The lights of the Mantis are low, signaling time for a sleep cycle. Greez has already gone to bed a while ago, simply tired from all that has transpired, he can still smell the funeral pyres. A memory he won't soon forget.
Kata has fallen asleep on the couch with her head on Merrin's lap. Their conversation had been long. Merrin carefully carries her to an empty crew room and places her on the small bed. Cal watches her hand graze through the child's hair. She doesn't stir.
Cal walks sheepishly to his room and sits on his cot. Merrin follows, the door sliding shut behind her. She watches him.
BD-1 jumps onto his workbench and powers down.
"You are brooding." She is too, in her own way. She fears without comfort he may slip close to darkness. She senses a desperation about him.
A mixture of guilt, shame, anger, and fear all but consume him. He is struggling to keep himself together. What would Cere say?
He sighs, his head falling into his hands."I just feel like I'm going to do something stupid." A silence falls for a moment. Merrin steps closer to him. She knows he needs something, her chest aches at the sight of him. Still she can't help but quip, hoping to bring at least a slight pause to his grief. He hears the smallest of chuckles.
"I'm stupid, do me." He can hear the hint of playfulness to her voice, something hard to detect for the unaccustomed.
He lowers his hands. His eyes close, his lips pulling into a smile. He shakes his head slightly and a small laugh escapes him.
He lifts his head and looks at her. Behind her playful smile he can see a seriousness in her eyes. His eyes search her face. It's hard to read her. When he finishes, his smile falls and he looks away.
"I wouldn't know what to do," he tells her truthfully, his voice quiet. He feels the cot shift as she sits beside him, their thighs barely touching. Her hand rests over his.
"From what I understand, it is instinctual." She gives his hand a small squeeze. He turns to look at her.
"So you've never either?" He watches her closely.
She shakes her head slowly. "No," she admits. "On Dathomir, I was not yet ready. And everywhere else." She pauses, searching for words. There is an uncertainness in her voice, a hesitancy, when she continues. "The only one I wanted was you." She squeezes his hand again.
"I've wanted you too," Cal admits. They lean into each other, their lips brushing lightly together. Her hand is cradling the side of his head, her other steadying herself on the thin mattress. His hands rest on her upper arms, just above her elbows.
Any Jedi worth their salt wouldn't know how this feels. Cal feels guilty at first, but it melts away soon enough. He can't imagine anything better than her lips pressed gently to his. She is soft and warm. Her touch is like fire. She ignites him.
Their kiss is a simple one, the only difference from the other ones they have shared is that this one is longer. He forgets to breathe at first. Slowly he relaxes. He pulls back just as the kiss starts to deepen.
Bode had lost just as much as him, but he only turned to the dark side after losing his wife. He cannot lose Merrin. Even now, he fears he would lose himself. The attachment doesn't need to grow, he is already there now. His mind wanders back to despair.
But soon, she does something that takes his mind away from Bode, Cere, the Jedi Order and anything else he has lost. His thoughts go solely to what he has right now.
She moves to straddle him. His arousal grows embarrassingly fast. He worries that she can feel it pressing against her thigh.
Merrin pulls back. "Did you stuff your lightsaber down your pants while I was not looking?" His ears and neck are a bright red. He looks at her like a deer caught in headlights. She pulls his lightsaber from his belt, holding it up. She smiles playfully. He blinks slowly. "Hmmm, I suppose not."
She places it down. She moves her lips to his ear. "Do not be embarrassed, Cal Kestis. I too am aroused."
She watches his eyes widen and his adam's apple bob along a hard swallow. He then breathes in deeply.
"Are you trying to meditate?" Merrin asks, before rolling her hips into his. She hears a sharp intake of breath.
"Just some breathing techniques," he tells her. His breathing doesn't sound like it came from any techniques.
"You do not need so much control, you will not offend me." She places a hand on his chest, sliding it to his neck. She pulls him forward into another kiss, this one she deepens quickly. She pulls back slowly, both breathing heavily. She rests her forehead against his.
