A special shout-out to the three people who put this story on their alert list. Hello, three people! Although the "three people" thing might be more impressive if I actually had three reviews, hmmmm? Come on, three people. Give me some love.

I write because I enjoy it, but I am also an attention-hungry snob.

Chapter 3: Threats

JACOB BLACK

"'Morning, everybody," I said. "Edward, Bells, Nessie… hey, Alice. When did you get here?"

"Yesterday around six," she replied.

Nessie walked up to me and touched my head, and an image of five strange creatures flashed in my head.

"Whoa," I said. "Why didn't anybody wake me up when the Modesto Monsters came to call?"

"You've never heard of the Modesto Monsters," Edward accused.

"Well, I might have if you'd woken me up," I retorted.

"You were out cold, buddy," Bella said.

Nessie showed me everything that had occurred since she had woken up from her nap. It consisted mostly of singing karaoke. All the vamps had flawless singing voices, including Nessie, so I often found myself the weak link at karaoke parties. Judging from Nessie's memory, I was Billie Holiday compared to the singing monsters.

"Why exactly were these monsters here?" I asked.

Nessie didn't know. Edward answered. "The United States government sent them here to exterminate us. We convinced them otherwise, and made a party out of it. We explained to them the nature of vampires and shape-shifters, and they went off on their own. They're not going to expose us."

"Uh-oh," Alice muttered.

"Oh, crap," Edward said.

"What?" Bella and I demanded.

"Volturi," Edward whispered. "They don't trust the monsters."

"Jane and Alec are on their way," Alice said.

"I hate those twerps," Bella grumbled.

"Don't worry, love," Edward said. "We'll tell them we have the monsters' word of honor. Will that work, Alice?"

She considered. "No, it won't," she said. "They have every intention to terminate the Modesto Monsters."

"Is that bad?" I asked.

"They're innocent, Jake," Edward said. "They can protect our secret."

"You know, for not being the bad guys," I said, "they sure act like it. Aro's okay, but the rest of them are just jerks."

"They are," Edward agreed. "We'll just see how the encounter goes. What do you think, Alice? Two hours?"

"Give or take," Alice said.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Jane and Alec arrived at the doorstep two hours later. Bella quickly shielded the five of us.

"Hey, twerps," I said. "How's tricks?"

"We seem to run into each other an awful lot," Jane said to her fellow vamps, ignoring me. "Have the Modesto Monsters stopped by here?"

"As a matter of fact, they have," Edward said.

"Looking for vampires?" Jane hissed.

"That's right," Edward said. "We told them everything, and they promised to keep our secret."

"Fool!" Jane snarled. "They work for the United States government! You think they'll keep the supernatural world a secret?"

"I think I would know," Edward said dryly. "They were sincere. They're monsters just like us. I thought they could be let in on the secret."

"Fair enough," Jane said. "Aro trusts your family's judgment… foolishly, in my opinion, but I'm not a member of the Volturi guard to give my opinion. Fellow monsters, perhaps, but I don't believe they can be trusted. What of the stupid one? Benzoate Ostylezene Bicarbonate? That is the one that has Caius worried. If he starts running his mouth…"

"No one will believe him," Edward insisted.

"Nevertheless, any risk to the secret must be eliminated," Jane countered. "Do not attack us, lest the Volturi track you down. The one called B.O.B. cannot be made one of us, therefore he must be killed."

Jane and her brother ran off.

"I'm completely lost," I offered.

"Later," Alice said.

"That pisses me off, you know that?"

"Shush."

Edward had begun a call on his cell phone. My sensitive ears picked up the response, a gravelly voice saying, "You're on the air with the Link."

"Link, it's Edward."

"Hey, didn't think I'd hear from you so soon. What's up?"

"Two of the Volturi guard are after you," Edward replied. "Not all of you, just B.O.B. They think he's a risk to the secret. They're going to kill him."

"That's just silly," Link said. "We call B.O.B. an 'indestructible gelatinous mass' for a reason. Let them come. Thanks for the heads-up, though, Ed."

"They may not be able to destroy B.O.B., but if the rest of you defend him, they can harm you," Edward warned. "Jane has the ability to cause agony, and Alec causes total sensory deprivation. B.O.B. will probably be immune to the effects, but the rest of you will not."

"Terrific. So what do we do?"

"We'll try to beat them to you," Edward said quickly. "We can't directly defend you for fear of provoking the Volturi…"

"Crap," Alice said. "That hadn't occurred to me. What the hell do we do?"

"Why do anything?" I asked. "We don't even know these monsters. We're going to risk ourselves for people who have nothing to do with us?"

"The Modesto Monsters really aren't our business," Bella agreed. "If the Volturi want to destroy them, there's not much we can do but let 'em."

"But I like the monsters, Momma," Nessie said. "I don't want them to get hurt."

We all looked down at her. "You heard the kid," I said. "Let's go rescue us some monsters."

"Just like that?" Bella said. "Renesmee says twelve words, and your whole stance is changed?"

"Yeah. Do you have an objection to that?"

"No, I was just checking. Let's go."