Discs.: I don't own the show nor the characters!
A/N: I finally got to upload this new chapter - but it wasn't corrected by any beta...I'm sorry if there are any remaining mistakes in it...
Broken
7. Dreams and doubts
Hotch and the team had just come back from Portland. After they had finished their reports Morgan had the idea to get some drinks, but Hotch declined telling them that he had other plans. Even if they knew that he would probably go to see Elle they hoped he would go home.
Twenty minutes later :
When he arrived at the hospital a smile appeared on his face. It had only been three days they had spent in Portland, but for him it felt like eternity. He was happy to be able to see Elle again, it had been far too long...
But the moment he entered her room the smile disappeared and he went pale. The room was completely empty, the bed was made - and there was no sign of Elle. At first he checked if it was the right room, but of course it was - he had been there too often to go to the wrong room. He tried to fight back the rising panic then he turned around and approached a nurse.
"Excuse me?"
The woman looked at him.
"What is it?"
"I'm searching for a patient, her name is Elle Greenaway."
"Well, it's my first day but if you tell me the name of her doctor..."
"It's doctor Taylor."
"Okay, I'm going to call him, just a moment."
A few minutes later :
"Mr Hotchner, I'm Dr Taylor."
They shoke hands.
"I'm looking for Elle Greenaway. Was she transferred to another room?"
"Uhm, no. You probably should take a seat." He indicated a chair, but Hotch kept standing and looked questioning at the doctor.
"Unfortunately she had a surprising pulmonary embolism...There was nothing we could do, I'm sorry..."
"When did it happen?"
"Five hours ago."
The doctor gave him a sympathetic glance.
"Can I see her?"
Hotch tried to keep up his composure.
The doctor nodded.
"Please follow me..."
5 minutes later
Dr Taylor let him alone with Elle so that he could say good-bye.
"I'm so sorry, Elle...I wish I had been here instead of working on that case in Portland..."
His eyes welled up with tears. He let his fingers slide through Elle's hair. The tears were now running freely over his face. After a moment Hotch felt the rising anger. He knew that in case someone else was in the room he would probably start punching this person. The pain he felt was almost unbearable. But he also felt guilty , not only because he hadn't been there when she died, but also because he still felt like it had been his fault that Elle had been shot in the first place. Suddenly he realized that she would never find out now...And it was hurting like hell...He wished he had told her after she had woken up; but he hadn't - and now it was too late!
"You know, there was something I wanted - needed - to tell you; but I just couldn't find the courage to do so...I guess, I was afraid of the consequences it could have if I told you...I mean, I'm married, I have a little son - not to mention that I am - was - your boss...And now it is too late - you're gone forever; and I actually have no clue how I'm supposed to move on without having you around! The truth is you were so much more for me than just an amazing good coworker or great friend - I loved you..."
He knew he was rambling, he felt like he was suffocating and of course he was aware of the fact that she couldn't hear what he was saying, but he had to get it finally and once and for all out. So he took a deep breath and continued,
"The funny thing is - after I got to know Haley I thought she was the love of my life - we got married and when we found out that she was pregnant I thought that my life couldn't be better. I mean, I have a great wife who accepts my high ambitions, I have a leading position in the FBI - and I was going to be a father...It just seemed so perfect to me - I thought that it would stay like this forever..." He smirked and let out a sarcastic sound.
"But then I met you when we worked on that case in Seattle...When I came back to DC and found your request for a transfer to the BAU only a second passed until I had made up my mind and called you - in the middle of the night - to invite you for an interview. It was like an inner voice was telling me to do so - like I had no other choice...I knew right away that something had changed - but at first I wasn't sure what it was; in fact I simply didn't want to see it at the beginning. You were able to brighten up my days - with just being there...When you were hold hostage on that train it finally hit me - I had fallen for you and there was no turning back anymore...I realized that I needed you like my heart to beat or the air around to breathe..." He let out a heavy sigh and went on.
