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Wedding 2 – Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 2

When One Door Opens, Another Closes

"Ron, good to see you. This is Bonnie Rockwaller?" Rabbi Katz said as he welcomed the couple to his office.

"Please, call me Bonnie."

"You look familiar."

"I've been to services a few times with the Stoppables."

"She's on an afternoon soap opera. Sometimes her picture is in the paper."

They chatted for several minutes before Bonnie expressed her interest in converting to Judaism.

Rabbi Katz shook his head, "Sorry, but the answer is no."

"You don't do conversions to Judaism?" Ron asked.

"As a rule, no. I send people who want to convert to the Orthodox rabbi."

"But you can do conversions?" Bonnie wanted to know.

"I can do conversions. The problem is that many Jewish denominations don't recognize Reform conversion. Everyone recognizes Orthodox conversion."

"I don't care what the name is. You're Ron's rabbi, can't you do it for me?"

He shook his head, "No, I won't. And I don't think any rabbi will. Just listening to you, I don't think you really understand much about Judaism. You would be converting for Ron, not because you were committed to Judaism. Conversion isn't to be taken lightly. I think any Rabbi would want more of a commitment from you than you can give now."

Ron took Bonnie's hand. "Bonnie has kind of quit her church. She… We would like a Jewish wedding. Can we have it here," Ron asked. "Will you perform the ceremony?"

"No."

"You won't even perform the ceremony?" Bonnie asked in disbelief.

"No, I won't. When I became a rabbi I pledged to never perform inter-faith marriages. I've remained true to that promise. Almost half the Jews in America marry non-Jews. After all our enemies failed to destroy us; we're doing it to ourselves."

"But I offered to convert," Bonnie pointed out.

"For the wrong reasons. It isn't easy being a Jew-"

"And you sure aren't making it any easier."

"-conversion is for those who have made a serious commitment to the Jewish faith."

"But she wants our children to be raised Jewish."

The rabbi shrugged. "That's what she says now. I'm sure she means it, now. If, God allow, you have children will she still have the willingness? Ron, I love you and your parents. But you aren't the examples I'd point to in the congregation if someone asked for an example of living a Jewish life."

The rabbi sensed Ron's anger, but wouldn't back down from his own beliefs. "She's willing to try and raise any children as Jews?"

"Yes," Ron snapped.

Bonnie put her hand on Ron's and squeezed gently, asking him calm down by her actions.

Rabbi Katz sighed, "I don't normally tell my congregants to go talk with another rabbi… Do you know Rabbi Ruth Horowitz at the Reconstructionist temple? She teaches at the University."

"We know her," Bonnie answered. "A woman I live with attends there."

"Talk with her," the rabbi suggested. "She sometimes does mixed marriages if she believes the Gentile partner will respect Judaism." He turned to Ron, "Tell her to call me if she's concerned because you don't belong to her congregation."

As the two prepared to leave the Rabbi offered as much encouragement as he felt he could. "If you raise your children as Jews, Reform congregations will accept them as Jewish," he told Bonnie. "But other Jews won't. And the emphasis is on 'raised as Jews'."

Ron vented in the parking lot before they put on helmets and got on his motorcycle, "He's been my rabbi since I was ten! And he won't even marry me!"

"He's not your type," Bonnie interrupted in an effort to help Ron's mood, "I am."

"Sorry. I'm just so mad now. This is why Jews become Christian. This and kashering the house for Pesach."

"Don't give up," Bonnie told him. "You're just mad now. You'll get over it."

"I know," Ron sighed. "Mad and disappointed." He took her in his arms and kissed her. "But not with you. You're wonderful."

--

"My whole salary is going to support the airline industry," Bonnie complained the next weekend. "Planning a wedding is hard work."

"I told you to elope to Vegas," Shego reminded her.

Bonnie ignored the suggestion. "We have a meeting with your rabbi on Sunday?"

"Yes, she's coming over here. Do you want me to meet with you?"

"Hmm, yeah, I would. Let me ask Ron though to make sure."

"You really care what he thinks?"

"It's our wedding. I'm trying to force him to make some decisions other than choice of bride."

"Well, he did so well on that one – maybe he could make another good call."

Kim sat on Sunday's meeting also. "I talked with your rabbi," Ruth began, "he gave me some background on what you'll be asking… Ron, you look a little nervous."

"Just remembering that you told Shego she had to stay kosher for a year before you'd do the wedding."

"Sharon is a special case," the rabbi began.

"I'll say," Kim murmured.

"She had discovered she was halakhically Jewish, but had no real sense of what that meant and was still trying to figure her heritage out. I wanted to make sure she accepted that heritage before I did the ceremony. Ron, you're a different kind of special case. I don't normally perform weddings for someone from another congregation. Rabbi Katz told me that you and Bonnie plan to raise any children as Jews."

Bonnie spoke up, "That's right."

"Now you recognize that according to halakah any children… Do you know what halakah means?"

"I think it's what the Torah, the Law, is understood to mean," the brunette answered.

The rabbi smiled, "Very good. Now according to the rules children born to a Gentile mother are not Jewish."

