Discs.: I don't own Criminal Minds or the characters!

A/N: Another new chapter of my fic, it wasn't corrected by a beta so I'm sorry about any mistake I made...

Broken

5.Please, wake up

When Hotch entered Elle's room he hoped she was awake – but he was being disappointed, she was still unconscious.

He let out a heavy sigh and took a seat next to her. Then he took her hand into his – it was stone-cold and he suddenly wondered if Elle was in pain, he of course knew that she was on medication, but still he kept wondering…

A short moment later his mind traveled back to the day when he first met her in Seattle, when he had first laid eyes on her…It wasn't hard for him to recall the day when he had interviewed her for the opening in the BAU.

She had worn a bright red top under a thin white jacket and blue jeans. Her hair was open, her brown locks were framing her face and she had a gorgeous smile on her lips that let her eyes sparkle. She had hold her head up high, making clear that she knew exactly what she wanted. He had noticed right then that she had two different sides – on the one hand she was tough as nails when it came to her job, but on the other hand you had to notice right away how kind and understanding she was, when you just talked with her for long enough.

He had also sensed that there was something Elle was hiding, but he didn't wanted to push her, he knew that she trusted him – at least he knew she had trusted him – he was sure she would tell him when she felt it was the right time to do so.

He was suddenly interrupted in his reverie when his cell-phone started ringing.

It was Morgan who told him they had a new case.

Hotch kept silent for a moment before he replied : "Sorry, but I'm not feeling well…"

"Okay, I'll tell the others." Morgan told him. Then they both hung up.

Meanwhile at the office :

After he had ended the conversation with Hotch, Morgan took a deep breath and told the others what their boss had said.

"He is not going to come…"

The others looked surprised at him.

"Maybe he wants to spend some time with his family…Or he wants to catch up on sleep?" Reid mused.

"I seriously doubt that." Gideon stated. He was pretty sure that Hotch was right now in the hospital at Elle's bedside, but he kept quiet – it wasn't his place to judge.

At Hotch's place, 1 am:

Haley was still up, waiting for her husband to come home, but somehow she sensed that she was going to be disappointed in her hopes – again…

When she started to think of the last few weeks, her eyes welled up with tears.

It was starting to really getting to her that her husband had changed so much. She had thought that everything would return to normal during Aaron's vacation – but then it was interrupted by that case, one of his colleagues had been shot and everything went from bad to worse between them…

She was feeling so helpless, she was even wondering if there was actually still a way to save her marriage.

Back at the hospital :

Hotch had once again lost all sense of time, while watching Elle and thinking about all those things that haunted him.

He knew that it had been wrong to tell Gideon about his feelings for Elle, but – as so many times before – he had spoken once more without thinking.

It was killing him to see Elle lying like this on a hospital-bed – she was looking so vulnerable and he just felt like he couldn't take it any longer. All the pain and guilt he felt was unbearable – and he also felt conflicted because of his feelings for Elle. Hotch was to one-hundred percent sure that he still loved his wife, but he couldn't deny what he felt for his gorgeous, brunette subordinate anymore either.

How had he been able to believe that he could control his feelings for her better if she worked for him?

On a plane to Pittsburgh :

While on their way to their new case, the team discussed the odd behavior of their boss.

"What have you meant when you said that you are seriously doubting that Hotch came to his senses and went home after work?" JJ asked.

She as well as Reid and Morgan looked expectantly to Gideon, waiting for an answer.

"Why should he? I mean, we all noticed how much he has changed – and that he spends as much time as possible at the hospital…And unfortunately I doubt that this is going to change anytime soon…" came the blunt response.

After a moment of silence Gideon ordered : "Lets get back to work – okay? It's not our place to judge…"

The next morning :

The team was still very busy with working on the case, when Gideon's cell phone started ringing. He took a quick look onto the caller's id and hurried to answer.

