Wow, my second chapter for the day….I seriously meant to go to bed before this. I'm gonna be so damn tired tomorrow, but I think this chapter was worth it…

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Jasper

I ran until I was certain I wasn't being followed, and even then I slowed only a little. He was wrong, so completely wrong. But if I knew that, knew it for certain, what was it that I had felt at the thought of killing her? Preservation of human life had never been that strong, but could I say that I loved her? No. But even at that thought, I could feel something in the back of my mind saying not yet.

As if he were right. As if it were something coming, something inevitable. Like a train wreck, or an execution. If it were true, if I really was falling for her, it could only mean bad things. Terrible things. Because in one sense Edward was right about me. I was not the good man he was, no. Not at all. I was the soldier, always the soldier. I was the military mind, always ready to put whatever cause I was fighting for before everything else, always ready for a fight. Even if I could somehow be strong enough to keep from killing her over any sort of length of time, I wasn't right to be anyone's mate, not really. I could never be good enough. I wasn't right for it. I had only recently learned how to love my family, any other kind of love was even more foreign, even more outside of my reach.

I didn't realize my path had taken me to the party until I was almost there, until I could feel the bass of the music in the air, bouncing off my skin. The rain was still falling, hard, and I was even more drenched than before. Still, I had nowhere else to go, and maybe I could find Emmett, get him to leave and come hunting with me.

I made my way into the yard, stepped up on to the covered porch before shaking off some of the water, droplets flying everywhere. It was the laugh that caught my attention, otherwise I would have continued on inside. But something about it, high pitched and so ridiculous, then…

"You wanna get out of here?" The words were slurred, rough, as if he'd been drinking some time. But it most definitely was Tyson, and my temper flared. Stupid, immature son of a bitch.

She giggled again, stupidly. "Maybe. You can't drive."

"Hey, I'm alright. I'm alright." If I hadn't already been so angry at him, I would have rolled my eyes. Humans were so stupid. As it was, I was seeing red and trying to restrain myself from rounding the corner and killing him. At least it wasn't Alice that was here with him, though I would certainly hope she would have had more common sense than to get in the car.

This girl, on the other hand… "Are you sure?" And of course he was going to say yes, he was drunk. Everything would seem easy.

"Hell yeah. I'm alright. Come on, come with me…"

Another laugh. "Just give me a minute, alright? I'll be back." She stumbled around the corner, clearly pretty intoxicated herself. I sidestepped her easily; she didn't even seem to notice me.

Slowly, keeping my anger under careful check, I stepped around to his side of the porch to find him leaning clumsily against the rail and trying multiple times to light a cigarette. He jerked a little when he saw me, stumbling back before weaving back forward, starting up his attempts with the lighter again. "Hey, man."

I gritted my teeth, sure I wasn't capable of polite conversation. He would, in all likelihood, not remember this conversation anyway. "Tyson, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Hey I forgot-"

"Jasper. But that isn't all you're forgetting." I couldn't hold it, was certain he could hear the seething anger.

Apparantly, though, I was wrong. "It isn't?"

"Alice?" Her name came out as a furious hiss, and I knew I was no longer hiding anything if anyone was listening with even remotely sober ears.

His eyes widened a little, and he gave up on the cigarette, dropping it. "Shit, is she here? I didn't think…I didn't…"

"No, you didn't think." Nor could he at the moment, obviously. I bit back a snarl. "And no, she didn't come."

He relaxed then, clearly thinking the danger was over. "Well, man, what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right? I mean, she's a good girlfriend, I don't wanna lose what we have, but she's not…she's just not ready, you know, to take it any farther, and every now and then there's things you gotta do. Just as long as she never finds out." He looked worried then, edged crookedly toward me. "You won't…tell her will you?"

No, but only because she apparently already knew. This didn't exactly seem premeditated, but at the same time he had mentioned other girls, other times. He could have hinted to anyone about what he 'needed', and they could have tipped her off. That had to have been it. "No. There's no need." And he, of course, would take my words entirely differently.

The girl came back then, molding herself to his side. "Ready?"

"Yeah, come on."

My fingers curled around the wooden railing almost hard enough to leave a print, itching to wrap around his neck. Carlisle would have stopped him, let the air out of his tires.

I walked away.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

I wasn't ready to go home, not hardly. My run this time took me in a direction I very stubbornly tried to pretend I wasn't going, until her scent brought me to her house. It was on a dead end street, a cul de sac, right on the end. Two story, simple. Blue, black shutters. It looked old, as if it had stood a very long time and was visibly aged for it. I could hear Metallica playing, and I wondered if it was her brother or her. she didn't exactly seem the type, but then again, I didn't know enough to be sure. In the back of the house, there was a light on in the room on the corner. I could see a ceiling fan turning, and a poster of an actor on the wall. Yes, that had to be what I was looking for.

