XIII.

"Bobby needs a preschool or a kindergarten or something," Barney said when Robin got back.

"Because I'm bored," Bobby said.

"Uhuh." Robin closed the door. "I snagged a couple potential interviews today."
"Yay!"

"That's great!" Barney put up his hand for a high-five, and she returned it, reading off the jobs she had hopes for.
"There's the FC, a public access channel, ABC, and a foreign gig…" Robin's eyes met Barney's for a moment; then she looked away. "Here's finger-crossing for the American Broadcast Company."

XIV.

Barney was thinking. I really need to get out more, he thought. You know, it's been way too long since I've gone out with Ted. Wait, is he even my bro anymore? He is married, after all… Gosh, he's been so girly about everything ever since Stella got preggers. I mean, really. I should have expected that, sure as Lily and Marshall would be mushy when that daughter of theirs took a first step a month ago. Okay, that was kind of cool to watch. It's kind of sad how I missed—

"No!" he cried out loud. "I'm not going to think it, not going to think it…" He put his hands over his year and started singing a song he used to play before posting Vlog entries to this Evil League of Evil website he used to be a part of a couple years back. This song did not have any words, so passers by looked at him rather oddly.

Bobby's, his mind managed to say anyway.

"Damnit," he muttered out loud.

He had never planned to have children anyway. He was pretty happy the way things had been going in his life – meaninglessly hook up with assorted bimbos, do awesome things within the organization of Altrucell, have a sudden penchant every February for slightly smarter brunette sluts especially if he had gotten them drunk enough to say "eh", and cry into his pillow just a little bit on Fridays.

Okay, he wasn't happy.

But was he now?

Well…

Semantically in theory, things looked pretty good. The most legendary woman in the universe was living with him, at any rate. Okay, not in a romantic manner, but she was.

That woman was so awesome, she suited up her own son. He asked her once why that kid went around wearing a suit.

"It's awesome, but kind of… weird. Seriously, what kind of kid wears a suit?"

"They all do in England," Robin had explained. "So I picked one out for him."
"Really. That makes it an awesome country."

She'd giggled at him.

So maybe he was happy.

Except that being in love with her really hurt.

"I am so non-awesome," he allowed himself to mutter.

"Really?" a passing woman in a pink dress asked him.

"Uh…."
"'Cause aren't you that Stinson guy?"
Barney collected himself. "Yes. Yes I am. That awesome Stinson guy."

"Oooh." The woman pulled him into an alleyway and started kissing his neck. He felt himself shiver. This was… this was…

She had taken off his tie without his notice. Suddenly, he jumped away.

"Um, actually, I'm this totally unawesome guy named Jack Package. Stinson is this dude I know who looks like me."

And with that, he bolted.

"But—" she cried after him.

"You can keep the tie!"

XV.

Lily, Marshall, Ted, and Stella were having a meeting in the former pair's apartment. Alice was in the corner, biting one of those "board books".

"Sooo…" Ted said.

"What's it you wanted to tell me about Barney and Robin?" Stella asked.

"Well…" Lily started. She didn't finish.

"See…" Ted couldn't finish either.

"It started on Ted's thirtieth birthday," Marshall managed to begin.

---

"Guess who nailed the chick from MetroNews1 last night?"
Robin rolled her eyes but high-fived Barney anyway.

---

"Ted took this really, really badly."
---

"Oh, and my mom's coming to visit next week. Would you like to NAIL HER, TOO?"

---

"And then Ted got hit by a car and Barney got hit by a-"

"I know this part."

"But you don't know that he's in love with Robin!" Lily blurted out.

"He WHAT?" the others all shouted.

"Er, he was," she amended.

---

"I think I'm in love with Robin!"
"What? I expected—but you're in love? That's wonderful!"

"No! It's awful!"

---

"Oh, that." Marshall relaxed. Ted and Stella, however, were still shocked.

"Seriously? No way!"

"Wow…" There was some silence. Marshall decided to pick up the thread.

"Well, in hindsight, some of the things that happened next were really obvious…"

---

"You're really going to get a decent job?"
"Yeah…"

"Wow, we're going through all these transitions at once. Marshall and Lily are moving out, you're finally moving up in the news world, and I'm getting married and moving to New Jer—"

Robin suddenly ran off to the bathroom. There were loud retching noises.