"Hey Jason, I know you're probably very busy, but I just wanted to ask if you know what's wrong with Aaron…"

While listening, Gideon had went to one of the empty offices to be able to talk with Haley without anyone listening. He took another deep breath before answering :

"You know, Haley, the last time had been pretty tough for him. He just needs time to figure out how to deal with all of it…"

"You're probably right. But sometimes I just feel so helpless…He has changed so much, he spends more and more time away from home. I know that there is something bothering him now for months – but he won't talk with me. And when he is at home he seems far away with his mind. At the beginning of his vacation I had thought that everything would work itself out, when he has just the chance to relax a bit from the stress of his job, but then he received this mysterious call and short after he had to leave for Jamaica because of that case…And now he doesn't even come home at night anymore…There are even moments when I think there could be another woman – and then I realize how ridiculous this is, because Aaron could never do something like this to me… I just have no idea what to do, I don't know how to deal with this anymore…"

Gideon closed his eyes for a moment and told Aaron's wife : "Listen Haley, you know Aaron – he feels responsible for his colleagues, and he feels like it was his fault that one of them was shot…Just give him some time to realize that it wasn't his mistake…"

They kept talking for a short while before ending their conversation.

Before Gideon went back to the others he thought for a moment about what he and Haley had talked about. He was feeling guilty for lying to her – he knew exactly that Hotch seemed to have pretty strong feelings for Elle. He still couldn't believe that Aaron had kept this for so long from him….

Two days later, back at DC :

Hotch was still sitting in Elle's room when Morgan came to visit her. Morgan noticed the moment he entered the room that Hotch hadn't been home for days. For a moment he wasn't sure if his boss was actually aware of his presence. But when Hotch lifted his head Morgan didn't knew what to say.

After a moment of silence Hotch asked : "What are you doing here?"

Morgan was too surprised to answer right away, but Hotch went on anyway : "How can you dare to show up here?!"

While saying this Hotch got up and walked to Morgan.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Instead of giving Morgan an answer Hotch only ordered : "Go! Just leave, you got that?!"

Morgan just looked at his boss for a moment, surprised by Hotch's rage, but then he just turned and left, knowing it was pointless to argue with Hotch.

After Morgan had left Hotch kept standing for a little while before he sat down again. He of course knew that it hadn't been wise to yell at Morgan, but he was still so angry because of what Morgan had done.

At the office :

When Morgan finally arrived at the office he was still horrible angry because of the way Hotch had behaved toward him.

While walking to the break-room to get some coffee he nearly run into Reid who hurried to get to the conference-room.

A few minutes later Morgan entered the conference-room, still an angry grimace on the face.

"What's wrong, Morgan?" Reid asked.

"Well, I'm really starting to wonder what the hell is wrong with Hotch!"

The others looked at him with curiosity, waiting for an explanation.

"I went to the hospital to see how Elle is doing this morning – and I had only entered the room when he started yelling at me…He practically kicked me out of her room!"

The others were left speechless.

A moment later they started the briefing.

Back at the hospital :

Hotch got up to get a cup of coffee, but only a few moments passed, before his mind traveled back to the room he just left.

He yearned so badly for being close to her…But he als o knew that he had to go home some time soon. He hadn't seen his wife and son for days…

So he went back to Elle's room to say good-bye to her – at least for a short time.

When he came home, Haley greeted him with a warm, but worried smile.

"Hey Aaron, where have you been all the time? I was worried about you…"

Hotch just stared at his wife, and she went on, while walking up to him : "I missed you…"

When she was standing in front of him, her facial expression softened, her eyes were once again filling with emotions such as pain, worry and sadness, she leaned up to kiss him, but he didn't reacted to it in the way she had assumed he would, instead he turned his head away from her, an for her unreadable expression on the face, when his mind went back to Elle.

Haley stepped back taking in her husband's appearance – the circles under his eyes were even darker than when she had last seen him, his face was unshaven, his hair tousled and his suit was totally crumpled – she had neverseen him like this ever before and it was hurting her so much…

"You know that I'm always there if you need someone to talk to, right? Please open up to me, Aaron…I'm worried about you, you changed so much in the last time and I just don't know what to do anymore. I love you and I couldn't deal with loosing you – it would kill me to lose you!"

