Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Thanks to Thomas Linquist for telling me something I needed to cover in this chapter. Reviews are down, so in addition to replies and previews I'll also publicly thank Mr. Wizard, Shinneodeus, Etherelemental, and Noncynic for reviews.

A Funeral in the Family – part 2

The pastor from Aunt Becky's church was fresh from seminary, with a better sense of how churches were supposed to be run than the way they actually worked. This was his second funeral, and vastly different from his first - which had been conducted at a funeral home and then out to a proper cemetery. He had never met Nana, and his nervousness showed. He read passages from the gospel of John, stumbled uncomfortably through a meditation, and recovered his composure enough to do well on the prayer.

For fear that Nana's children might break down if they tried to read the eulogy the job fell to Becky. Her own mother had died young and her mother-in-law had been like a second mother to her.

A couple family members shared happy memories, then Slim nodded to the honor guard from the local VFW post and they fired a salute. Faith, the oldest child, put the first shovelful of dirt back into the grave. Most of those who came for the ceremony added earth from the pile beside the open grave.

As family and friends paid their last respects at the graveside Kasy and Sheki became extremely upset by the shovelfuls of earth going back into the ground on great-grandma-in-the-box and Shego took them for a walk. Some of the other children joined them as well.

Lunch went on for hours, with old friends and family sharing stories. It was mid-afternoon before distant relatives and neighbors began to drift away and evening before only family remained.

The children had lost interest in the adult conversations long before those who came for the funeral began to leave. Clint's youngest daughter decided it was better to rule in hell than serve in heaven. As the smallest of the 'big kids' she usually felt ignored in games and conversations she didn't really understand. By dropping down and becoming the biggest of the 'little kids' she could pick the games for Kasy and Sheki to play with her. The trio managed a tea party all by themselves, and their cousin became best friend forever to the twins when she promised to give them lessons on riding real horses.

Joss left in the late afternoon, to the disappointment of her mother and father who hoped she would stay a few days. Wade drove Joss and Bego back to the airport. The two women caught a flight back to Boston, and Wade waited in the airport for a flight which would eventually connect him with Middleton. At the airport Joss fought back the urge to ask Wade to come east with them. Joss stared out the plane window into the darkness on the flight east. It didn't feel like home this trip. She hoped it was because of why they were there. But the way her father treated Bego and Wade meant she had to spend her time apologizing and comforting instead of grieving and talking with family. In Boston she and Bego could relax and talk. She needed that. Joss had another need as well. She wanted to get into bed with someone who cared about her and spend the night making love. She wanted to wake up in his arms the next morning and have him tell her that he would always be there for her. She wished it could be Wade, and wondered for the thousandth time what was wrong. If he were unwilling to make love to her she could find someone who would. She wanted Wade, but he seemed scared. There were guys at school who would be more than happy to get her in bed, but she wasn't interested in them. She had to figure out Wade's problem and help him work through it.

Jim and Tim planned to return to Middleton the next day. Shego had wanted to return with Wade, but Kim insisted on staying longer and wanted the green woman there with her.

The reading of the will was scheduled in three days, and James and Faith planned to stay for it. They knew what the will said; their mother had made no secret of it. But they were supposed to be there for the reading and there were other items of business to take care of. Slim had 'inherited' the ranch in practice years earlier, as the one who wanted it. The majority of the estate, apart from the land, would be divided primarily between Faith and James - but the ranch had the greatest value. Some specific items, such as jewelry - often with more sentimental value than monetary value - had been given as bequests to Nana's daughters and son-in-law, with other gifts going to grandchildren and great-grandchildren. But there were other keepsakes, old pictures, and piles of old papers to go through. Deciding who wanted what, and what would be thrown out, would take the three days until the will was read.

Slim's two sons and their families stayed, as did Kim and her family. The twins were ecstatic at the idea of horseback riding. Shego considered gnawing off her own leg in order to escape, but the promise of a couple long horseback rides with Kim and Kim's solemn vow to do anything to make it up to her once they got back to Middleton kept Shego there. Fortunately Shego had brought along some law books for research. And even more fortunately with Joss and Bego gone they were able to move back into the house.

The morning after the funeral Kim and Shego watched the twins get a riding lesson from their surprisingly competent young cousin. Uncle Slim managed to be ruder than usual at lunch and in the afternoon Kim and Shego packed up leftovers from the day before and rode out to have a picnic before coming home.

Kim didn't even try and defend her uncle as the two sat and watched some antelope before heading back to the ranch. She let Shego vent her anger, occasionally nodding or giving verbal agreement.

"And when we get home," Shego threatened, "you'll be taking me out for a nice dinner before your 'do anything for me' promise. Hell, another day like this and you owe me two!"

"Is that two dinners or two nights when I do anything you want?"

"I'm not kidding, Pumpkin. I'll make you put on a harem-girl costume and peel grapes for me and then strew rose-petals on the bed."

Kim smiled, "Okay, but I think we'd better let the twins sleep over at Jessica's or at mom and dad's that night."

