers some semblance of a life before this, and I..." She breaks off abruptly, covering her mouth with her hand.
I want to wrap my arms around her, but I'm not sure if that's what she wants. "Alice, I'm trying to follow, I am, but you have to help me a little...Are you talking about Rosalie?"
She looks back at me and crosses her arms across her chest. "Yes."
"So...you don't agree with her? You would rather...not turn back?"
She stares at me, and in that single moment I think I see every possible emotion flash across her face before one of utter determination wins out. "No, I would rather not."
"Can I ask why?"
"Bella, I was crazy as a human. Locked in an asylum crazy. Who knows whether I'll be any different now? And my visions, Bella. They sometimes feel like such part of me...They brought me to our family, they brought me Jasper, I depend on them, and I don't know who I am without them."
"Alice, you are much more than your visions. But if they're that important to you, maybe you'll keep them. I don't know, I mean you were at the asylum for a reason. Maybe you were already seeing the future, which a hundred years ago would've been considered pretty crazy."
"But that doesn't explain why I remember nothing, nothing about my life as a human..."
"Maybe they had you drugged, or something..."
She lets out a sigh of resignation and returns to the couch beside me. "Those are too many maybes, Bella. How can I risk it? How can I risk losing everyone I care about? Losing myself?"
I have no answer for this, and we sit in silence for several moments. She has a perfectly reasonable argument and fears that anyone in her situation would have.
"What does Jasper want?"
"Jasper wants what I want. He says he'll never leave me, even if I do turn into a crazy human. He says he'll bring me back." She smiles at this, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "But if I want to remain a vampire, he'll stay with me.
"Maybe we're completely jumping ahead of ourselves, though." She's agitated again and resumes pacing in front of the couch. "We don't even know if you can change us. Maybe it's some freak thing that will only work on Edward. And the Volturi, when they get wind of this, who knows..."
She suddenly gasps and her eyes glaze over.
"Alice? Alice!" Alarmed, I go to her, placing my hands on her ridged, unmoving shoulders.
After a minute of my heart fighting its way out of my chest, her eyes refocus, and her look to me is panicked.
"They're coming."
I can barely speak. I know who's coming, but I have to ask. "Who?"
"Aro, Demetri, others. Many others."
I can barely speak above a whisper. "Why now?"
"Demetri has lost Edward. He can't track him anymore."
I briefly rack my brain for memories of Demetri. The tracker. He can track a person's mind.
"It's as if...Edward is dead to Demetri. They're curious and want to investigate." She goes to her bag left by the front door, immediately pulling a black phone from it.
I follow her into the entryway, stammering. "No, they can't come here, Alice. They can't find Edward. Not now. Not now, that he's..." I find my voice, and it's furious. How dare they threaten my home, my family. "I won't let them touch Edward."
"Bella, I know you love Edward, but we are talking about a small army of vampires, here."
"How much time do we have?"
"3 days."
The phone is at her ear.