Shopping with Alice….

Poor Jasper, lol

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Jasper

For a moment, I couldn't even move. I knew we should head back, knew we were running out of time, but even with as much capacity for thought as my head had I could only think about one thing. Well, a few things, but all related to one thing. I had kissed Alice. I had been strong enough to kiss Alice. Alice, Alice, my Alice… And God, it had been incredible. And it was barely anything at all. It seemed it took forever for my head to stop spinning, but I wasn't in any rush. I could feel the buzz of it everywhere, the most potent drug I had ever come in contact with. Not to mention, her euphoria was just as high as mine, and the combination of both was staggering.

When I could finally move I kept her hand, pulled her forward with it as I headed back in the direction of the cafeteria. "Start at the beginning." I wanted to hear it all, everything, how she had come to realize what she could do, how she had told her family, how long they had been treating her like shit…

I fought the growl in my chest, reached over and into my bag to pull out a bag of chips. "And eat while you're doing it." I was pretty sure that was a terrible lunch, but at least it was food, and it was mobile. We could keep walking, and she could keep talking. And eat. Unfortunately, for that I had to release her hand. I let go reluctantly, a sigh far too low for her to hear slipping from my lips. No matter how much it made my throat burn, her touch was quickly becoming necessary.

She opened the bag, pulled out one chip and began to nibble on it absently, thinking. "Well…honestly, it's been going on all my life. But the first time I knew for certain it was a vision, the first time I really chose to believe it and act on it…well, there had been little things happening. Well, they weren't always little but they had, as far as I remember, effected only me up until this point. Until one day about a year ago I had a vision of Billy and his friend shooting off fireworks. A spark blew to the side, some leaves in the neighbors gutter caught on fire, and their house burned down. I knew enough by then to believe myself, and I couldn't let that happen." She sighed, hunched her shoulders a little as she remembered. I could feel the sharp pang of sorrow from her and I calmed it quickly, resisted the urge to stop and pull her into my arm again. "So, I told them. I told them everything I had seen, how I knew it was real, all the things that had come true before. and they listened, and asked me if I was taking drugs. When I said no, they wanted to know what was going on with me, if I needed to see a psychologist for depression or bipolar disorder or something like that. I refused to back down, and they refused to believe me. They took my car and sold it, and they started excluding me from the family as much as they could." She sighed, shook her head, a sort of bitter amusement touching her emotions. "Things were actually starting to improve, though. Slightly. Then I saw Billy getting in a car crash, and I told them because I didn't want anything to happen to him, and of course it all started over again, worse than before."

I couldn't help but growl at the thought of her sacrificing any part of her life just to save his. Even if it wasn't her life, even if it was only her place in the family it was far more worthwhile to me than his insignificant life. But of course, she loved him. He was, after all, her brother. Even though he wasn't much of one. I said what I knew she would agree with, rather than what I wanted to say. "At least it kept him out of the car."

She smiled sadly, though her eyes sparkled. "Exactly what I said. It was worth it, for that."

Not to me. But, that had been up to her. And her love for him was certainly admirable, just…undeserved. "So…" I waited until I had her full attention, her eyes shifting over to meet mine. "Why was it you needed him anyway? The ride?"

She bit her lip. "It's just…I have some shopping to do. Maybe-"

"No." she stopped, and I could feel a little bit of surprise. Ooops. More forceful than I'd intended. Come on, Jasper, tone it down… "You don't need to ask him, or anyone else, for anything ever again. If you need something, you come to me. Alright?" That was all there was to it. Her family was scum, and no matter how long they had been friends I didn't want her alone with Tyson. I know of no other real friends she had, and even if she had that didn't mean I would trust them with her. She was far, far too important for that. Besides, I was her mate. That was my…job, in a way. I could take care of her by myself. "I'll take you." I paused, realized that once again it sounded more like an order than a question. I didn't want it to be like that. "I mean, if that's alright with you."

"If you're sure you don't mind…" Her voice was soft, almost uncertain.

