Update: Fixed a few typos and such. And I truly intended to get chapter 3 up for you by tonight (Thursday), but I have three tests tomorrow, and so writing tonight just isn't smart. And I think I'm going out Friday, so it'll probably be Saturday before this is up, if not Sunday. I'm sorry, life is ambushing me.

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Jasper

He dropped me off at the house, but I didn't stay there. I was too nervous, edgy. And besides, being alone with my thoughts wasn't going to help this one bit. If anything, it would only make it worse. The longer I spent alone, the more I could dwell on that incredible smell, the desire to take her blood, how easy it would be. She was so small, after all, so very easy…

No, it would have been madness to stay in the house. I jumped on the bike, ignored the flash of concern I felt from Esme inside when she heard it start up. I could feel guilty for worrying her later. I told myself I didn't have a clear destination in mind, but that was crap and really I knew it. As much as I might not have really wanted to talk, everyone in our family had the same instinct in the event of a crisis: go to Carlisle.

He wasn't in his office when I got there, but I found it by following the slight trace of his scent on the few personal possessions he had brought in. This office was different from his last one, smaller. They'd probably upgrade him once they realized just how good he was. I sat down in the chair, then stood, too agitated to sit down. I paced, inspecting the room. He had brought a few books, mostly for show. He, of course, had perfect recall on everything he had ever read. The pictures on his desk lined one whole side, large, bright and happy. There was one of him and Esme, in the Rockies. Another of Esme alone, painting the house we had had outside of Anchorage. Edward and Bella, here in Forks. She was still human then, as evidenced by the blush on her cheeks and the deep chocolate of her eyes. Emmett and Rosalie in the Jeep, Rose messing around under the hood. And the last one, me alone on a large pine branch, snow in my hair. That had been from the fairly early days, back in Denali in the middle of my second year with them, when we were living for a time with Tanya and her family. Before Edward had his Bella, before I was really sure of myself. Before a great many things. There were better pictures of me, I thought, but he kept this one, said he liked it because it was from the beginning, because even then he had seen in me everything he had come to love even more. Kind of him, of course, but I would never be able to see myself the way he saw me. I knew too much of the truth, too much of the demons from my past. There are things about a soldier that cannot be erased. I could see the hardness of it in my eyes in the picture, and I knew I would see it still if I looked in a mirror now.

"Jasper?"

I hadn't heard him come in but I looked up from the desk, caught his worried eyes. "Carlisle." Now that I was here, I didn't know how to start. Really, I honestly didn't want to talk. I has followed instinct here, but I didn't know what I wanted to do now that I was here. Maybe just stay here with him for a bit, have him not ask me any questions. Even silent my father was a steadying presence.

"What's wrong, son?" But of course, he would ask. And I couldn't lie.

I shrugged, slid fluidly down to sit back against the wall, let my head fall back. "Can I stay here for a little while? Are you busy?"

I didn't watch him, but I could feel the confusion seeping out from him. "Of course, you know I'm never too busy for you. I…" I could tell he wanted to ask, could feel that he was just as equally hesitant to do so. "Is there anything you-"

"Not right now." I didn't want to feel him panic, deal with his concern. I just wanted to feel him calm, steady, relaxing. Unfortunately, it was only five minutes before I realized that was out of the question, now. He couldn't provide the calm emotional environment I had come here for when he was now on edge, no doubt speculating what had brought me here so suddenly in the middle of a 

school day. I sighed heavily, let my head fall into my hands. The confusion was overwhelming and I sent a surge of calm, exasperated. I just didn't feel quite the same to me when it was induced. It did to everyone else, of course. But a person's emotions had a sort of signature, a bit of themselves in them. This didn't feel like Carlisle, it felt like me, and that wasn't what I was craving.

"I'm sorry, Jasper." And he did seem generally grieved that he hadn't controlled his nerves. Ah, Carlisle. Always blaming himself. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's fine, don't be sorry. I was the one upsetting you, it's only fair."

