The ambulance came a few minutes later. Meredith claimed she saw Ryan take a real nasty fall in the parking-lot while running after the truck. He had blacked out for a minute or so and he could all ready feel the back of his head starting to swell. Worried it might be a concussion, he was helped into the ambulance by a very overwhelming Michael and taken to the hospital. Sitting up with an icepack pressed to the back of his head, one of the paramedics shined a small penlight into his eyes and asked if anything seemed fuzzy. Before the ambulance pulled away he was suspired to see Pam climb in.

"Can I ride with him?"

Sitting beside him, Pam pulled her coat closed and looked at him, her eyes nervous and worried. Just then Ryan thought back on the odd yet realistic thing he had thought of. In what really was just a minute or so while he blacked out seemed to be nearly twenty years worth of memories of heartache. He had seen Pam and him have a daughter…Ginger.

She was beautiful and meant everything to him.

He had seen him get the promotion in New York and have Pam slowly slip away from him.

Looking at Pam, who was pregnant he gulped. Had all of this really been in his mind? They had decided to think things over before deciding on what the next step was. Abortion was now out of the question, and for the last week or so the two went about their business as though nothing was going on.

Until now.

The ambulance started up and Pam leaned forward.

"You okay?"

Ryan felt the back of his head dully ache, his lip also tasted of blood.

"Yeah, just slipped on the ice…"

Ryan eyed her perfectly flat stomach and thought of everything. Was this really how their future would play out? They would pretend to be happy while Pam fell back in love with Jim? Would he really change that much if they went to the city? Would Pam cheat behind his back and then loose the second child they planned on having together? Ryan tried to push away any of these thoughts that were now becoming distant and foggy. Yet…they seemed so real.

Had they divorced and fought over Ginger? He had raised her yes, but also was proved by his mother that he had failed. He had battled a drug problem and lived so many empty years pretending yet again that everything was okay. That his entire life was just for his daughter while he tried to hide the heartache. Was that really what their life's would end up like? Both distant strangers who's only common interest was the child they had together? A child that was conceived one drunken Halloween night while they were just fellow co-workers? Ryan thought of everything and then thought of how the last image in his mind before he opened his eyes was that after all those horrible years of suffering they still maybe loved each other in some strange way?

Pam was still preprint…there was still time to fix things.

Ten minutes later they arrived at the hospital. Right away they were greeted by two orderlies who had a wheelchair ready. Ryan couldn't help but laugh, he felt perfectly fine, his head hurt but he thought they were blowing things a little out of proportion.

"Just take it easy buddy, sit on down."

One of the paramedics helped Ryan into the chair just as Pam stepped out. Ryan looked out of the ambulance bay and saw it was still snowing.

Pam followed as they began wheeling him in. Ryan sat there before they entered and began going down a corridor. They stopped at the main desk where a nurse came forward and handed a huge clipboard with papers on it to Pam.

"You'll need to fill these out miss."

Pam blinked staring at the paperwork and seemed confused.

"Are you family miss?"

"She's my friend from work."

Ryan said before Pam looked down at him, the nurse nodded.

"Do you have an emergency contact?"

Ryan shook his head. His brother was really it but for some strange reason he didn't want to call his house. Lately him and his mother had been fighting. In fact the thing that had really been bothering him lately was how he would break the news to her that he got one of his coworkers pregnant.

"No I don't…"

"Well if you don't mind miss…could you fill just the top sheet out?"

Ryan reached into the back pocket of his slacks and took out his wallet before handing it up to Pam.

"My insurance card is right there…hey guys? I'm fine to walk really?"

Ryan lifted himself out of the wheelchair before the nurse nodded.

"Okay Mr. Novak, Dr. Marks will take a look at you in the emergency room…Bret will take you there."

"Where's that?"

"Just down the hall."

"Okay."

He looked at Pam before going.

"You okay?"

Pam nodded even though her eyes seemed slightly scared.

"Yeah I'm fine, anyways I just checked my inbox, Michael and a couple of the others are coming down."

Ryan couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"Perfect."

Pam nervously giggled before Ryan winked at her.

"Thanks Pam."

Turning he followed the orderly while Pam watched, her arms slightly crossed against the metal clipboard and Ryan's wallet in her free hand. Sighing he watched him disappear out of sight before deeply sighing. Taking a seat she opened his wallet and couldn't help but smile at his license photo. Focusing on the paperwork Pam sat down in one of the plastic seats as nurses walked by. Filling out the forms Pam felt a very overwhelming feeling overtake her. She was still trying to process everything that was going on. She was pregnant…pregnant with Ryan's baby. Remembering that morning in the clinic Pam shifted in her seat. She was so confused and scared by it all. Reality was really just starting to set in. Here she was, working some boring dead-end job where Jim had left. She had broken off her engagement with Roy and was always dreaming of something special. She sketched, and thought of Jim, wishing so badly she could turn back time. Now Ryan, who started off as just a young temp…who was barley a friend and more of a stranger that happened to work in the same office with her had gotten her pregnant. Having a baby was the furthest thing from Pam's mind. As a little girl she had often dreamed of marrying her true love, getting married, moving into some great big house, and then having tons of kids…living happily ever after. Instead all of those things had came crashing down.

