A/N: I'm gonna have small notes here, since its four chapters in one night. Who's excited for some dramarama? There is a playlist on my profile with some songs that fit this chapter… check it out. There will also be playlists for the next two chappies as well.

I don't own twilight but I do have a young neighbor who looks just like Taylor Lautner. My teenage stepdaughter drools at the sight of him.

BPOV

The flight from London to New York was unbearable. Edward was trying to be supportive and comforting, but I just cried on his shoulders for most of the flight and got continual stares from the other passengers and flight staff. I was dying inside and it wasn't because of our imminent separation, it was because of my guilt. I had three hours left with Edward and I still hadn't told him that I would be in New York City in two weeks. I had no idea how he would take the news, specifically because it meant I had been lying to him since we met. I didn't think it would be good though. Even as recently as a few days ago in Paris when we agreed to do the long distance thing and I had a prime opportunity to tell him, I chickened out. To make it worse, every time I even broached the topic with him, he said we weren't allowed to discuss it at all. My life was balancing precariously on the edge of a sword and I had no idea how to make everything right.

"Bella, stop crying. I can fly out to see you in Chicago in a month and maybe I can convince my parents to let me go to Forks for Thanksgiving with you. It's not like they'll care where I am," he said supportively as he wiped some tears from my eyes and kissed my cheek lovingly.

"We need to talk Edward," I choked out through my tears, but Edward kissed my lips to silence me.

"We agreed a few weeks ago in Venice not to talk about the separation anymore. We're just going to enjoy the last few hours and then you'll be in Chicago and I'll be in New York. It will be hard, but worth it because I love you," he whispered to me as his fingers ran reverently though my hair, as though it was the last time he would ever touch it. I spent the rest of the trip memorizing every little detail about him, in case he stopped loving me when I finally told him the truth. I tried with all my might to stay awake, but as Edward stroked my hair and hummed to me, I found myself leaning against his shoulders and passing out. It wasn't until we were descending into JFK that I finally woke up.

"Why did you let me sleep?" I snapped angrily. "I just lost over two hours with you."

"You were tired Bella, plus I think most of the passengers preferred your snoring to your crying," he said with a small smile. As I looked at him, I wondered how he would take it if I just showed up at his door and told him I had transferred to Columbia to be with him. It probably still wouldn't be good. He would probably be pissed at me for not discussing it with him in the first place. It was only ten minutes later when we were walking off the plane and down the jet way. I was running out of time because we both had connecting flights to get to. When we were finally free of all the other travelers, I saw down on a chair by the gate to catch my breath and gather my courage. "Bella, come on. We have to go," said Edward as he grabbed my hand and tried to pull me forward.

"Sit down," I said forcefully to him. I knew we each had at least an hour till we could even board our connecting flights and that would be more than enough time to get through this. "I've been trying to tell you something for ages and you have to let me talk," I spit out angrily. Edward finally relented and sat down beside me, looking very forlorn.

"You don't want to do the long distance thing, do you?" he asked as he put his face in his hands. I reached down to my wrist and ran my fingers along the bracelet Edward had given me earlier this morning, praying it would give me some sort of strength.

"I want to be with you Edward. There is no one else in this world I could ever love as much as I love you. Never doubt that," I said, mustering up all the confidence I could to convince him of my feelings. My heart ached for him; I couldn't believe he thought I didn't want to be with him.

"Then what is wrong?" he asked with concern as he grabbed my hand in his and started to stroke my palm supportively.

"How would you react if you found out I had lied to you since I met you?" I asked, trying to gauge his reaction. He immediately tensed and a scowl crossed his beautiful face. He looked furious and I couldn't blame him.

"That would depend on what the lie was about?" he replied through clenched teeth.

"I'm not going to Northwestern and I'm not moving to Chicago," I admitted through my now falling tears. I looked down at his hands and he had pulled them from mine and they were now clenched tightly on his lap, his knuckles were practically white as his hands gripped into fists.

"Where are you going Bella?" he asked angrily as he raised his voice and a few people turned to look at us.

"Please remember that when I told you where I was going to school, we had just met and I didn't feel extremely comfortable with you. I wasn't in love with you then," I pleaded with him as the tears continued to stream down my face. Edward didn't look so sympathetic anymore.

"Where are you going Bella?" he repeated. This time it was louder and angrier. In any other circumstance, I probably would have been scared by this reaction, but this was Edward, My Edward. He would never do anything to hurt me physically. My heart however, I didn't think would ever recover if this went as badly as I thought it would.

