Return of the Jedi – A Parody – SuperTinfoilManPart2
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AN: I wrote this chapter a few minutes ago. Then I had some Pizza Pockets.
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AN: 2 : What kind of dumb author's note was that?
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AN: Shut up! -
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AN: 2 : No, YOU shut up!
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AN: I'm tellin' mom!
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AN:2: Go ahead, ya big cry baby!
Chapter 9 – Rigamaroe –
AN: I'll show YOU, ha! NOW who's the cry baby huh? HUH?
AN: 2: Let the chapter begin already!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars.
AN: 2: What the hell are you doing? You don't put the disclaimer after the chapter title, you boob!
AN: We don't put Author's Notes after the chapter title either, moron! Let's just move to the quote, shall we?
" Old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, that you don't look forward to being cured of. " - The Emperor, when asked by a reporter if he thinks his term will finally be over at the end of the fiscal year.
The elevator doors swished open with a swishing noise. Darth Vader stood for a moment, gathered his thoughts and exited the vertical transportation device. He walked by two Red Guards as he entered the Emperor's chambers. He could slowly hear tension music growing in the distance. I hate coming here. He's always in a grouchy mood, maybe today might be different. Vader thought hopefully as the Emperor's chair spun around several times before stopping to face him.
"I thought I told you to remain on the goddamn command ship!" The Emperor screamed, scaring everyone, including the author who forgot to turn off his bold typing.
"A command ship has penetrated the shield and slid in deeply on Endor." Vader reported.
"Yes, I know. They're all jerk-offs. Every last one of them. " The Emperor stated in an all knowing way, he licked his thumb and straightened one of his eye brows. It fell off.
"My son is with them." Vader responded, slowly.
"Are you sure? Were you close enough to actually SEE him? " He said as he leaned forward, only to let out a light BRACKKK noise from his ass.
"I have, umm, felt him my master." Vader hesitated. This explanation could go on for hours, maybe even days. Why did I tell him that? Why?!
"You were close enough to TOUCH him? You didn't …. " The Emperor started to crack a smile but Vader cut him off.
"NO! I sensed his presence using the force! " Vader pointed.
"It's funny, I never felt his presence. Are you sure your feelings are clear on this matter? We don't want another Death Star Part 1 on our hands here! " The Emperor leaned forward again, this time just turning a bit red, then leaning back again.
"Then you must go to the sanctuary moon and wait for him there." The Emperor jumped over Vader's lines.
"Hewill come to me?!" Vader overacted as he twisted to one side pointing at himself three times.
"I have foreseen it. He will come to you, you will confront him, he will accompany you and you will bring him before me! You get all that? "
"Hewill accompany me?!" Vader overacted again, twisting to the left this time.
"Just go to the shit ass moon and bring Luke HERE!" The Emperor stood up and screamed.
Vader bowed. It worked; I got under his dead skin.
Han, Luke, Chewbacca, C-3PO and R2-D2 are searching the thick foliage in the jungle.
"What the hell are you doing here?" The Emperor screamed at them inside his chambers.
AN: I forgot to put a Meanwhile here, so the scene stayed inside the chambers.
Meanwhile………………On the moon…..not Earth's moon, Endor…….
AN: 2 : They know that, you tit!
AN: Oh don't start with me now! Were in mid chapter here!
"If you don't mind." Han said looking up. The chapter continued.
Luke bent down in the thick foliage and picked up Leia's helmet, there was a mess of long hair in it and it was splattered with blood. A small piece of skull plopped out of the helmet, someone wrote on the side of the helmet, she's either dead or she'll be dead by the time you find this helmet.
"Luke! Hey Luke! " Han screamed from several yards away.
Luke caught up with Han standing next to a blackened, burned out, destroyed speeder bike, with a severed female arm still on the handle.
"OHHHhhhhh, master Lu…." C-3PO started the dramatics but was cut off quickly by Luke.
"I found 18 or more wrecked speeders back there. And this…. " Luke held up a black box recording Leia's final moments on tape, he pressed play with a saddened expression. Leia could be heard screaming, then she said she was dead following a crash noise.
"R2's sensors have found many small traces of Princess Leia." 3PO said, glooming.
"I hope she's alright." Han said glooming as well, looking off into the distance.
"I'm no detective but…." Luke was cut off by Chewbacca smelling food and licking his chows.