Of all people this had to happen with, it had to be Ryan.

She barley knew him. Thinking back at that Halloween night Pam felt herself feeling sick. She had been avoiding talking with Ryan as every single waking moment she thought about it. She now knew how she felt about abortion…so would she really have it? She knew she wasn't really, she felt still so young. She knew this was so wrong, that her life was in tatters and that maybe if she was lucky she could just wake up.

But then she remembered how she saw Ryan laying on the ice less then an hour ago and how her heart jumped. For some strange reason she was terrified. He was in on their secret, in a strange way he was going through a lot of what was worrying her. Yes it wasn't him that was pregnant, but he still knew. He was the reason why it happened, and Pam did admit to herself he had been nothing but understanding and supporting since she told him. He was young just like her, his whole life ahead of him. Thinking of him, she sighed and went on filling out the forms.

At that exact moment Ryan sat on the edge of a table in a small glassed in room near the ER. A middle aged doctor shinned another penlight into his eyes and frowned.

"You took a real nasty fall didn't you Mr. Howard?"

Ryan nodded.

"Yeah my boss he made me run out to catch a UPS truck."

The doctor smirked.

"Gotta love bosses huh?"

"Yeah right."

The doctor smiled before checking over a chart.

"Well I would like to order a CT scan just to make sure everything is all right."

"Are you serious? I just fell…I've done it millions of times."

"Always better to blown things out of proportion then to ignore them Mr. Howard. Now I'll order that up and I'll send a nurse in to stitch that lip up of yours."

Nodding, Ryan sat back and wondered how Pam was. He really wanted to see her now.

Two hours later Ryan changed back into his clothes and felt beyond exhausted. The doctor said everything seemed all right and he would call him in the morning with the results, as far as it looked Ryan just bumped his head and would be fine. Leaving the room Ryan right away bumped into Pam, both nearly knocked into each other.

"Whoa!"

Pam nervously laughed.

"They said you were all finished, I thought I would drive you home."

"You waited?"

"Well Michael and Dwight showed up about a half an hour ago, but I told them as much as you would love having them drive you back…I didn't mind."

Ryan smirked.

"Thanks."

Pam stared at his lip.

"Does it hurt?"

Ryan gently touched the tender skin and shrugged.

"Stings a little."

"You're head?"

"Better."

Pam stood there for a second staring at him, both didn't say anything and for what seemed like the first time ever it didn't seem awkward.

"Say…you want some coffee or something, I need to talk with you."

Pam shifted, clutching onto her coat that she held in her arms.

"Ryan…"

"Please?"

Pam stared at his desperate eyes before slowly nodding.

"Okay…"

Later that night both were at a 24 hour coffee shop downtown. A few old men sat a table further back while Ryan and Pam shared a booth. Pam picked at a donut while Ryan drank his coffee and tried to be straight with her.

It was snowing outside.

"Pam, what have you decided about the baby?"

Pam nearly choked on a piece of the donut before clearing her throat, she looked at him.

"Ummm, I haven't really decided yet."

"You want to keep it don't you?"

Pam stared at him for a second.

"What?"

"That morning, I saw it in your eyes when we left the clinic…you want it don't you?"

"Ryan I haven't even had a chance to think things out with everything that was going on…"

"But you want it. You know you couldn't go through with an abortion and I'm sure you've thought about giving it up…"

"I don't know what I've decided on, this is my life we're talking about Ryan."

"You mean ours."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think you were the one that was pregnant."

"I'm not, but I'm still very much involved in this Pam."

Pam looked slightly pissed off and stared down at her hands.

"I just don't know…I didn't plan on this happening."

"Either did I."

Pam looked up, her eyes serious.

"Do you want me to keep it?"

Ryan stared at her and thought of that blurry memory he had of a beautiful teenage girl with red hair. Smiling, Ryan nodded.

"Yes."

Pam looked as though she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"What?"

"I think we should do this."

"Stop Ryan! You don't know what you're talking about!"

Somehow Ryan felt as though he had heard this before.

"I know, I know. We're just distant friends and co-workers. We both have dreams and futures we want. We're not a couple and we're scared of what our friends might think. That you don't feel ready…that you didn't want this and that you think you'll make an awful mother. That you're scared…that the truth of really having a baby with me is terrifying."

"Don't act like you know me Ryan, not for one second."

"But I'm right, I can see it in your eyes."

"You can't even be serious Ryan. You're young…you said it yourself in five years you want to own your own business. You can't handle work, school, and that while raising a baby…you just can't give it back when…"

"It gets hard, I know."

Pam just looked at him as Ryan sighed.

"Listen Pam, I know it was a mistake, and I know we're not ready for this…but I really believe it happened for a reason. Now I would never push you into anything you didn't want to do, but I really think we could do this…if we tried hard enough and didn't give up hope."

"But Ryan…us?"

