Shugo Chara
Hot or Not
ShellyCullen: Sorry if this chapter isn't as emotional or intense as the others. I have to admit, I was distracted when writing this. I was watching Watchmen. So, you get it, right?
And if anyone is wondering, the chapter name 'So in love with two' IS based off the song. I think it fits with Amu's situation so I put that down.
Ages:
Ikuto = 17
Amu = 13
Nadeshiko = 14
Yaya = 12
Rima = 13
Tadase = 14
Nagihiko = 14
Chapter Eighteen:
So in Love with Two;
The Confessions and Heartbreaks
Amu's POV
"T-Tadase-kun?"
Tadase stood in the doorway, smiling with his hands behind his back. He wore a white sweater and light faded jeans, along with his usual sneakers. He seemed just as bright and happy since I last some him, and the sudden feeling of joyfulness overwhelmed me.
"Amu-chan…do you think we could have a little walk around the block?" He asked, his red tinted eyes full of hope and happiness. My cheeks began to turn pink by his reaction, and I was reminded why I ever liked Tadase in the first place.
"Uh…s-su-."
"Amu?" The voice interrupted me. Only, it didn't come from Tadase's mouth. I whirled around, and saw Ikuto walking toward me with dripping wet hair. Once he saw Tadase, he froze, staring in shock. I looked back at Tadase.
I couldn't bear the expression that covered his face. Tadase's lightness had disappeared and he almost looked sorrowful about the scene. I felt like hitting my head against the wall. Why did I always make everyone so sad???
"Tadase-kun. Let's take that walk." I stated, grabbing his hand and walking out. Leaving Ikuto alone.
X(
"Are we going somewhere, Tadase-kun?" I asked, turning and facing him. He shook his head and was able to keep a smile on his face with some effort.
"Uh, no. Actually…I wanted to talk to you about something…" He whispered, kicking a few pebbles away with his foot. We were standing on the sidewalk, only three blocks away from Rima's home.
"You see…I actually came today to tell you about my girlfriend…" He began and I waited patiently. Even with this little fact my heart was racing rapidly, a feeling building in my stomach. So I wasn't over my crush with Tadase…was I?
"While I was on vacation and with her, I was extremely happy. I mean, who wouldn't be? To be able to spend time with the one you love." He said, staring into the morning sky. I stared at Tadase, in awe.
I was also impressed by how mature he was.
"But…I always felt…different around her. It wasn't the same as the first time, and I was sure it wasn't going to get better. I was feeling so terrible, such scum! For even thinking that…" He closed his eyes and sighed, just as I watched and tried to imagine the pain he went through.
"Amu-chan…have you ever been in love with more than one person…at the same time?" He asked, guilty. My eyes widened. It was almost like Tadase knew how I felt. Knew how I felt…
I didn't answer, so Tadase continued. "I-I didn't want to hurt her. Honestly! But…the other girl I love. She just kept appearing in my head whenever I was with her. And the more it happened the worse I felt. At one point, I avoided her. Until I called her to meet her, and we broke up." He sighed, letting the truth roll out.
I was beginning to feel a connection to Tadase. The same one I felt with Ikuto. An involuntary pull.
"So, I guess…I'm just trying to say…that I love you, Amu-chan."
That I love you, Amu-chan.
I love you, Amu-chan.
Love you, Amu-chan.
The words wouldn't stop repeating themselves in my head. I tried to push them away, tried to think otherwise, but it continued.
"I-I saw you with Ikuto…and I wasn't sure what to think. Were you with him? Was he merely there visiting? I can't even explain to you how many emotions I was feeling all at once." He shook his head, as if he could just brush the memory off.
"So…are you with him?" He asked me, staring with innocent eyes. He looked sad and I stared down, giving him the honest truth.
"No." I was surprised how sad I sounded. I had always wanted Tadase to say that to me, and I was happy! But…but, what about Ikuto?
"Well, I know this is sudden, and you don't have to decide now, but…please think about what I said. And, when you know the answer, choose the one. The one you love, Amu-chan."
:`(
I was in my room, sitting on the floor, balled up in the fetal position. I couldn't think right and it hurt to move, to eat. Even breathing was hard.
My chest felt heavy, as if something was weighing it down. And every now and then I would begin to cry, just screaming to myself to decide. Pick one and get it over with. But whatever I did, I couldn't tell what was right.
I hadn't seen Ikuto since this morning, and now it was late at night. I wasn't sure if he was mad or sad, or hated my guts. If he did though, he deserved it. I was a cruel person. Having two boys love me and I couldn't pick one. I was a horrible person, filled with awfulness.
People say its easy to listen to your heart…no one mentioned how hard it was to decide. How much I wanted someone to tell me right from wrong. To save me from the unbearable pain that was taking over, tearing me apart.
All I wanted was to know who was the one. But the truth it…its both of them. They're both kind and sweet, in their own sort of way. They'd both fight for me, and I'd seen them both try and die for me. So, if they're both it…how is it that love only requires two people?
I sighed, having the rough and heavy breath heave from my chest. Tears were blurring my vision, and I couldn't see anything. All I had was myself…to keep safe from the world.
"Amu…chan?" A voice whispered to me. I hid my head into the carpet, trying to keep the pain away from her. I didn't want someone else hurt because of me.
"Amu-chan. Please…get up on the bed at least." Diamond stated, but I shook my head, still covered by the rug. She sighed and floated over to the ground. "I new this day would come…but I didn't think it'd be so soon." She stated and I turned my head a little, staring at her through one eye.
"What?" I was able to choke out, without letting more tears spill.
