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A Funeral in the Family – part 3

The sheriff was not in a happy mood. The number involved in the fight had caused the deputy to give him a call. Now he was taking a statement from the only person standing when the deputies went in. He didn't know the woman, but the embossed business card she slid across his desk indicated she was a lawyer. He did not need some fancy lawyer trying to bust his ass and resolved to be careful in his questioning.

Shego was not in a happy mood. There was a level on which the fight felt good, but she was a felon on probation and any kind of charge would probably get her tossed in prison. She did not need some hick sheriff busting her ass and resolved to be polite with her answers.

The sheriff peered at the name on the card, Sharon O'Ceallaigh, and thought, "Damn!" "Uh, how do you pronounce your last name?"

"It's pronounced like O'Kelly. It's the old Irish spelling."

The sheriff drew a sigh of relief, "All right, Ms. O'Ceallaigh… Did I see you out at Slim's ranch the other day for the funeral?"

"Guilty as charged, your honor," she laughed nervously and wished she had just said yes.

"Care to tell me your story about what happened tonight?"

"Well, I came into town for a drink, and--"

"Come in with the Possibles?"

She was tempted to say, "You couldn't pay me enough to put up with that idiot," but was afraid Slim and the sheriff might be friends. "No, came in alone. I'm finding family time out the ranch a bit claustrophobic."

"Sorry to interrupt."

"Okay. Well, as you know, there weren't a lot of choices on where to get a drink." She mentally kicked herself, "Don't make fun of his town, he'll lock the cell and throw away the key." "Slim and his sons got there… maybe forty minutes after I arrived?"

"Did they sit with you?"

"Slim and I don't exactly get along. They were as far away from me as the room allowed."

"So, what exactly started the fight?"

Shego hesitated, "Well, some drunk with a sleeveless plaid shirt and bad teeth mistook me for a professional woman - and wanted my services. I--"

"Acne scars?"

"Yeah."

Sheriff shook his head sadly, "Luke, village idiot."

Shego refrained from saying there seemed to be a lot of competition for the role. "Anyway, Slim's son, John, saw what was happening and came over to tell him to leave me alone."

"JW was always the gentleman."

"Yeah, well I didn't need his help. I can take care of myself."

"That's what Fatty and Sue said."

"Fatty and Sue?"

"Bartender and the waitress. They were hiding behind the bar for most of the fight. You haven't said anything so far that differs from their version."

"Great, eyewitnesses. Got to be careful and not embroider the story too much." "Then… You said his name was Luke?" The sheriff nodded yes. "He took a poke at John, and John--"

"Hold on," the sheriff interrupted, "that's important. You're sure that Luke swung first, and not JW?"

Shego concentrated for a second, "Absolutely positive."

The sheriff smiled and nodded, "That fits what Sue claimed, and Luke's character. Go on."

"Well, a couple guys seemed to think they needed to come to Luke's aid. Then Clint came in to back up John, and then a handful of people seemed to think there was a general fight in progress. I saw some of the smarter folk heading for the door at that point."

"Why didn't you leave?"

"Well, the fighting all seemed to be between me and the door so that didn't appear to be practical."

"And you--"

They were interrupted by a man with a medical bag entering the office with one of the drunks from the fight.

"Sorry," the doctor apologized, "but I want to take him down to the clinic. I think he's got three busted fingers and I need an x-ray."

"The boys in the back?" the sheriff asked.

The physician thought for a minute. "Sixteen stitches total on three of them. Gonna be some aching heads and bruises tomorrow."

The lawman addressed the drunk, "Know how your fingers got broken?"

"Nope. I went down early… Maybe somebody stepped on me."

The sheriff waved the doctor out of his office, muttered, "Damn idiot," at the back of the departing drunk, and turned back to Shego. "I hear tell you ended up in the fight yourself."

"Well, I'm not a fan of Slim or his boys, but John tries to be decent. Didn't seem fair to let the fight be lop-sided.

Sheriff chuckled, "Slim wouldn't have needed any help years ago. I remember one time he and I… Never mind. Fatty says you're quite the fighter."

I… uh, used to be a professional bodyguard. I'm a master at a couple forms of martial arts."

