Kanda felt as if he had ripped off his own arm as he paced the small room in his apartment's living room, his eyes closed for concentration. His mouth tasted like shit, his head was pounding, his toilet was probably scarred forever after the little throw- up-fest he had that morning, yet it was the pain in his chest that overcame everything else. It had been small at first but every time he tried to disregard the thoughts going through his mind, it began burning even more.

A sickening feeling coiled in the pit of his stomach and Kanda was trying to ignore it. He had taken all the meds possible, but he knew none of them could help the feeling he was experiencing at that moment. It was all emotional and goddamn it, he knew that. There was no point in denying it now. He had literally made out with his best friend last night.

Dead God, not even the alcohol could be enough of an excuse for that one. He remembered bits and pieces of dancing and ordering more drinks, but the feel of Lavi's lips on his own was permanently etched in his mind. It was like a movie, playing over and over again and the more he thought of it….

The more Kanda wanted it.

Swearing colorfully he folded his hands behind his head, inhaling shakingly. "M'not gay….It's just second thoughts…" He muttered to himself and then stopped in his tracks. "Fuck, I'm going crazy…"

From the corner of his eye, he could see his cell phone on the living room table, quiet as it's been. No calls from the Usagi. No text messages. Nada. Zip. Even though the red head usually slept until late afternoon after drinking so much, Kanda was pretty sure he had only seen Lavi take one drink. Which meant Lavi knew what he was doing when he had started to kiss him. Which meant…?

'Oh shit—so we actually made out on our own will…' Kanda thought, and began pacing again feeling his face flush in a mix of horror and embarrassment. 'That's so freaking awkward. Right? Right. No duh it is awkward. He's my best friend. Right? Right. Maybe it was a dare…ya that would make sense. Dares makes people do crazy stuff. It was a dare, a fucking dare. He'll walk in here with that dopey smile of his and probably apologize and I'll probably get mad and blah, blah, blah…'

Kanda froze mid-step and something unrecognizable crossed his facial features.

'So it was all… fake?' Pain erupted in his chest and he had to sit down on the couch, his gaze fixed on his plain white ceiling. A hangover would seem almost welcoming at that moment and he had to grit his teeth to keep his composure. "Well, no duh it was fake," Kanda said to no one in particular. "What did you expect?"

And maybe it wasn't fake.

Head colliding with the couch pillow, he felt his eyes close and he forcefully shoved all his thoughts into the back of his head. The pain was gone, replaced with wanting, but Kanda felt the corner of his lips twitch into a smirk.

His first love in his life. And it was a man no less…

What a joke.

Xxx

Lavi's eyes snapped open and he felt his face flush numerous colors as he sat upright. It was a dream. Oh god, waaaay to realistic to be a dream. His chest was breathing heavily and Lavi ran his hand through his sweaty hair. The dream came back to him and he blushed heavily as it hit him that he was having dreams about Kanda…

Very, very explicit dreams of Kanda…

Him naked…

Under him…

"Oh fuck no!" Lavi swore out loud, throwing the covers off of him. "I did not just have a sex dream about Yu!" Shaking his head reverently he jerked the door to the shower open, putting the cold water on as high as it could get.Not helping. At all.

'Damn it! It's not natural to be this hard over a man!' Lavi screamed inwardly, smacking his head against the showers tiled wall. Not thinking it could get any worse he heard his phone ringing back in his room. Grabbing a towel, he quickly ran to his room, flipping the phone open.

"Yu?"

"No. It's Alex." Her voice was smug…almost…

Lavi's face flushed. "What do you want?"

"Well you see…I thought you might like to check out the lovely pictures I took…"

"…Pictures?"

"You should be receiving them any minute now. Patience Lavi, patience."

Lavi could hear her snickering from the other line and he frowned in confusion as he got a picture message. Clicking the open he nearly chocked on his breath. "Holy—When the…Alex!"

"What? Hey, I told you I was going to take pictures…Want me to send them to your lover boy?"

"No!" Lavi blushed.

"Ok then I'll send them to him in a few minutes. But before I go, why do you sound so shaken?"

"No reason, I just woke up." He lied.

"Uh huh—you had a wet dream didn't you?"

"For a girl you are evil…" He hissed which sounded more like a whimper.

"Ha! Sleep with a sponge idiot! Look I got to go, boyfriends waking up. Zeke why are you stripping…?" And with that she snapped her phone shut leaving Lavi in a worse state then ever.

"Sleep with a sponge…?" Lavi repeated confused and then his face turned bright red as he realized what she meant. That was the last time he ever flirted with a girl in the library. Ever. Fangirls were scary people. Very scary…and stalkers….

There was along silence and he felt his eye twitch. She was going to send it to Kanda…

He let out a hysterical laugh and started dressing, shaking the water from his head like a dog. 'Maybe if I steal his phone before he gets them…huh no that won't work…'

They say denial is the second step to acceptance. So where the hell does an epiphany fit into that?

A/N: Kind of short…pity…Oh well. I tried to keep the story in good pace but I might have failed miserably. I don't know…Ok so as you can see Kanda's acceptance is going to be a lot more painful because he's Kanda. The thought of love is like in the back of his mind. Lavi on the other hand is just trying to keep himself in control. ;D lol I added Alex for fun just because we need a fangirl that helps Lavi out every once in awhile! (it's nellchan0013 OC)

And also make sure to say happy Birthday to nellchan0013! Her bdays on the Tenth so now I must go and write her bday fic! Mwahahaha!

Loves you guys! You don't like the chapter say so and I'll see what I can do!