"When I found out about you and Morgan - after I saw you two kissing - I felt like I had to die. I was so angry at him - at myself, still I couldn't help it...I knew that he was seeing Garcia as well, I wanted to tell you, really, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to doing it...After you got shot I first didn't knew what to do - but then I tried to spent as much time close to you as anyway possible. God, I promised you I would be there for you - that I won't leave. You know, after I had gone home Haley asked me how you were doing. I told her that you woke up and she said that everything was going to be alright again. She sounded so sure and I was just too willing to believe that she was right...But now you are gone! What am I supposed to do now, huh? I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to live without you..." He was crying again, he took her hand into his - it was stone-cold; and he knew it would never get warm again.
"I loved you so much, Elle - even far more than I ever loved Haley...How am I supposed to live without you - knowing full well that it was my own fault that I lost you?" His voice broke, he felt like he was going to break down. For a moment he tried to fight against it but then he just gave up and sank to the ground...
He knew that he would have to tell the others eventually. She had no relatives anymore, so he decided to take care of organizing the funeral...
A moment later :
Hotch woke with a start. At first he tried to regain control over his breathing, only then he realized that it had been just a nightmare. He looked at Haley checking if he had woken her up. But it seemed like she was still sleeping. After another moment he got up and went downstairs to get a glass of water. Then he decided to leave to check on Elle - still remembering the dream he had. So he went back upstairs to change into a suit.
At the hospital :
When he entered Elle's room he smiled relieved as he saw her sleeping form. He took a seat next to her bed and took her right hand into his own hands, glad to see that Elle was okay. While he watched her sleep his mind went back to the evening when he found out about her and Morgan...
Flashback :
They had just closed a tough case. He had went straight to his office to get the paperwork done as soon as possible.
When he looked at his watch he sighed as he saw that it was already past midnight - and he was still far from finished. He noticed how tired he was; so he got up to get some coffee.
After he had silently opened the door he noticed that Morgan and Elle were still there as well. He was on the best way to go to them and ask what they were still doing at the office, when he saw how Morgan got up and walked up to Elle. When he stood behind her he lifted a hand, brushed her hair over her left shoulder and bent down to kiss her onto her neck.
"Morgan! What if someone sees us?"
He straightened up and replied mockingly : "Wait a sec, does that mean that our tough Elle Greenaway is afraid of something?"
"You think you are quite funny, huh, Morgan?"
"I don't get what your problem is - I mean, it's already so late - we are probably the only ones in the whole building..."
"I just want to keep my private-life out of the office..."
Morgan started to laugh for a moment then he stated, "Don't you think it's a bit late for that realization?"
Elle got up and looked him straight into the eyes. He put an arm around her waist and kissed her again this time onto her lips after a short moment she responded to it with the same passion.
"You're ready to get out of here?"
"Sure..." She grabbed her purse and they went to leave.
Hotch couldn't believe what he had just seen. He was pretty sure that they hadn't even noticed him. He felt the jealousy rising in him - and the anger... He couldn't go home as angry as he was, so he went to the firing range to let off some steam...
After he had calmed down a bit he decided to leave. He went back to his office and got his stuff.
When he had left the parking lot he suddenly changed his mind. He knew that Haley would notice that something was wrong, and he was seriously doubting that he could lie to her this time about the real matter; so he kept driving around - trying to get his head free...
Why had it to be Morgan? Why was he able to have what he himself yearned for so badly - but couldn't have? It was just not fair!
End flashback :
When Elle woke up, Hotch glanced at his watch and noticed that he was already sitting at her bedside for three hours. Elle smiled at him.
"So you are back from your case?"
"Apparently...How are you doing, Elle?"
"I'm okay...What's up? I mean, there must be a reason why you are here instead of at home..."
"Well, I thought that you would like to have some company."
They kept silent for a moment and just looked at each other. Elle sat up; sick of lying all the time. Hotch lifted a hand and let his fingers slide through her smooth, brown hair while he was wondering if he should tell her now...But he decided against it.
At Hotch's place :
Haley woke up by the sound of a ringing phone. Unwillingly she got up, after a moment she realized that it had been her husband's cell phone which had woken her. Before she was able to answer the call the person had hung up. She sighed, changed into blue jeans and a white shirt, took the cell phone and went downstairs.
After she had finished her breakfast she went to wake Jack. When she had dressed him, she left the house to bring the cell phone to the office.
At the office :
When Haley entered the bullpen she met JJ.
"Hello Mrs Hotchner. Can I help you somehow?"
"No. I just wanted to bring Aaron his cell phone."