I knew that my perceptions were impossibly colored by my feelings, by the crystal clarity I could see them with. All the same, how could she not see how much I loved her? I would do anything with her, anything at all. I would be happier sitting with her and watching paint dry than I would be doing anything at all on my own, or even with the family. She was, now, everything I wanted. Always. "Of course not. I'd love to take you."

She smiled, and I could feel her mood brighten. "Alright. Can we go right after school?"

"That's fine. We'll have to stop by my house to get a car, but that shouldn't take long." The bell rang then. I was really getting progressively sick of it, and my classes. If I would have only known this was how things would have turned out, I would have fixed my schedule to fit hers in the beginning. I sighed, reached out slowly to stroke my hand across her cheek. She was so, so very warm. "We should go."

She grinned. "We could skip."

"We could, but you're a better student than that." And besides, they could call her parents. I didn't want her to catch hell just to stay with me another hour. If they ever called my parents the worst I could possibly get would be a comment about keeping up the human charade. It was tempting, but if I let her stay with me once I'd want it all the time. I took her hand again, headed back toward the building.

"Somehow, I get the feeling you're a better student than me."

I laughed, shook my head. "You don't have enough perspective. I just…read a lot." Which was at least sort of true. I read a lot, and I had been to high school and college many, many times. Eventually, I was going to even run out of majors…but at least that would take MUCH longer than it took to tire of high school. As we reached the door, I heard Rose sigh and I tensed, my head jerking to look back over my shoulder.

"Just forget your family, Jasper. Go ahead, act like we're not even here."

I rolled my eyes at her, annoyed. That didn't even deserve a response. It wasn't even a second before I turned around, and Alice hadn't noticed the movement. I held the door open for her, glaring back at Rose if I did. You can tell her, Edward, that she can stop complaining. I'll introduce Alice to you tomorrow. But tell her that if she doesn't behave, even Emmett won't be able to stop me from tearing her into tiny pieces, do you understand?

He grinned at me, and I knew he had heard it all.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

"Alright, where are we going?"

She smiled, but in a way that clearly showed she was being patient with me. "Jasper, there's only one store in Port Angeles that sells the kind of dresses I'm looking for." She pointed up the street, at a store with a typical department-store look. I had been here a thousand times and never really paid it any attention. "There, see?"

"As you can see, I've never been shopping with a woman before."

"Not even your sisters?"

I couldn't help the laughter that thought brought on. I'd have to remember to tell them later. Shopping with Rose? Lord, I'd rather die. Everything looked good on her, of course, and she didn't really go to pick things out, per se…more to try then on for Emmett. Not something I wanted to be present for. I felt enough from them at home, I didn't need extra doses of it. Bella's idea of shopping was 15 minutes in Old Navy or something similar. Grab a few shirts, a few pairs of jeans, and she was done. It was no big production, in fact she hated doing it. Edward always took her, and they got it over with quickly. Esme, I suppose, was the most 'normal' woman shopper in the family, but I never went with her. She took herself, usually while we were at school, or she went with Carlisle when he was home. Typically, she picked up mine and Edward's clothes too. Combine all of that, and the fact that I hadn't stepped foot in an actually store in God knew how many years. Still chuckling, I shook my head. "No. They…well, Bella's not really interested in shopping, and Rose can manage without me there."

The scandalized look on her face amused me even more. "She's not interested in shopping?" Maybe I should warn at least Edward ahead of time. Even without his gift, I could see Alice planning to kidnap Bella and force her to see reason. Well, if Bella didn't try to kill, it would be hilarious to watch Alice try. Actually, even if she did try to kill me it'd be hilarious. I could only imagine the look of horror on Bella's face after spending hours in a department store, a mall….

I pulled into the parking lot and whipped easily into a space. I wondered, idly, how angry Rose would get when she found out I'd taken her car. Really, she couldn't get too pissed. Edward hadn't been back home with the Volvo yet, Carlisle was at the hospital, and I hadn't wanted to take her in the Jeep. It was starting to turn cold, and that was open. That left only one option, and while I had to admit I had been a little pleased to take it after the comment she had made, I would have taken it normally anyway. "Ready?"

