The Return of the Jedi - A Parody - By Super_Tinfoil_Man part 2

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Chapter 11 - The 11th chapter -

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Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the rebel fleet, it's twenty minute mission, to destroy the Death Star for a second time and save the galaxy. The entire rebel fleet hung around this huge blue planet getting ready for action.

Inside the Millenium Falcon's cockpit sits Lando Calrissian, with his brand new sidekick Nien Nunb, an alien Mexican from planet Mexicanicus. Lando will activate the comlink in 3.5 seconds.....now!

" Admiral, we're in position. All fighters accounted for. " Lando recieved an approving nod from Nien Nunb, one of hundreds to come his way.

" Proceed with caution. All groups assume attack coordinates, scratch that. Don't assume anything, just go with the flow. If you happen to be flying a medical frigate into the battle, just pretend you know what the hell you are doing. " Ackbar rambled on, he did that on occasion once he knew he had everyone's attention.

" Humna humna humna. " Nunb said to Lando.

" Don't worry, my friends are down there. They'll have the shield down in time. What's that horrible smell ? " He scrunched his nose.

" Humna humna humna babble. " Nunb said.

" Bantha Tortillas ? This is no time for your Mexicanicus ways Nunb, damn! I shoulda brought Sweeshy Sweder along. The Swedish alien from the planet Swedonia. "

" All fighters and non fighters! Prepare to jump to hyperspace on my mark! " Ackbar just about screamed into the comlink. Then his huge rebel command ship quickly zipped into hyperspace.

" All right, stand by. " Lando replied, but he could hear several rebels laughing through the connection.

" He doesn't mess around. " Lando quickly went through the routines of hyperspace preperation then the actual jump. The rebel fleet zipped into hyperspace.

ZIP!

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Meanwhile, on the forest moon of Endor.......

" Look! Over there! " Leia pointed to an ewok getting into trouble, then several things happened.

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Meanwhile......................On the Death Star......................................

The elevator doors slid open. Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader walked side by side towards the emperors throne area. The emperor was playing his Deathbox 360. He turned NHL 09 off and turned to his new visitors. It was an old game anyway, from another time and place, far, far away.

" Welcome young Skywalker, I have been expecting you. " The dark sith smiled under his hood revealing yellow teeth that needed some Crest badly.

Luke said nothing but stuck his chest out a little. Then flexed one boob muscle, then he seemed exhausted, so he stood normally again.

" You no longer need those. " The emperor motioned in Luke's direction in a downward spiral finger twirl.

Luke's pants unbuckled and fell to the floor, he had pink underwear on.

" Oh. " The emperor's head cradled back just ever so slightly as he fought to suppress a smile. " I meant to undo your binders. "

Vader's breathing became rapid.

Everyone stood there in silence, Luke with his pants around his ankles. But he was brave, he was nearly a Jedi! He stuck his chest out in defiance.

Tears rolled down the Emperor's face as he fought with every dark power imaginable to supress his laughter. But Lord Vader wasn't as powerfull as his master.

" Blah HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!! " Vader said, " HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!! " Mechancal breathing interruptions , " HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!! SCREAM !!!!! HA !!! "

Vader bent foward holding his ribs.

" Guards! Leave us ! " The Emperor waved the red guards off. The red guards left the room.

The Emperor spun around dramatically, then he realised he was facing the viewing window to space, so he spun dramatically around again to face Luke, " I'm looking forward to completing your training, in time you will call me bastard! I mean master! "

" But I already DO call you master, master. I thought my training was complete. " Vader boomed.

" I was talking to the boy. " The Emperor waved to the boy who would be Jedi someday.

" You are gravely mistaken, you won't turn me like you did my father. Could you pull my pants back up please ? " Luke said.

The Emperor took a few steps down towards Luke so he was eye level with him. Luke could smell the stench of death and years of not brushing his teeth. ( from the emperor.)

" Oh no, my young Jedi friend, it is you who are mistaken. About a great many things."

" His lightsaber. " Vader held out his hand and passed the weapon to his master.

" My simple minded friend. "

" What is it , my master. "

" This is your lightsaber. It says so right on the hilt - If lost return to Darth Vader - 1254.67 sector 6 Imperial Destroyer 5. You even put your address on it? What if the rebels found this weapon ? " The dark master was angry at his apprentice.

" Could we possibly start over? My master ? " Vader sounded apologetic.

" Please. " The Emperor handed back Vader's weapon.

" His lightsaber. " Vader held out his hand as he started over.

" Ah yes, a Jedi's weapon. Much like your fathers. By now you must know that your father can never be...be... " The evil son of a bitch looked at Darth Vader, " My simple minded friend. "

" I did it again, didn't I ? " Vader lowered his head.

" Yes, this is YOUR fucking lightsaber. Now pass me HIS !! " The emperor screamed and pointed to Luke, a small spittle of saliva flew from his mouth and was never seen again.

" You're wrong, soon I'll be dead, and you with me. " Luke changed the conversation suddenly.

" You jumped the gun, my son. " Vader said then bowed his head in submission.

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Meanwhile.................at the same time and place......

" Perhaps you refer to the imminent attack of your rebel fleet. " The emperor made the word rebel sound like a curse word.

Luke looked up quickly, giving away all secrets and exposing the entire rebel fleet to an ambush, his one simple look could have destroyed the entire galaxy.

" I knew it! Didn't I tell you Vader! " The Emperor pointed at Luke triumphantly.

" Ya! " Vader did a fist pump.

" I tricked you boy. Now I can expect an attack I wasn't expecting before. Now we are safe from your little band of friends here! " The emperor said with a huge smile on his face.

" Shit! " Luke said shittingly.

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To be continued............