(slinks in)
Uh… what month is it?
Haha, it's July? Already?
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I'm really, really sorry that I haven't updated in such a long time! No, I'm REALLY REALLY sorry. You don't know how sorry.
Sophomore year came to a close, finally. The last months have been just emotional rollercoaster after emotional rollercoaster. I'd been trying to balance doing volunteer work (since I couldn't get paid until I turned 16 in April—when I finally quit doing volunteer work and got a paying job) and doing school work and my family life which just got shittier and shittier.
Okay, so, I hate ranting about my parents. But after they found out that I wrote the last chapter, they had a fit.
Yeah, I know I should've erased the history in the browser—but immediately after I posted the chapter (and threw the document file away, believe me; I can't keep any of my writing on the computer) my dad decided to use the computer to make sure I hadn't been looking at any "homosexually compulsive material". And he found the story.
I was really scared I was going to get wupped for it because my parents were seemingly on the warpath. They screamed for a really long time at me but that as all. So I thought.
I got home after school to find my room in a state of disarray. My parents had riped all my posters off the wall and tore up my bedsheets and destroyed all my personal possessions everything.
I don't know who did it and I don't really know what the fuck they were thinking. But I slammed the door right after I walked in my room and dragged my clothes drawers in front of the door so they couldn't get in. Then I packed everything that was intact in a bag (which wasn't much—like maybe a couple of outfits and some stuffed animals and things) and I had to climb down the side of my house and get out.
I was oddly calm about the whole thing but my friends freaked out enough for me. I had to divide my time between couch surfing at my friends' houses and at my aunt's. Plus I tried to get a job so I could get legally emancipated so my grades suffered. And then my parents tried to apologize for it but I didn't want to listen to their shit anymore so I've been trying to ignore them and meet all the requirements for the petition.
So—yeah! That's why I haven't written in a while. I'm currently reporting from my friend Becky's house (say hi to Becky everyone. She's reading this.)
Not that I want to get you all depressed. I'm sorry, I just had to write it somewhere.
But x-r-x-r-x got a ton of reviews! And as you all know, reviews make me really happy! ::total review whore::
FROM:
syani123
"Hi...Err...I don´t know what to say...Just I didin´t say anything before because I don´t know what to say
I love this story..that´s because I fave it...=)
I hope you feel better with this review n_n
PS: I hope love Wolf/Fox soon ;)"
Thank you syani123! I do feel better with every review! Lol. I didn't mean to put you on the spot or anything—I know I've been asking for really serious critique but I just like to know that my stories are being read, if anything.
…and I hope they love soon too! I am planning to have a really sexy scene in later chapters. LOL. We'll see how it goes. I worked really hard on it, if you know what I mean. ;d
FROM:
lucario22
"At first I was scared it was gonna be a lame story, since most people who write a Fox X Wolf without making it 90% yaoi just fail and shrivel up, but I still support my claim that this story is great!
The battle scene was quite realistic (in my opinion), and thankfully neither too short or too long. Great job!
I hope you manage to cool out with your parents, and that you can post the next chapter soon! The best thing to do now is to not write another notebook or something like that and leave it at home. If you doodle in school then leave it in your locker or something.
Good luck, and keep on writing!"
Lol, are you sure this story isn't lame? :D Thank you lucario22! And thanks for the wellwishes of me getting along with my parents… even though it doesn't matter now… /angst
FROM:
crazy and lovin' it
"I can see where your coming from. my parents are like the bigest homophobes in the world and if they ever found out that I read yaoi they would probably disown me...but, back to the story. This story, what can I say? I love it so far! I did NOT expect for them to just break into a fight. You seem to like keeping people on their toes. Especially with the god awful cliffhangers! Just make the chpters a little longer and you'll have me hooked for life, or as long as the story goes on!"
Thank you crazy and lovin' it! I'm really sorry that both of our parents are really big homophobes… the things our generation has to suffer through, right? Oh god. I hope that you don't have to deal with the same craziness that I had to deal with.