She nodded exuberantly, and I followed her out of the car and up to the building. She didn't even give me time to pull the door open for her, instead dashing forward with a glint in her eyes that reminded me of the look we had when we were hunting. I could feel my own mood lift, feeding off her excitement. She really did love this.

I followed her silently for close to a half hour, mesmerized. She moved like a hummingbird, inspecting a dress for maybe a minute, if that, before making up her mind. Some of them, I couldn't even tell any appreciable difference between. Not that I would have told her that, if she'd asked. I had heard so many human men complain about shopping with their wives or girlfriends, felt their strong annoyance, their aversion. Our kind were so very different, I knew, and that was probably why I had so much trouble understand that sentiment now. It had seemed to make sense before, but that was before I had known her. I was happiest beside her, wherever she was, but it went farther than that. This gave me a chance to watch her uninterrupted, to stare as much as I liked without even her really noticing.

Truly, she didn't need any of this. The dresses, the shoes…any of it, not if she thought it made her beautiful. She was beautiful already, would have been beautiful in ragged jeans and a t-shirt. It was something inside her, a spark, an inner light that nothing dimmed. Her spirit made her more desirable than anything else ever could. Not to say that she wasn't physically attractive as well. She was just wholly perfect, an elegant combination. Her hair was short, spiky, so different from most girls her age, though I had seen a few others try it. None of them wore it as well. It suited her. She was so very small especially in comparison to my own height, but that only added to her attraction in some very basic, human way. The instinct to protect, perhaps. And her eyes… I drowned in them every time I saw her, entranced by their depth, the slightly different shades of blue that merged into the color of perfect sapphires. Any woman would have wished for those eyes.

"Yes!"

I felt her sharp spike of exultant, victorious happiness and my attention shifted back to her fully, from her face to the dress she held in her hands. It was blue, a different shade than her eyes though it would complement them beautifully. "I'm guessing that's the one."

She could hear the humor in my voice, apparently, and her excitement dropped slightly, a little nervousness edging around her. I erased it, eased her joy back up until it was right where it had been before. Her eyes were blazing, and she stroked the fabric lovingly. "I knew it was here. I just had to find it."

"This is the one you saw?"

I could her shock, and I realized she would have never heard anyone talk about her visions this way, with such casual acceptance. My hatred for her family flared again, until I could feel her relief seeping into me, strong enough to alter my own feelings. "Thank you, Jasper." Her whisper was so soft, so full of awe. I could never have resisted the urge to be closer to her, then.

I took a deep breath, steadied myself and made certain of my control before I stepped closer, cupping her cheek and leaning in to kiss her forehead. "Don't thank me for that. That's a given." I could see tears shining on the corners of her eyes and I wiped them away gently, smiling for her. "And no crying over anything I say. Not ever."

"Even if I'm happy?'

"Mmhm. You can smile, though. That one I'll take."

She smiled, so warm and genuine. Her happiness really was a drug. It was the only emotion I had ever felt that really left me high. I could feel her almost nervous excitement mixed with conflicting desires, and it was a moment before I realized I was the source of the conflict. Of course, she'd want to try on the dress, but she seemed just as incapable as I was of breaking contact when we were this close. Stroking her skin one last time with the pad of my thumb I forced myself to step back, give her some room.

She pulled the hanger off the rack, held it up and shook it out, admiring it from every angle. "I'm gonna go try this one, ok?"

I nodded, drifted along behind her wordlessly until she reached a row of doors at the back. I leaned against the closest rack, settling in to wait. I could hear the rustle of fabric as she changed, and I forced my mind to focus when it started to drift. I couldn't let myself think about anything even remotely like the thoughts that had come to mind, just then. I shifted, did my best to clear my mind as if Edward was listening but it didn't exactly work. I could still see the image my mind had conjured of pulling her close to me, sliding her shirt over her head with my own hands. I growled softly, annoyed at myself. I really was far too miserable at pretending to be a gentleman. I had recaptured it for her, in many ways, but there were some things that were harder than others. Which was exactly why I could never deserve her, could only ever hope to do the best by her that I could. It wasn't an achievable goal, being good enough, but maybe if I kept trying, I could come somewhere close.