"Rabbi Katz said something about Reform Jews recognizing the children if the father is Jewish."

Rabbi Ruth shrugged, "Reform congregations might - if you raised the children as Jewish. Most Jews wouldn't. If you really want any children to be raised as Jews I hope you would want the wider Jewish community to recognize the child as Jewish. It can be done."

"What my parent's did for Hana."

"Hana?"

"Sorry, I have an adopted Japanese sister. They took her to the mikveh or something."

Rabbi Ruth explained to Bonnie, "It's a little more complicated than that. A baby boy would require ritual circumcision. Later the baby, boy or girl, requires tevilah." She felt a need to explain that. "It means immersion in a ritual bath, the mikveh Ron just mentioned."

"Like baptism?" Kim asked. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't offend me at all. Where do you think you Christians got baptism?"

"That's it?" Bonnie asked. "Baptism?"

"Well, that's not exactly 'it'. And we don't call it baptism. You'll need a Jewish name for a child; that is usually given at the tevilah ceremony. Then a Bet Din, a rabbi's council, can declare the child Jewish. You usually have three rabbis. If Orthodox and Conservative rabbis recognize the child as Jewish everyone should recognize the child as Jewish."

"My mom and dad are both Jewish, so there was no problem with Hana. Will it make a difference since Bonnie isn't Jewish?"

"It shouldn't. Most of the rabbis figure if you have a brit milah, a circumcision, for a son and go through tevilah it demonstrates you're serious about raising the child Jewish and are happy to welcome the infant."

"Rabbi Katz sure didn't welcome my offer to convert."

Ruth shrugged, "Frankly, I agree with him. You don't know enough about what it means. If you can raise children who identify as Jews, and if you want to convert then – you should be welcomed with open arms."

Shego spoke up. "Moving past the issue of Ron and Bonnie having kids some day… That's a scary thought, isn't it, Kim"
The red head shook her head in agreement.

"Anyway," the pale woman continued, "the two of them have a more immediate interest. They want to know if you'll do a wedding. I think I heard you say you would."

"I did. When and where are you looking at?"

"Third weekend in June," Ron told her. "And I know we can't use my synagogue."

"Can we have the wedding at your synagogue?" Bonnie asked.

'Sorry, we don't have our own building. We're a small congregation and we've worked a deal out with the Presbyterians. But I won't do weddings on Shabbat, and the Presbyterians have first dibs on Sundays. You'll need to find another location. I can perform a wedding anywhere."

"How about the theater in Lowerton, where you were 'discovered'?" Kim suggested.

"I don't want to make a big production out of it. I want a small, simple wedding like you and Shego had up in the loft… What do you say, Ron?"

"What do I say about what?"

"The loft, upstairs."

"What about it?"

"Gah! Do you want to get married there? Honestly, can you pay attention?"

"I was, I was thinking the sun room might be nice now that it's fixed up."

"Ooh, you're right. Okay, I still want to marry you… But how many people can we get in there?"

"We're talking very small wedding," Ron reminded her. "I think they'll fit."

"Whatever number you're thinking," Shego warned, "double it. Guest lists only grow bigger."

"It sounds like the wedding will be here," Bonnie told the rabbi. "We'll pick the exact room later."

"Sharon and Kim went with a fairly traditional ceremony," the rabbi reminded them, "slightly modified to fit who they are. How traditional are you thinking?"

"Ketubah for sure after what you told Shego," Ron spoke up. "Chuppah would be nice, I guess. You can skip the rest of the megillah… Oh, got to smash the glass."

Bonnie poked Ron in the ribs, "What did you just say?"

"The ketubah, the wedding contract – Kim and Shego have theirs hanging in the living room. Chuppah, the wedding canopy Jews get married under…" Ron turned to the rabbi, "Do you have a tallis I could use?"

"Do you want me to buy you one as a wedding gift?" Shego offered.

"Nah, I never wear one in services. And I'll bet Bonnie wants colors that don't go with your green and black so I won't ask to borrow yours."

"I'll have one for you," the rabbi assured him.

"Okay, that's the contract thing and canopy thing, and I remember breaking the glass," Bonnie objected. "But what's the megalith thing?"

"Megalith? … Oh, that was a joke. I said I didn't need the whole megillah, everything, including the kitchen sink, in the ceremony."

"It means little scroll," the rabbi explained. "Some books of the Scriptures are written on small scrolls. When they are read on certain holidays we read the whole megillah." She turned to Ron, "So, you are wanting a very simple ceremony."

"Yeah, the main thing is that Bonnie and I will be married."

"Of course he wants a simple ceremony," Bonnie interrupted, "he's a man. I don't mind simple, as long as it's beautiful."

"Marry them now," Shego groaned. "Get it over with. These two should have married years ago."

"I can't believe it took Bonnie this long to drag him to the altar," Kim added. "It's embarrassing to have them in the house with growing kids when she comes home for the weekend."

"You two are supposed to be their friends," the rabbi reminded Kim and Shego.

"Hey, if you can't abuse your friends who can you abuse?" Shego commented.