And thanks for pointing out how the chapters are too short. I hope this chapter will be longer! I've been trying to improve my writing stamina; we'll see how it goes!
FROM:
Saiko-Wulf"x3
Quick reads are quick.
And good reads are good.
That makes this a quick, good read.
And don't get thumped. o.O;
xD"
:3 x3 xD Kawaii. /japanese LOL! Thank you Saiko-Wulf! I tried to keep my chapters concise because I think whenever I write long chapters my readers all get bored.
FROM:
Wolf Flash"First of all, I have to congratulate you. Wolf/Fox without the 'oh, look, we tried to kill each other and now we're somehow in love so let's make this huge mushy romance and be all OOC, blah blah' kind of situation. (I didn't say that I don't read them either; they're just getting sorta cliché, that's all. XD) Second of all... it's well-written too! :3 Really good job; can't wait to see what happens between the two (the advantages of cliffies, much)...
P.S. Yesh, if my parents find out I read yaoi/shonen-ai, they'd be like, probably pretty much freaked out. And yeah... I like to cheat too when I'm denied my computer time. Not completely honest, but... can't help myself. XD
Now I'll stop flooding the review page! X3"
Thanks Wolf Flash! Geez, this is so much praise I'm not really used to it! LOL XD Thank you so much. This really means a lot to me. I tried really hard to make this relationship seem pretty realistic. And yes, cliffhangers are very advantageous. Encouragement is what keeps me going, guys!
FROM:
Chisredfiled911226"good fight seen"
Thanks Chisredfiled911226! I tried really hard on it… I hope it was realistic!
FROM:
Dark Balto"Just started reading Star Fox fan fiction and have fallen in love with this story!Keep up the amazing work!I'll be waiting excitedly for the next update and will probably have a seizure of excitement when you do!"
Please don't! Seizures are scary!
LOL, just kidding. Thanks Dark Balto! It really means a lot to me because I really put my all into this story! I hope this update brings you some kind of excitement!
FROM:
Jaslazul (!!!)
"Okay... I read this a while back, but never reviewed it. So, I'm going to do that now (as if you couldn't tell).
I haven't seen a new, readable Fox x Wolf fic with a realistic plot in a fairly long time, and this fic hits that mark, so, yay for that. I've alert'd this and will prolly be watching it for a bit.
There are a couple of stylistic things I could point out (use of exclamation point in narration, single quotes for internal dialogue, etc.), but the main issue I have so far is the shortness of the chapters. Chapters one and two could be a single chapter, chapters three and four (and maybe five) could be a single chapter. Extremely short chapters make the story feel detached. I also don't like the use of mainstream, modern bands, but, then, I don't like mainstream, modern bands period, so that's probably why. :P There are some more nitpicky things... but by know you probably just want me to shut up, so... yeah.
On the bright side, I don't remember any typos or grammar mistakes (but don't quote me there or stab me in the face if I'm wrong, 'cause it's been a while since I've read through this fic :P).
And yes, I agree, projects suck. I have a 20-page paper and presentation on Shakespeare due in about two weeks which I'm not looking forward to at all.
But anyway, I'll be watching this. I add'd it to the community thingamabob, hope you don't mind."
Thank you Jaslazul! I am honored to be worth your consideration for your community. I would be really happy if you would PM me and let me know what it is you find stylistically contestable about it. And yes, I also agree—projects suck. Especially when it's hard to complete them for personal reason.
(I also hate mainstream modern bands. But if I made Jabbo Smith have a Lylatian comeback concert I think it would raise a couple of eyebrows. LOL)
FROM:
darkmage4357
"SUSPENSE!"
SUSPENSE! _ … _ … SUSPENSE!!!
FROM:
"So far I'm liking the story. I only like Fox/Wolf paring because all the other ones the guys are too wimpy, and this is one of the better ones I've read. (Not a Yoai fan girl or boy)"
Thanks ! I try to make both Fox and Wolf seem really masculine. I hate it when people make them act really effeminate. I don't think it's in character.
FROM:
Wolfe W. Steele"XD I love it. You should continue. It's actually nice to see a realistic attempt at a Wolf x Fox relationship for once instead of sudden forgiveness and floof."
