Leafpool and Firestar arrived a heartbeat later. Leafpool hung back though, because there wasn't enough room for all of us in the bracken. Jaywing pressed his nose against Lionpaw's throat and closed his eyes in concentration.

Firestar ordered the rest of the cats, "Follow Leafpool to the training hollow for medical attention." The training hollow was just on the other side of the gorse wall to the west. Leafpool led most of the other cats away. Brambleclaw, Squirrelflight, and Ashfur stayed.

Jaywing snapped his head up and announced, "He's alive. Hollypaw, cobwebs."

I scrambled through the nearby bushes collecting the sticky white webs as Jaywing hastily chewed some marigold and goldenrod together to make an ointment. He slathered it onto the shallow wounds as I pressed the cobwebs into the deepest ones. After a few seconds Ashfur asked tensely, "Is he going to be okay?"

Brambleclaw added, "Why are you treating him here, and not moving him to the hollow?"

Jaywing ignored them, "Firestar." His voice was quiet, but steady. Firestar padded forward, coming to stand behind my brother's shoulder. He asked gently, "Yes, Jaywing?"

I met Jaywing's eyes. I knew he couldn't see me, but he looked right at me. I felt, somehow, as if his sorrow was piercing my heart as I gazed at his face. He reported to out leader, "Lionpaw might not make it, but…"

He trailed off uncertainty. Firestar nodded wisely and finished the sentence, "But he deserves to die a warrior."

Firestar brushed Jaywing aside to make room. Ashfur meowed quietly, "Hollypaw, come and sit with me." I knew I had to get out of the way, but my muscles weren't cooperating. I didn't want to leave his side. It somehow felt like I was abandoning him if I did. I shook my head.

Ashfur's voice was still gentle, but somehow sharp at the same time, "Hollypaw!"

A shudder ran along my spine, and I met his eyes. My head seemed to clear and I moved out of Firestar's way, sitting beside Ashfur and leaning on his shoulder. I tried to let myself find comfort in his thick, woodsy scent.

Firestar gazed sadly at Lionpaw as be began to speak, his eyes clouded over with dark memories of the past. "I ask my warrior ancestors to look down upon this apprentice. He has learned the warrior code and has given up his life in service to his clan." He paused to gently set his paw on his grandkit's shoulder. "He will be known as Lionfang. May Starclan receive him with honor."

I choked back my grief and buried my face into Ashfur's chest. He slung his leg over my back, pressing his nose behind my ear, as he tried to loan me his silent support. I listened with half an ear as Jaywing started to fret over my shoulder and Ashfur's many wounds. At the same time, Brambleclaw, Firestar, and Squirrelflight began to mold the bracken into a nest for Lionfang.

Lionfang, you'd better not die!

Firestar suddenly announced, "You all need to rest. Three of you are hurt, and Brambleclaw, you've been up all night."

Instantly the shock of the situation wore off. I pulled away from Ahsfur and stumbled over to Jaywing. "I can't leave him, Firestar. I have to stay here."

Jaywing lay down beside Lionfang. Firestar's eyes were dark with sympathy. He nodded. "Okay, you can stay, Hollypaw. The rest of you, let's go." He herded the others towards the hollow. I returned my attention to Jaywing to find his eyes closed and his breathing getting shallower.

I hissed, "How can you sleep right now?" Without so much as flicking an ear my way he mumbled, "I'm not. Just be quiet and watch." A few seconds later, his body relaxed and he had fallen into an even sleep with Lionfang.

For a moment I wondered if he was getting enough air, breathing so weakly. I was staring with such a curious intensity that I jumped when Lionfang shifted a little. Jaywing's paws twitched, and his fear-scent began to choke me. I wanted to wake him up, but he'd claw my ears off if I did.

A faint, almost inaudible, growl slipped out of Lionfang's throat. A fraction of a second later Jaywing was awake again. He sprang to his feet, his fur fluffed out in horror and his eyes wild.