"Oh, come on! I know you don't like it, but you don't have to puke at the mention of New Jers—"

More retching noises.

-

"Oh, I can't move to England! Why the hell did you make me apply, Barney?" Robin punched him in the shoulder. "I… I… I can't go." Her voice was shaking with tears.

"Oh, Robin, there, there!" Lily hugged her. "It's okay!"

"Thanks for supporting me! It makes me feel so happy to have you guys… I might as well enjoy you and New York while it lasts, I guess. I want lots of memories to take with me to… to England."
"…Was that four moods in forty seconds?" Marshall asked.

Ted looked at his watch. "Yes. I think it was."
"It's just a girl thing," Stella said. "Robin's worked up about leaving, that's all."
"You wanna make something out of it?" Robin said angrily, glaring at Marshall.

"Make that five," Barney remarked.

-

"Robin," Lily said in the privacy of the other girl's apartment, "is there something you're not telling me?"

"…No."
"Sure?"
"Yes."
"Really—"

"Leave me alone!" Robin shouted.

"Okay, there's something you're not telling me; I just don't know what it is," Lily muttered.

"Say, want me to put on that shirt you got me the other week? I haven't gotten time lately to try it on."
"…Okay?"
Robin went off to get it. When she came back, although she was wearing it, it was far too tight and visibly uncomfortable.

"Say, why isn't this my size, Lils?"
"I… was pretty sure it was," Lily said, almost confrontationally.

"Oh." Robin seemed to realize something and looked at the ground.

"…Are you're sure you're not telling me something?"
"Yes! No! Uh, I have something else to pack…"
Robin departed to another room, leaving an annoyed Lily on the couch.

"Once again, I know she's not telling me something; I just don't know what it is…"

-

"I'm sorry, but it's just nothing compared to… the greatest burger in New York."
They all gasped. Robin even seemed to forget that she didn't have a burger. "Wow! Let's get that!"

"But what about your—"

"You heard Marshall, it's nothing compared to the greatest burger in New York."

Three hours later, when they were finally sitting there eating their divine burgers, Robin finished hers and said "You know… as much as that was the most glorious thing I've ever eaten… I could use some pizza right now."

-

The black day of Robin's departure finally came. It was in the airport. They all stood in a straight line, hands folded.

"You could always not go," Ted said.

"But you know I already decided to leave."
"It's so far away!" Marshall protested.

"There are farther places," Robin reasoned. "I could be in, like, Russia or Japan!"

"You don't even have any pictures!" Lily said. "You can't go without pictures!"
"I have pictures," Robin pointed out. She took her wallet out of her pocket. "See?" There were two. One was of her and Barney playing laser tag, the other of the five of them at McLaren's.

"You can't go," Barney said.

"But I am."

Robin embraced Ted first, gave Marshall a firm handshake, let Lily get all affectionate over her, and then gave Barney one of the tightest hugs of his life. She kissed him on the cheek and whispered into his ear, "Stay hardcore, destroyer."

With that, she disengaged from all of them, waved with all her might, and ran out to the plane. They all stayed silent while the plane, after a few minutes, flew away into the sky, and got smaller and smaller until they could hardly see it at all.

Barney had his mouth open and one hand on his cheek. "I'm never washing my face again," he said softly, almost to himself. "Or this hand," he added after another moment. He started to bend over, but thought better of it. "No, can't do that, not flexible enough."

Lily looked at him a bit oddly, but let it slide as they all left.

---

"Wow, that's one hell of a story," Stella said. There was general muted concurrence from the others. "So is that it?"
"No," Ted said. "Actually…" He faltered and didn't go on.

"Robin was apparently pregnant, but we couldn't tell," Marshall said.

"We just thought the mood swings, barfing, cravings, and weight gain weren't related," Lily explained.

"So Robin apparently had this kid while she was in England and never told us."

"And she still thinks we don't know."
"…Wow. So how does Barney feel about this?"

"Well…" Lily said.

---

"Oh my gosh, you are still totally in love with her, aren't you?"

"Of course not!" he insisted. "I…. uh… I'm just… er…"

---

"…uh, he's kind of shocked," she lied.

"Understandably," Ted agreed.

Lily sighed to herself.

"Wait, I have an idea," Stella said. "Do you guys still have that intervention banner that you sprang on me and Ted once back when we were 'taking things too—'"

"We said we were sorry!"