"Uhm, he isn't in yet...But if you want I can give it to him when he comes."
"Okay, thanks." Haley gave her the phone and left.
Back at the hospital :
"Well,I should better get to the office now."
Hotch looked at Elle.
"You're probably right..."
She smiled at him. He got up but before he left he bent down and kissed her once more. When they broke the kiss they locked eyes - and were instantly lost in the moment.
After some time he forced himself to finally say : "Bye."
"Bye..." Elle replied quietly.
Then Hotch left.
Twenty five minutes later :
Hotch was deep in thought when he arrived at Quantico. He went straight to his office.
He could kick himself for his cowardness. He should have finally told her. That nightmare should have been a wake up call for him. There was nothing he needed to worry about when he told her, right? What if she didn't feel the same? He would make a complete fool out of himself...But on the other hand if that was really the case why would she respond to his kisses and tender touches the way she did?
Only a few minutes passed until he was interrupted in his thoughts when someone knocked against his door.
"Yeah?"
The door opened and JJ entered the room.
"What's up? Do we have a new case?"
He looked at her.
"Yes." She handed him a file, "And, uh, your wife was here. She asked me to give you this."
JJ pulled out an item and gave it to Hotch.
"My cell phone?"
"Seems you forgot it at home..." JJ smiled.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome. When do you want to start the briefing?"
"Tell the others to meet at the Round Table room in ten minutes."
"Got it." JJ left.
Hotch stared at his cell phone for a moment, then he decided to take a look through the case-file to get prepared for the briefing.
He was glad when he saw that it was a case in DC.
At the conference room :
"Okay, what do we know so far?" Hotch asked as he entered the room.
"Not much - ten victims, no links between them - they have nothing in common as far as we know. The CSU hasn't found anything useful - no DNA, no fingerprints - nothing!" Gideon summarized.
"Any witnesses?"
"Nope." Reid stated.
"Any interesting aspects concerning the MO?"
"All victims were raped and tortured. Then they were killed brutally..." Morgan told Hotch.
"Okay Gideon and Morgan take a look at the crime scenes - the pictures are great, but maybe you find something else. Reid and JJ could you please talk with the agents of the Violent Crimes Unit in DC. That would be all for now."
Hotch took the file and left.
Thirty-five minutes later :
"I thought you were at the office...Don't you have any cases to work on?" Elle asked when she saw Hotch standing in the door way but still she smiled happily.
"Actually, I'm here because of our new case."
Hotch took a seat on the chair next to her bed. She sat up and he handed her the case-file.
"Listen Elle, you don't have to do this..."
He looked at her.
"No, it's okay. I'm glad to be able to help."
She looked through the file, after a moment she said :
"What else do you have yet?"
Elle looked at Hotch.
"Almost nothing. Anything you can tell me about the sexual aspect of the murders?"
"You know what's odd? Usually sexual motivated criminals have a preference concerning their victim's type. I mean, in most cases the crimes are related to someone they know and for them it is like it's the same victim over and over again, right? But this guy - he makes no difference between white, black, Asian, no matter what age - he doesn't even care if his victim is male or female. I never came across a case like this...If you don't find a link between the victims, it's going to be almost impossible to catch this guy."
Hotch sighed.
"You're right - unfortunately. Thanks for your help anyways."
"By the way, I'm going to be released in four days..."
"Really?" Hotch smiled.
"Yeah."
His cell phone started ringing.
"What's up?"
He listened for a moment then he hung up,
"I gotta go. We might have a lead so I need to get to the office."
"Okay, bye."
"Bye."
They shared a smile, then he got up and left.
Back at the office :
"Where have you been?" Gideon asked as Hotch entered the conference room.
"At the hospital."
The others looked surprised at him.
"Do I get that right? You went to see Elle?!" Gideon stared at Hotch.
"Yes, I went to see Elle and asked her for her opinion. I mean, she is the expert when it comes down to sexual crimes. But there's nothing she was able to tell me what we haven't known before."
"How is she doing?" JJ asked.
"Except of the fact that she's pretty bored, she's doing great. She's actually going to be released in a couple of days. You said you might have found a lead?"
