Be warned, angst ahead!

And that's why I'm keepin' secrets.

Don't want no one to know.

And that's why I'm keepin' secrets,

From the one that I love.

That's why I 'm keepin' secrets,

Though it's wrong to my baby,

The hunt lasted longer than we had anticipated and by the time the bloodsucker had passed from our territory to the Cullens I was exhausted. It had been a long, tiring day and now I had to go home to Abby and tell her my secret. I had to tell her that I was a freak who could turn into a werewolf at will and that I had been lying to her for the past three and a half months. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. Sam had to order me to stop thinking about it while we had a job to do because my mind was racing so fast at the prospect of coming clean.

I stopped just behind a tree outside Sam's house and phased back, dressing quickly, and followed Jared through the dark trees towards the brightly lit house. Emily and Kim were in the kitchen, talking softly over two cups of coffee and they looked up as we came in, relief flooding their features. Emily motioned towards the living room when she saw my weary look and I flashed a smile at her before Sam lifted her up in a tight embrace.

Abby lay on the sofa, her eyes closed and her IPOD lying on her chest. She wasn't asleep but she wasn't far off either and I smiled at the sight. Seth's recent imprint, Anaise, sat on the other armchair, flicking through a magazine. She looked up at me when I entered and smiled carefully. Seth had no doubt told her I was the angry werewolf and to be careful around me and I smiled back ruefully. I hadn't phased accidentally due to anger since I had met Abby but it would take a long time for that label to wear off.

"Is Seth back?" She asked softly, standing and dropping the magazine onto the chair. I nodded and jerked a thumb behind me just as Seth ambled in. He picked Anaise up and kissed her passionately and I looked away. When I looked at Seth I still saw the young fourteen year old werewolf that we all thought of as a kid. It was weird seeing him so grown up and in love. I looked away from their private reunion and found Abby watching it with calculating eyes.

"I'd welcome you back like that but unlike everyone else, I don't know why I'm supposed to be so relieved." She told me softly and I winced. There was no outward malice in her voice but I caught the hard edge anyway.

"Let's go home." I sighed, helping her to her feet. She nodded and threw her IPOD into her bag before slinging it over her shoulder and nodding at Seth and Anaise. They had parted and were watching us with supportive eyes. Seth clapped me on the shoulder as we passed, telling me good luck so quietly that only I could hear it. I nodded at him in thanks and followed Abby through the suddenly quiet kitchen. Jared stood with his arms around Kim, his cheek resting against her hair as they watched us. Sam had one arm slung over Emily's shoulder and she was curved against his side, her head resting against his chest and they were watching carefully as well. Abby glanced at them briefly, telling them goodbye, before opening the screen and walking outside.

"I am so screwed." I muttered before following her. I could hear Jared's quiet chuckle behind me and I ignored him as I climbed into the car.

"You want to go to my place or…?"

"I want to go home." She told me quietly. I winced again but started the car.

It was ten minutes into the drive before she spoke again. She kept her eyes on the window beside her and didn't reach for the radio. I had never seen her in a car without music. I had come to associate music with Abby. It surrounded her so much that it was hard not to think of one without thinking of the other. If she wasn't listening to music then she was singing. It was unnatural for her to be so quiet for so long.

"Are you going to tell me?" She asked suddenly. I glanced at her and sighed. I didn't even know how to start. Should I ease her into it? Tell her the legends first and then explain that they were true? Or should I come right out and tell her what I was? What I had been hunting that night?

"I'll tell you when we get to the apartment." I promised, the words sounding hollow to my sensitive ears. I had a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. This wasn't going to end well, I just knew it.

I prayed to a god I didn't believe in for time to slow down but instead it seemed to speed up and we reached her apartment faster than usual. I parked slowly and tried to drag my feet a little as we went inside but Abby rushed ahead of me, calling an elevator and stepping in while I was only half way across the foyer.

Once inside her apartment I pulled her against me, burying my fingers in her hair and kissing her as passionately as I could. I wanted her to feel how much I loved her. I wanted to pour it into her mouth and down her throat so that it spread through every inch of her. I needed her to realise how I felt. She didn't struggle against me but she didn't kiss me back with as much enthusiasm as she usually did. I pulled back and looked down at her, suddenly terrified. I couldn't live without her. I knew that but she didn't. If she didn't believe me she would think I was some whack job and toss me out and I would have no access to her and I don't think I could live like that.

"Paul? Are you involved in something illegal?" Her voice was cold as she looked up at me and I fought against a chuckle. How wrong could she be?

"No, I'm not. Abby, I need to tell you something and I don't want you to freak out, okay?"

"That's not the best way to start a conversation." She told me.

"I know, but it's the only way I have so just hear me out, okay?"

I poured it all out. I told her about out ancestors turning into wolves and fighting the cold ones. I told her about the magic that runs through the tribe's veins. I told her about the imprinting. She listened with rapt attention, furrowing her brow and frowning at me as I finished.

"What has that got to do with you?" She asked. I could see the cogs turning in her head and I knew that if I didn't answer her she would come to the conclusion herself and that would be a lot worse.