Her eyes are dark. He can see desire etched into her face. "Will you touch me?" she asks. His hands have been carefully placed on the bed ever since she climbed on top of him. They slide up the outside of her thighs, resting loosely at her hips. He hears her small chuckle. "Your nervousness is unnecessary, Cal Kestis." She leans back from him. She pulls at the sleeves of her jacket until the dark fabric falls to the ground. She moves her fingers to the clasp of her gold necklace, soon placing it next to the lightsaber.
She grinds against him again. His grip tightens on her hips and his eyes roll back for a moment. Merrin thoroughly enjoys his reaction. He finds that he has to remove his hands from her as she helps him remove his vest, tossing it to a corner.
His shirt follows quickly after. He watches her eyes roam over his torso. Her thumb traces softly over the scar brandished by his own lightsaber. He sees a softness in her expression, an affection. She feels the desire to kiss the mark. Her lips are welcome against his skin.
She draws her hands to his neck and kisses him again, this time rolling her hips against his at a steady pace. His hands shoot back to her hips and he grips her tightly.
He can't believe he was willing to go through his entire life without experiencing this. He can't imagine a better feeling. He tries to return all of the passion of her hips into the kiss. His head is swimming. He can't focus.
Merrin can't help but feel disappointed by the placement of his hands. As good as his grip feels, there are a few other places she'd much rather feel his touch. The disappointment is short lived though as his fingers start to dance at the hem of her shirt. She breaks the kiss as he moves the article over her head, quickly tossing it to the floor.
Her lips are hungry on his. His hands find her hips again. They raise slowly up her sides until they find the fabric of her bra, tracing backwards until they find the clasp.
After fumbling for a while, Cal makes a frustrated sound against her lips. Merrin pulls back, a look of amusement clear across her face. He gives her a pitiful look.
She replaces his hands with hers. He watches her closely, not wanting to stare at her breasts he trains his eyes on her face. She unclasps her bra with little effort but still uncovers her chest slowly, dropping the garment behind her. "You may look," she tells him, watching his eyes move downwards. A sharp intake of breath as he takes her in.
"You may touch me." It is her turn to breathe in sharply as his fingers gently move over her breasts. Her nipples harden against either the attention or the cold air, she isn't sure. She fails to stifle a soft moan as he moves a thumb over one of her nipples. His ears turn red again from her reactions.
His gaze moves up to study her face. Her pale gray skin is flush. She wets her lips, before leaving them slightly parted. Her eyes are half closed, but still looking at him intently. He moves his other thumb over her other nipple. He doesn't quite understand the effect his calloused hands are having on her. She moans again, her thighs squeezing him slightly. She leans forward, not fully in control. Her lips brush against his ear. Another tease from him brings her face into his neck, which she starts to kiss desperately. She wishes he knew just how aroused she is.
She rests her forehead against his shoulder as she moves her hands firmly down his chest. She watches her hands move down his stomach, stopping at his waist band. She wants to affect him as he is affecting her, not realizing that she already is.
She unbuckles his belts first, pulling them away and placing them next to the small stash of items. She then slides her hands to the front of his pants. She undoes the button and pulls down the zipper. Cal was too embarrassed to adjust himself earlier, so his erection is uncomfortably pressed to his left leg. He feels relief as she pulls him free. Her hands wrap around the shaft. She moves her thumb over the head, already slick with precum. He moans at the contact.
She brings her thumb to her lips, her other hand still wrapped around him. He watches her lick at her thumb. "Not bad," she tells him, her eyes locking onto his. He swallows hard, she feels his erection twitch. "Not bad at all." He gently squeezes her nipples between his fingers. She lurches forward, pressing her thighs together against his. Her eyes shut closed. Her breath is hot against his neck. He really loves this reaction.