Kim helped around the house the next day, and Shego took a law book out to the barn. She and Kim had noticed an old chair up in the hayloft and the green woman planned to read where she would not be disturbed. She and Kim took a break in the afternoon to watch another riding lesson for Sheki and Kasy.

"I'm going nuts out here," Shego confided to Kim as they watched the twins and their cousin ride around in the corral. "At least we get to go home tomorrow after the will, right?"

"Uh, I forgot to mention, but the lawyer called around noon. Little family emergency, he put the will off for one more day."

"He what? And you plan to stay out here another day?"

"I promised dad. Please, I want to be here for him."

"How about I go back tomorrow? I can take the girls with me. This place is worse than prison."

Their whispered exchange was interrupted by Sheki yelling, "Mommy! Eemah! Look at me!"

"Girls," Shego called, "I'm thinking about going home tomorrow. Want to come with me?"

"No," both twins shouted. Kasy added, "We're having fun. Can we stay, please?"

"Great, my own kids are turning against me," Shego grumbled. "Looks like one more day in hell."

"You know they aren't turning against you. They're just having fun. Think of this like the vacation you're always talking about."

"Princess, I need to explain vacation to you. Lying on the beach is vacation. A tour of the wine growing areas of Italy is vacation. Camping with the girls in the mountains might be a vacation. Staying in the middle of a God-forsaken nowhere at a crowded house with family who hates your guts is not vacation."

Kim put an arm around Shego's shoulder and hugged her partner. "Harem girl, naughty cheerleader, anything you want when we get home, I promise," she whispered in Shego's ear. Then she gave the green woman a long kiss.

Slim had been looking out the window, watching his youngest grandchild give the riding lesson. He purpled with anger when he saw the two women kiss, how dare they do that in front of his granddaughter!

Shego headed out for the barn with her law books right after breakfast the next day. All she wanted was to be left alone. At the moment she was pretty much irritated with the entire Possible family, with the possible exception of her daughters - and they were enjoying the ranch more than Shego thought they should. Solitary time might not improve her mood - but it would keep it from getting any worse, or at the very least spare anyone from becoming the target of her rage.

The door to the haymow was open and Shego stood for a minute looking out over plains and fields. The opening was on the side of the barn opposite the house and the view was peaceful. Whoever had left the old wooden chair up here probably came up from time to time to stare out like she was doing now. Feeling slightly calmer she sat down, leaned back, put her feet up on a bale of hay, and cracked open a law book. She enjoyed almost two hours of peace.

Shego put a finger down in the law book and looked up, she strained her ears and listened for other noises. It appeared she was not alone in the barn. Still, it was a large barn and there were probably a number of chores that needed to be done. Whoever had just come in would probably not disturb her peace up in the hayloft.

Her best-case scenario proved wrong when she heard someone climbing the ladder to her hiding place. It rapidly transformed into a worst-case scenario as a tall man with a Stetson and moustache climbed into view. Worst case scenario for both of them, apparently.

"What the hell you doing up here?"

"I'm up here to get away from the dumb redneck who owns this spread."

"I ain't no dumb redneck."

"I will assume your objection lies completely with the term 'dumb'. And I don't care what sort of degree you have in cyber-robotics, the way you treat family marks you as one dumb redneck."

"And I'm sure as hell not counting you as family."

"I'm not asking you to. You're the one person I'd gladly ignore on the Possible family tree."

"Look, I came up here to be alone."

"Yeah, why I was here too. Good spot for it until you showed up."

"Will you get your green ass the hell out of my barn?"

"If it means getting away from you, I'll be glad to. Nice to see that Western hospitality shining through."

"Western hospitality doesn't extend to Goddamned thieves."

"You're living in the past. I'm not a Goddamned thief anymore. I'm a Goddamned lawyer."

"Same Goddamned difference… What do I owe you for doing the paperwork to bring mom home? I'll write you a check. I don't want to owe you nothing."

"That's owe me anything. And you don't. I wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire. I did that for your brother and Kim. Maybe your sister too - she's not bad. Pity she and James had to end up with a jerk for a brother."

"I'm a fair man. I pay my way. You did work for me, just let me--"

"You're not listening," Shego screamed. "I didn't do it for you. You try giving me money and you don't even want to think about where I'll shove it. I don't know how something like you managed to produce a daughter like Joss. I figured all your kids would be drooling morons."

"You leave my kids out of this."

"Clean your ears, I just said Joss was a normal human being - she rose above your parenting skills."

"She was normal is right. Never should have let her go to school in Middleton. She didn't even stay after the funeral, ran back to Boston like family doesn't matter. Probably you and Kim who messed her up - got her dating that boy and calling that metal thing sister."

Shego shook her head in disbelieve, "Shit, that is so stupid on so many levels I don't even know where to start… What in the hell is your problem with Bego? You make robots, for God's sake."