"Yep. There might be a link between the victims. They have all been on the jury in a trial against the mob in NYC. They found the guy not guilty. The brother of the murdered girl swore to take revenge - so everyone involved got Witness Protection. That's why we first were unable to find a connection between them." Morgan told them.
"What was the case about?"
"We don't know details yet. But Gracia tries to get access to the case-files..." Morgan added.
"Anything else?"
"Nope."
"How much of this case has gone to the media?"
"Not much..."
"Good. Talk with the agents in DC and tell them to keep quiet about the case."
Hotch looked at JJ.
She nodded, "Got it."
The team parted and Hotch went to his office.
At the evening :
Hotch went to the bullpen.
"Anything new?"
The others shook their heads. Hotch thought for a moment then he stated,
"Okay, everyone. It's pointless to sit around here at the office waiting for news so I think it would be best if we take a break and go home..."
Everyone nodded grateful and packed up their stuff. Hotch as well got ready to leave.
At Hotch's place :
When Hotch opened the door he heard a noise from the kitchen, so he went there. He entered quietly the room and watched for a moment his wife, who was busy making dinner. Then he went to her and said :
"Hey honey."
"You're quite early..."
Haley turned toward him.
"I know. But I thought you would be happy if I come home early..."
They locked eyes.
"You feel bad for just vanishing last night?"
"What do you mean?"
"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about...You had a nightmare last night - don't even try to deny it, you woke me up with your scream. You got up, a few minutes later you came back, got dressed and left. When I got up - after your cell phone, which you forgot here, woke me - and I went to your office to give it to you I was told that you were not there. So where have you been all the time?!"
Hotch thought for a moment then he sighed and replied :
"I just drove around. I mean you are right - I had a nightmare and I wanted to get my head free. Is that a problem for you?"
"You changed so much in the last time. Sometimes I wonder if the man I once married is still existing. I mean, you are barely at home and when you are there you're not really talking with me. I see how your job is getting to you and it hurts so goddamn much - but you keep putting more and more distance between you and me..."
Haley looked at him, tears running down her face. He stepped up to her and drew her into an embrace.
"God Haley, I'm sorry. The last time had been pretty tough - I know that's no excuse but..."
She looked him straight into his eyes.
"Listen Aaron, I know that it has really gotten to you when your colleague was shot - and it's so unbelievable hard for me to see you suffering like this - even more because I feel so helpless...Why can't you just open up to me?"
"I wish it was that simple - but it isn't...The things I see everyday at work..."
"Then why don't you transfer to another unit?"
"Because - as unbelievable it maybe sounds - I love my job..."
"I know, but it is no good for you..."
"Haley, I know what you mean, but..."
He was interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone.
"Hey Morgan, what's up?"
"Garcia has finally access to the case-files."
"You are still at the office?"
"No. I forgot something at the office so I had to get back. And then Garcia told me she has access to the files now."
"Okay. Can you call the others?"
"Sure."
They hung up and Hotch looked at Haley.
"Sorry, I have to get back to the office."
He went upstairs, showered and got dressed in a fresh suit in record time, then he left.
After Hotch had left Haley let out a heavy sigh. It was always the same - they were talking or had plans, his cell phone rang and he had to go - it was really frustrating...But still she loved him more than anything else. - Nothing would ever be able to change this!
At the office :
As Hotch entered the conference room he was relieved that the rest of his team was already there as well.
"So, what did Garcia find?" He started the briefing without any introduction.
"Well, first of all the killed girl, Maria Jones, 23, was raped and killed in the same way as the victims of our case." Morgan filled them in.
"Given the fact that her brother made clear that he wants revenge it's understandable that he makes them go through the same horror that his sister had had to endure." Gideon stated.
"Why was the killer found innocent?" Reid asked.
"He was Maria's boyfriend. He convinced them that someone wanted to get back at him, abducted Maria and did all of this to her. There was no real evidence against Enrique Sanchez - he had an alibi, which checked out..." Morgan went on.
"Do we have a list of the names of those involved who are still alive?" Hotch wanted to know.
"Yes, they are going to be brought in any second..."
"Good."
Four hours later :
After they had questioned everyone they got a call from the MPD. Some cops had been able to arrest Alan Jones - for speeding...
When they were finished interrogating him and he had confessed all his crimes Hotch and the others met up again.
