The Return of the Jedi - A Parody -

Recap - Luke saved Han from Jabba and now they are heading to the forrest moon of Endor . That's all that happened ? What chapter is this again ? Chapter 6 already ?! What the hell is the hold up with the plot here ? What IS the plot again ?

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Chapter 6 - He who is there -

There were hundreds of Storm Troopers packed in the docking bay awaiting the arrival of the Emperor. Darth Vader and the officer that he had warned walked down in between two lines of Storm Troopers. Vader admired the vast line on both sides. This is what the Empire is all about , pure power in the...I hope the Emperor doesn't kill me for how long I took to...a wave of ......Lord Vader seems pleased that...Empire will not lose...that's not my thinking voice , what the hell is going on here?

Vader and the commander looked at each other . " Commander , stop thinking so much , your thinking is interrupting my thinking. "

The commander nodded as The Emperor's private-but-not-so private shuttle gently landed inside the bay. The Emperor's red royal guards surrounded the shuttle slowly in a fantastic display of power and grace. I don't see why we don't just hire ALL royal guards , get rid of the Storm Troopers and... man these pants are tight ...replace them with...I think my ass is bleeding......so they can...

" Commander ! " Vader boomed and the commander lowered his head in shame.

Vader and the overly active thinking commander kneeled as the ramp shot out steam and lowered to the floor. A hooded figure slowly walked down the ramp.

" Rise , my friend . " The Emperor jestured towards Vader . He rose and walked slowly next to him.

...12 seconds later...

" The Death Star will be completed on schedule . " Vader stated looking forward. The Emperor nodded in approval as they walked down in between the two rows of Storm Troopers.

" You have done well , Lord Vader . And now I sense you wish to continue your...your ..oh shit I can't believe it ! " He scowled.

" What is it master ? " Vader asked concerned, but then not concerned and then concerned again.

" I forgot my wrist watch back on Coruscant. Can you believe it ?! It's a six hour flight from here. That is so annoying , now I'll never know what time it is ! " He shook his head.

" Perhaps one of your servants can fly it here. " Vader offered.

" Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Very good my friend. " He then made a cackle noise.

They walked further down the line observing the motionless Storm Troopers as they passed by them. They suddenly stopped walking , then they took two steps back and looked slowly to the left. A Storm Trooper stood there , with large armoured breasts poking out , completely out of place. Vader tilted his head to one side like a curious dog.

Three days later...

They both snapped out of the trance they were in . " What were we talking about again? " The Emperor asked .

" I forgot master . " Vader noticed several Storm Troopers had passed out from waiting so long for them , or they were dead from not eating or drinking for three days .

" Everything that has transpired has happened as they have transpired. " The Emporer cackled as they continued to walk , Vader looked behind them and noticed they had only walked a few feet , this could take awhile.

Inside the Rebel docking bay ...

The Falcon is sitting there getting prepped by Chewbacca as an Imperial ship sits close by looking all out of place. Lando casually walked up to Chewie with StarBucks in hand.

" Bark ! " Chewie screamed spilling Lando's 11 dollar coffee all over himself. The wookie then carted the princess and the two droids onto the ship , but it was the imperial cruiser instead of the Falcon.

" Look , I mean it , take her ! She's the fastest ship in the fleet ! " Han appeared next to Lando and pleaded with him to take the Falcon.

" All right , old buddy . I'll take her , I know what she means to you . I'll take good care of her , oh yes , REALLY good care of her MWAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH " Lando was evil .

Han looked like he was ready to cry.

" Just kidding , she-she-she-she-she-she won't get a scratch , I promise . " Lando promised.

" You promise ? " Han pointed , " Not a scratch ? "

" Will you get going you old pirate ! " Lando laughed then punched Han in the face.

Five minutes , 14 seconds later...

Luke played a PSP in the background as Han walked in and took a seat in the pilots seat next to Chewie , the wookie seemed flustered with the controls.

" You got her warmed up ? " Han asked looking around.

" Ya , she's comin' up . " Luke tried to look tough .

" I'm not talkin' to you farm hand . " Han scowled at the Returning Jedi .

" WAAAAAAAA !!! WARK WARK WAMPHHHHHHHhhhh !!! " Chewie said .

" No , I don't think the princess would fall for a wookie ol' buddy . " Han hit some buttons.

" Warrrmphhh!!!! "

" Tall , dark and hairy ?! Ha ha ha ha ! Maybe she WOULD like you buddy ! " Han laughed.

" You know , " The princess began , " I AM sitting right here you jackasses . "

A Robotic voice - ARGG !! Dis' be de Pirate Reviewin' Droid XX34X ere' !! You be readin' dis tale of adventure ! You be reviewin' de tale or I'll swibble yer timbers , no , that's not it , I'll be swaggin' yer jabbers ! Never ye' mind , just review to make me curcuits 'appy !

" Get down ! " Connor's screamed as the fire engulfed the entire area . But Braddusson stood there taking all the fire , nothing could kill him , not even 156 T-1000's with built on rocket launchers and bio-engineered Tank shells for bullets , with TNT and grenades and everything dammit !! Braddusson is a bad ass !!

" Stop with the self back pats and help me ! " Connor's screamed.