"That's it exactly! Why is everyone too dumb to see that? I know what a robot is. It's not a person; it's a thing - a tool. A robot don't do nothin' but what you program it to do. I build robots. I'm proud as hell of Tornado and some of the other things I've built. But I know damn well it's not a real horse. It doesn't do a damn thing except what I've told it to do. I don't know if it was your old crooked boss or that boy who's got Joss bamboozled. If Joss came home and she had a new sister - a ninety-six Chevy pickup. No, one of your little green kids comes home and tells you that her Walkman is her sister, what do you say. You welcome it?"

Shego fought back the urge to punch him on general principles, or tell him that most people under thirty didn't even know what a Walkman was. "You ever actually try talking to Bego?"

He snorted in derision. "Don't need to. I know what I know."

"Dumber than a post. It's Bego I feel sorry for. She isn't programmed. She's got a full set of Joss's memories up until the day she came to life. And she loves you, just as much as Joss does. In her heart you're her father and you treat her like dirt."

"She ain't got a heart. And I treat her like I would any other tool. Someone had to program her. Don't know how they faked so many of Joss's memories--"

"They're not fake. The only programming she has is the life Joss lived. Every memory, everything that happened up to the point a copy of her mind went into the robot shell, is as real to Bego as it is to Joss."

"So, you know much about robotics?"

"No."

"I won't tell you about the law and you don't tell me about robots."

Shego fought the urge to hit him, and hoped a change in subject might help. "And why in the hell do you call Wade boy?"

"Thought he was one. Far as I know people come in two flavors - boy and girl. Course, I don't know where you and Kim fit in there - does one of you play boy?"

"Wade is a man. Boy is an insult to African-Americans."

"Look, I got nothing against coloreds. I--"

"Coloreds?" Shego screamed at him, "Coloreds? What decade are you living in?"

"Take that up with the NAACP. When I was growing up that was the nice thing to call them. I got nothing against 'em. Had some in the research lab before I came back to the ranch. I ate with 'em in the cafeteria - all seemed like nice folk. They deserve civil rights and all. But--"

"But you don't want your little girl to date one," Shego spat. She noticed green plasma glowing around her hands. "I'm not through with you," she growled, picking up her law books and heading for the ladder. "But if I have to listen to you for another two minutes there's liable to be another funeral before your brother and sister go home."

With the return of the hearse Kim and Shego didn't have a vehicle of their own at the ranch, so Shego borrowed the keys to James and Anne's car after supper.

"Where you going?" Kim asked when Shego told her privately that she was going.

"To find a bar."

"Want me to come with you?"

"No."

"Let me rephrase that. I'm coming with you. You need a designated driver."

"Let me repeat that, no. I want some time away from Possibles. I'm not planning to get drunk, I'll have a couple drinks and won't drive unless I'm safe."

"Yeah, but if you're drunk you won't know if you're safe or not."

"Kim. I need to be away from family for a couple hours. I'm an adult. I know my limits and I'm not even coming close to them. I just need to get away from here."

"You still love me," Kim asked in a slightly teasing tone.

"I still love you," Shego sighed, "but I need a break before I kill your uncle. I--"

"Hush," Kim said, and took the older woman in her arms. "I love you. If you think you need a driver, call. I'll be there for you. I don't know if driving drunk would violate your probation--"

"Probably."

"I don't want to be without you."

"And when I cool down I don't want to be without you. But I'm getting angry. And you don't want to see me when I'm angry."

Kim laughed and gave Shego a kiss, and the green woman headed for the nearest town.

Parts of Montana have been 'discovered' by tourists and boast trendy boutiques and over-priced coffee - the accouterments of civilization. The citizens of Montana have mixed feelings towards the outsiders: some regard them as poseurs and trouble while others appreciate the fame and money they bring to the state. But there was nothing for tourists to discover in a hundred mile radius of the Possible ranch. Shego figured she could probably search the whole town for a bar in ten minutes, but saw a local and rolled down the window, "Where can you get a drink around here?"

"Try The Spot."

"Which spot?"

He pointed, "Go a block north at the corner, then four blocks west."

"Thanks," Shego shouted without meaning it, "He could have at least told me the name of the place."

"Well, at least I said thanks," Shego told herself after traveling one block north and four west. A large, black circle had been crudely painted on the side of an old building, and someone with no apparent skills in lettering had painted 'The Spot' on the black circle in white paint.

The inside was as tacky as the outside promised. The blackboard behind the bar featured a variety of deep-fried items she preferred not to think about, including Rocky Mountain oysters. She picked up a Corona at the bar and found a small booth squeezed uncomfortably in a corner near the pool tables - perfect for a couple needing an excuse to be close or a person wanting to remain alone - and slid in. By force of habit she faced to door to watch who came in. She sipped her cold one slowly, listening to the arguments from the three pool tables behind her and the debate in the next booth over a better method to determine college football's number one team for a season.

It was not how she would have preferred to spend her evening, but at least she was away from all possible Possibles. That is, she was away from all Possibles until she started her second Corona and the door opened and Slim Possible came in with his two sons