dobe: HI EVERYBODY!!!!!! THIS IS THE DOBE PART OF DOBETEME!!!! I JUST ATE AN ENNNNNNNNTIRE BOWL OF SUUUUUGAR!!! ANYWAY, WE ARE SUUUUUUPER PROOOOOUD TO BE BRINGING YOU OUR VEEEEEEERY FIRST CHAPTER OF LUCKY THIR… -passes out due to sugar high-
TEME: Idiot… -shakes head- …Here's the first chapter. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: We don't own it.
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Chapter 1 "Welcome Compatriot!"
The car jumped as the tires found yet another pothole, causing its passenger's blond head to ram against the back seat – again – and his cerulean eyes to scrunch close in pain. Suppressing a sigh, Naruto Uzumaki opened his eyes and prayed that they would soon reach the newly paved part of the estate's driveway that Gaara had assured him half an hour ago existed.
The aforesaid person didn't notice the bumpy ride over the back roads of Uchiha Estate, stoic as ever. The red-head was oblivious to everything except the classical pieces of Bach, Beethoven and Mozart blaring through the speakers; currently the pounding rhythms of Moonlight Sonata caused the Jeep to vibrate along with the beat.
Of course, despite the discomfort of the music selection and the road, one did not ask Gaara Sabaku to change music or to make the road smoother, especially when you were the reason that Gaara was out in what seemed like the middle of nowhere on his day off.
Naruto really was grateful that Gaara was hiding him, even if Gaara was partially at fault for Naruto's new need for discretion; however, why on earth did the plan have to include marrying the man whose nickname was "The Man Who Should Have Ruled The World, But Only Ended Up Owning Half."? (Who the hell makes this stuff up anyway?)
This guy has already been married more than ten times before, to women and men alike. Well, I suppose when you're a man of his wealth as well as a corporate giant you can do whatever you want; and if he's been married over ten times, he obviously tosses relationships aside with ease and won't even give me the time of day. At least that's what Naruto hoped. He felt his pulse quicken at the thought of this man wanting some kind of…performance…from him. Gaara had repeated again and again that he wouldn't bother him in that way, but Naruto couldn't help feeling just a little uneasy. He was marrying the man after all!
So, praying to God that this would work out, the Jeep pulled out of the forest onto the now-paved road, and Naruto got his first look at his new home, knowing somewhere inside was his new husband: Sasuke Uchiha.
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Dark eyes glanced up at the clock ticking on the study wall. Five past eleven. Gaara was late.
Not that he was particularly happy about having to meet another "financial advancement" (that's what he called them rather than his 'wives', because more often than not, they brought in more money or more business and therefore more money for him), but damnit, Sasuke Uchiha did not like to be kept waiting!
He had better things to do than wait around for that asshole Sabaku. A sigh escaped the raven's lips as he sat, irritated at his best friend's habit of arriving consistently late for the sole purpose of pissing him off.
Sasuke stood up suddenly after five more agonizingly slow minutes passed, tired of waiting around for his tardy guests. If this new "financial advancement" wouldn't have the courtesy of showing up on time after everything Sasuke was doing for him, well then, that idiot could welcome himself to the Uchiha home.
Sasuke frowned as he heard the heavy thundering of rain pounding against the roof. Usually, he enjoyed the rain: it was peaceful, in an angry, natural kind of way. But now, he was just annoyed. It was unfair that nature should be angry. He should be angry.
The entrepreneur scowled and headed for the door, wanting nothing more than to have a warm cup of tea and sit locked in his room doing what he did best: work.
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At the exact moment Sasuke gave up waiting for his new 'wife', Naruto was walking through the front door of the Uchiha Mansion, a little in awe of his new and most likely temporary home.
The chandelier presiding over the room had to be ancient, judging from the cobwebs spinning their way delicately through the various chains and baubles. As Naruto set down the three bags full of his belongings, his gaze lowered and he noticed the three sets of stairways (one from the right, one from the left, and one directly in front of him) that all swept upward to meet on the next floor, forming a sort of balcony above the grand open space that was at the moment making Naruto feel very small and out of place.
As he turned to look for Gaara, who he assumed had been right beside him, Naruto was instead startled by the high pitched scream of "YOUUUUTH!" that pierced the air.
Spinning around fast enough to make a squeak on the marble floor of the grand entryway. Trying not to slip and lose his balance, Naruto caught sight of the cause of the commotion as a white and green blur ran across the open hallway.
"YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTH!" The blur skidded to a stop to lean over the balcony and yell, in what really was an unnecessarily loud voice, "WELCOME COMPATRIOT OF THE UCHIHA HOUSEHOLD! WE WELCOME YOUR NEW BURNING YOUTH WITH OPEN ARMS AND LOTS OF LOVE!"
What Naruto found more bizarre than what the man was saying, was the man himself.