"Good work everyone!" Hotch stated, glad that they had been able to close the case.
Not much later the team left the office, everyone looking forward to get some more sleep that night.
Hotch decided to let Elle know that they had closed the case.
At the hospital :
When he arrived Elle was sleeping so he decided to wait 'til she woke up. After some time he got up and went to get himself some coffee. As he came back ten minutes later nothing had changed, so he just sat down again. After taking a few sips of his coffee Hotch realized how tired he was. His eyelids got heavier by every passing second, so he simply surrendered after some time. He rested his head carefully on her abdomen and not even a half minute later he had fallen asleep.
A half hour later :
As Elle woke up she immediately noticed the weight resting upon her, so she sat carefully up and saw Hotch - deep asleep.
She smiled, wondering why he was already back at the hospital. On the other hand she enjoyed really every moment he spent around her...
Not much later she felt him stir, still she hoped he wouldn't wake up yet.
She had noticed the moment she had woken up in the hospital for the first time that Hotch felt responsible for what had happened to her. Everybody knew that it hadn't been his fault - but it was just one of his habits to care so much for his team...
He seemed so tired - yet she saw how the dark circles under his eyes started to vanish slowly since she woke up.
Elle lifted her right hand and let her fingers slide through his short black hair. When she pulled her hand back he grabbed her wrist. Elle let out a scream and Hotch woke with a start.
He looked for a moment at Elle, then at his hand which was still holding her wrist and back again. After another short moment he let go of her and looked her straight into the eyes. Once again Elle saw all the pain and regret in his eyes and it hurt her to see him suffering like this.
"I'm sorry that I hurt you..." He let his head drop.
"Hotch look at me." After he had done what she had asked for, Elle went on,
"Listen Hotch, you haven't hurt me - ever - you could never hurt me!"
"I heard you scream..." He looked sadly at her.
"I didn't scream because it hurt, I was just totally surprised, that's all, really! I thought you were sleeping...I didn't consider you would react..." She smiled at him.
He gave her a sceptical glance.
"Believe me - you could never hurt me - especially not on purpose..."
He lifted a hand and let his fingers slide through her hair, then he stated :
"If you say so..." They locked eyes.
Three days later :
Hotch had hurried to get his paperwork done to get to the hospital as soon as possible.
When he entered Elle's room he smiled as he saw her reading a fashion magazine.
"Hey..."
Elle looked up, she smiled and stated : "Hey."
"You're ready to leave?"
"Sure as hell, I'm ready to get outta here!"
"Oh, before I forget, Haley told me to invite you for dinner this evening."
"That's really nice, but do you think that's a good idea?"
"I know what you mean, but if you decline she will keep asking until she gets what she wants..."
"Okay, if you say so..." They shared a smile and left the hospital.
At Hotch's place :
Haley had just tugged Jack in and was on her way back downstairs as she heard the front-door open. She hurried to welcome her husband and their guest.
After shaking hands with Elle she gave Hotch a soft kiss onto the cheek, then she stated :
"Uhm, dinner isn't ready yet, so why don't you two take a seat in the living-room?"
"Sure..." Hotch and Haley exchanged a smile, while Elle felt sort of lost - unsure how to behave around them.
A moment later Haley went back to the kitchen and Hotch led Elle to the living-room. After they had both taken a seat, Hotch offered Elle a drink which she accepted gratefully.
When he had sat down next to her again, they looked at one another and got instantly lost in each other's eyes.
Twenty minutes later :
As Haley went to tell Hotch and Elle that dinner was ready, she kept standing in the door-way
and watched her husband and his colleague.
They were sitting close - though not too close - to each other, talking, their eyes locked with each other - they seemed totally lost in each other's presence.
"So how is everyone?" Elle asked.
"They are doing okay...Especially now that you are out of hospital." They smiled at each other.
A short moment passed then she saw him lift his hand to Elle's head and brush a strand of hair out of her face. Elle closed her eyes for a second then she looked back up into his eyes. It took Hotch all his strength not to kiss Elle in that moment, the expression in her eyes, the soft smile on her lips made his longing increase every passing second - but he knew he had to fight against it, given the fact that Haley could enter the room any moment...
Haley walked finally up to them, pretending she had just entered the room.