Her disappointment shocked me out of my thoughts. I stepped closer to the door, curious. "Not what you thought?" My voice was a soft murmur, but still plenty loud enough for her to hear, and I could have kicked myself almost immediately after I said it. I felt far too comfortable around her. I couldn't go around responding to her emotions like that, she'd get suspicious. Granted, the gift she had would make her far more accepting, but still…I wasn't ready to tell her yet, because if I told her one thing, I'd have to tell her everything else.

"I…sort of." I heard her sigh, frustrated, and I was glad to see that she was too preoccupied to notice my slip. She shuffled around a little more then slid out the door. I could still feel her depression, and I resisted the urge to calm her. I wanted her to tell me why, first. "It looks wonderful, but I really don't have that kind of money." She shrugged, shook it off outwardly. Inside, the way she felt hadn't much changed. "It's fine, I'll just keep looking."

I nodded silently, followed her back into the rows and rows of clothes. Her searching was so much more subdued now, slower. After a moment I stepped up behind her, covered her shoulders with my hands. Her heartbeat spiked and I resisted the urge to grin like an idiot. "I'll be right back, ok? I'll find you."

"That's fine." I slid backward and she kept looking. Good. This would have been a little more difficult with her paying attention. Even so, I would have done it anyway. It was easy enough to go back and find the dress, though to make the search even quicker I followed her lingering scent. I pulled it off the hanger and folded it over my arm, not even bothering to check the price. Whatever it was, it was pocket change. Live long enough, and it was only natural that you accumulate money.

The old woman at the counter smiled at me as she slid the dress into a box, wrapping it in tissue paper. "You're a very thoughtful young man, you know. Most men don't pay attention to what women want."

Yes, that was probably true. Humans were ridiculously unobservant, not to mention their warped concept of devotion. For our kind, this was nothing out of the ordinary. Still, I smiled and thanked her, handed over a fraction of the cash I had on me and drifted back into the main part of the store to track down Alice. She had her back to me and I followed my first impulse and darted up behind her, dipping my head to her level to whisper against her ear. "Hey."

She jumped, but it was back toward me and not away from me. Silent or not, my heart soared. Maybe it was the jolt of happiness, but the burn didn't feel quite as bad as before. "You scared me."

But that wasn't true. She wasn't frightened, only surprised. If she had been, then I would have been sorry. As it was I smiled, listened to her heart begin to race. "Sorry." But I wasn't, not at all. She had not moved from the step she had taken toward me when I'd startled her, and her body was still pressed against mine. I maneuvered the box forward, held it out before her. "Here. Problem solved."

She gasped, her hands slowly coming up to take it from me. "Jasper…you shouldn't-"

"Spend money on you? Of course I should." I pulled her closer, my urge to make her understand overtaking everything else. "I told you. I'll take care of you now. Anything you want."

"Still…you shouldn't…" But she didn't finish the sentence, and I could feel her almost blinding happiness, see her smile. Yes, I had definitely done the right thing. Not to mention, I had discovered something else about her. She accepted gifts far more reasonably than Bella, and after watching Edward struggle with that for years that knowledge really was a relief. She wheeled around and hugged me as suddenly as she had earlier, and I stopped breathing. For a moment the instinct, the urge to strike, to bite was a powerful force. I fought it, though I knew my eyes were far closer to black than gold, now.

I held her close but my grip was slightly rigid, tense, and I knew she could feel it. I could feel her anxiety, and it made me curse my self control even more. I was getting better, but not quickly enough. This upset her, not understanding why this bothered me, and I never wanted her upset. Not ever, not because of me. Slowly, teeth clenched shut, a took a deep breath, found that it was bearable. Good. I stroked her hair, kissed the top of her head again, soothed her worries. I didn't wanted her ever thinking I didn't want her close to me. I wanted it more than anything, but I could handle it better when I initiated the contact, when I could move slowly. She, of course, couldn't understand that. "So, you like it, hm?"

"Yes. I love it, it's perfect, Jasper. Thank you."

"Any time." Carefully, I pulled away from her, my hand sliding down to catch hers. As much as I didn't want to leave her, it was time to take her home. "Come on. Let's go."

