My explanation for my hiatus will be at the bottom, as well as an update about the Fierce update.

I wanted to get this out to you guys as fast as possible -- I wrote it just last night, by hand, in my bed, at my cottage -- so don't mind any spelling/grammar errors.

I'll correct them later.

I turned on my heel and stormed back through the house, bumping into various people as I went. I ignored their grunts and curses and I walked back up to the dark room upstairs. A part of me was hoping that Edward was following me; the other, more sober part of me knew that he wouldn't. I grabbed my purse and pulled out my mickey of vodka and took a couple swigs.

I was high and drunk... but not drunk enough.

I slung my purse over my shoulder and continued swigging my Absolut as I headed down the stairs and toward the front door.

I thought I had enough pride to stay and have a good time, but apparently I don't know myself that well anymore.

The glass bottle was cold on my lips while I chugged down even more of the burning, bitter liquid. I scanned the front foyer quickly before placing my hand on the door knob... only to be met with Jasper's curious eyes boring into mine. I shook my head and flew out the door.

However, I didn't leave. I couldn't leave. I wanted to so badly but I just couldn't force myself to continue walking away. Besides, I didn't even know where the hell I was. Instead, I stood in the middle of the road, just staring at the house.

Deep down, I knew I wouldn't leave because he was still in there – this brought me closer to him again. Sure, we'd been to parties together before – but tonight we actually talked.

And I lied. It was such a lie.

I didn't want him to fuck off out of my life – I needed him there, even if I was on the receiving end of his hate. At least that proved that he knew I was still alive – on the outside, at least.

I could feel myself swaying on my feet, maybe a little too drunk for my own good. I was used to it, however. Ever since our friendship fell apart, I found myself drinking more and more – mimicking Edward's party-hard lifestyle. If he was trying to wash away his memories of me by drowning himself in booze and pot, then I vowed I would do the same.

Yet, because of how the female mind works, I never could forget about him and it almost became a masochistic obsession when I drank. The more I drank, the more I thought about Edward. I figured it was okay since I wouldn't remember in the morning, anyway.

I started hooking up more randomly, too. That, other than my little stunt tonight, was my main way at getting back at the boy. He used to cock-block me like no other, so without him I was a loose cannon. Mike Newton was still my favourite because he was always eager. He knew I was using him for his body, but that didn't stop him. He truly was a good guy, though – nice and sweet – and blessed with magic fingers.

But I always felt guilty after. Always. Mainly because I knew that my efforts to get back at Edward were useless since he would never find out nor care in the first place.

I wasn't a slut, though. No, not at all. I definitely didn't sleep around – I only chose Mike Newton, and occasionally James, because they're friends with him. I never slept with them. I know, it sounds so pathetic and cliché saying the same old "I'm waiting for the one" speil... but I'm not waiting. I just haven't wanted to have sex with anyone. Completely understandable.

Was Edward a virgin? No, probably not. He had girls climbing all over him 24/7 – I'm sure he's been around that block a few times.

It was then that my mind chose to start replaying all of the moments where Edward had been especially cruel to me over the past year – bumping into me at parties and continuing on like he hadn't practically dislocated my shoulder; flirting with people like Lauren right in front of my face as if I wasn't even there; preventing me from playing in the beer pong tournaments... you know, the little things. Eventually, though, I stopped caring. It stung at first, but over time I almost expected it. Yes, it still hurt a little to be constantly rejected by my former best friend, but I was more numb to it now.

He kind of broke me.

I'm too afraid to show how I actually feel now – I'm sure most people would after being constantly bombarded with questions from Alice and such about how I was feeling, if I missed him, and so on and so forth. The only thing that was worse than hearing those questions was when they stopped mentioning him around me. I guess I kind of turned into a robot.

Now, don't get me wrong – I don't go around lifeless and boring. No, that would probably just confirm people's suspicions about me and start a slew of rumours. Instead, I'm robotic because I feel what people want me to feel. I don't really remember what my real laugh sounded like, but I don't think anyone else does either, so it's alright. I'm typically the happy person; laughing and smiling. At parties, I'm the wild girl. Now they say that I'm one of the toughest people they know – how they've never seen me cry. I admit that I never cry anymore, but I could never claim that I was tough.

Whatever they tell me to be, right?

All because of him.

I suddenly felt someone shaking me by my shoulders and so I spun around to face the opposite side of the street.

No one was there, but my shoulders were still shaking.

I opened my mouth to tell whoever was touching me to fuck off, but nothing came out.

Then I realized that I had tears streaming out of the corners of my eyes and my chin was quivering. The lump in my throat was becoming unbearable but I couldn't let myself submit to such a defeat. I tried to tell myself he wasn't worth it, and I knew on the surface that he wasn't... but deep down, I knew he was.

So I cried.

Shoulders heaving, heavy breaths, gasps and coughs, little soft groans of defeat and pain.

