I sat by the river with Ashfur until dawn. He slept now, looking so peaceful after something so terrifying that it hurt to see him. Once again, I was lost in a deep pool of my own feelings.

I didn't love him. Surely, I could not have such strong and final feelings for one who tormented me so. Played with me like a kitten does a beetle.

However, when I thought about what had just happened between us, my fur tingled despite my denial. Feelings were there if I liked it or not.

I was enticed by the danger that came along with my mate. The thrill that ran through my fur when he threatened me; or pinned me down with one of his strong, controlling, smoldering blue glares…

What words could explain what it did to me? The way I felt sort of liberated- because I was tired of following the warrior code like it was a religion. The way he dominated me made me want to purr- because for once someone else was in charge.

He protected me so I could not be hurt by anyone but him. He loved me enough to do anything at all for me. He cherished me more then I had ever liked myself.

I did love Ashfur.

And I hated myself for it.

A quarter of a moon passed. I had found some sort of peace within myself finally. I knew where I stood with Ashfur, and what I needed from him. I was trying to assert myself in the relationship a bit more to teach him what it was I wanted out of him. I didn't want him to change who he was for me, as long as he toned down the dangerous to a safe level.

He acted like a kitten now that he knew I was his and only his- to the end. I wasn't using him, but it gave me peace of mind to know we were no longer on shaky terms.

Tonight, we were headed out for a gathering. I was walking between Lionfang and Honeyleaf as we crossed into Windclan territory. Lionfang's eyes twinkled. "Our first gathering as warriors!"

I beamed. "I know! Tigerpaw and Dawnpaw will be so jealous." We smiled at one another mischievously before breaking apart. Lionfang ran ahead to talk to Cinderfur, and I stayed behind with Honeyleaf.

She looked tense and she asked me quietly, "Hollythorn, will you stay with me tonight?" Her eyes were wide with anxiety.

I tipped my head and asked, "What's wrong, Honeyleaf? Are you avoiding someone?"

Her eyes locked onto mine, and I feared the force of terror I saw in them. She whispered sadly, "Yes."

We were quiet the rest of the way as he crossed the log onto the island. It irritated me to see Lionfang was talking to Heatherpaw and Breezepaw. I halted to watch. Honeyleaf did the same, looking curious. After a few seconds Breezepaw began to bristle his fur and he hissed. Lionfang's claws scored the ground.

"Lionfang!" I called to him sharply. He reluctantly tore his eyes away from the Windclan tom and glanced at me. I shook my head disapprovingly. Now was not the time to fight. My brother growled at the black tom before padding over to me. I asked him, "What was that about?"

He snorted. "Breezewind was being prickly because I came to say hello to Heathersight."

"So they're warriors now, too?" I asked with only mild interest. I wasn't a friend with either; I could care less about the enemy warriors. Lionfang nodded, and then led Honeyleaf and myself over to Dawnpaw and Flamepaw.

Soon the meeting started, and consisted simply of announcements at first. When everything seemed to be said, Firesatar stepped forward. His eyes narrowed and he glared at Onestar. "I would like to know why Windclan keeps invading my territory!"

Onestar narrowed his eyes, his tail lashing aggressively. "It won't be your territory for very long."

Blackstar looked startled to hear about this news, but Leopardstar did not. She shared a glance with Onestar quite briefly. It did not go unnoticed. Almost every cat shifted uneasily at the sights of the new alliance between the old rivals clans.

Firestar's fur bristled and a deep growl bubbled out of his throat. Blackstar surprised us all a second time by intervening. "Firestar! Tonight is not the night for battles."

Lionfang muttered in shock, "Why is he being so… helpful?" Blackstar was known by all for his fearsome loyalty to just Shadowclan, and his frequent headstrongness.

Dawnpaw shrugged. "He has his days."

Firestar's tail lashed. "If any Windclan cat is so much as a kittenstep over the border, we'll shred them." He swarmed down the tree and stalked into the distance. Brambleclaw hastily called for all Thunderclan cats to follow.

Lionfang raced over there, but Honeyleaf and I were cut off by the Riverclan tom Pouncefoot. His eyes sparkled as he smiled at Honeyleaf. Her fur fluffed out and she pressed against me. I could smell her fear-scent thickly stinging the air.

"Honeyleaf, it's good to see you made it here tonight." Pouncefoot greeted, a light of arrogance in his eyes. My friend whimpered and her body stiffened. Pouncefoot chuckled, "What's the matter? I just came to say hello!"

I don't know what made her so terrified of him all of the sudden, but every instinct I had screeched for me to defend her when she clearly would not do it herself. I took a step forward, coming to stand almost nose-to-nose with Pouncefoot. My hackles rose and I snarled threateningly, "If you don't leave her alone, you'll regret it."

The larger, elder warrior seemed to flood with defiance. His claws unsheathed and his lip curled into a snarl. "Just try it, Hollythorn. I dare you."

I bunched up my muscles to spring on him, but I didn't get the chance. A gray tail brushed against my shoulder reassuringly as Ashfur came to stand beside me. His body was calm and relaxed, but his eyes were so furious you could call them territorial. He wasn't simply defending his clan mates; he was protecting his mate and her closest friend.

"Is a fight really what you want, Pouncefoot?" Ashfur asked, his voice so quiet and icy it made me, Honeyleaf, and Pouncefoot shiver. I was shocked- Ashfur was actually letting someone else see his darker and more dangerous side?

Seeing him out numbered, Reedwhisker and Voletooth inched their way closer to us. They didn't have the chance to come back their clanmate up, because Pouncefoot growled nervously and stumbled away from Ashfur.

Brambleclaw joined us a second later, his eyes wide. "What was that about, Hollythorn?"

I forced myself to relax and shook my head. "I don't even know."

A few seconds passed before he nodded. He glanced at Ashfur, "Come talk with me." A moment later the two of them padded after out clanmates, glancing suspiciously at us once or twice as they went. Soon, I was alone on the island with Holeyleaf- and Lionfang, who lurked in the distance waiting for us like a bodyguard.

I glanced at Honeyleaf and asked, "What was that about? Why are you so afraid of Pouncefoot? He's got more bark then bite."

"Can you keep as secret? On your life?" She asked me. I almost laughed once at the bitter irony in such a question. I nodded with total seriousness. She shivered again before it all spilled out. "I'm going to have his kits! I d-didn't w-want them! He just- he…"

She shook her head sadly. I felt myself go cold with horror. He forced himself upon her! I licked her ear, trying to comfort her. "It's okay, Honeyleaf. It isn't your fault, you didn't ask for it to happen."

Misty eyed, she nodded slowly and whispered, "I know. Birchfall chase him off w-when it happened. He said he'd claim the kits as his own, that he would be their father for me."

I wondered if Ashfur would do that for me. Something told me that he would. I asked, "When are they coming?"

"In a quarter moon." She answered quietly.

So soon! Her long fur really had hidden the bulge well. I set my tail on her shoulders as I led her closer to Lionfang. "Don't worry about anything, Honeyleaf. Birchfall is take care of you, and I will make sure Pouncefoot stays away. Okay?"

She rubbed her cheek against mine and purred, "Okay."