Return of the Jedi - A Parody -
Author - Super Tinfoil Man -
Disclaimer - I don't own Star Wars -
Credits - 15.90
Additional information - Press Start to continue -
Caution - Mild language and suggestive themes - Reading discretion is advised .
Chapter 5 - Too Legit to Quit -
Too legit ...Too legit to quit - Too legit - Too legit to quit -
Sweat running all over my chest (chest) i don't quit no !
I just press harder (Yea!) than I ever did before going for
The dreams that I have in store in my mind (MIND) and I know
That I'm making it I gotta get mine and nobody's takin' it away (NO!)
kickin and stuff and shit cause I'm too legit to quit ...sing ! ...
Too legit ...too legit to quit (hey hey ! ) too legit...too legit to quit ...
" Lando Calrissian will you please shut that racket off ! " General Ackbar screamed in the meeting room.
" Sorry . (SORRY !) " Lando apologised and turned off the ghetto blaster . He wasn't too legit ...too legit to quit. Too legit ...too legit to quit...sorry , I"ll stop now.
" Is everyone here ? " Mon Mothma asked .
" Not everyone , there's still ... "
" Good , then I will continue . We have discovered a weakness on the Death Star , it is not yet completed and our time to attack is critical . We have learned that the Emperor himself is overseeing the final construction himself . Many Bothan spies died to bring us this information. " She broke down crying .
" Did she say BOTHAN spies ? " Han whispered to Leia .
" Yes , now be quiet . " She whispered out the side of her mouth .
" Bothan spies . Ha Ha ! Those WHITE hairy creatures that you can see from miles away SPIES ?! HA HA HA HA HA HA !! That's halarious !! AOOOoo I'm a Werewolf !! " Han elbowed Leia .
A red foam brick hit Han off the head .
" Pay attention SOLO !! " Ackbar screamed . Han turned red.
Lando got Han's attention and motioned at his insignia on his chest.
" Well , look at you , a general huh ? " Han was amused .
" Oh , well , someone must have told them about my little maneuver at the battle of Taanab."
" Well , don't look at me , pal . I just said you were a fair pilot that can do loop deloop maneuvers out of random , even when you don't have to actually DO the loop deloops... "
Another red foam brick hit Han on the head .
" PAY ATTENTION JACK-ASS !! " Ackbar screamed . He then motions to the holographic display of the Death Star 2 - The Revenge -
" You can see here the Death Star orbiting the forest Moon of Endor. To make a long story short , we have to land on the moon with 12 or 13 troops against probably hundreds of storm troopers to deactivate the shield , once the shield is down we will fly down the trenches and once again attempt to make a miracle proton shot into a tiny ventilation shaft ... " Mon Mothma walks over and whispers in Ackbars fish ear.
" Scratch that , this time we will fly inside the Death Star and blow it up . Cool idea eh ? " Ackbar starts to sweat. There is a concerned murmur .
" Lando Calrissian will lead the attack as he has skills with the loop deloop . "
Han turns to Lando .
" Good luck . Your gonna need it . " Another foam brick hits him on the head as General Madine starts talking .
" We have stolen an Imperial shuttle , with an old code that probably won't work . And with a small strike team that surrenders easily. "
The crowd murmurs again , this time with laughter following.
" I wonder what brainless idiot they decided to lead that mission ? " Leia asked as a few pilots laughed spilling blue milk out of the nostrils.
" Genereal Solo , is your strike team assembled ? " Madine asked him.
" I have a strike team but I don't have a command crew for the shuttle . " Han could barely be heard over Leia's laughter.
Chewbacca raised his paw .
" That's one . " Han smiled knowing his Wookie slave would comply .
" Uh , count me in , I've got nothing better to do today . " Leia rolled her eyes .
" That's one. " Han smiled .
" No , that's two actually , are you sure this was a wise choice Mothman ? " Madine asked.
" It's Mothma , and yes , Solo is a wise ass ...I mean choice . " She stammered.
" Two it is then . " Han wrapped up the meeting and everyone ran out of the room . 3PO was the last to leave.
The empty room sat there empty , the holographic display long turned off . An empty chip bag blew by near the entrance .
" I'm with you too ! " Luke entered the room with a big satisfied smile . The room was still empty . Luke looked around puzzled .
" Late again . " Luke said to R2-D2 by the entrance to the room , but R2 somehow already attended the meeting making any surprise entrance by Luke void and null to begin with .
" Shit Luke , get your head outta yer ass will ya . " R2 said then rolled off.
IS Luke good enough to become a Jedi ?
IS Han brave enough to lead a strike team ?
IS Lando TOO LEGIT TOO QUIT ?!?
Find out next time...
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