I feigned sleep that night to get out of the alone time with Ashfur. Two days later he asked if we could go hunting near the Windclan forest. A desperate glance towards Brambleclaw made him tell me to join Brackenfur and Brook on the dawn patrol. I didn't see Ashfur again all day because I was also on the sunset patrol with Brambleclaw, Iceheart, and Berrynose.

I was extremely pleased when Brambleclaw didn't ask me about why I had seemed so hasty to escape Ashfur. He had his fair share of spats with Squirrelflight in their day, he probably assumed we were just fighting and it was tense being around him. If only he knew!

Today, however, I had no such luck. As soon as I exited the warrior's den in the morning, Cloudtail came up to me. He reported, "You're on the dawn patrol again today, Hollythorn."

I dipped my head to the senior warrior, glancing at the bramble tunnel. I was dismayed to see Ashfur sitting there. Brightheart, Whitewing, Dapplepaw, and Cinderfur were with him.

I was nearly to them when Ashfur piped up, speaking to Brightheart. "We haven't had any trouble with the other clans recently. I don't think we need a patrol this large. Would you mind if Hollythorn and I hunted this morning, Brightheart?"

I perked my eyes in alert, silently willing the she-cat to tell Ashfur that the patrol should not split up. Instead, her eye shined and she purred, "Of course, Ashfur. You two have fun." She signaled to the others, and they swarmed out of the camp.

I slunk beside Ashfur, lowering my head a little bit. Ashfur smiled at me, "At last! Are you ready to go?" His voice was quiet, but forceful. I was not going to weasel out of this like I had the last two times.

I blinked slowly and nodded, trying to hide the tension in my voice. "Yes, lets go."

I started to leave with him when Lionfang and Powderpaw appeared. Lionfang thrust himself in Ashfur's way, blocking the camp entrance. He asked cheerfully, "Can we come?"

Ashfur looked taken-aback. His minor moment of being off guard snapped to aggression a few seconds later. He sounded testy when he answered, "There are plenty of other cats around. Powderpaw needs to be training with other apprentices. Why don't you invite Stormfur and Sunpaw out today?"

My brother's tail began to lash threateningly. "The other cats are not my only sister; the mother of my apprentice. What's wrong with a little family bonding time, Ashfur?"

I glared at Lionfang, deeply suspicious. He'd never acted like this before. What was his problem? Ashfur hissed at his former apprentice, "We wanted to be alone today, if you don't mind!"

Lionfang took a challenging step forward, coming almost nose-to-nose with Ashfur. His eyes blazed and he snarled under his breath, too quietly for Powderpaw to hear. "You want to be alone, but does she?"

That set of depthless blue eyes snapped onto me, and I couldn't recall a time that Ashfur had ever looked so confused. Anger began to sparkle in those dark blue pools, sending a shiver down my spine. For once, I was sure my eyes were just as confused and angry as his were.

Of course, my mate realized this. He tensed his shoulders, ready to spring on top of Lionfang and get him out of the way. I rather forcefully pushed my way in between them. My tail brushed Lionfang's neck, and I licked Ashfur's ear as I purred gently. I murmured, "I'll handle this, alright?"

He glared at me for a moment before releasing his held breath. His body totally relaxed, and he nodded. He meowed, "Powderpaw, why don't we go wait for them outside of the hollow?"

I watched my tomcat and my son pad silently towards of the thorn tunnel. Ashfur glanced over his shoulder, and I flinched as he fiercely ordered, "Don't be long, Hollythorn."

They disappeared a moment later. I glared at Lionfang and demanded hotly, "What in Starclan's name was all of that?"

He glared right back, stubbornness in his voice. "You tell me."

For one long moment, I felt my hackles prickling as Lionfang's intense amber eyes bore into me. It was a concentration I knew only too well. Jaywing was behind this! I looked away and answered icily, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Lionfang's fur started to bristle. He sounded distressed and he wailed, perhaps just a little too loudly, "Hollythorn, you can tell me! Trust me. Jaywing knows something isn't right between you two. He says he can feel it whenever you're together."

I surprised myself when I struck my unsheathed paw out at my brother. He sprang backwards, effetely moving out of my way. I snarled, "You're wrong! I love him, Lionfang. Stay out of my life, and tell Jaywing to back off, too." Raising my tail indignantly, I slipped into the forest and padded away at my mates side.

As soon as we were far enough out in the forest to not be overheard, Ashfur rounded on me. His ears pinned back against his head and his eyes crackled with mistrust. He snarled gutturally, "What did you tell him?"

I flattened myself against the ground, feeling my entire pelt fluff out in terror. I gaped at him for a second. How could he believe that I told our secret? After all this time I had been loyal to him! I struggled through my sudden cloud of fear and whimpered, "I didn't say anything! I swear it by Starclan, I wouldn't! Don't... don't you know that, Ashfur?" My heart thudded painfully against my chest, and I knew there was sorrow in my eyes.

He growled uneasily, his tail starting to lash like an angry whip. His eyes still looked unconvinced. I felt anger, rage, flare to life inside of my heart. How dare he not trust me!

I shakily rose to my full height, daringly glaring directly into Ashfur's eyes. I gave him a snarl of my own for once, "That's the truth, you big mouse-brain! If you don't believe me then it's your loss!" Whirling around, I stalked sharply away from him, fuming silently. I was done with him if, at the very least; after all the pain, and abuse, and horror he had put me through, I didn't have his trust.

