Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
Alan Bowman, mentioned in passing, drove Ron crazy with jealousy in Good Riddance and Return of the Green-Eyed Monster.
Wedding 2 – Atypical Jewish Wedding, part 4
Lights, Camera, Action
Bonnie slept late. Ron didn't care. She had been so upset last night he simply enjoyed watching her slumber peacefully.
The look of peace left her face when she woke up and Bonnie took on an unhappy expression.
"Can I assume yesterday had something to do with seeing your family?" Ron asked.
Bonnie nodded.
Ron gave her a reassuring hug. "I love you so much. I can't understand why they hate you."
"They don't," Bonnie said glumly.
Ron looked as lost as he felt. "Uh, I had a little trouble following you. Do I have this right - your sisters don't hate you."
"That's what they say. If I can believe them they've found a new way to make my life hell."
"Okay, even by my standards I'm more lost than usual. They don't hate you, but that's bad."
"Damn it, Ron. I could take it if they hated me. I'd be ecstatic if they were jealous of me--"
"I'd be ecstatic if you'd toss me a clue."
Bonnie imitated Lonnie's voice, "How could you think we don't love you?" She switch to Connie's voice, "You're so pretty and smart you had to know we were just teasing our little sister."
"Teasing?"
"Teasing. And Mom said she knew it." Bonnie attempted her mother's breathy enthusiasm, "Oh, Bon-Bon, I knew they were just teasing. It's what sisters do to each other."
"And this is worse than them hating you because…"
Anger contorted Bonnie's face and she swung at Ron's chest without thinking. He caught her fist before she hit him and she struggled to regain a little control. "Damn it, Ron. They screwed up my life. They told me I was stupid and ugly and I believed them. I've got all kinds of problems with not liking who I am - and now they tell me it's my fault. I was too stupid to tell they didn't mean it. I don't have enough of a sense of humor to know they were joking. They're still shoveling their crap on me while they're telling me they never shoveled crap on me."
She looked like she was going to cry again. Ron took her in his arms. "You're beautiful," he told her and kissed her. "You're wonderful," he assured her, and kissed her again. "You're talented," he kept punctuating the affirmations with kisses.
After a minute she told him to stop, "You're making me feel worse."
"Now I'm making you feel worse? How?"
"Ron, I treated you like dirt all through high school."
"We got over that, remember."
"I'm remembering too much. All the nasty things I ever said about you… Ron, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I feel awful."
"You feel awful 'cause I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you? I don't know if you're confused or I'm insulted."
Bonnie laughed, and held him tight. "I love you. I'm just always a mess after seeing my sisters and mom."
"So, are we even inviting them to the wedding?"
"I kept my promise to Kim," Bonnie sighed. "I asked them to be bridesmaids…"
"And?"
"And Connie is in residency. She hopes to be here for the wedding, but said her schedule is so hectic she had to say no to bridesmaid. Lonnie was delighted," Bonnie said sadly.
"Going to ask Tara or Shego to be a third bridesmaid?"
"Nah, I think I'll stick with Kim and Lonnie… Or do I need to ask Tara? What's going on with you and groomsmen?"
"Well, you know I have Felix for best man--"
"Still not sure I've forgiven you for asking Kim."
"Hey, after I let you beat on me last night you've got to drop that one."
"Fair enough."
"And before I knew what was happening for sure I asked Wade too, and he agreed."
"So you didn't ask a third?"
"I was going to ask Alan if I needed a third."
"Really?"
"Really."
"You are so amazing. I'm glad you dumped Kim."
Ron rolled his eyes and they both chuckled. Then Bonnie cuddled closer to Ron and he put an arm around her. "Mom's dad never knew when to stop teasing," Ron commented.
"I haven't met him, have I?"
"No, they retired to Florida." Ron thought for a minute. "He's my grandfather, and I love him… But there were times he'd tease me until I cried when I was a little kid. It wasn't all the time… And I knew he loved me, but it hurt. And even when Mom asked him to stop he couldn't."
"Wouldn't," Bonnie corrected. "What did your Mom do?"
"I'm not sure. I've never really asked her about it… About growing up with it, I mean. I'm guessing it wasn't as bad as what you put up with. But she decided we wouldn't have teasing at our house when I was growing up. There were rules about teasing, I remember those. She didn't like it. There was a little. But if I said stop, it stopped - immediately. And if I asked if something was real or not; they always told me the truth."
"You've got a great Mom."
"Thanks, I like her too."
"Do we have to invite her parents to the wedding?"
"Yes. Bubbie Stoppable too, and Mom says even evil cousin Sean.
"Bubbie Stoppable?"
"Bubbie means Grandma. Not sure if she'll come. She blames my Mom for leading Dad astray, but Dad didn't like all the rules he had to observe growing up. At least Mom's Jewish. Since you're not, hard to say if she'll come… But Dad was her only son, and I'm the only grandson with the Stoppable name."
Bonnie groaned, "God, we get to pay 'My family is more dysfunctional than yours'. Am I going to like anyone besides your Mom, Dad, and Hana in your family?"