"Columbia," I said as I tried to reach out for his hand but he pulled away quickly and stood up in front of me.

"What the fuck Bella? I've been struggling to find ways to keep us together and now you tell me you're going to be a few fucking miles away from me."

"I'm sorry," I choked out pathetically, not that I thought apologizing would do much at this point.

"Did you not want to be with me in New York? Is that it Bella? I was even considering transferring to Northwestern to be with you. I was going to sacrifice my dreams to be with you and you couldn't be bothered to tell me you'd be in New York and we could be together?" He yelled furiously and a vein popped out on his forehead that I had never noticed before.

"You wanted to transfer to Northwestern?" I asked incredulously as I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes.

"Yeah, I had been thinking about it. I didn't want to be away from you. I loved you that much Bella," he said as he started to walk around our arrival gate, where I was still seated. "Was this some sort of game to you? Head to Europe, make some stupid rich kid fall in love with you and have him pay for everything? I feel like such a fucking fool. I cared for you. I protected you and I loved you," he said as I interrupted him.

"You know this was never about money or anything like that. I can't believe you would think that Edward. I hated when you paid for things, it made me feel like shit. Hold on, you said loved… as in past tense? You don't love me anymore?" I asked as I shook in my chair from my tears and his words. Edward was pacing in front of me, fuming in rage and disgust.

"Yes Bella… past tense. Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he begged of me.

"I didn't want us to end. I had nightmares that no matter when or how I told you, this would be the outcome. You'd stop loving me. You'd stop wanting me and I didn't want that. I don't want to be without you," I said as I stood from the chair and cupped his face in my hands, trying to pull him in for a kiss. Edward pulled away and pushed my hands away from his cheeks.

"If you didn't want this to be the end of us, you should have told me sooner. We said that we loved each other weeks ago… weeks ago Bella," he yelled out again. "I was always completely honest with you and you know how conflicted I have been about being apart from you. Right now, there is nothing I want more than to be away from you." Edward turned on his heel and walked away from me as I fell to the floor, practically screaming for him to come back to me. He didn't even turn around to look at me. I had fucked up beyond belief and every single thing I wanted from the moment I fell in love with him was gone. Edward was gone.

The words from one of my favorite songs began to run through my head and my body shuddered as I lay on the floor crying.

Are you there?
Are you watching me?
As I lie here on this floor
They say you feel what I do
They say you're here every moment
Will you stay?
Stay 'till the darkness leaves
Stay here with me
I know you're busy, I know I'm just one
But you might be the only one who sees me
The only one to save me

Why is it so hard?
Why can't you just take me?
I don't have much to go
Before I fade completely

Can you feel how cold I am?
Do you cry as I do?
Are you lonely up there all by yourself?
Like I have felt all my life
The only one to save mine

EPOV

I walked to the nearest bathroom and sat down in one of the stalls, pulling the toilet seat closed before I sat down. I put my head in my hands and started to let the tears fall from my eyes. I had never cried over a girl before, but Bella had completely crushed my heart, my spirit and everything else about me. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone, which I had gotten out of my bag before I handed it over to baggage check in London. As soon as I composed myself, I called Jasper.

"Dude, where are you?" he asked with a little too much enthusiasm.

"I'm in a stall of a men's bathroom at JFK. I need you to pick me up Logan in about two hours. I'm on United Flight 921. I think I am supposed to arrive at like 8 or something," I said slowly. I was still furious, but I really didn't want to talk about it right now, especially since I was in the bathroom at the airport. "Bring as much booze as you can find. I need some weed too, so get it from Emmett, whatever you can score, I need it right now."

"What happened man? You sound seriously disturbed." Jasper had always been pretty perceptive about virtually everything, so it didn't surprise me that he could sense my unhappiness.

"I just found out Bella has been lying to me since the day we met," I replied with a sigh. "I don't want to talk about it. Just bring me whatever the fuck you can score please. I need to stop thinking about her, and all the booze and weed in Boston should be a good start."

"Okay man, I'll be there. I won't bring Alice, Emmett or anyone else okay?" he said and I agreed quietly. When we finished talking, I shoved my phone back in my pocket and stepped out of the stall, washing my hands and putting cold water on my face to help me calm down. It didn't work. I practically ran to my gate and paced nervously until we were allowed to board. I took my first class seat and plugged my iPod in, choosing to listen to the most depressing music I could find on my playlists before I fell asleep, dreaming of Bella. Except now instead of the usual sex dreams, they were nightmares involving her with other guys, and her at Columbia. I would see her on the streets of New York and she acted like she didn't know me. I woke up panting, sweating and feeling seriously ill. I was so relieved to see Jasper waiting for me at baggage claim that I almost gave him a hug. "You look like shit man."