"I think we would make a good team, I really think we could be good parents to this baby…if we tried."

"Ryan you make it sound so easy, but look at us…I've hardly even spent more then an hour talking to you. I don't know anything about you!"

"We have plenty of time to do that, let's just try and talk this out like adults. You're pregnant. This was unplanned…I'm 100% willing to be on bored with this and I promise you Pam, you don't have to do this alone. So now it really comes down to it…what next?"

Tears began forming in Pam's eyes before Ryan reached over, covering her hand with his.

That night the roads got much worse, Pam decided to stay the night at Ryan's Insisting on her taking the bed he told her his back was killing him since the fall and that the couch would do it some good. Changing into the same exact shirt she wore that morning after they left the clinic, both barley looked at each other. They had talked a great deal more that night and had finally decided on something important.

"Good night Pam."

Ryan said."

Pam glanced at him before going down the hall.

"Good night Ryan."

Flicking off the lights Ryan jumped on the couch while his dog who seemed completely unbothered slept on the floor. Laying back, still having his mind going a mile a minute, Ryan shut his eyes and smiled.

The next morning, he was woken up by his cell. Opening his eyes, he squinted by the harsh morning light drafting through the windows. It was still snowing. Looking around, he remembered everything that happened and his head, back, and lip all felt sore. Stretching out he reached on the side table and grabbed the cell. Flipping it open he yawned and half expected it to be Michael.

"Hello?"

He eyed his DVD player and saw it was a little past eight in the morning.

"Hello Mr. Howard? This is Dr. Marks from St. Michael's…how's that head feeling?"

Ryan was suspired the doctor was calling his early, sitting up he rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat.

"Fine, just woke up…a little bit of a headache that's all."

There was a pause on the other line before the doctor spoke again.

"That's good, have you felt any dizziness?"

"No…"

Ryan raised an eyebrow, the doctor sounded funny.

"Is something wrong? I mean my tests were okay right?"

There was another pause on the line.

Ten minutes later Ryan slipped on his coat and felt uneasy. The doctor said he wanted to see him right away. That he was sorry since the roads were so bad but it was important. When Ryan asked if something was wrong the doctor told him not to worry and to just meet him at his office.

An awful feeling filled the pit of Ryan's stomach. Last night he had finally gotten Pam to open up in what was going to be a long fight to make sure she loved him and would stay to raise this baby. Still feeling very overwhelmed Ryan walked down the hall and poked his head into his bedroom.

Pam slept peacefully and unbothered. Ryan smiled, his heart fluttering in his chest. He loved this woman, and would do anything it took to make her love him back. Going back to the living room he wrote a quick note telling her that he had forgotten something at the hospital and he was picking it up. That he would get breakfast for the two of them and that he would be back soon. Leaving, right away snow began to pound down on him. Taking nearly fifteen minutes to get his car out of his encasement of ice he drove and felt nervous the entire time.

When he finally arrived there he shut his eyes before getting out and silently prayed everything would be okay. That he would just go back home and start worrying about Pam and their baby. He knew he could make her love her, he knew he had in some odd way a second chance.

Not soon after Ryan sat in the doctor's chair stunned.

"What?"

"We need to run more tests, but it seems from your scan we discovered your in grade 3 of Astrocytomas."

Ryan just sat there.

"What the fuck is that?"

"Brain tumors Mr. Howard…"

Ryan suddenly felt very numb, he sat there unable to move. The doctor sighed, pity showing in his eyes.

"It can go undiscovered like this for years…sadly until we caught it last night, it's developed into grade 3."

"Grade 3...what's that?"

"For Astrocytomas there are 4 grades…the final and most fatal is grade 4...you're at 3."

"What does that mean?"

The doctor stared at him

"Grade 3 means that due to the tumors, they will grow much faster and begin to destroy brain tissue. Within time it will produce weakness, and paralysis on the opposite side of you're body…you will loose muscle control and begin to bleed out. Much like cancer, it will start from the inside out."

Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"How could this have happened? I go to the doctors every year…I'm perfectly healthy!"

"I understand your shock Mr. Howard, but you have to listen to the facts…your condition is very serious. I'm afraid if you haven't of fallen last night this would of gone unnoticed until the nausea began, then the headaches, the lack of vision and the bleeding…there are still ways of treatment."

"Like what?"

"Radiation therapy and chemotherapy."

"That can stop it?"

The doctor stared at him and Ryan all ready knew the answer.

"No…it can just slow it down and maybe buy you time. At this stage it's beyond help…these treatments will slow you down, weaken you…but maybe buy you a few more months."

"What?"

"With treatment, the average survival of patients with Grade 3 astrocytomas is 18 months with treatment."

Ryan felt as though he had been hit by a brick wall.

"Eighteen months…"

Ryan thought back at Pam sleeping, looking like a beautiful angel back at his condo. Hadn't just last night he opened his heart to her. Hadn't he promised he wouldn't have to do this alone and that he would be there for her? That they would raise this baby together? And deep down inside, he promised to love her and never loose her.

Eighteen months.

His baby wouldn't even be a year old before he died.