"Aunt Aviva is pretty cool. She was the baby in Dad's family… Yeah, Mom and Dad are pretty much the closest thing to normal."
"Can I meet your Grandma?"
"Bubbie? I guess so. Don't threaten her or anything, please."
"Please, it's only my sisters I want to strangle… And my Mom… No, just want to push Mom down a short flight of stairs."
"You have hostility issues, you know that?"
"I've suspected it. But seriously, I'd like to meet her."
--
During a week Bonnie had off from filming her soap opera she went over to meet Grandma Stoppable with Ron and his Dad. Rachel Stoppable stayed home, she didn't need the aggravation.
"Bubbie, this is my fiancée, Bonnie Rockwaller, Bonnie this is--"
"So, what shul does your family belong to?" Grandma Stoppable interrupted.
"Mom," Ron's dad whispered, "I told you, she isn't Jewish."
"I'm an old lady. I forget things." She eyed Bonnie critically and sighed, it was easy to tell why her grandson had fallen for the shiksa.
"Please, I may not be Jewish, but when Ron and I have children I want them to be brought up to the Torah, chuppah, and ma'asim tovim."
"What did you say?" the old woman asked sharply.
Bonnie worried that she had mispronounced something, "I said I hoped when Ron and I have children they will be brought up to Torah, chuppah--"
Grandma Stoppable burst into tears and threw her arms around Bonnie, hugging her tightly.
"Are you okay, Mom?" her son asked.
"I'm fine. Go, take a walk. Take Ron with you. I want to talk to this young lady."
Ron looked a little concerned, "Go on," Bonnie urged, "I'll be fine."
"Come back in half an hour," his grandmother suggested.
--
"Okay, where did Bonnie get that?" Ron asked his Dad as they closed the door to the apartment.
"She asked if there was anything she could say to make your Grandmother happy. Bonnie's a good girl. I'm glad you're finally doing the right thing."
When the men got back Bonnie and the old woman were sitting together on the couch, drinking tea and laughing. They stayed only a little while longer before saying they had to leave. Grandma Stoppable hugged Bonnie again, kissed her on the cheek, and told her to come back anytime.
"You survived a half hour, one-on-one, with Bubbie?" Ron asked in awe. "That's amazing. She didn't grill you about every aspect of your life and your ancestors for the past three generations?"
"Piece of cake," Bonnie told him smugly. "You asked ninety-nine percent of the people who've ever been married how they met their spouse, and they are more than happy to tell you. Makes them feel good. You and I will be the exception to that."
"It couldn't have been that bad," Ron's father protested.
Ron and Bonnie looked at each other, and burst of laughing. "Sorry, Dad," Ron finally managed to say, "it was that bad."
"When did you two meet?"
"Middle school. Not exactly love at first sight," Ron told his Dad. "More like strong dislike at first sight."
"I admired Ron's independence, even then," Bonnie insisted.
"And I thought Bonnie was hot, even then," Ron admitted
"Lustful thoughts about me?" Bonnie demanded.
Ron grinned and nodded. The two began arguing about who had been interested in the other one first and Ron's dad smiled.
--
Bonnie had made it clear to Ron that she did not want to observe the custom of the future bride and groom not seeing each other in the week before the wedding. She planned to be back in Middleton for the week before the wedding and it would be Ron's job to provide stress relief.
The studio, however, had other plans. Bonnie would need to remain in California taping episodes until Friday. She would fly back Saturday, the day before the wedding. Bonnie reluctantly agreed to observe the old custom of the bride not seeing the groom on the wedding day, and would stay at her family's home when she got home Saturday.
With Bonnie in California it fell to her mother… Or perhaps more accurately her mother took it on herself to stay on top of the arrangements in Middleton. Mrs. Rockwaller plunged into the task with a happy enthusiasm her obsessive-compulsive daughter lacked. She also plunged ahead with none of the attention to detail that Bonnie would have brought to the table. Ron, as usual, stepped up to the plate when he had to and kept things running smoothly. When he called the frantic Bonnie each night to assure her everything in Middleton was running smoothly he purposefully left out any details that might have worried Bonnie. The brunette suspected Ron did most of the work he let Bonnie's mother take the credit for, but she smiled at his reports and didn't ask for details she didn't really want to know.
Mealtime at Casa Possible became a solemn affair the week before the wedding. Shego and the twins were in the kitchen with Ron every night, frantically picking up all the cooking tips they could in the time they had left.
"So, you'll be moving to California and becoming a kept man?" Kim asked as she cut off a bite of chicken schnitzel. "Bonnie will keep you chained to the stove in the kitchen, I imagine."
"Chained to the stove, nothing," Ron retorted. "My job starts next month."
"Job?" Shego demanded. "As in work? From you?"
Ron smiled, "I've had my job lined up since sophomore year of college."
Kim couldn't believe her ears, "You're joking? Right?"
"Got a job offer back then, accepted. Was told classes that would be valuable to take."