"Abby, I'm a wolf. A werewolf." I told her. I watched her eyes widen and her mouth drop open before it slammed shut and her eyes narrowed at me. They were cold suddenly, filled with emotions I had never associated with her.

"Funny. Ha ha."

"I'm serious. Baby, listen. The blood was passed down through the generations. It's only activated if there are vampires around and a few years ago…"

"Right, of course! How silly of me not to factor in the vampires! I can see it happening now. Lestat stopped by the neighbourhood for a bite and all of a sudden bam! You're a wolfman. Makes total sense now." Her voice was colder than I had ever heard it and I shrank back.

"Abby, listen, please."

"No! I mean, I always thought you guys might have been on steroids but I never realised you were on crack as well. Jesus!"

I recoiled from her anger and whimpered. She hated me. I could practically feel my heart cracking down the middle as she glared at me fiercely. My beautiful, perfect, enchanting mate hated me. I could read it in her eyes. Hate was divided from love only by a thin line and Abby had just crossed it. I bowed my head against her glare and fought not to cry.

"Abby, please, listen…"

"Why? Why go through the charade for three months if you were going to end it with a pathetic story about made up, mythical creatures? I mean, was it some sort of elaborate hoax? Do you and Jared and Sam get off on hurting people? Please, explain that, Paul." She was shouting now and I cringed. I could see the tears at the corner of her eyes and I hated myself. I shouldn't have told her. I could have gone on pretending if it meant she wouldn't look so desperate, so upset. There was silence for a few minutes as I fought the urge to howl in grief. Abby's heart was pounding, from fear or hatred or anger. Probably all three.

"Get out of my damn apartment and don't come near me again." Her voice was calm this time, uncaring, and it was much worse than the anger.

"Abby…"

"Get out!" She screamed. She picked something up and hurled it at me. I moved at the last second and a glass smashed against the wall behind me. I stared at her sorrowfully for a few seconds before turning to the door.

"I'll be around if you need me." I told her. "Just call my name. I'll be looking out for you. Watching to make sure you're safe."

"Yeah, well the only thing you're going to see is me fucking Alex so I wouldn't watch too closely. Unless you get off on that as well." She hissed at me. I closed the door and rushed down the stairs, needing to be out in the air. I headed for the woods behind her building and phased immediately, ignoring the tearing of my clothes as the heat spread throughout my body. She might call Alex but if he so much as laid a finger on her he would be breathing from a tube for the rest of his life.

Guess it didn't go well, huh?

Jacob's soft voice interrupted my growl and I sighed inwardly. I had forgotten Jacob and Embry were still patrolling. They were our best fighters so Sam trusted them to work as a pair without the rest of us.

She hates me, as predicted. I told them.

Aw, come on man, I'm sure she doesn't hate you. Embry assured me. I thought back to the scene I had just left and I felt the two of them wince at her sharp words.

Damn. She's feisty. I heard the smile in Embry's voice and I growled.

Who's Alex? Jacob wondered. I sighed and thought back to our first conversation in the café, when she had explained to me about her 'arrangement' with Alex. He winced again.

Dude, that sucks. Want me to bite his fingers off for you? Jacob asked. I chuckled darkly.

He won't have fingers left when I'm done with him I assured him. Jacob chuckled ruefully before the three of us fell silent for a while. I could hear Abby through the open window in her kitchen. She was on the phone with someone, talking quietly and I prayed it wasn't Alex. I didn't want him near her.

She'll come around, man. She has to realise how much she misses you sometime, right? Jacob assured me. I tried to cling to his optimism but I couldn't. All I could think of was those small tears in the corner of her eyes that she refused to shed in front of me. My beautiful, brave Abby. I prayed that she would forgive me at some point and that she would accept me for who I was. If I could change the fact that I was a wolf, I would do it for her. If she came back to me I would find the self control to stop phasing and become a normal guy, for her.

Dude it doesn't work like that Jacob reminded me.

I know. I replied sullenly. But I can dream, right? Since that's the closest I'm going to get to her now.

I heard a car pull up and I growled, stalking towards the side of the building. I saw Mark's familiar face and sighed in relief. As long as it wasn't Alex.

Isn't that the guy in her band?

Yep. But it's not the one I want to kill. He's her best friend. I told them.

You going to head home anytime soon? Jacob asked softly. He was being surprisingly supportive and I felt grateful towards him. He knew how I felt, I guess. He had felt what it was like to see someone turn away from you because of what you were. Or in his case, who he wasn't.

Dude, you make it sound like I'm a heartless bastard Jacob chuckled. I'm not Leah.

I chuckled and lay down in the soft grass. I would wait here tonight, to make sure that she was okay. I could hear her sobbing now, no doubt telling Mark what a crack pot I was. I wanted to be there, holding her and telling her that it would all work out. But now I couldn't and I might never be able to again. The idea hurt my heart and I let out a desperate, wounded howl.

I was still there when the sky lightened and the rain stopped. Mark had stayed the night and for his sake he had better have slept on the sofa. Abby had stopped sobbing around three in the morning and the apartment had been silent since then.