Or, what I shouldn't be looking for. I should turn around, go home now. Or to Seattle. Or anywhere at all, in fact. But there was an aspen tree close to her window, and it seemed a harmless thing to climb it, to blend into the darkness among the branches. She was laying on her bed in pajamas, curled up on her side, facing the window. She had an mp3 player on, so clearly, the metal was her brothers. And obviously, she didn't particularly like it. She felt…sad, but in a defeated sort of way. It wasn't all encompassing, but it was there. She also felt anxious, as if anticipating something she desired very much, a very nervous tension running counter current to the sadness. Puzzling.

Her hair was wet from the shower, disheveled. I could smell her scent the strongest, but the burn didn't seem quite as bad, and over it I could smell her shampoo, vanilla and jasmine. The difference in the pain was likely due to the window between us, the fresh air outside. I breathed deeply and fought it. Good practice.

I shook myself out of the thought almost immediately, cursing under my breath. Good practice? For what? It wasn't as if I was going to go along with this ludicrous insanity. Even if, if I was…feeling something, even if this was turning into something unhealthy, it could go no farther. I couldn't let it, not for her sake or mine. I was too dangerous, too dark. And if I did love her, and my past ever harmed her…no, I would never be able to forgive myself.

She yawned, curled up tighter under her blanket, her eyes blinking sleepily. She looked so small in the center of a bed far too large. So small, so delicate. Undeniably beautiful, of course, and my thoughts flew back to Tyson. Such a damn fool, to not know what he had. It took her 20 minutes to fall asleep fully, her breathing evening out, heartbeat slow. The light beside her bed was still on, and after a moments deliberation I leaped across to her window, hanging lightly from the sill until I could slide it open, slip into the room. It was small and fairly warm, and even with the fan to stir the air her scent was almost overpowering. The air of innocence about her while she was sleeping, however, overruled all else, and I held my breath as I crossed to her table and turned out the light.

She stirred slightly, sighing and curling deeper into the bed. I was back out the window before she could have a chance to open her eyes.

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In the end, I didn't go home that weekend. I wasn't ready to face Edward especially, and I was glad when no one sought me out. I hunted on Sunday in the wilderness to the north, then went to a random department store and bought a change of clothes, tossing the others in the first Salvation Army bin I passed.

I was at school almost on time on Monday, though I arrived just late enough to avoid because caught by the others, slipping into my class a good five minutes after the bell had rung. Edward had to be able to hear me by now, but I stubbornly didn't think anything at him, not even to tell him to leave me alone. I didn't take lunch with them either, though I did let them see me. It would have been comical if I hadn't wanted my time alone, the desperation pouring off of every one of them, the pleading in their eyes. Bella, in particular, looked like a kicked dog, though that was probably a comparison I shouldn't have made, considering the way Edward's pleading eyes changed to a glare when he heard it.

I gave him a half apologetic smile, then turned away, looking. They weren't at their usual lunch spot, which would have been enough to tell me something was up even if I hadn't heard. I pretended to wander aimlessly while searching the air for her scent, followed it inside. I could hear their words from a secluded stairwell long before I reached it, though they argued very quietly.

"But how could you, Tyson? How could you do that to me?"

"Baby, I didn't-"

"Don't give me that! Someone saw you!"

He hesitated. I felt his spike in anxiety, and anger. "Maybe he's just jealous, and he made it up so you'd leave me."

Now it was her turn to be puzzled. "He?"

"Yeah, that…that Cullen kid. The blonde one, Jasper."

Her heart went into overdrive, and the confusion and…happiness from her was so loud and mangled it was almost shouting. "No, he's not the one who told me. It was someone else." Her tone was softer, almost as happy as her emotions felt. "But it doesn't matter who told me." And her voice was stern again, though her emotions hadn't changed. "This is over."

"C'mon, Alice, don't be like this." I heard the sound of him moving closer, and I heard her step back, out of his reach. It shouldn't have made me almost glow, but it did.

"No. You cheated on me, Tyson! With…with someone you don't even care about!"

"Exactly, baby, that's why it shouldn't matter…I was drunk, honey, I didn't mean it. It was nothing to me, she's nothing." As if that excused his behavior. As if infidelity in any form could ever be excused. Once again my hands itched to hurt him, my fingers flexing.

"That doesn't make it any better." She sighed, and I could feel a trace of sorrow in her now. "We were always so close, Tyson, even before…I didn't want to have to do this, it's the last thing I wanted. And maybe, someday when it doesn't feel quite so much like hell, we can be friends again. But not now. We can't be anything, right now. I don't want to even talk to you anymore."

"Alice-"

"No. I don't."

I heard some shifting around, her moving away from him again. Then, a spike in his anger. "Fine. Fine, whatever you say." He seemed ready to leave, then, "This is your fault anyway, you know. If things had been what they should have been between us, I wouldn't have had to go looking anywhere else. Think about that."

Her hurt was, for a moment, all I could feel. The urge to shield her from his words, to shake him and make him take it back was overwhelming, smothering. I couldn't breathe, could barely make myself step back into the shadows as he passed. I could feel his triumph then, and if she hadn't been in pain I would have gone after him. To think that it pleased him to wound her so deeply, to think he thought she deserved such treatment…but she was hurting, and I had to focus.