"No, you're not I'm just…" I heard a book thud softly closed, heard the wheels on his chair as he turned toward me. "Are you alright?"

"No." Expectant silence, and I could feel his worry growing again. And indecision. He had asked already, and he didn't want to push me. Well, I didn't want him to, either. But I couldn't hurt him. Ah, hell. Maybe coming here hadn't been such a good idea after all. "Maybe it's something about Forks." I muttered, mostly talking to myself. Because it really was just so damn weird. Bella, and now…her? Alice Brandon…Alice… All of hell and temptation contained in one tiny girl.

More confusion. "I thought you liked it here."

I laughed, bitter. Did he really think it was that trivial? Well, I suppose he might considering that was all I had said. "No, no I love it here." Or, I had. At least as much as I ever loved the north. There was part of me that ached for heavy warmth and a slower pace of life, cicadas in the summer and Spanish moss on the trees. But that belonged to another life, and our family would never be safe in the south. I had had to learn to let it go. "I have a…problem." He didn't speak, waited to give me time to elaborate. Best to put it simply. "A problem like Edward's, the last time we were here. Quite the stroke of luck, huh, Carlisle?" I laughed again, loosening up now that I was talking. "I mean, what the hell are the odds? It's crazy. But there's no mistaking it, that was worse than…" I shook my head, remembering. "Worse than I could have believed. Damn lucky it didn't happen last time we were here, I would have never made it."

I heard his breath stop, his hand run through his hair. "What are the odds…" it was a whisper, incredulous. "Interesting…"

I rolled my eyes up at the ceiling. Of course, trust him to be the scientist, the scholar. Just like always. The familiarity of it was comforting, and I smiled. Of course, only Carlisle would immediately be interested in why, in finding the connection. If there was one, but maybe there was. Or maybe there wasn't, and it was sheer dumb luck. His feelings changed then, shifting through shock and onto something else, something I could hardly believe.

"I'm proud of you, Jasper." The words were unnecessary when I could feel it so clearly, but it was nice to hear it all the same. Or, it should have been. I felt too guilty and tarnished to deserve it.

"Too soon to say that, dad." It came easily now, after being with him so long. And truly, he was the only real father I had ever had. My old man and I had not really seen eye to eye on much, and even when we had it was in a very stiff, formal sort of way. Carlisle was my real father.

"No, I don't think so. While it's not something I've ever been through myself, I can imagine that initially resisting is the hardest part. Once you know you can do it, it gets easier. Or, so Edward has told me."

I was already shaking my head, contradicting him. "You don't understand. It's not like I walked away. I had Edward there to restrain me, to keep my head above water. If he hadn't have been so close-"

"We don't know what you would have done." A swift movement and he had joined me on the floor, his shoulder pressed against mine. "You're far too hard on yourself, son. You always have been."

Because I knew what I was capable of and they didn't. In theory, yes, and I had made a few slips. But they had never seen me at my worst. Only I had seen that. Well, Edward had glimpsed a little in my mind. But even those memories didn't do it true justice. "I think I know."

"No one knows what might have been, a thousand different things can affect our choices." True, but I was pretty sure I was right about this one. He ran through a few different emotions then. Pride, love, annoyance…fear? "If you have to leave, I understand. And if you want me to come with you, I will."

No, I would never ask that of him, though it did feel good that he would offer. But besides that, I wasn't leaving. "I'm not leaving." It came out harsher than I intended, some of my distaste slipping into my words. Whatever I was, I was a soldier. And we didn't run, even when it would have been smarter. Even if doing what Edward did, taking a few days clarity, would have been better in the end. "I just couldn't be there any longer today, I needed a break, I needed to breathe. To think."

"If you're certain. I do have every faith in you."

