Chapter 21: Queso Dip

BELLA CULLEN

Edward pulled our car into the driveway of the giant California mansion.

"This should be fun," he said. "A couple to hang out with."

"Yeah," I agreed.

The big door of the mansion opened. Susan was seeing off a middle-aged couple. "Bye, Mom and Dad!" she was saying.

"Oh, hi," I said. "Are you Susan's parents?"

"Yes," the woman said. "Wendy and Carl Murphy. You must be their dinner guests."

"Yeah," I said. "Bella and Edward Cullen."

Wendy's eyebrows shot up. "Renesmee's parents?" she said.

"Yeah," I said, remembering that Jake had taken Nessie to visit a few days earlier.

She looked us up and down. "My God, you're young!" she said. "How could you have a daughter that age?"

"Uh… I didn't," I said evasively. "When I had her, she was just a baby."

I was quickly saved by the bell when Wendy's husband called out, "Come on, darling! We've got to get home."

As we entered the giant house, I didn't have to look at Edward to know that he was torturously suppressing laughter. "You don't have to do that," I told him.

He let go, and the peals of laughter began. Susan and Dr. Cockroach looked at us as we came in. Their table was set with a large Mexican dinner.

"What's going on?" Susan asked.

Edward choked through his laughter, "Your mother… your mother asks how we could have a daughter Nessie's age… and Bella… she says, 'I didn't. When I had her she was just a baby.'" He fell to the ground laughing. "That's going on the 'Dumb stuff that Bella says' web page."

Susan laughed. "You have an actual web page?"

"You'd better not," I growled.

"No, I don't," Edward said. He sighed. "Oh, that was funny, though."

"Yeah, laugh it up," I muttered. "So, thanks for inviting us, you two. We've never been able to hang out with just another couple."

"Well, we thought it was only appropriate," Susan said. "You're the most loving couple we know… aside from ourselves, of course."

My head snapped up. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Aside from ourselves."

I took a single leap up to her table. "I'm sorry, you think that you're more in love than Edward and I?"

"Well…" Susan said delicately. "Well, we are. I mean, look at this ring!" She held it into my face. "Don't tell me you have a better ring."

"Oh, but I do," I said. "This ring belonged to Edward's father. He kept it on him for ninety years before giving it to me."

"Yeah?" Susan said. "Well, check this out." She picked up Dr. Cockroach and ripped off his jacket. His body was covered with enormous bite marks. "See these? Very, very, very large hickeys."

"Susan," Dr. Cockroach said, "Please—"

I scoffed at her. "Edward, come here." He joined me on the table and I ripped off his shirt. "I don't know if you can tell… here, I'll hold him up to the light." I held him over my head, to put the scars all over his chest into high definition. "All me!" I said. "The only thing that cut vampire skin is vampire teeth. That right there is two years' worth of love-bites from yours truly."

"Bella, don't—" Edward began.

"Oh, give me a break," Susan said. "I practically snap him in half every time we kiss, but does he object? Hell no! He loves it."

"Susan, darling," Dr. Cockroach said. "I hardly think this is necessary…"

"I was human on our honeymoon," I told her. "I was covered in bruises after our first night. Edward was hating himself, but I wanted to do it again, so we did. We destroyed Esme's bed. Feathers and splintered wood everywhere, if you grasp my meaning."

"Bella, love?" Edward said nervously. "They grasp your meaning. I grasp your meaning. The queso dip grasps your meaning."

Susan stared hardly at me. "You're serious, aren't you?" she said. "You honestly think that you love Edward more than I love Dr. Cockroach."

"It's nothing personal," I said. "I love Edward more than anybody's ever loved anybody."

"I doubt that."

"You have a spare room?"

"Second floor. I see we're on the same page."

"Bring it," I said.

I dragged Edward to the spare room. Susan scooped up Dr. Cockroach and ran to her own room on the third floor.