Chapter 4: Romance
SUSAN MURPHY
I emerged from my room in one of my many custom-made giant dresses. Not like I own any other kind of dresses, but you know.
Dr. Cockroach came out of his own room in an elegant suit. I hoisted him onto my shoulder and strode purposefully down the stairs. The other three monsters were waiting for us in the living room. Insectosaurus roared with approval. I think so, anyway. He can't really change his inflection. He could have been cussing me out, for all I know. But the double thumbs-up that Link gave me seemed to confirm my original assertion of approval. Of course, in most countries a thumbs-up means "up yours"… but Link was smiling, so I assume it was, in fact, a gesture of approval.
If you've guessed that I'm being really paranoid about what people think of me, you guessed correctly. The doctor and I were going to L.A. for our first date.
First-date jitters? Me? You're talking to a girl who's single-handedly taken down giant robots, chased an alien through miles of treacherous spaceship, and beaten the crap out of the same alien with nothing but my normal human strength and size.
I was terrified.
For months, I had assumed that I would live the rest of my life without love—particularly after a bit of testing determined that I no longer age. Then Dr. Cockroach lets slip that he's in love with me, and all my hope comes rushing back to me. The sheer magnitude of returning emotion… It's intimidating, you know? I've never been attracted to the doctor, per se, but I do love him dearly, the same way I love Link and B.O.B. and Insectosaurus. Any chance for that love to blossom into romance, I'll take. I can already imagine the doctor and I living our long, eternal life together.
But what if it doesn't work out? If we fall in love and then split up… it'll tear apart our whole monstrous family.
But I shouldn't be thinking that far ahead, really, in either direction. We haven't even had a proper first date yet.
"You're lookin' hot, Susan," Link said. "Picture of the happy couple!" He snapped a photo of us. "So, where are you two goin'?"
"Los Angeles," Dr. Cockroach said nervously.
"Ooh, I love L.A.!" B.O.B. said. "Can we come?"
"It's a date, B.O.B.," I reminded him. "Dr. Cockroach and I want some alone time."
B.O.B. pouted. I did my best to ignore him. Not that I wouldn't be able to resist him, just that he might take the point a bit quicker if I don't look at him.
"Oh, come on," Link said. "We won't bother you, we'll just be in the same town with you. We'll give you a ride, come on."
Insectosaurus gave me the Bambi eyes. Now that was irresistible.
"Fine," I said. "But we want some time alone, okay, guys?"
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"We're off to a good start," I said.
"We are," Dr. Cockroach agreed. "Nearly to Los Angeles… just you and me… and three buffoons."
"What's that now?" Link said.
"Sorry… two buffoons and Insectosaurus."
Link lifted Dr. Cockroach over his head. "One more try," he said.
"One buffoon and two very cool dudes," Dr. Cockroach said hurriedly.
"And which am I?"
"One of the dudes, obviously."
"Very good." Link set Dr. Cockroach down on Insectosaurus' back. Dr. Cockroach slipped his hand into mine right as Insectosaurus came in for a landing on an open beach. I looked down at him and smiled. He visibly melted, and I smiled wider. I'd never had that effect on a man before.
Prior to our encounter with the vampires, the fact that the doctor was fifty years older than me had bothered me a bit—even if he had stopped aging following the experiment that had rendered him a monster. The vampires encouraged me a bit; both Edward and Bella were frozen as teenagers, but her transformation came ninety years after his. Perhaps age is, in fact, just a number when you get right down to it. Though I'm not condoning student–teacher affairs when I say that. Sorry, I'm babbling.
Anyway, I and the roughly human-sized monsters slid off of Insecto's wing, and the doctor and I left to find the outdoor café that we had reserved… and not just a table, we reserved the whole damn café. You may not have noticed, but I tend to take up more than one table when I dine in public. Occupational hazard. It could be worse. I could be as big as Insectosaurus. He can't dine in any place smaller than a national forest. It's nice that someone so huge can be so sweet and innocent, though. Am I babbling again? Stalling, I suppose. My date will have officially begun in seconds. I'm sitting cross-legged on the ground, while the doctor takes the chair on the opposite side of our expanded table.
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The real date-y part of the date is kind of a blur to me. Small talk, the occasional suggestive remark, all the usual first date junk. All I really know is that that night Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. transformed from my best friend to my one true love. Yep, it happened just like that.
The first actual event I remember clearly is going to the beach to check with the guys before jogging straight back to Modesto and our mansion with Dr. Cockroach clinging tightly to my shoulder. Then I took one flying leap straight to the third-story window that led to my room, and plopped down on my giant bed. Obviously, all of my material possessions are giant, but my bed seems large even to me.
Anyway, I jumped gracefully onto my bed, placing Dr. Cockroach on my pillow next to me. I looked into his eyes and was immediately overwhelmed because I realized, in that moment, exactly how much he had loved me all this time. The same amount that I now loved him.
"Hi, Doctor," I said.
"Hello," he replied.
There was nothing more to be said. I leaned him and kissed him, and he kissed me back. I pressed my lips to his as gently as I could, which wasn't very gentle. I may have mastered the use of a Wii-mote, but I had no practice making out as Ginormica. Dr. Cockroach took the challenge, however, and pressed back. After a while, he pushed on my face with his hands and backed away.
"Sorry… I need a breather," he said. "Whoo! It's not your fault, but that was a bit… unpleasant."
"You didn't like that?" I said. "Thank God! You're right, that was terrible. Link was right, we really shouldn't get physical."
"I bloody hate it when Link is right," Dr. Cockroach mumbled. "Maybe if he was right about mundane things, that would be fine, but noooo, he has to be right about only the crucial details of my life!"
"What are we going to do?" I asked.
"I suppose we'll just have to… go without physical affection," he said lamely.
"No," I said. "I can't do that." I wrapped my fingers around him. "It's really nice having you in my arms like this, but… I'm a girl, you know? I want to be held."
"Here's an idea," he said thoughtfully. "You might find this a bit creepy, but suppose I built a machine… a humanoid robot about your size, that I could control on my own. That should gratify your… physical needs."
I considered that. "Okay, A) you're right, that is creepy, and B) that would work for me, but what about you? You have desires, too."
He shook his head. "My only desire is to see you happy. If I can give you pleasure, that's all the gratification I need, my love."
"Are you sure?"
"Completely."
I kissed his forehead. "Well, if you're sure, get to inventing," I said. "I love you."
"And I you," he replied. "Always."