It was then that I realized that the person making me cry was the only person who could make me stop.

I missed him so much.

Only two minutes passed before I collected myself as much as I could. Obviously my eyes would be red-rimmed and puffy, but what could I do about that, right?

I then noticed that I didn't want to go home. Not yet, at least.

It was a lose-lose situation for me. Home was where the heartbreak, the memory, was; same with this party. At least here, I can be alone.

Alone.

I rubbed my face to rid it of stray tears that were staining my cheeks and actually let out a small chuckle at how pathetic I was – standing in the middle of a random road, crying and drunk. I made my way over to the lawn and sat down on the moist grass, leaning back on the gigantic willow tree behind me. It had to have been old – the width of the trunk was the size of a small car. I could hear the music inside change genres quite drastically about every five minutes, but who doesn't love a mix of Queen and The Backstreet Boys?

The slightest case of the spins began to hit me, so I closed my eyes, willing myself to stay drunk, but feel nothing.

A dark shadow moved in front of me and shone a light in my eyes.

"Bella! What are you doing?! We're going to be late if you keep lounging around," the shadow said, stumbling and slurring a bit.

I shielded my eyes and looked around. It was daytime... and I was by the ocean?

What?!

"Bella," Edward leaned down in front of me, "hurry up! We've been drinking here for... Jesus, like four hours!"

"Oh, shit!" I yelled as I jumped to my numb feet, "How long has everyone been waiting for us?"

He shrugged his shoulders and smirked.

God, he was so drunk.

"You're such a lightweight, Edward," I laughed and pushed his shoulder, signalling to get a move on, "how are you going to manage when people start having big house parties... or keggers!"

Edward ran a frustrated hand through his messy, too long bronze locks before running it down his cheek. He was taller than me now – only a few months ago did he start to catch up. He was probably a good 5'8" by now, I noticed.

"I know. Fuck, I know. I guess we'll just have to drink every weekend so I can man-up!" Edward's piercing emerald eyes were bright with laughter, and bloodshot from alcohol. He lazily flung his arm around my shoulders.

"So why are we going to this festival exactly?" He asked.

"Alice and Rose said the shops are open till midnight, and Jasper said it was a good excuse to get fucked," I replied honestly.

I noticed some people down at the pier, and cut Edward off before he could make an undoubtedly witty remark about the night's festivities.

"Oh! Come with me for a second," I groaned as I tugged his arm, trying to get the rest of him to follow me down to the group of friends.

"Why? Who's down there?" Edward peered around me and sighed, "Bella, I don't think it's a good idea for you to keep hanging out with them. Angela and Ben are the biggest druggies in school! What if they shoot you up with heroin while you're not looking?!"

I kept pulling at him until he gave up and came down with me.

"Don't worry, I'm sure I'll notice if they shove a needle in my vein."

We sat and chatted with the drug bunch for quite some time. Well, I chatted – Edward sat and looked awkward. He was remarkably patient, however. Never complained. Alice was a different story – my cell phone was ringing left, right and centre because of her. So, I said my goodbyes and grabbed an eager Edward and steered us in the direction of the town core.

"You know, Bella," Edward smiled, "this is going to be one of those random days you'll always remember."

I nodded in agreement, and while doing so, tripped over a rogue stick on the ground, successfully hitting my head.

I groaned and looked up for some help to stand... but found myself sitting alone, against the willow tree, shedding tears with a killer headache.

He was right. I'd never forget that day. It was the day I realized he cared about me as much as I cared about him. I was his best friend and he was mine. Or so I thought, at least.

I sighed heavily. How fucking pathetic could I get in one night? I managed to break all of my own steadfast rules – created to prevent situations like this from happening.

I could tell people were fighting about something inside. Typical, I guess. It's not a Forks party without a fight and someone getting too drunk to function.

I let myself relax for a little more, about an hour or so, so I could go back in and face the "what the fuck!?!"s from my friends. I stood up, caught myself on the tree before I fell over, and stumbled across the lawn. When I was about halfway, the front door flew open, allowing the booming bass and loud laughter to float through the dark, calm air. For a second, I almost thought Alice had opened the door after seeing me get up, but once someone literally fell out the doorway, I figured otherwise. The person rolled down the steps and onto the lawn about ten metres in front of me.

"Shit," I mumbled. It felt like I had an angel and devil on my shoulders at that moment, debating whether or not to help. I was honestly about to keep walking, until I noticed the person looked just like Jasper.

"Fuck!" I whisper-yelled, running towards Jasper on the ground, "where the fuck is Alice?! How was she not watching him?!"

He was less than three metres away now, but I managed to trip over my own two feet, rolling to his side.

Well, at least it was worth the roll.

I laid there for thirty seconds, figuring he could wait until my head stopped pounding. I could hear his laboured breathing beside me and he didn't sound like he was passed out, so that was good.