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Rosalie was waiting for me in the driveway. I could feel the anger long before I pulled in, and I used the added distance to begin dampening it in advance. Even so, she was royally pissed when I climbed out of the car, and I cut her off as her mouth opened.

"Don't worry, your precious car is safe. It was the only one home that I could take, you're going to have to calm down."

"Only because you're making me."

I chuckled. "Yes, well there's that too. But honestly Rose, it's not hurt. Check it over, everything's fine." I tossed her the keys and she caught them without looking, still glaring daggers at me. Well, at least I had calmed her down out of 'attack' mode. I slipped out of the garage, followed the scent of my other sister to a rock near the water's edge. "Where's Edward?"

"Hunting, with Emmett. And wrestling, I believe, though of course that was Emmett's idea."

I grinned, shook my head at the thought. The only real fair fight in the house was between me and Emmett. Edward could cheat too easily. I sprung up beside her and folded my legs, settling in. "Hello, Bella."

"Hey, Jasper." I could see her smile slightly in the darkness and she turned away from me a little, always a bit of the shy one. "You haven't talked to me about Alice."

"No, I haven't, and I'm sorry. Everything's just been so…overwhelming."

"I can imagine."

I shifted to lean on my arms, let my head fall back to look at the stars. "She's like nothing I've ever imagined, Bella. Nothing I could have imagined if I'd tried."

"That's because you didn't know, not until you found her."

"Yes. You're right."

I felt her happiness swell as she took in my words, and I let it lift my own mood. I was already missing Alice. "You really love her." It wasn't a question, and I didn't answer it.

"Would you like to meet her tomorrow? Let her have lunch with us?" I did hope so much that they could be friends. Not only did Alice need it desperately, but it would be good for Bella as well. It had been far too long since she had had a real girlfriend.

"Of course I'd love to! I want to get to know my future sister, don't I?" Her tone was slightly teasing, and she leaned over to hug me with one arm. She could feel the stiffness that had taken over me then, and she let go quickly. "Are you…still not sure?"

"No. No I'm sure. I just don't…" she let me leave it there, shifted barely closer to me until her shoulder brushed mine. The contact was reassuring, if only because I could feel her love for me more clearly this way. "Bella, what did you do when you found out Edward was a vampire? I mean, I know what you did later, you went with him to the meadow and you came to our house…" I shook myself out of the memories, focused again. "But I mean before that, the moment you found out. What did you do?"

Her fingers were tracing idle patterns on the rock, digging slightly into the rough surface. "I wasn't sure if I believed it at first, but that was only what I told myself. I knew I believed it, deep down. I just had to wait until I accepted it. the accepting took me about a day, and I spent that day looking up theories online and thinking about it until I couldn't think anymore. In the end, I came to the conclusion my heart had known from the beginning." She looked up, made sure I looked her in the eyes. "I was in love with Edward, and nothing else mattered. He could have been anything at all and it wouldn't have mattered."

My breath quickened, my mind involuntarily imagining Alice taking it that well. Could she? Would she? My words came out in a whisper, barely riding on my rapid breath. "I want to tell her. I want her to know. Everything."

"Then tell her. She loves you, Jasper. Everything'll be alright. It has to be." She was so gentle when she said it, so certain. To her, this made perfect sense. More than that, it was how the world was. things had, after all, worked out for her and Edward. Her fingers trailed down my arm, absently passing over a scar on the inside crease of my elbow. "What did Carlisle say?"

My mind flashed to the memory of that moment, that conversation.

"I have a favor to ask of you."

Though he looked puzzled for a moment he sat down quickly on the edge of the desk, everything else forgotten. "Of course, son. What is it?" This was one of many things I loved about my father, his ability to put everything else on hold when his children needed him.

My mind was already in turmoil, and I thought it best to jump right into it. Say only what I knew. "I love her, Carlisle."

His smile was so gentle and genuine, and for a moment his happiness and pride eased away my nerves. "I know. And I couldn't be more happy for you, Jasper, this is wonderful."

I nodded, tight. "Yes. She is. But…" I trailed off, gave him a pleading look instead. I should have been able to say the words.