The man raised an eyebrow, "Glad you didn't hurt anyone too bad. Sue said you and Clint were the only two on your feet at the end of the fight. When the deputies got there you were the only one standing."

"Moron took a swing at me. Guess he blamed me for the fight getting started or something. I don't like having anyone trying to punch me. I decked him."

The sheriff shook his head sadly, "JW got all the manners. Clint always let his temper get the better of him. Boy needs to get into anger management. He may have been mad at you or at the world just then - or maybe just wanted to be declared the winner."

"Like I said, a moron."

There was one potential problem left, "Um, you going to file a complaint against anyone?"

"And come back here and have to testify? Nothing against your town, but I'll be glad to get home."

The lawman smiled, "No offense taken, makes my job easier."

Shego looked slightly nervous. "Will I need to come back for a trial anyway?"

"Nah, not if you're not going to press any charges. Fatty'll figure up the damages and the boys will pony it up among them. Happens two, three times a year. You want the bill for a new blouse on that?"

The green woman breathed a sigh of relief. "No, I'm just glad it's over with no charges. Can you tell me why they call him Fatty?"

He shrugged, "Hell if I know. That's all I've heard him called. Maybe he was an overweight kid. Maybe he ate the fat on meat. Maybe he was a skinny kid and they hung a reverse nickname on him. I got no idea."

"Not that I'm haven't enjoyed our conversation, but am I free to go?"

"Absolutely. You okay to drive?"

"Yeah. You can give me a breath test if you want."

"I'll trust you. Want to take the Possibles home?"

Shego chuckled, "No way, they… Maybe John. I'd rather he try to explain what happened. He'll say it wasn't my fault."

The sheriff shouted to a deputy, "Get JW out of the cell, he's leaving." He extended a hand to Shego, who shook it. "There are some good folk around here, you just didn't choose the best place to meet them."

"Hey, I just wanted to have a little too much to drink and forget about the family I'm staying with. Didn't have much luck with that."

John, with a better sense of the roads, drove back to the ranch. After driving silently for several miles he commented. "Thanks."

"No problem."

It was another five miles before another word was said. "He's probably a better man than you realize."

"Who?"

"My dad."

"Well, I hope he's not as bad as I think he is."

"I suspect you're a lot better person than he thinks too. He's just set in his ways, kinda rigid. But you've got to admire his honesty."

"Rigid doesn't begin to cover it. And I don't have to admire… Okay, he always says what's on his mind. I'll give you that."

John grinned, "You'd rather he lied politely to your face?"

Shego chuckled slightly, "Your old man can take a virtue to the level of vice."

They lapsed back into silence until they reached the ranch.

John assured everyone that Slim and Clint were fine and gave his version of the fight, with Shego adding occasional comments and continuing the story after three guys took John down.

"So what really happened," Kim asked as she and Shego got into bed.

"You heard John."

"I want the real story."

"You calling your cousin a liar?"

"I'm just wondering if there are parts that got left out. Things you know that he doesn't. And why is he here and Uncle Slim and Clint still locked up?"

"The sheriff released John to me. I wanted someone to testify that it wasn't my fault. I could have asked for the other two - but I really didn't feel like it. I'm hoping your uncle wakes up in the drunk tank tomorrow and finds he's been spooned by some big guy they call Bubba."

"Shego!" Kim hissed. "That's evil."

"What? You spent the first three years we were together telling me to be more honest - now you want me to lie to you? I'm trying to take a lesson from your uncle - say exactly what's on my mind."

"That's just wrong."

"Wrong? Do you remember the name of the man who kicked us out of the house the night we got here?"

"You're as bad as he is," Kim answered.

"No, I'm not. But right now I'm dead tired," the green woman responded, pulling Kim close and spooning her. "We can argue about it later. Did you get a flight arranged for tomorrow afternoon?"

"Yeah," Kim yawned. "Wild sex tomorrow when we get home?"

"Nope, we'll both be too tired and cranky. I want us both rested and in a good mood when you give me the first of my two nights when you'll do anything."

"Evil," Kim murmured drowsily as she drifted off to sleep, "definitely evil."

She felt Shego's lips press against the back of her head, "You knew I was evil when you fell in love with me," the ex-thief reminded her.