"Thanks Jazz, greatly appreciated. Keep your eye out for my backpack, I'm desperate to get out of here. I hate JFK," I said with a sigh as he shot me a thumbs up and stared intently at me.

"She fucked you up pretty bad huh?"

"Yeah, you could say that. Are there any parties coming up, I think I need to find myself some female companionship of the non-Bella kind," I said with a groan. I really didn't want to hook up with some random girl, but it would be a step in the right direction to forget about Bella.

"You know you don't mean that. Sure, there's parties coming up, but I don't think that you going to any of them is a good idea," sighed Jasper in frustration. I looked over at him and he was frowning at me already. "I don't want you to do something you are going to regret. Why don't you tell me what happened?" I noticed my bag coming down the conveyor belt and grabbed it quickly, letting Jasper lead me out towards his car.

"So, did you and Emmett find us a place in New York or not?" I asked irately as I changed the topic. I didn't want to discuss Bella yet, so I thought this would be the safest discussion.

"Yeah, we found a decent three bedroom in the village. Your parents ended up buying it as an investment, so that's a good thing. We can decorate it in standard bachelor pad chic," laughed Jasper as I imagined various posters of naked girls adorning the walls. Not that I would particularly care, because none of them were Bella.

"Cool. I'm sure it's great," I said although I wasn't really interested. Jasper tossed my bag into the trunk of his car and we drove silently for the next half hour, heading towards my house. When we got there, I threw my bag into my bedroom and headed out to the backyard with the bottle Patron that Jasper had acquired for me. He was following close behind me and was looking at me with concern. I sat down under the gazebo in the backyard and whipped open the bottle, taking a big drink and coughing heavily after I had swallowed.

"Take it easy there champ," said Jasper as he glared me. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't want to remember Bella, so I was stuck in a shitty situation. "What did she do?"

"She lied to me for the past two months." I said as I took another swig of tequila and flinched slightly. "Bella's going to Columbia in the fall."

"She's doing what?" he yelled incredulously as we both glanced back towards the house, hoping no one heard us, particularly Alice.

"I asked her when we first met where she was going in the fall and she told me Northwestern. She never once tried to correct herself or tell me that she had lied to me about it. I even considered leaving NYU to go to Northwestern to be with her, because I loved her that much." I groaned out a heavy sigh and took another drink. "She's going to Columbia and will literally be across town from me. Hell, Emmett and Rose are going to Columbia, I might even run into her with my luck."

"So, then make up with her?" suggested Jasper coolly.

"Yeah, it's not that easy. We talked for weeks about having a long distance relationship, and she never said anything. We were making plans for me to visit her in Chicago and then again in Forks for the holidays. I just don't get it. If I never see her again, it will be too soon," I said with a heavy heart. Of course I didn't mean it. Right now, I'd give my left arm to see her again even though I am pissed at her. I already missed her like crazy and it had only been a few hours.

"Well, don't drink everything in sight or fuck the first skank who bats her eyelashes at you to get her out of your mind, it won't help."

"Oh well what do you suggest Dr. Jasper?" I asked with a nervous laugh.

"I suggest you give it some time and space and then try to talk to her. If you love her as much as you claimed you did on your trip, you should try to make it work. I would if this happened to Alice and me," sighed Jasper. I looked over at him and frowned before I took another big sip of tequila. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a joint and handed it to me. "I don't' condone getting fucked up, but I would do it if I was in your shoes. I'm sticking around to make sure you don't do something stupid like drunk dialing Jessica Stanley for a quick fuck." I nodded my head and offered him a quick smirk. He was right; I didn't need to be calling Jessica, or anyone else for that matter.

BPOV

After a few minutes of sitting on the floor of the terminal crying profusely, I picked myself up from the floor and headed to the nearest bathroom to clean up. I had been dreading this for weeks, and every single one of my nightmares came true, made worse because they were completely real. I couldn't handle it; I also couldn't handle seeing my parents right now. I composed myself to look somewhat decent and headed towards my gate for the flight to Seattle. As soon as I found a payphone, I called Angela to beg to her pick me up in Seattle, instead of my parents. She reluctantly agreed and I had to promise her not to bring Ben with her because I needed her support. After she agreed, I called my parents and told them that Angela 'just happened' to be in Seattle and offered to pick me up. I think they were relieved that they wouldn't have to drive all the way into the city to come and get me.

