Pillow Problems

"Morning lovely" Roy said softly to his waking wife "Sleep well?"

"Not on these pillows" she grumbled sleepily "They're horrible!"

He had noticed the uncomfortable pillows too, but once he felt Riza cuddle herself up to him and laid her head on his chest all other thoughts magically removed themselves from his mind."Well we'd better get ready for work," she said dully as she stood up, but Roy had other things in mind.

"Not so fast!" he said slyly as he playfully pined her down on the bed and started tickling her.

"Stop it Roy!" she cried between laughs.

"Ok fine but one more thing" he said innocently before he pulled her into passionate kiss.

"Ok ok!" she said after reluctantly pulling away "We're going to be late"

Mentally he cursed her internal clock, it always seemed to ruin his fun. He didn't exactly share her knack for knowing the time, nor was he very good at keeping track of important dates. Which was why the guys in the office had got him a calendar, with puppies on it, so he could keep track of things. And as he glanced at it his face turned pale; tomorrow was Riza's birthday. Panic sweep over him as he tried to think of what he needed to do. Luckily for him Riza wasn't much of a party person so she would be happy with or without her birthday being celebrated, but Roy wouldn't be; he wanted to do something nice for her. So for the next few hours he neglected his work and brain stormed on what he was going to do until around lunch time he reached a solution, he would take her out for a nice dinner and then surprise her with a whole new set of four pillows for their bed.

So the next day he left work earlier then normal and purchased the fluffiest, most comfortable pillows he could find. After taking them home and arranging them on the bed he threw to old ones onto Black Hayate's bed, but even the dog couldn't find comfort on the lumpy things. When he was happy with the arrangement of the pillows he went to the closet and found Riza's red silk dress and red sandals, he wanted her to see her gift after dinner and her having to come home and change out of her uniform would mess up his plan.

Roy arrived at Central Command Center just in time to catch Riza as her shift was ending.

"Where have you been?" she questioned after giving him a loving kiss on the cheek.

"Working on some important business," he said casually

"Oh really? Then why do you have my dress and my shoes?" she asked directing her gaze to the clothing he held.

"We're going out to dinner!" he said happily "Don't tell me that you forgot your own birthday!"

"You don't have to do this Roy, it be just fin-" she started but was cut off in mid-sentence.

"I know I don't" he replied with a smile "But I want to, so go get dressed"

She knew she couldn't argue with him now so she nodded and headed to change. When she returned a few minutes later he couldn't help but gawk at the angel walking towards him. Sure he had seen her dressed up before but the red and oranges of the setting sun shining through the nearby windows just made her glow. She just smiled and rolled her eyes.

"Put your tongue back in your mouth and lets go!" she said playfully before grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the door.

When they reached the restaurant she couldn't help but smile at the memories it brought back, it were they had gone on their first date. They talked and laughed throughout the whole delicious meal.

"Thank you for the wonderful birthday present" Riza said as they were leaving

Roy laughed, "That wasn't your actual present, it was just a bonus"

"Roy you didn't really hav-" she started but he cut her off.

"Riza you're my wife and I love you more then anything, therefore I can't let your birthday go by with out giving you a present or two" he said wrapping an arm around her waist "Besides this is a present that will benefit us both."

"All right what ever" she said leaning her head against his shoulder.

When they reached their house he pulled out a strip of black cloth and handed it to her.

"Okay what is this and just what do you want me to do with it?" she asked with a cocked brow.

"It's a blind fold and I want you to put it on" he replied simply.

"And why do I have to do this?" she questioned

"Because I want your present to be a surprise"

"Fine" she sighed tying it over her eyes.

Then he took both of her hands into his and gently guided her into their bedroom.

After taking the blindfold off he wrapped his arms around her waist and whispered

"You can open your eyes now"

"Oh my gosh!" she gasped at the sight before her "Roy that's wonderful!"

"I knew you'd like them" he grinned

"I love them," she said giving him a quick kiss.

"Well then why don't you try them out?" he said before he picked her up and gently tossed her in to the pile of fluffy pillows.

"Very funny" she said before hitting him square in the face with a pillow.

"Ok you're gonna get it now!" he growled playfully before jumping after her.

Later That Evening

It was three in the morning and no what he tried Roy could not get to sleep. Then when he looked over at Riza's sleeping form it hit him. Instead of cuddled up to him like she normally did she was cuddled up to one of the pillows.

"Stupid wife stealing pillows" he muttered

Three Days Later

Colonel Mustang was a very grumpy man when he walked into his office. He had gone almost four days with out a good nights sleep and it was slowly wearing him down.

"Wow Roy! You look like you haven't sleep in two days!" exclaimed Hughes when he came in to visit the colonel.

"Three days…" he mumbled with his head resting against the desk.

"If you're like this I'm defiantly staying away from Riza!"

"Hughes get your mind out of the gutter, Riza's been sleeping just fine"

"Roy don't tell me you've been cheating on your loyal wife!" Hughes said in horror.

"Hughes!" Roy snapped angrily "Its her birthday present's fault that I can't sleep"

"What'd you do get her another dog?" his friend asked with a grin.

"No I got her new pillows for the bed but ever since then she's been cuddling with the pillows instead of with me" Roy answered not believing that he had just admitted that he was jealous of pillows.

"Oh does the big bad Flame Alchemist need someone to hold him when he sleeps?" Hughes laughed. But he soon changed his attitude when he saw the glare he receiving.

"I mean this is a serious problem that we need to fix!"

"But how?" the Colonel questioned.

"You could rip them up and blame it on the dog or something" the Lt. Colonel offered

"That's it Hughes!" Roy exclaimed jumping up "I'm gonna go take care of this problem right now"

"Ok just don't do anything stupid!" Maes called as he watched his friend run out the door.

By the time he reached the house Roy had his story worked out. He had come home early because Hughes had given him a bad headache. He went gone in to the bedroom to lie down for a while when he realized he had left the aspirin in the other room and snapped in frustration, but had forgotten that he had his gloves on. In short the pillows had gone up in smoke.

"Riza should believe that" he thought.

As he prepared to burn the pillows he considered removing them from the bed first, but decided that a few little burns on the sheets would make it all more believable.

"Well here goes nothing" he said and then snapped.

The response time of the Central City fire department to the Mustang residence is two minutes and forty-one seconds.

"Hey Roy" a couple of the firemen greeted as they arrived at the scene.

"Fire's in the bedroom, go down the hall and to th-"

"We know where it is" called one of them as he entered the house.

"Oh man what's Riza going to say to this?" he said to himself as he waited for clearance to reenter the house.

"I can give you a clue," her voice said from behind him "Her first question will be what on earth happened here"

Upon hearing her voice he launched into his story of what had happened, and when he finished she just sighed.

"Ok lets go see how much damage you caused"

That night they both slept on the couch, sure it wasn't a comfy as their now destroyed bed was but at least there were no fluffy wife stealing pillows.

This is actually the response time of the O'Fallon IL Fire Dept. To my friend's house….she likes to burn stuff.