Slim managed to find Shego alone before the Middleton Possibles headed home. "Want to talk with you for a minute," he told her.

"I didn't have to get you out of jail yesterday."

"I know that, I've got no complaints… I…"

"You what?"

"Look, you know I don't like you. I know you don't like me. Just wanted to say thanks for giving a hand to Clint and JW last night."

"No problem. John thought he was defending me, felt like I owed him something."

"Yeah, well, thanks."

"Clint has a glass jaw."

"Yeah," Slim chuckled. "Joss knocked him out one time when she was seven and he was eighteen. Always bothers him, makes him wild - he figures the best defense for that is a good offense. He just keeps swinging as long as anything's moving."

"He took a poke at me last night. I flattened him."

Slim shook his head, "Sorry 'bout that. I always told him not to hit a lady. Or a lawyer. You're one of those at least. Anyways, I figure I owe you one now."

"No, you don't owe me a thing. Kim would have never let me hear the end of it if I'd just stood there. Besides, O'Ceallaighs stand by family."

"I don't count you as family."

"Not sure I count you either. I did it for Kim and your brother. I didn't want to disappoint them."

"Well, you helped, and I pay my debts. I owe you one. Don't know how--"

"Will you answer a question?"

"Huh?"

"Answer one question, I'll call us even."

Slim looked suspicious, "What's the question?"

"It's really none of my business, but there're so many years between Joss and Clint. I've sort of figured she's an accident."

The rancher actually smiled, "Best accident Becky and I ever had."

"Like you said, I don't like you. But I've got some good advice for you. Try to get along better with Wade. He and Joss could end up together."

"I don't need your advice."

"I'm giving it for the sake of Joss. She loves you and doesn't want to fight you."

"Well, there's no way those two will get hitched."

"You seem pretty damn sure," Shego snapped, starting to feel her anger rising.

"Possibles keep their words. At least that's how we used to be raised. Don't know if--"

"Don't say a word against Kim or her dad," Shego threatened.

"So, you've seen the way we keep our word?" Shego nodded. "Well, 'fore Joss left for Middleton she promised me she wouldn't--"

"Wait, you made her swear some stupid promise when she was, like, sixteen - and you would hold her to it now?"

"Sure will."

"If you haven't noticed, she's, like, free, white, and over twenty-one. She can do what she damn well pleases."

"She won't. We keep our word."

Shego spun on her heel and left before she punched Slim.

Once in Middleton the family went by the Stoppables to retrieve Smaug. "Any problems?" Kim asked as Rachel returned the box of antidote.

"None. He didn't give Hana any problems. He was a perfectly behaved little… whatever."

They hit a drive-through on the way home, since no one felt like cooking and the twins were suffering withdrawal from their time away from French fries.

"Get a good night's sleep," Kim warned Shego as they got into bed, "tomorrow night you're mine."

"I thought we would wait for--"

"Hush, I promised you a couple special nights, and you'll get them. But you never said we had to wait until you redeemed your first coupon for a wild night, did you?"

"No," Shego admitted.

"Oh, is the problem you don't want us making love?"

"No."

"Then what's the problem?"

Shego grinned, "Well, if you're going to put it that way, no problem at all."

Kim pulled Shego close, "Thanks, I know it was hard for you, but I really needed you there with me."

Shego yawned, "No problem. Your grandma was quite the woman, wasn't she?"

"Sure was."

"Wish I could have met Faith's kids. Your aunt is a hoot. You and Joss do your grandma proud."

"Joss is a good kid."

"Young woman now. Almost through college. She's going to have trouble with her dad. Neither one likes to compromise… One of them is going to end up hurt, maybe both of them."

Joss had trouble sleeping in Boston. She needed to do something about Wade, and she couldn't figure out what. She suspected the reason for his reluctance. And wondered how to help him through it. An idea came to mind. She wasn't sure if it was brilliant - or terrible. She also wished she knew something about psychology. Maybe this would help him through his hesitation. Maybe he'd never want to talk to her again. She almost got out of bed to talk with Bego. Since the blue girl never slept she was out typing a research paper for her modern philosophy class. Joss decided to wait. If it seemed like a good idea in the morning she would talk with Bego. At least she had an idea and could get to sleep. She dozed off wondering where she could buy the rope she would need.