I have been trying to add this for the past 3 days! Wouldn't upload properly so i apologise for the wait. Please read and review. The song belongs to Patty Griffin

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Its hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that i won't climb

I lay curled up on the bed, my arms wrapped around a pillow that smelt like Paul as I stared out the window at the rain that was pounding against the glass. It had been three days since Paul and the pack had rescued me from Marcus and I had yet to relax again. Every noise, every flicker of a movement on the wall brought the terror crashing back around me. I knew that I was safe but I couldn't accept it; couldn't believe that the monster was really gone, that I was really alive and unhurt and okay. It seemed unfathomable to me. I had been so convinced that I wasn't making it out alive that sometimes when I was alone, I wondered if I was actually dead and this was my purgatory; a place filled with love and comfort that I couldn't touch because I had sinned too much in life. I knew it was a ridiculous notion because I had touched Paul; I had felt his warm skin against mine every night. I had felt the strength in his arms as he held me against his chest, not once pushing me to talk. But even Paul's strength wasn't enough to convince me that this was real… that he was real.

The door to his bedroom opened but I didn't look up. It would be Paul again to check on me. The bed creaked as someone sat down behind me and still I didn't turn my eyes away from the rain. The steady beat of the raindrops comforted me, beating in rhythm with my heart and reminding me that I was, indeed, alive and still stuck in a place where it rained ninety eight percent of the time. It had been raining since the night they had come for me, a constant stream of pure, cleansing water. I wondered if I went out and stood under the rain for a while would it cleanse me? Would I loose this sense of hopeless anxiety? Would I be able to turn to my boyfriend, wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him and reassure him that I was okay? It was doubtful since the rain wasn't a miracle worker but the thought entertained me for a while.

I wanted nothing more than anything to talk to Paul, to let him know that somewhere, deep down, in this zombie like creature I had become, his Abby was still there. She was just recovering for awhile. But I couldn't. Every time I opened my mouth to talk about what happened, I clenched up and my entire body shut down. He was so patient and so good and comforting that I hated myself every time I saw the flash of hurt in his eyes when I turned away but I couldn't stop myself.

"Hey."

It wasn't Paul. It was the female werewolf, the one who had come into the warehouse and led Marcus outside. I didn't reply to her, didn't turn my head towards her or acknowledge her presence in any way. I had heard that Leah had a temper to match Paul and that she was as impatient as hell. Kim had confided in me that she had a huge problem with Emily and Sam and that she was like a harpy towards the rest of the pack. I expected my lack of reply to send her from the room with a sigh and an exasperated 'I tried'. Instead she sat behind me, silent and still as I stared out the window.

We sat there for more than an hour, both of staring at the rain. I took comfort in her silent companionship. When Kim and Emily had come to talk to me, they had assured me over and over again that I was safe, that Marcus was dead and not coming back to hurt me. Their incessant chatter had done little to ease my mind since it sounded like all they were doing was talking to fill the silence.

Eventually Leah moved and walked gracefully towards the window, taking a seat on the wide ledge and tucking her feet under her as she watched the rain. She was really pretty, I noticed. Huge brown eyes were framed by lashes so long that they brushed her cheek every time she blinked. Her hair was cut short, to just above her chin but she suited it with her high cheekbones and thin, straight nose. Her lips were full and curved into a perfect cupid's bow and her cinnamon coloured skin was so flawless that for a moment I stepped out of my daze and felt envy.

"I'm not going to tell you not to be afraid anymore because it would be a waste of words and time." She broke the silence and pulled me from my thoughts. "Marcus might be dead but there are other vampires out there who are just as terrifying, if not more so, than he was. I know Kim and Emily came in yesterday and I'm sure that they tried to help in their own way by telling you that it's okay, that your safe with the pack, in La Push. But that's bull. You're safer here than at home but its not the safe haven they're painting it out to be."

Her voice was quiet and calm as she spoke, her eyes never once leaving the window.

"Neither of them have ever seen a vampire. Not even the Cullens. They only have the pack's description of them and the only words used are leech and bloodsucker and parasite. That description doesn't really prepare you for the reality does it? You wonder to yourself how something that looks so beautiful can possibly be dangerous. And those eyes…" I gave a shudder at the thought of Marcus' bright crimson eyes, so hungry and calculating as he looked at me. "Nothing can prepare you for those eyes."

She turned to me then, a soft, understanding look in her eyes.

"I don't know what he told you or how he treated you. Paul didn't send me in to comfort you or shake you out of your stupor or anything. I don't have an agenda here, okay. But just listen to me."

I nodded once, tearing my eyes away from hers and burying my nose in Paul's pillow once more.

"That vampire…"

"Marcus."

"Right. Marcus then. We killed his… mate, I guess. Their bond was the same as an imprinting bond, I guess. So we killed her, or more specifically, Paul killed her. Marcus knew that he didn't stand a chance against such a big group of werewolves, especially a group like ours who can hear thoughts and are so… prepared. But he kidnapped you anyway because he wanted Paul to hurt. He wanted Paul to feel what he felt when we took his mate so he took Paul's. He took you."

