Ryan excused himself and hurried into the rest rooms only minutes after hearing that the baby had come early and had been stillborn. Ryan's entire world began to crash down as he stumbled to open the stall and collapse on the cold tile floor. Shaking all over he reached into the side pocket of his sweatpants and took out his wallet. Ryan remembered grabbing this before the paramedics came. Opening it up, his hands shaking he went past his credit cards, his business cards, his hundred dollar bills, and a photo of Ginger and found the small little baggie he had been looking for. Setting it down he carefully took out the broken piece of mirror that was tucked behind his credit cards and began making messy lines. Tears filling his eyes he kept telling himself that the doctors were wrong. That this couldn't of happened. That the second he took a hit everything would go away.

Yes he had gotten Pam pregnant the second time on purpose. But he never meant any of this to happen. Instead of confronting her about Jim he planned once the baby was born he would take his children away and never let Pam see them again. That would be her punishment. Thinking of the last couple of months he felt as though he was walking of thin ice. Things were getting worse with Pam and his career was slowly falling apart. Pressure was everywhere in the city and he no longer felt like himself. The drugs were getting worse and so wasn't the depression. But every time he looked at Ginger, or felt Pam's stomach he knew that everything would end the second his son was born. He would get clean and take them away…making sure Pam would never hurt him again.

"That bitch…"

He mumbled under his breath, crying down as he snorted and sniffled in. Holding his nose he cried before looking around the small empty stall. He was lucky nobody had come in yet. Thinking of what the doctor had said he shook his head.

"No…this isn't happening."

Getting everything together, and quickly stuffing everything in his wallet he stumbled to stand and shuffled over to the bathroom. His eyes were bloodshot but mostly that was from crying. He face was puffy and pale and his bangs hung in his eyes. Pressing his forehead against his reflection he felt his heart ache.

"Please God…please don't let the baby be dead."

But once he came back out the doctor took him to a spare room. There wrapped up in a small blanket was the baby. It was so tiny it looked like a doll.

"It happens a lot with women who had a hard time with their first pregnancy…I'm sure she'll have children again once her body is ready."

Ryan just stood there, staring at the table with blank and empty eyes.

"Did…he…was he awake at all?"

The doctor shook his head.

"The baby was all ready dead when we took it, I'm so sorry Mr. Howard. Would you like some time alone?"

Ryan couldn't believe how tiny the baby looked, it seemed swallowed in the white blanket it was bundled up in. Knowing he would go crazy if he was left alone for even a second Ryan shook his head, a silent tear rolling down his face.

"No…I'm fine."

Walking over, almost in a trance Ryan looked down at the baby and felt his heart drop. His son…his son was dead. Sniffling in, Ryan reached down and gently touched it's tiny little face. Feeling sick to his stomach he turned away quickly and wiped his eyes.

"Can I see my wife?"

"Of course."

A few minutes later Ryan was lead to her. The doctor said he would give them some time alone and excused himself. Standing in the darkened hospital room, the city glowing outside the large glass window Ryan felt furious. Shuffling over, Ryan looked at Pam's sleeping face. She looked exhausted. At least two different monitors were hooked up to her. Sitting on the edge of the bed Ryan made a tight fist and fought back everything from putting his hands around her neck and choking her.

Thinking of that snowy overcast morning so long ago in which Ryan and her had left the clinic and came back to his condo, Ryan remembered falling sleep beside her, feeling so odd and out of place.

That's when he knew.

He couldn't do this any longer. He would make her pay…but no this way. Standing up, Ryan rubbed his beard and stared down at her. Her wedding ring sparkled under the small dim light above her.

Leaving an hour later, the doctors said she wouldn't be awake until late the next morning. Going back home, Ryan took Ginger and explained to the neighbors what happened. Mrs. Rose, a kind older woman gasped and made the sign of the cross.

"That's horrible! Oh I'm so sorry Ryan! So Sorry!"

Ryan took Ginger came into the apartment, holding her tight as she slept against his shoulder. That's when he called up Gladys and explained everything and asked her to come over right away. Gladys came twenty minuets later with tears in her eyes before scooping up Ginger and putting her in her own crib. While she did this Ryan flushed the rest of his stash and called someone he never thought he would call.

His mother.

"Hello?"

A sleepy voice answered.

Ryan held the phone tightly.

"Mom?"

His voice choked.

"Ryan? Is that you?"

Her voice sounded more awake now.

Ryan closed his eyes, his head was pounding and he wanted another fix more then anything right now.

"Mom…I'm in trouble…I need help."