She looked at him, tears in her eyes and Hotch just couldn't take it any longer so he just said quietly : "I'm sorry, but I just can't handle this right now…"

With that he turned around and left.

When the door had closed Haley broke down into tears.

Meanwhile :

Hotch was feeling horrible for how he had behaved in front of his wife, but what should he tell her? That he spent every free moment at the hospital next to his unconscious colleague? Or maybe even that he had feelings for another woman?! It would break her heart and he knew that…

When he arrived at the hospital he first got himself a coffee, before he finally went to Elle's room. He was quite surprised to meet Gideon outside of the room.

"What are you doing here, Gideon?"

"I think we need to talk…"

Hotch just looked annoyed at him instead of replying, so Gideon went on :

"Morgan told me what happened this morning…"

"Really?" Hotch answered sarcastically.

"Yeah, why the hell have you done this?"

"He has no right to come here – not after what he did to her…"

"What do you mean?" Gideon was curious.

"They were a couple for a few weeks – he cheated on her…"

"That doesn't give you the right to behave like this…Listen, Hotch, why don't you go home and get some rest?"

"I can't – not until I know that she is okay…And by the way I just have been there.."

Jason gave him a skeptical glance, taking his friend's appearance.

"Yeah, but I couldn't deal with the way Haley looked at me – not right now…" It was obvious how desperate Aaron was.

She wanted to know what's wrong, but what am I supposed to reply when she asks something like this? That I spend as much time as possible here at the hospital, hoping that my colleague wakes up? Or that I feel horrible conflicted, because I have feelings for another woman? I can't do this to her…"

"Aaron, you have to come to terms about this…Haley is horrible worried about you – as well as everyone else…You have to come to your senses Hotch! – Or you are going to lose everything…"

"I just don't know what to do anymore...You know, since I first met her I can't stop thinking about her, when we came back to DC that day, I saw her file on my desk, her request for the open position – and without thinking I called her, inviting her for an interview…She really impressed me with the way she made clear that she really wanted this job – and I was just too willing to give in to her request, because I just needed her close to me – at all costs…I thought when she worked with me I could be alright with being only friends – I know how pathetic and stupid that idea was, but I think I just went into denial, I only knew one thing - that I love Haley and that I just can't risk loosing my family…But then there was this incident in Texas and when it was over, when everything had sunk in – I realized how pointless it was to keep denying that she could never be only a friend to me, I realized just then that I was actually in denial concerning my real feelings for her and that I can't lose her either…" Hotch let his head hang.

After a moment of silence he lifted his head and asked quietly : "Do you think someone can love two persons?"

He looked at Gideon. Before Jason was able to reply his cell phone started ringing. While answering the call he lifted his right hand, signaling Hotch to wait for a moment. When he had finished the conversation on the phone he told Hotch :

"We have a new case…Listen Hotch – go home, your family needs you and you need some sleep." With that Gideon turned and left.

Aaron kept standing for little while longer before entering Elle's room. When he took in her slim figure his facial expression softened and he whispered :

"I'm back Elle…"

He sat down and took her small hand into his, and his mind went back to the night after they had closed the case.

Flashback :

He had decided to let the paperwork wait for the time being. He called Haley and told her that the case was closed and that she and Jack could go home now. Afterward he drove to Elle's place.

He took in the reminders of what he had let happen to her. He decided to tidy up her apartment – to erase it from their memories…

Hotch had spent the whole night there…

End flashback

But suddenly he was interrupted in his train of thought, when he felt the hand he was holding moving timidly. He was so surprised that he nearly jumped up from his seat. He hold his breath not able to believe that Elle was finally waking up.

Even when she opened her eyes he was sure he was dreaming.

He kept quiet for a moment, giving her the time to get aware of her surroundings, then he said quietly :

"Hey Elle…"

She turned her head toward him and took in his appearance.

"What happened to you? You are looking like a three weeks old news-paper…"

He tried to smile, but failed so he just replied :

"I'm sorry…"

"For what?"