His expression turned more serious, but I felt no anger from him, not even the slightest annoyance or even true surprise. "Ah. Well, I can certainly do it for you, Jasper. No, that wouldn't be a problem. And of course, no one would dispute your claim, your right to make this decision, all the same-"

"The decision is hers."

He smiled, slid to the floor almost so fast that I didn't catch it. "Realizations like that one, Jasper, are the reasons why I knew I was right about you from the start. You are a better man than you think you are." He darted forward, kissed my forehead so quickly I barely felt his movement. "When you're both ready, as I'm sure you will be, at some point, let me know. Though whatever she decides, as before I believe it would be most prudent to wait until she is out of her parents house."

He had left the room quickly then, knowing me well enough to know I would need some time alone, a moment to digest everything he had said and hadn't said. He was proud of me, immeasurably proud, and he wanted very much to have Alice as a daughter. He was sorry that I couldn't do it myself, sorry that he would have to take that chance away from me. Those were the things he hadn't said, and I had them on my mind as well.

"He said he will do it for me, certainly. After she graduates."

Bella was beaming, excited. "That's wonderful!"

"Mm." I pulled a chunk of rock away in my hand, flattened it with my palms and skipped it across the river. I heard it hit five times. "I have to make sure she wants it first."

"Jasper." Exasperation, love, a little pity. She thought I was taking Edward's road, but really I wasn't close. Parallel, maybe, but my concerns were different ones. I knew only that most of the women I had ever known would have been unwilling to deal with a man with my past for months, let alone centuries. And that would be exactly what was I would be asking her, not only to become a creature she had only ever heard of in myth but to live forever with me. Neither one were simple decisions. Well, for me, they were. But for her...

"Don't worry, Bella. I'll find a way to tell her." Just not tonight. I heard in the distance the sound of twigs snapping, leaves crunching. Emmett's laughter. I felt Bella's rush of unbridled joy, followed by guilt. "Go on, Bells. Go meet him, I'm fine."

She bit her lip, the image matching her old human self more closely than even she probably realized. "You're sure, Jazz?"

"Get." I didn't have to tell her again. She bolted, speeding off to join her mate. All things considered, that didn't seem like a bad idea. I could at least avoid going inside and facing Emmett after Rose complained to him about how horrible I'd been. Hopping down from the rock, I headed off in the direction of Alice's house.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

She was already asleep when I climbed through the window. There was a computer desk in the corner with an old, busted and duct-taped chair. I pulled the chair out and turned it around, sat down with my elbows resting on my knees, my eyes fixed on her still form in that huge bed. She was huddled under the blankets, cold. My hands tingled, flexed, ached for the warmth that could have made her sleep more comfortably.

When she hadn't moved after 30 minutes I followed the nagging voice that kept commanding me closer, and I slid onto the foot of her bed to sit cross legged facing her. Her scent blanketed the entire room, but I was becoming acclimated to that. I could feel her warmth, faint through the layers of blankets but clearly present. I could hear her heart beating steadily in her chest, soft but strong. My beautiful Alice….

The hand that gripped her quilt had loosened in her sleep and I ran my finger across her palm, mesmerized by the way she sighed in her sleep when I did. Did it feel good even then? What was she dreaming? Was the touch the same, or was it something else? A feather? Or was it me? I found myself hoping she would talk in her sleep, but there was nothing, not even the faintest hint of a word. I traced her palm again, was rewarded with another contented sigh.

"Alice?" Dead silence. It was safe. Typically, I said these words less than other people, but not from a lack of feeling. I said them less because rather than speak, I could show my family exactly how I felt for them, let them feel it all firsthand. But with her, I couldn't do that, not yet. All the same, I had been too afraid to say them to her, afraid of what she might say. "Alice?" I checked once more, listened hard, heard only the sound of her breathing. Her heart rate remained the same. I shifted positions without jostling the bed, moved until I could press my lips to her wrist as softly as a ghost. "Alice, I love you."

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Hope you enjoyed this one! Next should be the dance, I think…if we get there in the next chapter….

And omg it's so cold here…I'm sitting next to my window in my chair and it's FREEZING!!!!!