"You really shouldn't." The more ready he was, the less disappointed he would be when I failed him, when I killed her. It was probably only a matter of time. And even if I didn't kill her, his faith in me was still too high for my comfort. I hated hurting him, and the more he trusted me the more that became inevitable.

"You keep telling me that, and yet over the years you give me only more reason to be proud of you." He tousled my hair gently, rose to his feet. "I know you, Jasper, better than you think I do. You're a good man, you'll do the right thing."

Would I? I turned, stretched out back along the floor, eyes closed. "Tell me about your first day." Talking about his work made him happy, excited. I really needed happy right now, at least as much as I needed calm. I'd hide out here, head home when he did. Maybe think of a way to apologize to Esme along the way. There was that little antique shop in Port Angeles, I could promise her something on my next trip into town. I did owe her something for worrying her, it was the least I could do. I fell into a comfortable almost trance as Carlisle began describing his pediatrics patient with an inexplicable heart murmur. This was why I had come here, for that unique mix of concern, fascination and happiness that just screamed Carlisle. The thirst faded into the background and I could relax, content. For now.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Are you sure you're-"

"Edward, I swear, if you ask me if I'm up to this one more time…"

He held his hands up in defeat, eyebrows rising. "Alright. You can do this."

Damn right. Or, at least, I hoped he was. For the time being, at least. In any case, I knew what to expect now, and I had been practicing with calming myself. It was harder than calming others, but after a night of almost constant practice I had the idea. The way I saw it, it wouldn't be so bad. I didn't have any classes with her, so I'd really just have to avoid her in the halls or at lunch, just keep my distance. I could do that.

And for awhile, I did. Trig and French passed by without incident, and I was starting to think that this really would be just as doable as I'd told Edward. Then, US History. She came in late, slid through the door and right up to the teachers desk, add slip in hand. Dammit.

I had held my breath almost instantly, but it wasn't quite enough. I could feel the raging burn so acutely, so painfully. My hands clenched and unclenched, finally found my pen on my desk and pulled it down and into my bag, pulverizing it into a million pieces where it couldn't be seen. Dammit, dammit, dammit. Why the hell did she have to be in this class?

And now, sitting in the back row, beside me. Far enough away to give me a little fresh air, but still far too close. Or not. Perhaps this was best, easier. If I moved quickly, and I knew I could, I could have her without a scream. Without a sound. If we were by any stroke of luck looking at a powerpoint or transparancies with the lights out, even better. We were at the back of the room, and if everyone's attention stayed up front, I could have her silent in my hands, have her small body drained in a matter of seconds. No time to savor it, but that would be alright. I could even put her back down in her seat, no one would notice. She didn't seem the popular type. I could slip out the door first when the bell rang, not be there when someone finally noticed she wasn't getting up.

The venom was thick in my mouth, heavy. I found myself watching the teacher, waiting for a long enough gap of inattentiveness, perhaps a long paragraph being written on the board. Fortunately, there was no such luck, and I had enough time to be rational again. To remember my family, to remember Edward. And to be shocked that he hadn't come in and burst down the door a few minutes ago. I had asked him that morning to let me handle this, and he must have taken it far more literally than I suspected. Probably not the smartest time he could have ever picked to listen to me. I swallowed the venom with a great deal of effort, ground my teeth together. I could do this, I could do this. Don't forget to pretend to breathe. That's it, act normal. Normal. You can do this. God, she smells- NO, don't think that you idiot!

"Back row? Would you care to join us please?"

My eyes jolted up, found a very angry librarian-woman. Ah. She was going to ask us a question. Apparently, most of the row had been zoning. At least I had good reason, though I doubted it would work as an excuse. I'm sorry I wasn't listening, I was concentrating very hard on not committing murder this morning, you see. If Emmett had been here, he would have laughed. And I would have too, if it hadn't been too damn honest to be really all that funny.