"BARK!! WOOF WOOF WOOF! " Chewbacca barked and ran off on all fours.
"Hey, what is it Chewie!?" Han and the others followed the dumb beast.
Chewbacca stood in front of a white, grease stained box, and he tilted his head as he made inquiring grumble noises.
"Hey, I don't get it." Han scratched the back of his head.
"Bah! It's just Kentucky Fried Chicken Chewie. " Han said, but Chewbacca took a swat at the box, hoping for some of the Colonel's greasy goodness.
"No Chewiest, wait!" Luke screamed but he should've screamed before the Wookie took a swipe at the box, but this is the extra special silver limited extended version so the scene was altered.
A huge net sprung up capturing them all. They soon died from the ropes being too tight around they're necks. Even the droids. They died from shock.
The End –
Thank you for reading Return of the Jedi- A Parody.
AN:2 : It can't end like that you freak! I'm taking over this story.
AN: Be my guest, jackass. You'd probably put dumbass furry creatures in there just to sell toys.
AN:2 : Shut up!
Not the end - The Story continues.
The new title is, The Liberation of the Rebellion!
AN: You can't change the title 9 chapters in, you goof!
The story continues – With the same title – But now with added characters!
The wealthy business man in a grey business suit walked up to the large net.
"I say, ol chaps, you seem to be in a spot of trouble there!" Bruno the business man said, sipping his tea.
"Damn straight, cracker jack! Think yo' white ass might get us outta here?! " 3PO said, trying to convince Bruno.
"It is beyond my….."
AN : NO NO NO NO ! You can't interject a new character in the middle of the story that seems to belong on Earth and not outer space! And C-3PO would NEVER say that!
AN: 2 : O.K , O.K , give me one more shot !
AN : Have at it!
"Great Chewie! Just great! Always thinking with your stomach! " They continued to spin around in mid air from the crudely constructed rope net.
"Settle down Han, do you think you can reach my lightsaber?" Luke said as he was pushed tightly into the side of the netting.
"Ya, sure! No problem! " Han said sarcastically as his head and one arm were poking out of the netting, he pulled the netting closer to himself as he tried to reach Luke's lightsaber.
"Whoa! I mean, that's it! You got it, pull it! PULL IT!! " Luke groaned.
AN: Oh my god, stop! STOP ! STOP! STOP NOW! I can see where you're going with this! This ain't no perverted slash story!
AN:2: NO! IT WASN'T what you think! You didn't let me continue!
AN: Alright, but be careful how you word things.
AN:2: Sorry master, I am trying. Jackass.
"I got it!" Han exclaimed. He then tried to figure out how to light the lightsaber but R2-D2 had already cut through the net, he cut one single strand of rope and the entire bottom of the net opened, they fell to the ground.
When they finally regain the strength to sit up, they are surrounded by, (cough) –rry creatures.
AN: What was that?
AN:2 : Furry creatures, alright!
AN: Continue.
"What the…? " Han cracked a smile at the small army of furry Ewoks surrounding our heroes. The leader poked his spear at Han's chest.
"Hey! Point that thing someplace else! " Han grabbed the spear out of the Ewok's hand and threw it away, the spear stuck straight into another bystander Ewok, who was killed instantly.
"No Han," Luke held Han's blaster before he could use it, "Did you ever play Empire at War? Do you know what the main purpose of these furry things are?""" Luke asked with an obvious mistake at the end of his sentence.
"No. I don't play video games. " Han said in a low voice.
"They're terrorists. They run and scream, then they explode. " Luke explained, showing Han a screenshot on his cell phone.
AN: Alright, you're going way off topic here. Chapter over!
Reviewing Droid XX34X – ARGG ! That be one o' dem chapters me hates! In fact, I hate every chapter!
Leia – Settle down XX34X, it wasn't THAT bad. Even though they made me look like I was dead.
XX34X – ARGG! Who asked YOU to speak ?! BITCH!
Leia- EXCUSE ME?! What the hell did you just call me?
XX34X – Arrg. I said who is that wonderful person, without a hitch?
Leia – That was a horrible cover up. You are going to pay for this, droid.
XX34X – NOOOO! Don't ye be doin' dat!
Leia- Say goodbye.
XX34X – NOOOo-
Leia – Thank you for reading , Return of The Jedi – A Parody.