I sat down in my chair at the gate, pulling my knees up to my chest, rocking back and forth slowly as I turned up the music on my iPod. Ironically, the first song that came on was 'Hurt' by Nine Inch Nails. As if my iPod was trying to rub salt in the wounds, the next song was 'Deathly' by Aimee Mann. Just shoot me now, I thought to myself as I waited around the gate, desperate to get out of New York City. For once, I actually wished I was actually going to Northwestern. Once the plane was in the air, I tried my best to fall asleep, but it never happened. Instead, I sat there replaying every second of our trip in my mind, including the break-up. It was definitely a break up, even though I was holding out for an angry confrontation and some serious make up sex in a bathroom stall, I ended up with the break up I had been dreading.

When we landed, I headed over to baggage claim and immediately found my bag since it was the first one off the conveyor. As I threw it over my shoulder, I noticed Angela standing off to the side, looking rather sad. "How's it going kiddo?" she asked as I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly. "That good huh?" Tears started to stream from my eyes and she instantly knew what was going on. "You told Edward and he didn't take it well I'm guessing?"

"Didn't take it well is probably an understatement," I replied as I pulled away from her and let her lead me towards her parents car. "He wouldn't let me tell him at all, and I finally ended up forcing him to listen to me when we got off the plane in New York. He absolutely flipped out and said he never wanted to see me again. He even said he didn't love me anymore," I said as my light tears turned into full on sobs. Angela wrapped her arm around me supportively and helped me throw my bag in the car.

"So, this is why I'm here and not Charlie and Renee huh? You didn't want to hear 'I told you so'?" I nodded in agreement and buried my head in my hands. "Do you think there's any chance he'll reconsider?"

"Not likely. He was pretty pissed off about everything, and I don't blame him. I mean, I was conflicted since the moment I realized I liked him, but I couldn't find the courage or confidence to tell him about college. I could tell him I loved him, I could fuck him on a train and give him a blowjob on a boat, but I couldn't say 'Hey baby, I'm gonna live on the other side of town from you.' How fucking pathetic am I?" Angela didn't say anything, for fear of angering me with her answer, and we drove in silence back towards Forks.

When we finally pulled up in front of my parent's house, I gave her a quick hug and thanked her for being so supportive. My parents were elated to see me, and thankfully, they completely avoided the topic of Edward altogether. "It's so good to see you Bella. You look so tan, which is an amazing feat for anyone in the Swan family" said Charlie as he hugged me gently. He stared at my face for a moment and could clearly sense something was wrong, but didn't say anything.

"Bella, you look tired sweetie. How about you go get some rest and you can tell us all about the trip later?" suggested Renee with a forced smile. She knew what was going on too but was choosing to delay discussing it. I was dreading my future conversation with her. Charlie grabbed my bag and brought it upstairs for me and when he left I practically collapsed on my bed the moment I stepped into my room. I pulled the blankets up around me tightly, without removing any clothes and started to cry again. It was only a few minutes later when I heard a light knocking on the door. It was my dad.

"Hey Bella, are you okay?" he asked gently as he sat down on my bed and rubbed my back, just like he would do when I was younger. I immediately rose from the bed and buried my head in his shoulder, crying even more than ever. "What did Edward do?"

"He didn't do anything. I screwed up Dad. Majorly," I said through my tears. He reached up and tried to wipe both my tears and my hair from my face, without much luck. "I never told him I was going to be in New York City with him. I lied when we met because I didn't know him very well, and then when I fell in love with him, I never told him. Not until we got off the plane in New York." Charlie looked down at me with a frown, clearly disappointed that I had lied to Edward.

"Your mom and I broke up when we were dating, for over five months. She even dated other people, even though I never did because I was so in love with her. I spent all my time trying to win her back, and as you know, it obviously worked. If you love this boy as much as you say you do, don't give up on him." I looked up at Charlie with a small smile, tears still falling down my face.

"Thanks Daddy," I said as I kissed his cheek and he stood from the bed. He lingered at the doorway for moment before he left.

"Bella, if you try and he still can't be bothered to be with you, then he wasn't the right person for you. But you have to try something right?" I nodded my head casually at him and curled back into the sheets of the bed, eager for sleep to take me, so that I could wake up in the morning and plan how to get Edward back.

"Oh, Dad… can I borrow your Van Morrison album. I would really like to listen to 'Into the Mystic' right now."