Aw geez! Thanks Wolfe W. Steele! Actually, lots of people have been describing my story as realistic, which is nice to hear because that's what I would really like to have it perceived as. Lol. Doesn't everyone?
FROM:
xXThe perfect soldierXx
"It's funny and adorable at the same time...It is realistic for them to fight all the time...i have the two of them living in my head and they fight all the time...even though they're married and have a kid...-_-' anyways...It's too short!T_T But I'll live with that...Update more...And I agree with you on the fact that all history teachers are total asses...-sigh-"
Aw that sounds adorable. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future if you're going to feature Wolf and Fox in the married life. LOL :3 Allow gays to marry kthx. Thanks to xXThe perfect soldierXx!
FROM:
"Disclaimer: Everything that i will say in this review may or may not be true, and you are under no obligation to follow them. take this time to read on the review MULTIPLE times and see what parts you think are true, and which are not, and improve those parts.
since i haven't been on fanfiction for an incredibly long time, i'm probably gonna be very critical because i won't be taking the time to note that everyone here is probably a novice writer. don't take it too personally, and take something from this review, its a critique to help you improve. =]
plot overview: Lawl. wolf is gay? i wonder what means he went through to get pepper to set him up like that. well, the plot is okay, i mean, you couldve made a more smooth transition into the shocking OMG its FCKING WOLF! moment, and you could've cut back on depressed fox mode, because you really don't want to over-emphasize a point, as it gets into the eventual "omg we get it" phase.
Chap.1: being really straightforward, there isn't much to say. not bad, but not really awesome either. it was pretty basic, so i really point out anything bad. i do like the fact that you covered every basic point though, an introduction, overview of other charachters, etc.
Chap.2: the phone calls were the weirdest thing ever. i mean, for EVERYONE to conveniently call up to say "check up on fox." even if the charachter plays a small role, you still should have enough of an understanding of the charachter to use their personality to their full potential. Peppy doesn't say or do much, but he's a bit of a leader and he can worry a bit. Slippy is childish, and along that has a childish sense of care towards others. you need to incorporate that into your text. oh, the other things is lack of descriptive text. you sound like a chain of events, not a story. create more of an environment when you write, because that can make all of the difference.
Chap.3: also very straightforward, although i really don't think you needed to include this chapter, aside for as a transition to the fight scene chapter. if anything, chapters 2 and 3 should've been linked together. not sure if you really needed to go into all of the dressing stuff, but oh well. I do agree with Jaslazul that your chapters should be longer.
Chap.4: Fight scene. epic lulz, much? haha, moving on. um, honestly, it was not bad. incredibly short? yes. couldve been longer. again, link b/w 3 and 4 , linking 123, and 4,potential5, and potential 6 is also possible. you need to make the story flow, so make longer chapters
Charachter presentation: fox= good. you did somewhat well in showing how his mood would be after being alone for a long time. after all, he is supposed to be really attached to the people who he cares about. you may have overdone it a little imo, but its good Wolf= not enough charachters to give an overview about, but the ubergrinning thing was weird.
conclusion: not bad, but not really good the things i've said and use them to improve ur FF. after all, it takes us people a long time to write these things too. =P."
Thank you SO much . I really appreciate that you took the time to do a piece-by-piece critique of my story so far. Yeah, this is my first real fanfition so I understand that some of the things were weird! At least you took the time to point them out, so thank you very much—I appreciate it. I'll try not to use childish or overused plot points, and I'll improve my characterization as best as I can. Thank you!
And now without any further ado: Chapter 5!
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Then Fox and Wolf hit the metal stage and exploded in an impossible pile of meat and blood, spraying all over the audience.
And the crowd started screaming, covered in gore. They began rushing towards the exits of the theater. Some kids fell and were crushed underfoot, spraying blood and brains all over the feet of the already panicking audience.
"Aw shit," muttered the theater's security guard, watching the carnage from his security televisions. "The janitor's going to throw a fit."
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thanks for reading