Dial Tone stared intently at the graph in front of her, trying to discern its meaning. The frustrating lack of labels and units made it difficult, but the complete absence of a title made her task nigh on impossible. Silently cursing Excel, Dial Tone called the New Mexico Radar Station for a little clarification on their amazingly confusing graph.
"Hi, this is Dial Tone in the U.S.S Flagg. I'm looking at the latest data you sent over, and you forgot to double label," Dial Tone said.
"Sorry. We sent it because there's a string of anomalies mid-stratosphere that looked kind of interesting."
"Ohmigosh! That totally helps me figure what Cobra's up to!" Dial Tone said. "They're-"
"Don't say it!" the radar station guy said. "That would actually inform our audience, and make this scene appear to be more than just a useless waste of time and animation!"
"Duke and Scarlett are prepping for pick up. What now?" Roadblock asked.
"We have to start putting the pieces together," Flint said.
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," the Devil's Advocate said. "Any ideas on how?"
"We use our amazing communications knowledge," Flint said. "Now, how do you get information around at high speeds without using satellites?"
"Cell phones," the Devil's Advocate said. "They work on radio – which is below the ionosphere and we've already established works – and obviously, they're pretty efficient."
Flint frowned. "No, that's too simple. Other ideas?"
"Carrier pigeons?" suggested Roadblock.
"Smoke signals?" asked Gung-Ho.
"Semaphore," the Devil's Advocate said.
"Morse code."
"The Pony Express."
"Mirrors."
"Radio."
"Telephones."
"Dial-up Internet."
"Okay, okay!" Flint said, throwing up his hands. "I get it! There are still dozens of ways for them to communicate."
"What even funnier is that the original ARPANET was designed to withstand a crisis just like this one," the Devil's Advocate said. "We've actually been prepared for this for a very long time."
"Wait! I know how they're doing it," Dial Tone said, rushing in.
"Stratolites."
Dial Tone slapped a very artfully drawn blueprint down in front of an assortment of Joes. "These things are barely in prototype – so we thought. They're made out of super-tough thermoplastics."
"Thermoplastics…why thermoplastics?" the Devil's Advocate asked. "Because we need to make recyclable stratolites? So we can make them into Legos when this little crisis is over?"
"No, because it sounds cool," Dial Tone replied. "The actual properties of thermoplastics had very little to do with their choice as a material."
"I like your honesty," the Devil's Advocate said.
"Wait…how do these things work with the interference in the ionosphere?" Roadblock asked.
"Because they're way below the ionosphere!" Dial Tone said. "They've been working this whole time!"
"Wow, it's Captain Obvious's sidekick – Self-Evident Girl," the Devil's Advocate hissed.
"Hey, it's your cameo, Jaye!" Flint said. "Wave!"
"I don't have any lines," Jaye said. "Apparently, no one needs me."
"How could they not want you in this cartoon?" Flint said. "It's not like there are too many women hanging around or something."
Jaye shrugged, and Flint vowed to talk to the writers about this…there was no way Duke's girlfriend got a part and his didn't.
"Tunnel Rat, I know this is a little out of your field-"
"Who's talking?" Flint asked.
"I'm the prompter. It's your line," the prompter said.
"Oh. Uh, Tunnel Rat, I know this is a little out of your field-" Flint began.
"I'm so happy Sigma 6 is over that I'll do anything," Tunnel Rat said.
"Well, I guess that's settled, then," Flint said.
"Just a warning, Tunnel Rat…they have an anti-missile system," Dial Tone said.
"Of course. Of course we couldn't make this easy," Tunnel Rat said. "Give me an hour to put this together."
"Are you sure you don't need longer?" Flint asked.
"Nope. I'm so jazzed that I don't have to eat bugs anymore that I feel like a new man," Tunnel Rat replied. "Heck, I'll do it in fifteen minutes-"
"That won't be necessary," Flint said.
"Now, this is all well and good, but we still don't get our satellite coverage back," Tunnel Rat said.
"Conveniently, that was explained in the last chapter to save space," said Gung-Ho, walking up just as Tunnel Rat finished his sentence as to prevent any break in the action. "But, as it is, we have to go to Gakona, Alaska, and take back the HAARP facility."
"It's just one of those days, isn't it?" Roadblock asked.
"Word," the Devil's Advocate replied.
"Hello, geeks. Remember, the first one to talk gets treated to a fascinating conversation with the working end of my gun," Baroness said, strutting her way down a line of scientists.
"Baroness, walk this way," Destro said. "I simply can't keep my hands off you!"
"It's like we're ridiculous caricatures of ourselves," Baroness purred. "I mean, me wearing my half-dress, half-cat suit thing, and you and your animated mask and pimp jewelry…it's like the animators have stopped even trying to break new ground by this point."
"Remember, only 40 minutes until this is over," Destro said.
"Thank you for reminding me, darling," Baroness said. "You know how we tend to lose track of the time."