I paced around the building, being careful to stay so close that no one looking out their window would see me. A huge silver wolf was a little conspicuous in Port Angeles.
A sound from the apartment pulled my attention to Abby's window and I strained my eyes to hear what was being said. I could hear Mark's voice, telling her he had to take off and that he would stop by later. Abby told him she would be fine and then said goodbye. I watched the door of the apartment when Mark pushed it open. He headed for his car, his cell phone at his ear.

"I don't care if she calls, Alex. Stay away from her this time. I'm going to go and see Paul and see what happened… Alex, if you go near her I will beat you black and blue. This isn't like all the other times… I don't care if she calls! You tell her you have plans or something…. Don't kid yourself, Alex, she doesn't need you. She needs Paul and she's going to get him as soon as I can figure out a way to make this right."

He hung up the phone and I suddenly felt unbelievably grateful to him. I had always liked Mark because he was honest and he cared about Abby but now I felt so much more appreciative of him.

I broke into a run suddenly, heading for La Push. I needed to be there before Mark was so that I could change and look presentable. Would I need to tell Mark the truth about myself? Would Sam allow me to? He had to if it was the only way to get Abby to come back to me. I frowned at the thought and pushed myself to go faster. I stopped at home first, phasing behind the house and rushing inside to throw on a pair of old cut offs, the only kind I owned, and a white beater. I tried to calm my breathing as I headed towards Sam's. I tried to think of how I would approach the subject of telling Mark. Sam was always so concerned about our pack safety and our secret. Would he really allow me to tell an outsider?

"Hey Paul." Emily's smile was small and sad and I knew that Jacob had told them how last night had went. Sam sat at the kitchen table, looking at me sadly.

"What are you going to do?" He asked. I scratched the back of my neck.

"Her best friend is on his way over her to talk to me about it." I replied. "And I want to tell him the truth."

There was stunned silence as Emily and Sam exchanged looks. I turned to Emily, knowing that if I got her on my side then Sam was bound to follow.

"It's not that she's afraid of me being a werewolf." I told them quickly. "She just doesn't believe me. She thinks it's some sort of elaborate joke. If I could just show Mark…"

"Paul, we can't expose ourselves like that." Sam told me. I kept my eyes on Emily, watching as her resolve wavered. It was unfair to use her and I knew it but it was the only chance I had. I could see the sadness in her eyes and I knew it was for me. If I could use that, twist it so that she agreed with me…

"He wouldn't tell anyone…"

"Paul, no. I'm telling you no now." Sam knew I was getting through to Emily and he knew that if she asked, he wouldn't be able to say no. It was something the pack had picked up on a few years ago. He was the Alpha and we followed his orders but Emily was his entire world and he followed her every whim.

"Please?" I let the desperation slip into my voice as I spoke and I watched Emily crumble with disgusted satisfaction. I hated myself for using her but if it got Abby back then I would do it a million times over.

"Sam, honey, Paul deserves to be happy too." Emily told him. I could feel his glare on me and I refused to meet it. I didn't want to see the anger and disappointment in his eyes. I had used Emily to get my own way and Sam hated that. I would no doubt feel his anger the next time we phased but the pain would be nothing compared to how I felt right now.

"Fine. You can tell this Mark guy but if this comes back to haunt us then I hope you remember that it was you who brought about the downfall of the pack." He growled at me. I nodded, still not meeting his gaze. "And I hope you know that I'm going to kick your ass for using Emily like that."

A knock on the door brought us out of our thoughts and I looked up, knowing it was Mark. Emily walked to the door and pulled it open to reveal the dishevelled man I had seen this morning. He smiled at her, nervously, before stepping inside.

"Hey Mark."

"Hey Paul." He greeted me wearily. "Look, I only came to say a few things. Abby has been happier with you than I've seen her in a long time. She's so much healthier when she's with you. She drinks less, she doesn't smoke. She's practically glowing and the Abby I knew didn't glow. I like the new Abby. I like that she's happy. Whatever you did last night brought the old Abby back. She downed a bottle of vodka before I even got there and she didn't stop there. She said something about you being on drugs?" He took a deep breath and glanced at me before turning to stare at Emily's scars for a few seconds. It was a few seconds too long and Sam stepped in front of Emily protectively and bared his teeth at Mark. He got the message and turned back to me.

"I need to know the truth. Are you on any type of drugs? Or involved in anything illegal? Because I don't want my best friend involved in any type of shit that could get her into trouble, no matter how happy you make her."

I shook my head.

"Do you love her?"

I nodded this time, my lips pursed slightly in confusion. Didn't she tell him about the wolf bit?

"Then I'll help you with her." He caught my surprised look and chuckled. "She's my best friend, Paul, and the last thing I want is for her to spiral downwards and when's she's single and with Alex, that's exactly what happens. She needs stability in her life and you give her that. I know she loves you and if you love her… well, it's a start. She doesn't love Alex and she doesn't like the way he uses her but Abby craves human contact and if he's the only way to get it, then so be it." I growled at the sound of Alex's name and Mark shot me a weird look.

"This is what we're going to do…"

dum dum dummmm! what do you all think? let me know if you liked or disliked it. The song belongs to Nina Sky