Chapter 4 - Certain point of View -
Disclaimer - I don't own Star Wars .
Author's note - I lost my Indiana Jones Temple of Doom VHS tape .
Disclaimer - I don't own Indiana Jones Temple of Doom - Anymore.
Warning : There may be an f-word or two in this chapter , or there may not be .
Caution : Contents under pressure .
Chapter 4 - Certain point of View -
" Take them to my sail barge . " Jabba said in plain Galactic basic .
" The great Jabba says to take them to his sail barge . " 3PO announced.
" Ya , we heard 3PO . Jabba , your making a big mistake . Your throwing away a fortune here , don't be a fool ! " Han pleaded as they dragged him away .
" I'm sure . Bring that sexy princess over here . Hmmmmmmm " Jabba licked Leia's face.
" Oh man ! That's disgusting ! " Luke made a puke face as they dragged him away as well.
" Hey Han you wouldn't believe what Jabba's doing to Leia ! " Luke could be heard in the background.
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The sail barge glided its way over the sand dunes towards the Sarlacc pit , music could be heard inside the barge as Jabba was throwing a kick ass techno party inside .
" Bloop , tweet , twat ! " R2 served the drinks , 3PO knocked into R2 .
" Sorry about that , what ?! R2 , what are YOU doing here ? "
" Bleep , twerp ! "
" Serving drinks ?! Have your circuits melted ? Master Luke and the gang are in danger , you should do something instead of serving drinks ! " 3PO growled at the little droid.
" Blat ! "
" What am I doing ? I'm creating a creative diversion you hunk of Galactic crap ! "
" Blert ! "
" This conversation is taking up way too much screen time . " 3PO walked away .
Luke was prodded towards the diving board or plank with the Sarlacc waiting below , squealing with hunger .
" The great Jabba hopes you die honourably ! " 3PO announced out the window.
" Boo Shaddad !! " Jabba yelled waving his hand .
Luke nodded to R2 , he then gave Lando a nod , then Han and Chewbacca , he then nodded towards 3PO , he kept nodding until Jabba could be heard screaming to throw him in.
Luke jumped off the plank then spun around and grabbed it , but his hands slipped and he fell to his death .
The end .
No , it can't end like this ….. O.K let's rewind a bit here ……
" What am I doing ? I'm creating a creative diversion you Galactic hunk of crap ! "
A little too far …. Fast forward a little ………
" Luke , take my mask off so I can see you with my own eyes . "
A little too far ……Rewind ……..
Luke nodded to R2 then saluted , he jumped off the plank then spun around and grabbed the same plank , he sprung up did a front flip over a thug as R2 shot his lightsaber from the barge , Luke landed and ignited his saber in one smooth motion .
" That was outta sight dawg ! " Lando said then shot a thug near him .
" Not bad . " Bobba Fett said then shot a rope around Luke .
" WARK !! " Chewbacca yelled .
" Bobba Fett ? Bobba Fett ?! Where ?! " Han spun around then hit Bobba's jetpack by accident with a metal pole , Bobba's jet ignited and sent him flying across the pit slamming into the barge .
" Ugh !! As I slide down the side of this Sarlacc pit many Bobba Fett fans will groan at the crappy way I die here , but seriously , the combined amount of time I've been in these movies is about 26 seconds so who gives a crap really ? " Bobba Fett is devoured by the Sarlacc monster . Who burps after .
Luke kills some thugs without blood as Han saves Lando from certain death .
Meanwhile Leia chokes Jabba to death with a chain . Jabba dies .
" Point it at the deck ! " Luke yells as he grabs a rope and half naked Leia and swings off the barge as it explodes .
" Don't forget the droids . " They pick up the droids as the barge explodes in the background.
The Millennium falcon is flanked by the X-Wing as they fly away from the sand planet .
" Whoa , that happened a bit too quickly . Anyway , thanks for saving me Luke , I owe YOU one . " Han said over the com.
" No problem Han . "
" YOUR ALL CLEAR KID NOW LET'S BLOW UP THIS SUCKER AND GO HOME""
" Umm , ya . I'll meet up with you guys later . I have a promise I have to make to an old friend . " Luke said looking off into the distance .