"Well, we can eat..."
Hotch and Elle turned toward Haley and got up, following her to the dining-room.
After they had all taken a seat at the table and started eating they were quiet for some time.
Haley was quite proud of herself - the meal was perfect and while watching her husband and Elle a smile appeared on her face. They seemed both totally at ease, every now and then they exchanged a glance - Haley was happy about how this was going at first she had been slightly worried it would get sort of awkward for her husband to have one of his colleagues there for dinner - not even Jason visited him at home and they knew each other for years...
Some time later Haley and Elle started a light conversation while Hotch focused his attention on eating. He knew Haley - and the current expression in her eyes - good enough to know that she liked Elle and considered her already as a potential friend.
He had to admit that the main part of his attention was focused on Elle and he felt sort of guilty for it, still he pretended that he enjoyed the evening...
Over an hour later :
When Hotch left with Elle to bring her home he let out a relieved sigh as soon as the front-door had been closed behind them. The ride to Elle's place passed in perfect silence.
At Elle's place :
After Hotch had stopped the car they looked at each other and Elle asked hesistantly :
"Do you want to come in for a moment?"
Hotch only nodded, they shared a warm smile and got out of the car. While they walked to the door and Elle unlocked it, Hotch heard a little voice telling him that it was such a really bad idea to go in with Elle, it was just too dangerous, given his feelings for her...
When Elle had finally opened the door Hotch simply followed her in - ignoring the inner voice which almost yelled at him to turn around and leave to get home - to his wife.
The first thing Elle noticed was that the blood had vanished. She gave Hotch a grateful glance, knowing somehow that it had been him who had cleaned up her place.
While Elle went to make coffee Hotch followed her to the kitchen. Before she was able to even turn on the coffee-maker Hotch pushed her against the wall, kissing her hard.
Elle responded immediately with the same passion. As Hotch started to lead her to her bedroom, she gave him a questioning glance...He just smiled at her and kissed her another time.
As they reached the bedroom they started undressing each other, both lost in each other's presence.
She pulled off his jacket, loosened his tie, letting both fall to the ground and started undoing the buttons of his shirt while he pulled her top over her head and let it drop.
Elle started unbuckling his belt, and pulled off his trousers and boxers.
They shared another passionate kiss and he opened her jeans and pulled them down, together with her panties.
Hotch drew her closer, kissing her, his hands wound in her hair.
A moment later he pushed her onto the bed. When he saw the scar on her chest the anger rushed back, he felt once more like it had been his fault...He kissed her hard as he entered her roughly.
One and a half hours later :
As they lay next to each other, trying to regain control over their breathing, Hotch started to fully realize what he had just done. He turned his head toward her and stated :
"Listen Elle, I'm sorry for treating..."
"It's okay..." Elle looked at him and reassured him,
"Really, Hotch, it's okay."
"Elle, I didn't mean to..." He was kept from finishing his statement when Elle kissed him softly.
He drew her closer to him, deepening the kiss, which became more passionate by every passing second.
Some time later :
Hotch kissed Elle and drew her as close as possible. Then he looked at her, straight into the eyes, searching for any sign of regret in them. But he found none.
Elle smiled for a moment at him, then she snuggled closer to him and rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes. He put his arms around her, a smile appeared on his face, he enjoyed Elle's proximity so much and he was just so happy about the fact that Elle was out of hospital.
They had both almost fallen asleep, when his cell phone started ringing. Elle moved to grab the item from the ground, but Hotch hold her back.
"Don't..."
She got the phone and hold it in front of his face.
"You should answer the call - maybe it's important."
He took the item from her hands and said : "Hotchner..."
"Hey it's me, where are you, Aaron? I'm sort of worried..."
"Oh Haley, uhm, I'm at the office...I just remembered that there is some paperwork which has to be done by tomorrow evening and who knows if I will have the time to finish it tomorrow...I'm sorry that I didn't call..."
"Okay, bye - and don't work too much..."
"Yeah, goodnight..."
Hotch hung up and put the cell phone onto the nightstand then he pulled Elle closer to him again. A few minutes later they both had fallen asleep.
The next morning :
As Elle woke up it took her a while before she remembered what had happened between her and Hotch. Only then she noticed that he was still holding her in his arms. A smile appeared on her face.