I knew all this but I didn't want to interrupt her when she seemed to be struggling for words.

"He was suicidal. There aren't a lot of ways to kill a vampire but it's pretty much what we're bred for and he knew that. So he wanted us to kill him and he used you as a way to lure us to him. And since he's a sadistic monster, he used you to play with Paul before we could get to him."

She fell silent again and I continued to stare into the thick white pillow rather than looking at her. I knew she was right. In fact, I already knew everything she had said but to hear someone saying it aloud made it worse somehow.

"Look, Abby. I know we're not exactly friends and I don't doubt for even a second that both Kim and Emily told you to give me a wide berth but if there's one thing I noticed when we met it was that you were strong. You were strong and independent and didn't put up with Paul's shit. It seemed to me like you could handle anything and I respected that because it's how I used to be. Don't let the monster take that attitude, that spark away from you. Don't lay down and play dead when you've got your entire life ahead of you and a guy who would lay down and kiss the ground simply because you had walked on it. Don't let him win."

She stood up suddenly and smiled at me, a slightly self conscious smile that made me want to ask what happened to her to make her into the ice queen that the pack thought she was.

As she walked out of the room, I lifted my head of the pillow to watch the rain again. As I watched the drops beat down on the outside ledge of the window, my heart rate slowed back to normal again.

Leah was right; I wasn't the type of person to see myself as a 'victim' so why was I acting like one? I knew I shouldn't let Marcus dictate how I live the rest of my life. I was alive and he was dead and that was really all that mattered. Sure, there would be other dangers but with Paul watching over me, I would be safe. In fact, with Paul by my side, I would be able to handle anything.

The door of the bedroom opened again and Paul's familiar scent rushed over me, soothing my nerves and making me relax completely into the bed.

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to let Leah come in and bother you." He murmured as he lay behind me, carefully wrapping a hand around my waist and waiting to see if I pulled away before relaxing against me. Softly and slowly, he stroked a hand through my hair, his fingers as lights as feathers against my scalp.

He was treating me as if I was glass, ready to shatter at any minute and for some reason that irritated me. I wasn't going to break… not again.

"Leah helped." I told him quietly. It was the first thing I had said to him in days and I felt him tense beside me.

"Oh."

We were silent again, his hands soft and steady in my hair. I untangled them, seeing the flash of hurt in his eyes and hating myself as I turned completely to face him. He stared down at me, his dark eyes worried and caring.

He was so beautiful, so unlike the cold monster who had tortured me. He was so warm and real and safe. He smelt of the forest and a deep musky scent that was all his own. It was the most enticing scent I had ever smelt and I knew he didn't even try. I buried my nose in the skin stretched between his shoulder and his neck and I kissed him softly, listening for the intake of breath.

His hands slowly came around me, resting on my back and on my hip as I moved my lips towards his ear.

"I love you." I whispered softly. He relaxed fully against me, the weight of him reassuring as we lay there. He tightened his grip on me and buried his face in my neck, whispering soft, wordless sounds in my ear as he held me. I realised then that he needed this as much as I did. He needed to be reassured that I was okay as well.

"I won't let anything hurt you ever again." He promised, sliding his hands slowly up my legs. I smiled and nodded.

"I know you won't. I trust you."

"Good." He whispered with a dazzling smile. "Good."

"How about you kiss me?"

"Yes m'am." His lips were careful at first, moving slowly against mine and giving me plenty of time to pull back if I wanted to. I slid my fingers into his hair with a sigh and he responded quickly, slipping his hands behind me and lifting me against him.

"Are you sure about this?" He gasped into my ear as I dragged my finger nails down his back.

"Damn sure." I replied, biting his bottom lip and smiling as he growled.

His hands were slow and careful as he undressed me and I smiled at his patience.

"I love you." He whispered as I wrapped my legs around his hips. "So much. You're the most important thing in my world."

"I know." I assured him as much as myself. "And I'm going to be okay."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hours later we lay curled up against one another, still naked and uncovered by blankets. Paul's warm hand was resting on my stomach, his fingers tracing odd shapes against the skin there as he hummed an old Quiluete song in my ear. I was completely relaxed against him, my head resting on the burning skin of his chest, stroking his stomach lightly and enjoying the play of his muscles beneath my hand.

"So Leah helped, huh?"

Paul's voice was quiet and calm but I could hear the hurt beneath the façade and I tightened my grip on his stomach.

"She just made some things clear… things you wouldn't have said to me." I told him. "And I think I needed to hear it from someone else, you know?"

"I'm sorry I wasn't more help." He was completely sincere and I felt my heart break a little at his guilty expression.

"Paul… you have no idea how much help you've been. Just knowing that you were there for me is the only things that's gotten me through these past few days."

He nodded and pulled me closer to him; so close that every inch of my skin was brushing his. I closed my eyes with a sigh and felt myself relax into his embrace.

"I love you."

"Love you too."