" What old friend ? Ben Kenobi ? He's dead Luke , DEAD !!! " Han screamed dramatically over the com .
" Just an old friend . " Luke tried to dismiss Han's comment.
" Who ? What old friend ? Answer me Luke !! LUKE !!! "
Luke cut off transmission from Han and swerved in a different direction towards Degobah.
" Bleep . "
" Yes R2 , were going to Degobah . " Luke rolled his eyes .
" Bloop ! "
" No , I don't have any death sticks left , I told you not to start now look at you . "
" Luke ! Where are you going ?!! TELL ME !! " Han's voice came over the com again .
Luke hit hyper speed with the x-wing even though it wasn't capable of doing so .
" Here we are R2 . Degobah . " Luke said as they entered the atmosphere and promptly crashed the X-wing again .
" R2 , stay with the ship . " Luke walked towards Yoda's Hutt .
" R2 , stay with the ship . " R2 had a flash back of Anakin saying that to him before he killed all those aliens . R2 shuttered then lit a death stick .
Luke entered Yoda's home .
" Old do I look to you ? " Yoda huffed then limped to his bed .
" Um hello to you too Yoda . " Luke said then took a seat.
" Doing here what are you ? " Yoda groaned then pulled a blanket over his old body.
" I've come to complete my training . " Luke said staring at the half dead JedI master.
" No more training do you require . "
" So I am a JedI ! Yes !! Yippie !! " Luke jumped up and did a little dance .
" An idiot , you certainly are . Vader , you must confront Vader . Only then a JedI you will Be . "
" Yoda , I have something to ask you . " Luke noticed he was running out of time .
" Dieing I am , yes dieing , ohhhhhh the pain , no time to answer awkward questions ! "
" IS Darth Vader my father ? "
" Yes , dieing I am , just about dead , here it comes ! "
" Yoda , I gots to know dude ! "
" Dammit ! Your father he is ! Happy are you ? Told you did he ? "
" Is the dark side stronger ? "
" These damn questions you ask ! Yes !! CROAK !! WAY stronger it is , Lucas says so ! "
" Then I am a JedI ! " Luke stared into the distance .
" Let me die , you will . Beware , do not underestimate the power of the emperor , kicked my ass did he , failed I did . "
" O.k , later Yode's , got's to get kickin dude . " Luke walked to the door when he noticed his X-wing had sunk into the marsh out of view .
" Umm, master Yoda ? "
" Dead I am , cannot hear you can I . "
" Could you umm , do that waving the hand thing again for me , I'm in bit of a jam here . "
" CROAK !! Annoying this is . " Yoda pulled himself out of bed and closed his eyes , the X-Wing rose out of the marsh and was placed gently on solid ground .
Yoda then died as quickly as he could .
Luke leaned on the side of his X-Wing . " What do I do now R2 ? Yoda's dead . "
" Yoda will always be with you . " Obi-Wan's ghost walked out behind the trees .
" Obi-Wan , YOU BASTARD !! " Luke ran and punched Obi-Wan's ghost but fell right through him .
" What is your problem ? " Obi-Wan seemed puzzled .
" Why didn't you tell me Darth Vader was my father ?!? " Luke screamed to the heavens.
" I did tell you , from a certain point of view . " Obi-Wan scratched his ghostly knee.
" From a certain point of view ? " Luke was puzzled .
" Yes , I told you from a far distance while we were getting on the Falcon , from my view it was certain you heard me but I guess you didn't , so it was from that view that it was certain that you heard my view from a certain point of view . "
" Oh can it Ben ! Yoda didn't say it but he was supposed to say something about another , there's another something , what did he mean ? "
" You have a sister . " Ben said sitting on a log.
" 3PO , 3PO is my sister . "
" Your instincts serve you we…… 3PO ?! YOU DUMB ASS !! Leia is you sister ! "
" No way , that's not true ….that's IMPOSSIBLE !! " Luke had a flash back of necking with his sister.
" Yes , as disturbing as that is there's something even more disturbing . She's pregnant with your child ! "
" NOOOOOOOOOOO !!!! NOOOOOooooooo !!! "
" Just kidding . "
" I hate you Ben . "