"Now, since all of you seem to know the subject matter beyond the need to pay attention…" She trailed off in what she thought was a menacing manner, and it probably was. But all that I could think was, actually, I do. I smiled, tight lipped. Well, at least this provided a little distraction. Not that I wasn't still tensing every muscle in my body to hold myself in my seat. "Can you all tell me what the first battle of the Civil War was?"

"Battle of Manassas." "Battle of Bull Run."

I'm not sure who my eyes whipped to first, the Yankees that had said Bull Run or the annoying little girl that hadn't. She was looking at me too, and for a moment I couldn't look away. She had these strange blue eyes, dark, almost sapphire. And she was staring at me far too steadily for a human, as if she was seeing something beyond me, something I couldn't see. It was disconcerting, and it was a moment before she shook out of it. Our teacher had started to prattle on about that first battle, and I had forced myself to look away when I heard her whisper. "You're from the south."

Smart girl. I nodded, head focused straight ahead. I could feel her curiosity, and something else that flitted by so quickly I couldn't place it.

"Biloxi, Mississippi. Originally at least, but it's been years." And I could hear that in her voice, now that I had really heard her speak. It was faded, but it had that familiar slower edge, the warmth. "You?"

Annoyance rose, and I quelled it sharply before I did something stupid like growl at her. She wasn't supposed to speak to me, she wasn't supposed to even be in this damn class. To be honest, I was madder at myself than anything else. The conversation would have been innocent enough, if she were normal. As it was, I didn't trust myself to open my mouth around her. So as easy as it should have been to tell her I was from the great state of Texas and about how many ways it kicked Washington's ass, I kept quiet, ignored her. An action made even worse by the fact that I could feel her sting of rejection as if it were my own, followed by frustration. Anger. Again, I would have laughed if I still wasn't so tense. She was a tenacious little thing, this one. Her anger felt very fierce, unmatched to either her size or her pixie like looks.

When the bell rang, I was gone before she could question me again.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Jasper…your eyes!"

I glared at Rose, annoyed by her shock. Yes, I'm sure they're a very disturbing shade of black, Rose. At least it isn't red.

Edward's hand shot out, gripping her arm and steering her back toward Emmett. "Leave him alone, Rose." He slid onto the bench beside me, his voice dropping lower. "You did very well."

"Hm." She was alive, at least. That was something.

"It's progress, certainly. Especially considering…well, I'm sorry I couldn't have warned you she was changing classes. I didn't know her mind well enough yet to be watching for it."

"It's alright." We were outside again, and I was taking advantage of the clean air, drawing it in in great gulps. It felt wonderful. Clean. The burn had faded somewhat, fallen to a more decent level. My eyes were probably starting to edge back toward at least a burnt gold.

"Yes, they are. Feeling better?"

Enough, at least. I pulled my legs up, crossed them and leaned back farther, watching. She was there, quite a ways away. The same boy was with her, not her brother but the darker one. "Who is he?"

"Tyson Rodriquez." Thankfully, he knew better than to ask why. That was a question I didn't know either, anyway.

He slid his arm around her shoulders, and I could feel the lust emanating from him from here. Lust, and fondness, but no real affection. My lip curled, disgusted. For the most part, I hated the emotions of boys this age. There were few of them worth anything. Certainly not him.

"Your speculation is right, though. He is her boyfriend. And he seems to be quite pleased with himself for that."

I grunted noncommittally. There was some story being told by a boy decorated in many colored chains, but she had suddenly stopped listening. She had that same look she had had that morning when she had seemed to look past me, through me. It passed and she tilted her head, as if deep in thought. "What was she thinking?"

"What?"

"What was she thinking, just now?"

"I wasn't paying attention. I was listening to him." He hesitated, his curiosity rising until it got the better of him. "Why?"

I don't know. "Nothing, it's nothing."

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Saw a little more of Alice here, but still not too much. Don't worry though, the introduction has to be a little slow, but that's just to set things up of course.

Let me know how you think it's going so far! : )