Shego reviewed his three bachelor's degrees, "The cooking classes? The bachelor's in business? The organic chem? It was all part of a plan?"
Ron nodded.
"And you've kept it a secret from everybody?" Kim asked in disbelief.
"Not everybody," Ron assured them, "I told Mom and Dad when the job offer was made, Bonnie's known since we became engaged."
Shego shook her head, "I have wronged you greatly. I didn't imagine you could keep a secret… Heck, I didn't imagine you could remember a secret."
"And I want to know what it is," Kim demanded. "When you started in the cooking program I wondered if you were going to be a chef or something."
"No way, hours at a restaurant are impossible. If you've got a breakfast shift you're up at four in the morning to start fixing food. If you've got the supper shift you don't get home until four in the morning after everything is cleaned up and put away."
"You still haven't told us what you're going to do," Kim pointed out.
"Come on, isn't it obvious? Think about it. Me, and what I do? Cooking classes, business classes, organic chem? Can't you tell?"
"What is it? What is it?" Sheki interrupted, demanding to know.
"Guess."
Kim looked at Shego, "I'm clueless."
"Write that down on the calendar," Shego instructed Ron.
"Ah, does everyone give up?"
"I do." "No clue." "Tell us." "I give," the four women said.
"Was that the third or fourth time we helped out Pop-pop Porter when we were in college?" Ron began.
"I'm not sure," Kim admitted.
"Well, anyway, I was talking with him afterward. He was real impressed with the fact I came up with the Naco. He offered me a job in the kitchen labs. It's a steady eight hour day spent making snacks, eating them, and then figuring out how they can be mass produced. I get to go home to wife and family at the end of the day and never need to worry about working weekends or holidays."
"You get paid for making snacks?" Sheki asked in wonder.
"Yep."
"That's got to be the most awesomest job in the world," Kasy added.
--
Aunt Tzippy and her family arrived in town a few days before the wedding. Hana moved to one of the small guest rooms at the top of Casa Possible. Ron's father was Aunt Zipporah's brother, and it allowed her to stay at the home of her brother.
"I googled a map of where cousin Ron lives," Sean told his mother the next day. "I think I'll walk over and see him. Aunt Rachel said he doesn't have any classes this afternoon and should be home." Now about fifteen, Sean was average height for his age and slim. He had dyed his red hair black, except for a swath in front which he'd turned purple.
"Are you sure that's a good idea, for some reason he's never liked you."
Sean sighed, "I know, and I can't understand why. But I've always looked up to him and want to try and make peace. I'm going to take Quincy with me. Ron loves animals."
"You are such an angel," his mom told him, and gave him a kiss on the forehead.
Sean tried the door to Possible Manor, and found it locked. He regretted missed opportunity and rang the bell.
"Sean," Ron acknowledged in a cold voice when he opened the door. Sean had his large iguana, Quincy, draped over his shoulders.
"Ronnie," Sean replied cheerfully, pushing his way into the house and looking around the entryway. "Still looking for some way to thank you for screwing with my head that time."
"I take it the effects wore off."
"Oh, ages ago," Sean assured him, peering into different rooms, "I've been waiting years for this. Wedding will really be in this dump?"
"The wedding is here, yes," Ron answered through gritted teeth.
"So, I heard the rat died," Sean said, "You should have let me feed him to Quincy." Sean gently scratched the head of the large iguana.
"Rufus did a lot more for this world than some people I could mention ever will."
"No idea what you mean. Hey, what's that?" Sean pointed to a creature curled up asleep in a patch of sunlight under a window.
"Smaug," Ron answered.
"I bet he'd like to play with Quincy," Sean said, putting the much larger lizard down on the floor.
The iguana had a bad habit of assuming anything even slightly smaller than itself represented some sort of food and trotted in the direction of the twin's pet. Ron moved to intercept Quincy, but Smaug needed no assistance. The mini dragon's wings snapped open audibly, and their span suddenly made the little fellow look four times his real size. Fangs dripping with poison, he opened his mouth and let out a loud hiss. Ron had heard the hiss only twice before, both times it had been ignored and a houseguest had required antidote. Quincy showed more sense - skidding to a halt and hurriedly retreating to the safety of Sean's shoulders and head.
Ron noted sadly that the scratches from Quincy's climb up Sean all appeared superficial and would not cause the level of pain his cousin deserved.
Sean didn't mind the scrapes, when the story was retold Ron would be their source rather than Quincy.
"Looked up Bonnie's picture on the web. She's hot. Definitely stroke-worthy. Found a bunch of fakes of her too. Or maybe they aren't fakes… She do any porn? You've got to be getting used goods."
--
"And then he threw me out the window," Sean tearfully told his mother as she cleaned the scrapes and scratches. "I was telling him how lucky he was and how happy I hoped they would be and he threw me in the bushes!"
"You need to do something with your son," Aunt Tzippy whispered harshly to Rachel.
Rachel sighed. Ron's dislike of his younger cousin appeared so strong it was irrational, but she had trouble believing Ron would have thrown the teen out a window without some sort of provocation.