Ashfur yowled in surprise and horror, and he ran up beside me, shouldering me against a tree trunk. His wounded eyes smothered me with guilt. "You're leaving me? Y-you can't! I'm so sorry, Hollythorn. Please stay; I love you. I can change..."

For once, I realized that I was in total control of us. I felt stunned down to my very bone. I hated this feeling of such total power; having the tom I loved literally begging at my paws for me not to walk away. It made me feel sick. I could see desperation and heartbreak in his eyes. I knew that now was the time that I could either totally empower him forever, or break him where he stood. It all depended on the decision I made.

He would never change. He was always going to do this to me. It was impossible for us to have a healthy, even relationship. He was just too... messed up. He either had to be totally dominant of me, or as mindlessly needy as a kit. Change! Hah, I laughed at the idea.

I hate you, Ashfur. Why can't you just love me? If you did, you'd never hurt me like this. You'd want to protect me. You would let me be free. You would stop living my life, and just let me free.

I turned my head away from him, and we were silent for a few seconds. A light seemed to spark to life in my head. I could test him. I could find out, right now, if he really did love me. He would walk away. I whispered sadly, "I'm sorry." And it was true, I was. Those two words must be painful to hear. I didn't ever want to cause him pain.

He instantly backed away from me. As I expected, his voice was full of malice when he hissed, "So, that's how it has to be? I gave you my life, I gave you two kits, and you can just turn away from me?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing I'd crumble if I looked at him. It felt like my heart was being torn out and lay at his feet. I could only hope he would show mercy. I tensed my muscles and voiced my deepest-rooted horror, "I never asked for them."

I had to be brave. I had to be a warrior. I opened my eyes, and glanced miserably at my tomcat. We just stood there, staring at each other. His eyes were cloudy with surprise and confusion. Eventually he asked, "So, without them, you...?" He trailed off, at a loss for words.

I admitted, "I might be happy with you now." If he had never forced himself upon me, would we be like Honeyleaf and Birchfall right now?

He lowered his head bitterly and asked, "Is this really what you want?"

My head started to spin, and I felt a little dizzy with elation. I had been right. He honestly did love me enough to let me go. Because it would make me happy, and it was what I wanted. He did truly care about me. I knew that I did love him back, but in all the wrong ways. We just had to go our separate ways. It was best for him, and for me.

"Yes. It is." I answered confidently.

Those pretty blue eyes began to sparkle with pain, and it reminded me of the silverpelt at midnight. Nodding slightly, he lifted his head to look at me. I'd never seen him look so heart broken before. It was like he was bleeding from his very soul. His voice held enough grief for a thousand cats when he whispered; "I'll do anything for you, Hollythorn. If is has to be this way, then it has to be." He turned away and bolted through the forest.

I would have liked to say goodbye to him. I will be seeing him every day for the rest of our lives, but it was never going to be the same between us. After the sun rose upon a new day tomorrow, I could start to try and forget about these past few seasons. I could begin to heal. We would distance ourselves and move it.

I was so drained from that conversation, and so unaccustomed to not feeling like ivy was binding me down, that I just sank to the ground and stayed there until the sun had begun to set. I knew the others would be worried about me, having disappeared for an entire day. Pushing myself to my paws I sprinted back to the hollow.

The instant I had entered the camp, my brothers cornered me. Lionfang's eyes shined with anguish as he gazed at me. Jaywing spoke, clearly trying to be gentle, "Hollythorn, we know that Ashfur is hurting you. I almost chocked on your fear earlier. I can sense your helplessness when you're with him."

Lionfang insisted desperately, "You don't have to let him control you. We will help you get away from him. Please let us help you! We cannot just sit by quietly anymore."

"We can tell Firestar." Jaywing suggested. "He can make Ashfur leave you alone once and for all."

I was touched that they cared so much, but a little scared. It had taken them this long to figure it out, and no other cat had. Would the clan even believe them? Shaking my head I responded weakly, "It's alright now, you two. I had a talk with him. He said he'd leave me alone. Well, he implied it at least."

"Was he angry?" Jaywing asked suddenly.

I blinked in surprise. "No, not really. He seemed upset more than anything else."

Jaywing's entire body tensed. "Hollythorn," he spoke gravely, "The kits? Did he ever say he would leave Powderpaw and Whitepaw alone?"

Panic thrilled down my spine, setting my nerves on fire. "Why?"

My brothers shared an uncomfortable look, even though Jaywing couldn't actually see Lionfang. Lionfang meowed, "He took them to the Sky Oak. He said he was going to practice some climbing with them."

The instant I heard that, my mind snapped to Cinderfur. As apprentices, Cinderfur fell after coaxing Mouseclaw down, and she broke her leg. It was fine now thanks to Jaywing, but there had been a chance that she'd never be a warrior. She hadn't even been half way up when she fell.

My kits were fearless. If their father encouraged it, they'd try to reach the top. My son and daughter, the lights of my dark life, were in danger. Ashfur was going to put them in danger.

My heart skipped a beat, and I sprang to my paws. Without a word to anyone, I tore out into the forest and raced towards the lake. I heard my brothers stumbling behind me as I ran ahead of them. Blood began t0 pound in my ears, and I could swear I felt Starclan granting me speed as I practically flew across the forest floor.

Sky Oak. I had to get to the Sky Oak.