Return of the Jedi - a Parody - By - Super Tinfoil Man part 2 -
AN : This chapter was written by Sparky the Wonder Dog , please excuse the spelling errors of my dog , he's a dumb mutt.
Disclaimer : I don't own Star Wars or World War part 2 - The Revenge of the allies -
Chapter 7 - Toronto Maple Leafs -
"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."
- General George S. Patton, Jr - When asked who he liked more , the Autobots or the Decepticons.
The stolen Imperial shuttle took off out of the Rebel star cruiser and entered hyperspace , our heroes would soon
find out that double spacing in this friggin word pad is really annoying.
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The dark scary throne room of the Emporer ...Inside the Death Star.
The Emporer looked out to the greenish moon of Endor . I can sense one of my troopers slacking off down there. Well , I'll make sure lord Vader is made aware of this slacking Storm Trooper , he will never slack off again !
Darth Vader entered the dark scary throne room and knelt before the Emperor , but the chair was facing away from him . He can sense me here , he must. He is a sith lord afterall. Turn your damn chair around master.
6 Hours later ...
He must know I'm here dammit ! My knee is killing me !
The chair slowly started to spin around ... oh finally ! ... then kept spinning until the chair was facing away from him again. Vader could tell the Emperor was sleeping and his hand had hit the spin button by accident. This is foolish but I will not give in !
2 hours ...15 minutes later ...
" Cough ! " Vader made a cough noise. The chair slowly started to turn around again . This was the biggest waste of time I've ever encountered , and they call HIM my master , give me a break... the chair kept spinning again until it was facing away from Vader. Still asleep !
41 minutes later ...
The chair slowly spun around again.
" What is thy bidding , my master ? " Vader bowed his head at a startled Emperor.
" You scared me , my old friend . Send the fleet to the far side of Endor , there it will stay until called upon . " He
said as my word pad double spaced again.
" What of the reports of ... " Vader started to ask but the Emporer was in no mood to listen as he gave Vader a look of extreme annoyance. I just woke up you dork , I don't want a stinkin conversation right now.
" GO TO THE COMMAND SHIP AND AWAIT MY ORDERS ! " The Emporer screamed and pointed to the door.
" Yes , my master . " Vader said then tried to stand up. He couldn't do it , his leg was cramped or maybe broken from kneeling that long.
THIS is my apprentice ? Look at that pathetic excuse for an old man , now he's rolling around on the floor trying to do a sit up. Now my Imperial guards are assisting him , this is incredible and embarassing for him.
The Emporer's chair slowly turned and faced the window again , this time the window was covered in multi-coloured snakes, all hissing at him .
" I AM SICK OF THESE MOTHER BLEEPIN SNAKES ON THIS MOTHER BLEEPIN DEATH STAR ! "
Han looked back at his crew inside the stolen Imperial Shuttle , through the viewscreen there are dozens of TIE fighters doing formations around the huge Super Star Destroyer with the Death Star dominating the background on the left and the Endor moon dominating the rest of the background.
" If they don't go for this were gonna have to get outta here pretty quick my Chewbaccian friend. " Han said followed by a Wookie grunt.
The radio crackled to life . Han hit a button .
" We have you on our screen now , please identify yourself ! " The authorative voice over the radio said transmittingly.
" Shuttle We ain't the Rebels requesting deactivation of the deflector shield ? " Han responded but sounded unsure of himself .
" Shuttle We ain't the Rebels , transmit the 154 digit code for clearance . " The voice said with treble.
" Transmission commencing . " Han said but held the button too long as Luke blurted out he was going to be a Jedi someday. Han shot him a dirty look .
" Listen kid ! " Han pointed to the almost Jedi , " This pile of junk is operating with a dial up connection . We are gonna have to circle around a few times before I can enter this stupid code , we don't need you blabbing about the Jedi n stuff in the background ! " Luke said he was sorry.
" He was sorry. " Luke said.
" Now we'll find out if that code is worth the price we paid . " Leia said then looked at nothing.
" Dammit to hell ! " Han growled , " A pop up ! NO I don't want the latest hip hop collection ! Now I'll have to start over ! "
Chewie made a laugh noise as Luke stared at the Super Star Destroyer , transfixed on its majestic design.
" Is there a problem We ain't the Rebels ? " The voice on the radio crackled to life .