I dared to ask, "What did you dream about?"

He licked down his agitated fur, calming himself. When his body had relaxed considerably he decided to tell me. "I can enter the dreams of cats, Hollypaw."

I asked hopefully, "And you found Lionfang?"

Jaywing snorted, but I could tell he was afraid of something. "Yes. He isn't where I thought he'd be, though. He wasn't walking with StarClan."

I asked, confused, "Isn't that good? That means he can come back to us."

After a moments hesitation Jaywing nodded. "Exactly. Why don't you go to your nest,

Hollypaw? You're hurt, and you'll only make your shoulder stiff if you sleep on the cold ground all night. Lionfang said he's coming back to Poppyspots, so we have no reason to worry."

I was glad my brother had a reason to want to fight StarClan and return to us. I licked Jaywing's ear, muttering a goodbye. I limped into the hollow unnoticed and sank into my nest, thinking as I fell asleep.

I had thought he was going to die. In my time of greatest need, greatest distress, I had willingly turned to Ashfur…

Do I really love him?

I went to the medicine cat's den to see how everything was going. Lionfang was unconscious, but he had stabilized, so Cloudtail and Thornclaw were able to move him into the main den overnight.

Ashfur was there, too. He had been pretty ripped up in his vicious battle with Tornear.
Brackenfur, like the other toms in my life, had been asleep. With all three of them asleep, I ended up leaving a minute or two after I entered the den. I settled down by the Halfrock with a magpie, wondering if I should invite Cinderfur on a hunt with me later.

A lean, gray-and-white tom had been watching me. He padded over to me and asked, "Can I join you, Hollypaw?"

Mouseclaw's yellow eyes glowered like the morning sun when I answered, "Sure." He lay down, taking a bite of the bird when I nudged it closer to him. Once he swallowed he smiled at me. "So, how have you been? We haven't talked in so long- it feels like moons!"

My heart began to ache. "Well, I have been busy training. In my spare time-"

He cut me off, bitterly finishing my sentence, "You're with Ashfur."

My neck fur began to bristle and I narrowed my eyes. "I do more than hang around with Ashfur, Mouseclaw!" It was true, too. I hunt with Poppyspots and Lionpaw, and I practice battle moves with Hazelpelt and Cinderfur. Lately, I've even been spending a lot of time with Honeyleaf.

Mouseclaw ducked his head, but muttered, "You can have a mate and male friends, you know."

I swallowed hard and looked up at the pale blue sky. "It's not as simple as it seems. You don't understand." My brother was a warrior now. The deal I had made, it was irrelevant. If I wanted to, I could cold-shoulder Ashfur. I could pour myself into the tom I really did want, and that would be that.

But the problem was that I wasn't sure that's what I wanted to do.

Mouseclaw scooted closer to me, setting his paw over mine. His eyes were pleading and his voice upset. "Help me understand, Hollypaw. I want to be here for you however I can be. If you're having problems with him or something, you can tell me."

My ears felt hot, and I tried to claw at my courage. What could I tell him? That I had been blackmailed? That it was all some twisted act set up by a tom that was sick; not bodily, but sick in the heart and mind? Should I tell him simply that I wasn't sure this was right for me?

Mouseclaw asked, "You aren't carrying his kits, are you?"

I sprang to my feet with an outraged hiss, and felt my fur fluffing out. Kits before warriorship was against the warrior code! How dare he suggest I would disobey StarClan- for Ashfur? "You really think that?" I snarled accusingly.

His fur bristled, and he scrambled onto his paws. He looked more embarrassed than I can ever remember seeing him before. "No, I'm sorry! But you seemed so worried; I was just trying to-" I hissed in his face and stalked away before he could finish his thought, leaving him standing alone and confounded.

Ashfur was just emerging from the medicine cat den, adjourned with fresh cobwebs and looking spirited. I bounded over to him and demanded, "We're going hunting." He wasn't going to be the only decision maker out of the two of us.