"For what I let happen to you…"

Elle's facial expression changed to a sad one, and Hotch let his head drop – she she lost her trust in him, she was never going to forgive him.

"Hotch look at me." Elle smiled softly and gestured him to sit down next to her on the bed.

When he did so, she slowly sat up.

"Listen Hotch, it wasn't your fault that this happened – you couldn't have known…You don't need to feel responsible for what happened."

"I sent you right into his trap – I got you almost killed…"

He looked at her and, when he saw her smile, he lifted slowly his right hand and stroked softly her cheek, then he let it slide through her hair and whispered :

"I'm so happy that you finally woke up…" With that he pulled her close to him.

When she started crying he pulled her even closer and told her quietly :

"It's okay…Everything is going to get alright again," while she clung to him in a desperate need and he quietly assured her :

"I'm here and I won't go anywhere…"

And finally he let go as well – he released his guilt and pain together with his tears, because he felt that it was okay – that she was going to understand without judging….

Meanwhile :

The team was standing outside, watching their two colleagues. They had decided to go to the hospital after they had closed the case.

Now they watched how their colleague clung to their boss, who hold her as if his life depended on it – but what was surprising them most of all was the fact that there were tears running down the face of their supervisor.

The next noon :

When Gideon entered the hospital-room, Hotch looked up – and for the first time he smiled again…

"She woke up…"

"I know…Did you made up your mind, Hotch?"

Hotch's smile faded, he looked first at Elle's sleeping for, then he turned his head back to Jason. He was looking sadly at his friend and replied :

"I can't – it's impossible, I just can't choose…I love Haley, but I can't deny my feelings for her either." While saying these last words he glanced at Elle again.

Short after that conversation Jason left again.

A few hours late :

When Elle woke up this time, Hotch smiled at her.

"How are you doing, Elle?"

She returned the smile and told him : "I'm okay…Why are you still here – USN't Haley probably waiting for you?"

Hotch smiled sadly before he answered :

"I don't want you to be alone…"

"Go I'm going to be fine. You need some rest!"

"You are probably right…Are you sure?"

Elle nodded, one of her gorgeous smiles on her face – her eyes sparkling. She had sat up on her bed while Hotch got up. He took in the way she looked at him – and he couldn't resist the temptation any longer…So he leaned in and kissed her – at first softly and tenderly, but then their kiss turned more and more passionate. He wound his hand into Elle's hair while sitting down next to her on her bed. He knew that this was an unique thing so he laid all his feelings for her into this one kiss.

When he broke the kiss, he realized what he had just done.

"Listen Elle, I'M sorry – I don't know what I've been thinking…" He looked at her.

She lifted her right hand and silenced him with pressing softly her index-finger against his lips and whispered softly :

"It's okay – really Aaron…" She had never called him by his first name before.

She smiled warmly at him, and went on : You should go now - Haley is waiting for you. And, as far as I can judge, you haven't been home for days…"

"Okay, I'm going to be back soon…" With that he got up from the bed and left.

At Hotch's place :

Haley had just taken a seat in the living-room, after tugging Jack in, when she heard the front-door being opened. She got up hoping to get Aaron to open up to her.

"Hey honey," she greeted her husband.

"Haley, listen I'm sorry about…"

"It's okay Aaron, the last time had been really tough on you. And don't dare to tell me that this is 'no excuse', okay? A colleague of yours was shot, she nearly died – and that is quite a good reason to act strange! How is she by the way?"

"She woke up…" And Haley saw her husband smiling for the first time since nearly two weeks.

"That are good news!" Haley smiled at Aaron, she stepped up to him and kissed him softly onto his lips.

"I love you, Aaron."

"I know…" He pulled his wife into a hug, what caused her to miss the sad expression on his face.

"Everything is going to be alright now soon again…" Haley smiled brightly at her husband. Who smiled back – unable to stop thinking about Elle, who he still tasted on his lips…And somehow he knew that there was no turning back anymore – that there was no way for him to forget what happened that afternoon…

Tbc

A/N: I hope you liked it...Please take the time to review...