A bowl-shaped, glossy black mass of a haircut adorned his head; and round wide eyes could be seen peeking up from beneath thick black eyebrows. He also seemed to be rather fit, which Naruto could easily tell because the man (he could obviously see this strange person was a man) was wearing an open bathrobe…and nothing else.
Naruto couldn't tell if he was in shock from finding such a person inside the Uchiha Mansion, or if his fatigue had finally set in; either way, he could swear this man was pulsating with some strange energy and that there were actual sparkles surrounding his head and torso.
This left Naruto with one question: "Where the hell am I?"
"How troublesome." Naruto jumped as a voice from his right seemingly came out of nowhere; he looked over and noticed a boy who appeared to be about the same age as himself.
The boy had strange, spiky black hair tied in a high ponytail at the back of his head, bored eyes, and a cigarette poking through his thin lips.
He sighed and called up to the man on the balcony still spewing crap about everlasting youth, "Oi! Gai! Go put some clothes on!" before turning to Naruto, taking a deep drag from his cigarette and monotonously asking "You the new guy?"
All Naruto could do was nod, completely speechless as he watched the black-haired man frown and leave. How could this guy be so calm after just seeing this naked man run past him? This was the Uchiha household? What had he gotten himself into?!
When he finally found his voice again, Naruto managed to choke out a reply, "What…was…that?"
The dark-haired boy shrugged, motioning upward at the now-vacant balcony.
"Ahh. Just Gai-sensei," He rolled his eyes. "You'll get used to it."
Naruto doubted it, and opened his mouth to say just that; but was interrupted by a shout that shook the marble floor he was standing on.
"SHI-KA-MARUUU! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" A tall, thin brunette stomped into the hallway, fuming. His face was red with anger and Naruto swore he could see smoke pouring out of his ears….
The boy (though Naruto wasn't exactly sure, as the brunette was wearing a frilly pink dress adorned with white apron and hat and all) had short brown hair, sharp teeth, and red markings on his face, "IT WAS A DEAL! WE BOTH LOST THE BET AND WE BOTH HAD TO WEAR -" The boy (on closer inspection, Naruto was now certain it was in fact a boy) turned to Naruto and frowned, "Who's this?"
"The new kid." The lazy boy from earlier sighed, and the brunette's eyes widened, before the anger set in again.
"DAMNIT SHIKAMARU!" He yelled and stormed out of the room again.
The pony-tailed boy – Shikamaru – turned to Naruto and shrugged, "Kiba." He muttered in response to the unasked question, before rolling his eyes and heading out of the room.
"Hey! Wait!" Naruto hurried after him, "What do I do now?"
Shikamaru took another long drag from his cigarette, turned around again and answered, "Wait here. Ino should be here soon…she'll set you up." Set me up? Inwardly, Naruto was freaking out. Outwardly, however, he grinned and nodded. He watched the other boy – Shikamaru – drop his cigarette on the ground, crushing it beneath his heel on the shiny marble floor and leave the room.
Now alone, Naruto glanced around the room one last time before smacking his face with his palm, "I am going to kill Gaara."
Distracted contemplating all the ways he could possibly murder his friend, Naruto didn't notice the bleach-blond woman approach from behind, even though her high heels clicking against marble were hard to miss.
Then, suddenly, a very painful screech came out of what seemed like nowhere, causing Naruto to wince.
"I said very specifically that we wanted an even mix…an even mix of both males and females! Customers have been complaining lately of a lack of diversity, and nothing is worse than that in this business! As supposed owner of the strip clubs I thought you'd be aware of that!" and with that the woman snapped her phone shut and looked up at the now gaping Naruto, who was sure he never wanted what he had just heard explained to him.
The harassed woman sighed, and Naruto quickly closed his mouth, as he realized it was still hanging open in shock.
Looking him up and down, the woman raised an eyebrow and asked, "You the new guy?" Naruto simply nodded, afraid that if he tried to speak he would start screaming.
"Follow me, kid. Welcome to the Uchiha Mansion. I'm Ino, Sasuke's personal secretary. You're late…Sasuke's probably forgotten about you by now, so I'll just show you to your room and you can get settled. Dinner is at six-thirty exactly, but this place is huge. I'll send Kiba to come get you."
At the name of the crazy apron man, Naruto paled a little; but if this woman - who must have been Ino – noticed, she didn't show it.
Naruto got the impression that the blond was a woman who wasn't content unless she had someone to constantly boss around. Shaking his head, he turned to pick up his bags, only to find them missing. "Wh...where are my bags?" Naruto asked wearily, not sure what to expect from this woman for asking a simple question.
Busy doing something with what seemed like a very high-tech cell phone, Ino only gave a muttered response, "Shikamaru took them up to your room earlier."
She began to walk away, eyes still glued to the screen of her phone.
