Four days later was the funeral.
Friends, family, and co-workers gathered at Ryan's mother's house and all mostly stood around in their black dresses and suits as drinks were past around. A few were crying, others were drawn back in tiny little crowds. Earlier Michael had come by and broke down nearly causing a scene. Jim made Dwight drive him home, hoping Pam hadn't seen any of it.
Instead Pam sat on the back desk wearing oversized sunglasses and being silent. A good number of people had come by greeting her, most of them strangers. Some family, some friends, most of them people he knew from business school. They all asked if she had been his girlfriend and how they had heard she just had a little girl. They asked how she was and Pam would always pretend to smile before telling them she was taking her home at the end of the week. They all wished her their best and moved on.
Pam knew what everyone was saying. It seemed so tragic. Ryan was just in his early twenties and died so young. He had just had a baby and never even got to see her. And of course poor Pam, all alone forced to raise the baby alone.
Pam sat there watching Ryan's mother from afar. She still felt so numb and couldn't believe he was gone. When Jim sat beside her with his tie loosened she began to weep. Jim gathered her up in his arms and held her as she cried.
It seemed as though it was the only thing she could do.
That weekend she brought Ginger home.
Ginger now had her eyes opened and was breathing completely normal. The doctors said she was fine and that Pam had nothing to worry about. Her parents had decided to spend a couple of months with her until she got settled. They understood their daughter was very depressed now and beyond overwhelmed with a newborn baby. Pam's father had finished the nursery and both had carefully been helping Pam as she began learning the first steps in motherhood. At one point she completely broke down in her mother's arms, telling her she honestly didn't know if she could do this. But as Jim began coming over more and more she sensed she was really trying her best and doing exactly what Ryan wanted her to do.
Ginger had been fussy, but she still couldn't help but feel better whenever she looked at her baby. She knew Ryan had wanted her so much, and just knowing she was a part of him made her heart dance lightly in her chest. Most nights when she woke up from a dream, for a brief moment she would always think Ryan was there laying beside her. Instead she always woke up to just an empty side of the bed and pillows. That's when she would break down and cry. It wasn't fair…it wasn't fair at all.
She missed him, she missed very part of him. His laugh, his smile, his big blue eyes. She missed just holding him.
One evening while her mother was in the kitchen making dinner, Jim and her stood together in the nursery. Jim had been coming over a lot lately and had been helping. He really seemed to love Ginger and cheered Pam up whenever things were bad.
Both looked down at Ginger who was laying in her crib, staring up at her mobile of birds.
"She's got beautiful big eyes…"
"Yeah they are aren't they?"
"I bet their going to be like yours…"
Pam looked down at her daughter before smiling.
"No…I think their going to be a mix of me and Ryan. Gray and blue…"
Jim smiled at Pam before slipping his hand into hers.
That night Pam finally slept.
In her dream…she finally remembered that fateful Halloween night.
Ryan and Pam had left the office Halloween party and went to Poor Richard's for a few after drinks. By then it was late and both were very drunk. They went back to his place, laughing as they stumbled up the stairs and hanging onto each other. Pam had been upset earlier about Jim and the more she had drank the more it seemed like the furthest thing from her mind. Laughing, the two of them dropped their coats and Ryan threw down his keys. His dog, which had been sleeping on the floor lifted his head. This dog would later be given to Ryan's brother. Both began kissing each other, laughing through them before they seemed almost in a frenzy. They slammed into the hallway walls as Pam wrapped her arms around him and began making out with him like a madwoman. His hands were firmly placed on her hips as both began breathing heavy, their hearts racing in their chests.
That's when they stumbled to the bedroom.
Both undressed quickly in the dark, helping each other. Ryan tore open her blouse while she yanked his belt off. In-between kisses as Pam began undoing his slacks she asked in a breathless voice if he had something. Ryan nodded before pushing her on the bed.
Moments later Pam laid there in the big empty strange bed feeling the room spin. Sweat was covering her body and her heart was pounding. Slipping off the rest of her clothes she never felt this way before in her life. She needed Ryan, she yarned for him. Seconds later he was on top of her, rolling around kissing until both began laughing again.
Then…
Pam couldn't explain it. She remembered laying there with her eyes snapped shut as she held onto him grasping for air. He laid on her, his eyes serious and direct before he began kissing her down her neck.
That's when she heard the condom snap, and after that…well fate took care of the rest. She remembered him swearing and snapping it off before throwing it away. She remembered kissing him before they both fell asleep together. She remembered waking up with a horrible hangover and before reality really did set in about what happened, she remembered for just a brief moment waking up and smiling as she watched Ryan sleep beside her.
That's when she woke up to Ginger's cries. Blinking the sleep out of her eyes she quickly got up before her parents did and went down the hall to the nursery. There she scooped Pam up and kissed the side of her baby's head.
"What's wrong honey? You hungry?"
She began walking to the kitchen before looking at Ginger and smiled.
She thought she might be right, her baby's eyes did look like the two of theirs.
Gray…and blue.
The end.
- Thanks for all the reviews! You guys were great! Hope you enjoyed. I'll be doing another Ryan/Pam story soon.