She was crying now, I could tell by her soft, uneven breaths, the scent of salt in the air. "Jasper…"

I knew, then, what he had meant by 'inevitable'. I knew how it felt to truly not have a choice, to be powerless, chained, but not by any bonds I would ever try to free myself from. No. She had said my name so very softly, her inflection making it a plea for help. If I had been able to move, nothing would have kept me from her side. No force would have been strong enough. As it was, I was frozen against the wall, immovable for the moment. I could feel something in me changing, some deep foundation moving that felt as if it had never been shifted before. So, this was how it felt to change after centuries of being set in stone. Not to fall in love, that seemed too light to describe the crushing power of this wave. This was how it felt to take a mate, and though I could read well the devotion of my family members to each other, I had never been present for the actual moment of that change. I wondered what it would have felt like, to me, to feel another go through this. I wondered if it would have been intense enough to bring me to my knees, stronger than a shockwave. I had thought, once, that though I could feel emotions all around me, I was far too damaged to feel the strongest ones for myself. I had come to terms with that, believing that something along the lines of what I had had with Maria would be enough for the rest of my days. I had been so very, very wrong. I could feel her so acutely, feel her presence in my very skin. Living without this seemed not simply unbearable but impossible.

I had never lived, not since the day I was born, not since Maria had changed me, not since I had come to live with Carlisle. No. I had never lived until this moment, and the awakening of it was beyond all understanding. My head was reeling with it, the whole world out of focus.

I could feel the change completing, ending in a very permanent way. I was no longer sure what had been most important to me before, but whatever it had been was now insignificant. She was everything, and every decision must be viewed in that light. Which meant that I had to make my head stop spinning, had to find a way to feel the ground beneath me again, because she was still crying, and I had to go to her.

I pulled myself up from the floor I hadn't even realized I had settled down on, my hands easily gripping the rough brick behind me. I went the final distance quickly, slipping into the stairwell. Her back was to me as she looked out the window, wiping her tears on the sleeve of a very soft looking sweater. "Alice." I had to tone it down, really. There was no way that she would have been unable to hear the pain and adoration in my voice, it was far too plain.

She gasped softly, rubbed harder at the corners of her eyes. When she turned to face me, a soft laugh escaped her. "Why do you always find me when I'm crying?" She shook her head, not waiting for me to finish. "You must think I'm some crazy, emotional-"

"No." And I didn't think, didn't spare any thought at all to my actions but let my instincts rule. I was surprised at how easy it came, reaching out to cup her face in my hands, brush her tears away with my thumbs. Fighting and hunting were the only things that had ever come to me with this ease, but I didn't question it. "No, you're not crazy. And I'm only sorry you're hurting." I soothed her as I spoke, relieved when her emotions evened out. I realized, finally, that I should be ignorant. "What happened?"

She smiled slightly, bit her lip. "I broke up with Tyson. So I guess I shouldn't be the one crying anyway, huh?"

"No, not if he upset you." I could hardly avoid telling her now, not after everything had changed. If it hurt her more, hearing it again, I would beat myself up over it later, I was certain. "I saw him, with her. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

She blinked, looked down. "No, it's fine. Someone else did."

But who? They had to have known beforehand..a friend of the girl's, perhaps? But then, why would she tell Alice? And why did I care about the most insignificant part of the whole ordeal? I brushed a last tear away, felt the contrast in the cold liquid and the warmth of her skin. I could feel the crackle that came from touching her buzzing through my palms to diffuse through my entire body, and I tried my best to keep from grinning like an idiot. I was still supposed to be comforting. The bell rang then, and I had never had more hatred for it than I did at that moment. "Dammit." Too fast for her to hear, but she had seen my lips move and her head tilted, curious. "Are you going to be alright?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine." Her eyes locked with mine. 60 seconds, give or take a few, before the halls would start to swarm with people. I could feel the burn in my throat growing hotter, a warning. I had done well, now I should back away. Be safe. But her eyes were holding me, drawing me in, and I gave in, instead, to my new instincts, darting forward to press a kiss to her forehead. If her hand on mine the day before had been a jolt, it was nothing compared to this. I heard her gasp, shift closer to me, but I let her go and all but fled, leaving far too quickly for her to stop me.

It had felt wonderful beyond anything I had ever imagined, and my lips still tingled with the rush of brushing her skin, my heart almost light enough to beat. But the thirst had been almost equally powerful with my lips that close to her pulsing throat, and I wasn't sure if I could have stood another second. I didn't stop walking until I was a few hallways over with several deep breaths of clean air in my lungs. The burn faded, then, but the charge that that brief kiss had left in my body was still very much active. I stopped at my locker, leaned my arm against it and rested my head on it, trying to even out my own emotions and failing miserably.

I knew he was coming before he got there, before I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Now, can we talk?"

Reluctantly, I nodded. "Yes. Alright." I had loved my brother always, and of course I respected him, but I had never imagined needing so desperately to know everything he knew. Thinking it, knowing the reason for it, I could not even feel my pride protest, not really. If it helped her, I would do it, whatever he said.

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Hope you guys still like how this is going. : ) I have most of it planned out now…it's going to be quite long, actually, and don't worry…I've got some interesting plot twists in store for you.