Hotch was already awake for a while. It had taken some time before he had fully realized what he had done...He had cheated on his wife - with Elle...
Of course he felt bad for it, but still he couldn't bring himself to regretting it, at first he thought it had been only a dream, but then he got aware of the fact that it was real.
A moment later he felt Elle stir, he lifted his right hand and let his fingers slide through her hair. When she opened her eyes, Hotch smiled at her and kissed her softly.
"Morning." Elle smiled back at him.
"Good morning yourself..."
They shared another kiss then they smiled once more at each other.
"How do you feel about taking a shower and having a delicious breakfast afterwards?" Hotch looked questioning at her.
"Sounds good to me..."
They got up and went to the bathroom.
As the hot water ran over their skin Hotch put his arms around Elle, drawing her closer. They shared a passionate kiss, when he bit her neck she started to laugh quietly.
"What's the matter, huh? What's so funny?" While saying that he gave Elle kisses on the forehead after every word.
"It's nothing..."
"Come on..."
"Well, it's just that all of this seems so surreal - like a dream..." Elle looked down and Hotch gave her another soft kiss, "I never thought that you..."
"That I would do something like this?"
He smirked at her and kissed her passionately. Elle put her hands on his neck while he wound his into her hair and pushed her against the wall, deepening their kiss further. When he entered her a moment later Elle wrapped her legs around his waist.
A while later :
Hotch put his arms around Elle when they were standing in front of the mirror over the sink. He kissed her onto the side of her neck, then he took the towel which she had wrapped around herself and started rubbing her skin dry, while she closed her eyes.
When she opened them again and looked into the mirror she started shaking and Hotch saw her eyes welling up with tears. As he moved next to her to find out what was bothering her, he noticed that her eyes were trained on the scar on her chest, which she saw in the mirror and it hit him - the image of the scar must have brought back all the horrible memories of what had happened...
Elle tried to fight against the tears but failed. Hotch turned Elle toward him and as the tears broke free he drew her into a tight embrace.
A moment later her legs were unable to hold her up any longer and they sank down to the ground.
Hotch took her towel and wrapped it around her shoulders. Elle leaned closer to him and clung to him as if her life depended on it, while he stroked her back, whispering soothing words into her ear.
"Listen Elle, if you want I can call at the office and tell them that I won't come in today and stay here..."
"No. They need you."
"You need me as well. I don't want you to be alone."
Elle looked up at him and it hurt him to see all the pain in her eyes.
After her sobs had subsided Hotch lifted his one hand to her face and wiped away the traces of her tears.
"What do you think about breakfast?"
Elle looked at him and a small smile appeared on her face as she nodded.
At the kitchen :
While they were sitting at the kitchen-table and ate their breakfast Hotch kept watching Elle.
"You know that I meant what I said, right? - One word of you and I will stay here with you..."
"I know, and I really appreciate it, but I think you should go to work..."
They locked eyes with each other.
"Okay, but in case you need anything you call me, alright? And I will be here in no time..."
Elle smiled softly at him and nodded.
When they had finished their breakfast they got up and went to the front-door. Before Hotch finally left he gave Elle a last kiss, they shared a smile and he lifted his one hand, letting his fingers slide through her hair.
"Call me if you need something, okay?
"Yeah..."
At Hotch's place :
As Hotch opened the front-door he took a deep breath.
Haley came from the kitchen and approached him, a smile on her face.
"Hey, you're already up?" Hotch looked at her.
"Yeah..." She stepped up to him and gave him a soft kiss.
They both went to take a seat at the dining-table. While Haley ate her breakfast she watched her husband carefully.
"Are you okay?" Hotch looked up.
"Sure...I just have a lot to do, that's all."
A moment later he got up and went to change his clothes.
When he came back down, Haley was sitting on the couch. He walked up to her and sat down.
They looked at each other, then Haley said :
"You know, yesterday evening was really nice...Maybe we should repeat that..."
Hotch took a deep breath and replied :
"Listen Haley, I really appreciate that you invited Elle for dinner, but I'm her boss and actually I would prefer to keep my private life seperated from work..."
"Okay..." Haley smiled softly.
"Well, I should get to the office now."
Haley gave him a soft kiss and he got up.