" Vader's on that ship . " Luke said dreamingly.
" For bleep sakes Luke ! " Han scowled and told the voice operator that there is a slight delay in the upload speeds.
On the COMMAND SHIP ...sorry for yelling.
Darth Vader stood in front of the large window looking out into space when suddenly he's hit from behind from a force ripple. What the hell was that ? Damn ripples ! I hate being force sensitive sometimes , especially when I'm using the washroom and get unexpected ripples. Where is that Imperial Shuttle going ? I should go and..AH ! There's my good pal Admiral Piett , he'll know where that shuttle is going.
The Admiral Piett stood at attention as Vader approached with his hands on his hips.
" Where is that shuttle going ? " Vader asked curiously.
The Admiral gave Vader a nervous nod then leaned over to activate the COMM system .
" Stuttle We ain't the Rebels , what is your cargo and destination ? " He asked .
A crackly voice of Han Solo responded , " Rebels and deactivating the Death Star shield , I mean parts and other technical parts ! "
Admiral Piett looked at Vader waiting for his orders.
" Do they have a code clearance ? " Vader boomed curiously , or just asked curiously , he didn't boom it out like he would normally , he just ...let's just continue shall we ?
" It's a 10 year old code sir. But it checks out , I was about to clear them . "
Did he just call me SIR ? Vader felt another ripple and he looked up to the cieling curiously. This ripple has been brought to you by LUKE SKYWALKER aboard that Imperial Shuttle ! Thank you for using the force ! Bye!
Admiral Piett looked at the cieling wondering what the hell Vader was looking at.
" Shall I hold them ? " He asked .
" NO !! Leave them to me , I will deal with Luke ... I mean them,,myself ! " Vader pointed and realised he used two comma's between them and myself . This is turning out to be a word pad type of day.
Piett gave Vader a surprised look as the sith lord turned and ran as fast as he could for no reason towards the large window again.
Piett turned and slapped the controller in the back of the head , the controller's hat fell off and he looked at his commander testily. " Carry on ! "
" They're not goin' fer it Chewiecakes . " Han had a look of doom on his face.
" Chewiecakes ? " Leia gave Han a questionable stare.
The radio crackled to life again . " Shuttle We ain't the Rebels , you are clear to proceed , the deactivator shield will be deflected when...crap ! I said that wrong , the deflector shield will be activated when I ..you ..well you get the picture . Fired ? What ?! I just started today ! "
" See ? " Han grinned at everyone , then pointed ...he soon started to mock when they all told him to carry on already !
" I'm endangering the mission I shouldn't have come ! " Luke blurted out full of doom .
" Didn't we cross this bridge already ? " Han rolled his eyes at Luke as Chewbacca make a Growl Grunt noise.
" You said it Chewie . That boy should be shuttled out in the bathroom waste escape pod. " Han grinned , then pointed at Luke and laughed. He then started to mock Leia.
" Will you get going you old pirate ! " Lando laugh yelled at Han .
They all stared at Lando .
" Shouldn't you be on the Falcon ? " Luke asked him without doom in his voice .
" Yeah , " Lando scratched the back of his head , " Think you guys could give me a lift back ? "
Pirate Reviewing Droid XX34X - ARRRG ! That be de best chapter Aye read in a long time ! YAR !
If ye don't want me breakin down yer aft mast ye better review or I'll malfunction all over ye !
Until next time dis is Pirate Reviewing Droid XX34X sayin YARRRRRRRR !!!
" I'm endangering the mission I shouldn't have come ! " Luke blurted out full of doom .
ARGG !! What ye be sayin Luke Walker ? Don't be wastin me time wit pansy remarks about doom and missions matey !
" Sorry Pirate Reviewing Droid XX34X ! Just adding drama to the end of this chapter . " Luke smiled .
Ye dumb swabbleknocker ! De chapter ended many moons ago ! Ye better get yer head on straight me thinks !
" Sorry , I do hope they review XX34X . I also hope that someday my face will end up on the back of a box of cereal so kids can cut it out and make masks with it . " Luke said dreamingly.
ARGGGG !!! Stop yer blabbin ye two horned scab picker ! Watch me , look yuh no good polly smacker , it's de back of me arse and it's walkin away ! ARGGGGGG !!!!!!
" Laugh . " Luke laughed nervously.
"