"Amu. I explained to you before, I am your hearts desire. I know you're in love with two boys. I was born through your wish." She stated, looking down. I sat up, wiping a few tears that slipped.
"Wish?" I questioned.
"Yes. The wish of your love. Being born out of it, I am your love expressed through that wish. I can feel the feelings you feel, tell how much of a connection goes through both of you. But…I can't tell you who you love." She said, disappointed by this fact.
"You…don't even have a clue?" I begged. Maybe it will be less painful if she says it.
"No. And I told you, you have to discover for yourself." She got up and floated back into the air.
"You see, love isn't to see how alike you two are, but how well you work together. Think about it, it'll come." Dia added and flew away to the bathroom. I sat on the floor, even more confused than before.
So…who do I love?
Tadase's POV
The night air was sweeping around my feet as I sat in my backyard, pondering. I was filled with guilt again, but this time for making Amu choose. I was being selfish, asking her for her love back.
But I couldn't ignore the feeling much longer. It was a risk I had taken, and if she rejected me, at least I would live without any regret in my life. Maybe I could find my real love and peacefully be with her.
I was shameful, for doing that to Rima. Hurting her the way I shouldn't have. Hopefully, Nagihiko could make her happy. The way I couldn't.
"I think…we should break up." Rima stated, staring down at our intertwined hands. I looked down as well, knowing this was going to happen.
"If you don't mind me asking…why?" I couldn't help, but wonder. I probably should have known why just by the look on her face. She dropped my hand.
"Like you don't already know, Tadase." She said trying to keep her control down. She looked into the horizon. "You…I know your thinking about her." She stated and my mouth opened. I couldn't say anything, couldn't deny the truth in her face.
"How long…have you been in love with Amu?" She asked me, her voice its usual quiet tone. I shook my head.
"I don't know…but I promise that when I first said I loved you, I meant it." I added and she smiled.
"I know. Its going to be awkward now, isn't it? The two of us?" She asked, giving a sad smile.
"Probably, but we'll get better at some point. I know we will."
Rima's POV
I stood in the main lobby, the lights bright and the main office open. It was dark outside as I watched heavy rain fall on the windows. It was quiet in the room as I crossed my arms and waited. How much longer?
The front door opens and a purple headed boy comes in, panting. He looks over to me, stepping forward, his clothes dripping wet. He didn't even remember a raincoat. I could only inwardly giggle at his appearance.
"Are…are you serious? You, really want to see me again? After I did that to you?" He asked, saddened by this fact. I smile, running up to him.
"I accept your feelings." I state, my smile breaking free of my composed mask.
Nagihiko smiled back and took my hands in his, gently kissing them. "Thank you."
Maybe, stormy days aren't as bad as they seem.
Amu's POV
Being numb isn't as bad as it seems. Your able to hide everything inside, without cracking from all the pressure and decisions. Only…it gives you an empty feeling. As if life isn't worth living anymore.
As if being human isn't worth living anymore.
Everyone says, "People don't want to live, until they have someone worth dying for". It may just seem like a bunch of worthless words, but once this happens it fills you up with the desire to keep you alive. The will to keep going and survive.
I wasn't about to feel anything. Almost as if I were in a dream. Couldn't decipher what was real and fake. Maybe I was a big fake. Hiding behind my cool and spicy character just because I couldn't express my own opinions to the world. I was a big phony.
Time seemed to move like nothing, the dark sky just as black as before. I stared up at the stars as I laid on my back, thinking. Someone or something was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't make it out under all the emotions stashed away.
Diamonds words rang through my head and I questioned them. Love isn't about how alike two people are, but how well they work together.
I still couldn't tell my feelings apart. I really needed a friend at this time, but who could I turn to? When Ikuto is the one…I always turn to for help.
I took a minute to think this over, sitting up as realization dawned on me. Ikuto is always the one I turn to for help, advice. I seek him out when needed, or just to see if he needs me. And even though we're not as alike the way Tadase and I are, we still work well together. A great pair who gets things done the right way.
So…I. Love. Ikuto.
I stood up, my legs numb and weak from laying on the ground for a while. But I still have to tell Ikuto. I force my legs to move.
I get to his door and knock lightly, a little anxious to see him. The door was left open and I enter, looking for the cat boy.
"Ikuto?" I call into the room. He'd left the balcony door open for fresh air, but he wasn't outside. I really have the urge to tell him right away. To already accept his feelings with my own.
"Ikuto?" I call, peeking in the bathroom. No sign of him. I walk back out and notice a white note on his bed. I picked it up, smoothing out the corners and reading over it.
Amu,
By now you're reading this, and have probably made your decision. I just want to say I hope you're as happy as ever and that I love you. I don't think I can bear to take anymore pain, so this truly is the last time. I won't ever see you again, for the sake of everyone. So please continue to smile. I want to see Amu's Lingering smile.
Ikuto
I stared at the note in disbelief, letting it fall to the floor. My hair drapes over my face and I'm met again with tears.
How can I continue my lingering smile, without you by my side?
ShellyCullen: I'm so sorry if the chapter kind of sucks. And did anyone notice? Amu's Lingering Smile is supposed to be chapter 44's title, I believe. I thought that'd be a nice touch.
Amu: Why is this chapter so sad?
Ikuto: Why am I always leaving Amu?! She picked me after all!
Shelly: Exactly why you must read the next chapter. I command you!
Ikuto, Amu: *Sweat drop.
Shelly: Okay, I was going to update this last night, but my mom kept telling me to go to sleep. She wants me ready and prepared for school. So sorry it's a little late and the next chapter will be longer! Be ready for it! ;3