At the office :
Hotch went straight to get some coffee before going to his office.
A moment later someone knocked against his door.
"Yeah?"
The door opened and Gideon entered the room.
"Are you okay? I mean, shouldn't you be happier now that Elle was released from hospital?"
"I am..." They looked at each other.
"Well, you don't seem like that..."
"It's just that Haley had invited her for dinner yesterday evening..."
"How did that go?"
"Awkward, I mean, you know Haley...She wants to be friends with everyone - and her newest target happens to be Elle..."
"So, what did you do?" Gideon gave him a curious glance.
"Sticking it out..."
"You have to come to terms about what you want..."
"I know..."
Not much later Gideon left and Hotch went back to work on his paperwork.
At the evening :
It had been a quiet day - they had only paperwork to do. Hotch spent all day in his office trying to work while his head was filled with thoughts about his problems.
When he was finished he ordered some Chinese take-out and left the office in a hurry.
As he reached his destination Hotch took a deep steadying breath before he rang the bell.
"Hey." Elle smiled at him after opening the door.
"Well, I thought you might be hungry..." He indicated the Chinese.
"Come in..."
He handed Elle the bottle of expensive, exquisite red wine he had bought earlier and sat down on the couch, placing the take-out on the table.
Meanwhile Elle went to the kitchen to get two glasses and to open the bottle. A moment later she came back to the living-room and sat down next to him.
Hotch took the bottle and glasses from her hands and poured some wine into the glasses.
After some time, while they had eaten in comfortable silence, the door-bell rang and Elle got up to see who it was.
When she came back, Morgan followed a second later. Hotch noticed the surprise in Morgan's eyes as he saw him. Though he tried to fight against it, Hotch felt once more the rising jealousy and anger.
Luckily Morgan didn't stay long.
After he had left, Hotch let out a sigh and drew Elle, who was sitting next to him again, closer and they shared a long passionate kiss, then they focused their attention back onto eating. Hotch decided to enjoy the time with Elle and not to think too much about Morgan.
Meanwhile :
Morgan was quite surprised by the fact that Hotch was at Elle's place. He found it odd that his married boss was sitting in Elle's living-room, eating Chinese take-out and drinking expensive wine with her. He shook his head and turned around for a moment and was totally surprised when he saw Hotch pulling Elle onto his lap - and kissing her passionate. A little part of his brain told him to keep watching but then he decided to simply leave and get home.
At Hotch's place :
Haley was sitting on the couch in the living-room. The television was turned on, but she was unable to concentrate on the movie she had wanted to watch.
She was totally lost in her thoughts, wondering where her husband was. He had called and told her that he had to work, but somehow she didn't believe that...
She had to admit that she hadn't told Gideon the complete truth - Aaron had started to change a very long time ago - actually already short after Jack had been born. He had started to work more and more.
Of course he had always been a little absent, but he used to make this forgotten when he was at home. But quite a while before his colleague had been shot this changed, he started to be lost in his thoughts when he was at home, he smiled even less than ever before.
She had hoped everything would return back to to normal during his vacation, but instead everything got worse.
She had lied to him when she confronted him about his nightmare. He hadn't woken her with a scream - she had been awake for quite a while. She had heard what he had said, but she didn't think much about it - it was just a dream, right?
But after the past evening she was thinking differently. The way they had looked at each other, smiled at each other. They had sat so close on the couch, the look in his eyes - all this tenderness she had seen displayed in them.
She remembered how he had brushed a strand of hair out of Elle's face - the look in his eyes in that moment. She could have sworn that he was on the best way to lean in and kiss her...
She tried to reassure herself that her husband would never hurt her like that, but she started to doubt...
She slowly started to think that he had fallen for Elle and it was unbelievable painful for her, but when she thought carefully about it, it explained a lot...
Still she hoped she was wrong, though the doubts got stronger...But even if he had feelings for his colleague he would never give in to them, right?
Tears started running down her face, when she thought about the possibility that her husband was right now with his colleague...
She didn't want to think like this about him - but on the other hand he had said in his sleep that he loved Elle - even more than he had ever loved her...
Tbc
A/N: Hope you liked it - I'm going to update some other stories today as well. But I'm not sure when I will be able to update this one again...Please take the time to REVIEW!