Her breathing is heavy when she pulls from him and stands. She kicks off her boots and moves her belts beside his. Cal rushes to remove his remaining clothing. She undoes her pants and feels Cal's hands joining hers. She moves her hands and watches him pull at the fabric. He is looking at her fully now, taking her in. "You are beautiful," he tells her, nearly breathless. He cannot control his heartbeat now.
She leans forward, moving to straddle him again. Cal is caught off guard by the puff of green smoke and light. He feels the cot shift behind him and turns around. Merrin is sitting there with an amused expression.
He presses her into the mattress, moving himself between her legs. He takes her in again. The desire in her eyes is obvious. His thumb traces over her bottom lip. His eyes move lower. Her breasts move with her slow deep breaths. He traces his hand over them teasingly, again her thighs try to press together. He enjoys being their obstacle. His fingers move over the expanse of her stomach. He can tell she is watching him, waiting for him.
He moves his hands to her thighs, spreading them apart. He wants a clear view, he wants to explore. He listens to her sharp breath as his fingers explore her folds. He is happy to see and feel her arousal. The warm slipperiness of her natural lubrication makes it hard to concentrate. When his knuckle hits at a small bundle of nerves he hears Merrin call out.
"Cal Kestis!" Her voice is muffled. He looks up and sees her forearms draped over her mouth, a good idea given the echoey nature of ships. He moves his knuckle against the same spot, relishing in the feeling of her thighs squeezing him. Her eyes are closed, her head pressed back into his pillow. He continues his exploration, pulling apart her folds to visually reveal the spot that has her reacting so well. He rubs her clit with his thumb. Her muffled moans are like music. He is surprised to find her getting wetter, he wasn't sure that was possible.
He keeps rubbing the same spot, watching her become completely undone. His actions are rewarded as he watches an orgasm rack through her body. Satisfied with his exploration, he moves on top of her. He captures her lips, kissing her passionately. His hands move up her body and land firmly at her breasts. At his teasing, she presses her head back into his pillow. He takes advantage of her exposed neck, leaving soft kisses down it. He lays kisses over her right breast, stopping when he reaches her nipple.
He kisses it at first, but he can't stop himself from taking it into his mouth. He uses his hand to keep her left breast company while he sucks and swirls his tongue intensely around her nipple. She arches her back, pressing her breasts harder against him.
"Please," Merrin finally begs. Cal raises his head and looks to her. He will do anything she asks. "Take me," her voice is a desperate plea. She doesn't need to ask him twice. He moves up, lining himself with her. Looking into her eyes, they are full of hot desire.
He takes his erection in his hand and traces it down her arousal until he feels some give. He watches her closely as he slowly presses into her. Her head is pressed back into the pillow, her eyes closed, and her mouth slightly open. He can feel her gripping him hard. Wet and soft. So tight. So tight, he is almost surprised when she takes all of him. Her hand moves up his arm to the back of his neck. She pulls him down into a kiss. He waits to move, wanting her to adjust.
When her hips start to rock, he decides it's time to move. He pulls out of her slowly, not quite leaving her warmth. She holds him tightly when he thrusts back into her, shaky and less gentle. Her head falls back and he buries his face into her neck.
"I don't have much control," he tells her through a shaky breath, his movements still painfully slow.
"Take me," she begs again. That is all he needed. He picks up the pace, his thrusts still clumsy and new. He grips her hips tightly. Her legs wrap around him. The sound of her raked breathing nearly finishes him. Her arm shoots from him and she places it firmly over her mouth. She tries to muffle her loud moans as he feels her arousal squeezing him rhythmically. He can only assume she has gone off the ledge. His orgasm is like an explosion inside of her. He shoots his seed deep inside her.
When the feeling passes he pulls from her, his expression filled with panic. He hadn't meant to do that.
She watches his face and smiles, nothing can be done about it now. "I was unaware that you are willing to expand our family so soon." She relaxes and pulls him back to her. "It is okay, Cal Kestis." Her hand rubs his back in a comforting manner. She isn't sure what else to say, but soon finds it unnecessary. She holds her sleeping Jedi to her, hoping that he can rest easy tonight.