Naruto had to run to catch up after he realized she'd left him behind, all the while wondering when during their encounter Shikamaru had taken his bags, because he sure as hell hadn't seen it.
Caught up in thinking of all the possible scenarios wherein his bags could have disappeared, Naruto wasn't really sure when he lost track of the haughty secretary. One moment she was mumbling something about someone named Jiraiya and how he couldn't do anything right; and then suddenly, he was alone.
He found himself standing in a rather wide hallway, which appeared to extend forever in two different directions, with floor length Victorian-styled windows on one side that revealed an open courtyard below. Realizing that other than birds, Naruto heard nothing else to give him an indicator of where he was, he began to panic over being lost in this labyrinth of a house.
Would they send people to look for him? Would Ino even notice that he wasn't behind her anymore?
Getting caught up in his thoughts, Naruto didn't spot the man walking around the corner of one of the myriad of hallways splitting off from who knows where until -
"Oof!" Rubbing his arm, Naruto looked to see what the hell he had collided with. He was surprised to find a black-haired, pale-faced man across from him sitting on the floor, mirroring his movements. Feeling extremely embarrassed, Naruto blushed and was opening his mouth to apologize when the raven-haired man said in a very arrogant manner, "Dobe" without even bothering to look up to see who he was or if he was okay.
Naruto closed his mouth immediately and felt anger building up inside him.
Clenching his fists, Naruto realized that he had had way too long and messed up of a day to care for manners anymore, no matter who this guy was or how important he may be!
So forgetting any manners that he should have as a guest in another person's home, Naruto shouted, "Look where the hell you're going, teme!"
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Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the idiot in front him, a little more than annoyed. He'd been prepared to get up and just walk away; something which most of his employees would be grateful of.
But no, this little blond…twerp…just had to provoke him when he'd already had a miserable day.
His eye twitching in anger, Sasuke turned to look at the stupid man who had run into him.
The glare that had scared off enemies and business partners alike took over his features, and he opened his mouth to give the blond man in front of him a few choice words.
"Who the hell do you think you're talking to!" Sasuke's glare intensified as he met the gaze across from his. Who was this guy anyway? Sasuke immediately disregarded him as one of his personal assistants, as he normally recognized them upon sight.
The young Uchiha frowned and got to his feet, opening his mouth to say more; then decided against it. He was a very busy man; he didn't have time for this. The raven glared once more for good measure. "Dobe." He muttered again and stalked off to the kitchen, needing that hot cup of tea more than ever.
Smoothing out the wrinkles of his white dress shirt, he angrily marched off towards the kitchen.
Damn, he really needed that tea…. And only his cook could make his tea the way he liked, with no sugar, taste good. As long as Sasuke didn't sit down and stay, Chouji wasn't even that annoying. Sasuke was fine as long as the chubby chatterbox didn't try to start a conversation.
All talking ceased as he entered the kitchen, which wasn't unusual.
The savory smell of whatever would be for dinner assaulted his senses as he glanced over at Chouji bustling away behind the counter. The shorter man grinned up at him and asked, "the usual?" before going to make Sasuke's tea without even hearing the "hn" of a reply.
Sasuke scanned the room. He noticed a few servants he wasn't familiar with scattered around the multiple tables; then his eyes passed over his two personal bodyguards – Shikamaru and Kiba – in the corner trying to build a house out of a deck of cards. Shikamaru looked bored and Kiba just looked pissed. Raising an eyebrow as he noted Kiba's outfit, Sasuke shook his head.
He didn't want to know. He really did not want to know why Kiba was dressed up in a pink, frilly maid's costume, though by the way he was glaring at Shikamaru, he figured it had something to do with the dark-haired man.
But as long as the two guards kept up on their patrol hours, he could care less what they did while off-duty.
"…meet the new guy yet?" Lost in his thoughts, Sasuke hadn't noticed Chouji setting down the steaming mug of tea in front of him, then leaning against the counter – a bad sign, indicating he intended to talk. "I haven't, but Shikamaru and Kiba here," he motioned to the two who remained unaware they were being talked about, "have and they say he's a little…." Chouji made a circular motion in the air with his index finger and rolled his eyes, before grinning again. "Say he's blond. Dunno how we're gonna handle that. It's bad enough with Ino…" Chouji trailed off and chuckled at his own joke.
Sasuke paused, thinking back to the moron who had bumped into him. No. No way Gaara would let someone like that into the Uchiha household.
"Whatever," Sasuke muttered darkly. "As long as he stays away from me." He picked the mug up with his left hand, bringing it to his lips, and took a sip. He nodded approvingly and headed out of the kitchen. On the way to his room, he whipped out his cell phone, scrolled down to Ino's name, pressed 'send' and brought the phone up to his right ear.
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NEXT TIME: Chapter 2 "Dinner in Hell"