Discs.: I of course don't own CM or its characters

A/N : I finally finished writing the next three chaps. They were not beta read, because I didn't wanted you guys to keep waiting...

Broken

3.Profiler profiled

Four days had passed since they had closed the case and everyone on the team had noticed how different Hotch's behavior had become. He was quieter than usually and seemed far away with his mind.

They were on their way to help on a case in Orlando and talked about the case details. The only one who was sitting quietly all alone in one corner of the plane was Hotch – once again lost in his thoughts. He wasn't aware of the conversations of his colleagues. The guilt he felt because of what had happened was nearly unbearable for him. He wanted to be at Elle's bedside to make sure she was okay – he of course knew that his team needed him, but he couldn't be there for them …Right now he needed to get his thoughts in order, to figure out what he wanted…

The others were trying all the time to light up Hotch's mood, but he won't open up to anyone of them. The only topic he was willing to talk about was work.

He knew that even Haley had noticed how much he had changed in the last few days, but he didn't care – he couldn't…

The team knew that their boss was spending all his free time in the hospital at Elle's side, everyday he was looking more tired, desperate and farther away with his thoughts and they were getting more and more worried.

At the evening, back at DC :

After they had closed the case in record time the team started to work on their paperwork. Hotch went straight to his office to finish up his tasks as leader of the unit – and that as fast as possible, because he wanted to get to the hospital to see Elle. Only a few minutes passed before his mind drifted back to all the things which bothered him now for weeks – especially since Elle had been shot.

Meanwhile in Gideon's office :

Gideon was still busy with his paperwork when his phone rang.

"Yeah?"

"Jason? This is Haley…"

"Oh hey, how are you?"

"To be honest – I'm worried about Aaron…"

"Why's that?" Gideon was curious, he knew that something was wrong with Hotch, but he was surprised to hear that Haley had noticed it as well – because Hotch usually tended to hide his problems and sorrows from his wife.

"He changed so much - not only in the last few days…He is totally quiet and distant with his thoughts for weeks – a few days ago he started to only come home for changing his clothes, the dark circles under his eyes are getting darker every time I see him – and he just won't open up to me! I don't know what to do anymore…"

Gideon heard in her voice how desperate Haley was – he was sure that she was close to tears…

"Maybe you could talk with him, Jason?"

"I will try – but I can't promise anything…"

A moment later they hung up. Gideon thought for a while, when he lifted his head he saw Hotch leaving so he jumped up from his seat to get to him.

Gideon opened his door in a hurry and ordered : "Hotch, can I have a word with you?"

Hotch forced a calm expression onto his face and went to his friends office.

"What's the matter – I'm in a hurry…"

"I already noticed that – have a seat." Gideon was aware of the fact that Hotch hated to be ordered around – but there was no other way than to force him to talk.

After Hotch had taken a seat he gave Gideon only a half questioning half annoyed glance.

"What's wrong with you?"

"You know the answer Jason…"

"I don't believe that you only changed like this because of what has happened to Elle – we all feel horrible because of it and are worried about her – but right now we are more worried about you…You getting more distant from us everyday – and that's not only like this since Elle had been shot. There's something else bothering you we both know that – and one thing is for sure : In case you keep this behavior up you will ruin your whole life – if you don't get yourself killed in the field because of the lack of sleep …"

"Stop profiling me, Jason!"

Hotch jumped up and wanted to leave but Gideon stopped him with his next sentence : "Listen, Aaron if you don't open up to someone and keep up this way of behaving you are going to lose everything – including your life. You have a family that needs you…Do you really think Haley doesn't noticed how much you changed in the last time?"

He paused and waited for a reaction of his friend – but there came none, so he went on : "Stop being so god damn proud and talk to me – you need to talk with someone…Have you even an idea of how worried Haley is?"

Slowly Hotch turned around – his shoulders hanging finally giving up his façade. He went back to the chair and sat down.

After a moment of silence he started quietly to talk : "It's all my fault – I sent her home…"

"We both know that this is only a part of the truth, Hotch – you know as well as everybody else that this is nobody's fault, nobody could have known this…Haley told me that you started to change weeks ago…"

"You talked with her?"

Gideon only nodded and observed Hotch, who leaned now his forehead onto his hands, his elbows on his legs…

"There is another woman…I can't stop thinking of. – She invades my mind wherever I go, whatever I do – I just can't get her out of my head…At the beginning I tried to deny it but then there was this incident and I finally realized that she could never be only a friend to me – not to mention a colleague…"

Not even a second passed before he got aware of his mistake, but Gideon kept quiet for the time being so Hotch went on : "I don't know what to do…she is invading my every thought – even when I'm with Haley I keep thinking about her– and now this happened…and it just gets all too much…"

He finally looked up – his eyes full with pain.

"Do you love her?"

"I don't know…I love Haley, I love Jack – but I also know that I couldn't live without her – if she dies because of my mistake – I don't know what I would do…But I could never be with her anyway – for so many reasons…I can't lose my family not to mention that she is totally off limits…I'm her boss…"

He suddenly got aware that he just revealed his secret – and he knew what Gideon would say every moment, so he got up and left in a hurry to get to the place he needed to be…

Tbc

A/N: Hope you liked it and that therewere not too many mistakes in it...Please tell me your opinion!