The gray warrior blinked in surprise. "I'm supposed to lead the sunhigh patrol, though."

I knew, deep in my heart, that I was only using him to ease the pain of yet another fight with another tomcat in my life. However, I had been willing to give him a chance. He had rejected that willingness, and it hurt quite a lot.

Frustration started to build up in my heart. I growled, "Fine! If the patrol is more important than me, then that's just fine."

A lot of the clan was staring at us now. Turning, I darted out of the den and raced into the territory. I heard Ashfur call out to me, but I only sped up. My paws carried me to the abandoned Two-leg nest. This is where it all started.

I reflected upon that day. If I had said no to Ashfur, Lionfang would have still been hurt in yesterdays' battle. He was a warrior in the eyes of StarClan now. Even if he had not been hurt, Firestar would have never made me a warrior without my brother. I had been mouse-brained to think that could ever happen.

I had walked into Ashfur's paws like a blind mouse. He had told me he loved me, and I almost believed him. Now when I actually wanted him- he was too busy.

This is all part of his game. He's making you want him.

I almost considered finding Mouseclaw and flirting with him, just to see the pain on Ashfur's face. Just to watch his heart break through his eyes. However tempting that sounded, my paws didn't move. I know he really does care for me. How can I be so cruel?

The sound of gentle pawsteps made my neck fur bristle. Who was it? Pale ginger sprang over the fence, and Squirrelflight landed on the soft ground with a quiet thud. She padded over to me and asked, "Hollypaw, are you alright?"

I lowered my ears and admitted, "I'm confused. I'm not sure about anything anymore."

My mother sat down beside me, her soft green eyes meeting my own. She tried to offer as much as she could- she tried to understand. "When he was an apprentice, you were always very close to Mouseclaw. All of you apprentices used to watch Ashfur with bright eyes, though. Are you having second thoughts on your decision?"

I sighed. "I always thought Mouseclaw was the one, but Ashfur… Even though he-" I cut myself off, and my fur bristled with fear. I almost just told her he had forced me into this. That would not go over well. What would he do to me if I told her, of all cats?

I carefully tried to fix my blunder. "He can be a mouse-brain, but no matter how far I pull away from him, I keep springing back. Mouseclaw is trying to get close to me and I won't let him."

My mother brushed her tail across my shoulder comfortingly. "That's difficult, I know. I was torn between two once, as well. You must let your heart choose for you."

I sighed, frustrated, and decided being direct would get me the best answers. "What made you choose Brambleclaw over Ashfur?"

She looked shocked that I knew it had been Ashfur who was once her love interest. She wasn't left scrambling, though. She was too sharp to be caught off guard. Some part of her must have known I would find out.

Her answer came just a moment later. "During the badger attack we tell the kits about, it wasn't Ashfur I fought beside. It wasn't him I was risking my life for. I realized then that I was meant for Brambleclaw- no matter how hard we butted heads sometimes."

My heart began to thump painfully against my ribcage. Was that all? Was that was love was? If so… "In yesterday's battle, Ashfur saved me. He practically shredded Tornear for hurting me. Afterwards, he said he was afraid he was going to lose me. I could hear that he meant it."

I bitterly thought to myself that Mouseclaw hadn't even come and asked if I was all right. Nor did he inquire about Lionfang this morning. Squirrelflight sighed, "He's always been very protective."

I nodded. Brambleclaw was over-protective of her, too. And Lionfang seemed ready to claw your eyes out for upsetting Poppyspots.

I understood now. Your mate is the cat who thinks about you, and protects you from harm. He's the one who is ready to get hostile for you. Even if I wasn't completely happy with it, that was Ashfur!

I purred, nudging Squirrelflight. "Thank you. I understand now."

I sprang to my paws and darted back towards the camp. Back to the tom who was surely waiting for me.