I rolled onto my side, shirt pulled down too far, but riding up all the same – lace bra exposed – but I knew he wouldn't care. If anything, he'd recognize it was Alice's. Where the fuck was she?!

My head was still spinning, so I kept my eyes shut and tried to hold down the gags from the vomit my rolling stirred up in my stomach.

"Jasper?! Are you alright? Where's Alice, kid?" I whispered, swallowing loudly after each question.

Jasper laughed a little before I heard his mouth open and close a few times, like he was wetting his dry mouth or something. Actually, he probably had the pasties from smoking... so it made sense.

His voice interrupted my thoughts.

"I mother fucking... fucking mother... fother mucking... fuck. I wish I was Jasper right mother fucking now. Fuck..."

I froze. My eyes shot open.

"What the fuck?!" I screamed.

"Shhhh... no fuck. I don't fuck."

I scrambled onto my knees and tugged on my hair. I stared, wide-eyed and angry at the person I thought was Jasper below me.

"Ugh, shut up, Edward! You're such an ass!" I whisper-yelled at him.

He probably watched me come out here and decided to torment me more. He kept his eyes closed.

Then it started again. The tears, the memories. Everything, but I made no noise. I was eternally grateful that his eyes were closed. He didn't deserve the satisfaction of finally seeing me cry.

I examined his form. He looked like he was in pain. Not only from his fall, though. As I noticed this, he rolled over and puked all over the ground beside him. That was the only thing that prevented me from standing up and walking back into the party. I may not be on the best of terms with him, but I couldn't leave my former best friend drunk and sick on the ground for the cops to find.

So I made myself comfortable while he puked his guts out.

"Karma, mother fucker," I mumbled.

Edward stopped, finally, and rolled onto his back again. I watched as his hands trailed down his chest, to the hem of his shirt. I couldn't help being a little excited to see his chest and stomach, nor could I help the blush when he slowly peeled his shirt off his body.

I blame the alcohol, hormones, and the fact I haven't seen him with his shirt off since 10th grade.

Edward still hadn't opened his eyes, and I was almost worried he was dead – until he opened his fucking pie-hole.

"Are you still there?" He asked the sky.

I gulped, "Yes."

"Are you drunk?"

"Thankfully."

"Why are you out here?"

"Clearing my head."

He nodded, "How do you know Jasper?"

What the fuck?

"Uh, Edward, do you know who I am?"

I noticed him slightly open his right eye.

"Nope. Life's a blur right now, ain't it?" He sighed.

"Sure."

"You don't seem like other girls, you know," Edward slurred as he adjusted his position on the grass.

"That's because I'm not," I retorted.

"Calm the shit down, it's a compliment. I don't know many girls who wouldn't be trying to undo my pants right now. Not to sound cocky."

"I'm sure you don't."

"It's refreshing. Reminds me of the good old days."

"Ah, yes, because the days before puberty were amazing."

"No," Edward breathed and licked his lips – visibly relaxing, "it reminds me of the days I'll always remember."

He didn't say anything else.

Fuck, he definitely passed out.

I don't know what came over me, but before I knew it, I was on my feet, tugging my ex-best friend's arm to stand him upright. After about five minutes, I succeeded and flung his arm around my neck.

"Oh, god, what am I doing...?" I wondered out loud as we started walking – well, I was walking. Edward was more or less... dangling – down the street. I used his weight to prevent me from drunkenly stumbling all over the place.

I didn't want to walk home alone, and Edward's house was only a few blocks away from mine. I could dump him off there to get yelled at by his parents while I, unhappily, made my way home.

At least, that was my plan before Edward became aware of the world again.

"Where are we going?" He slurred.

"Home. I'm taking you home."

"You know where I live? Stalker."

"Shut up, you idiot. I asked Jasper," I lied.

We walked a few more metres before he was able to stand on his own.

"You're a girl, right?" He asked, rubbing his chest as he swayed down the road by my side.

"Obviously," I sneered.

"Then I'm going to dictate to you my wonderful life story."

"Is that how you get the girls these days?"

"No, but I need to get all this shit off my chest. Since you're a girl, your opinion is perfect. Mother fucking perfect."

"I don't really want to hear—,"

"Have you ever met Isabella Swan?"

I stopped breathing, broke out in a cold sweat and got incredibly nervous – all while keeping my composure. He sounded angry when he said my name, so I prepared myself for the worst.

"No, I haven't," was my simple lie.

"I don't really know her anymore myself – but she's the core of my problems."

"...Huh."

"Yeah, she used to be my best friend."

"Great."

"Quite."

I paused, waiting for him to continue.

"... That's some life story, eh?" I probed.

"Oh, yeah, shit, sorry. Uh, well, fuck... where was I?"

I opened my mouth, ready to tell him not to continue but –

"Right. Bella. Well, okay, so we used to be such amazing friends like two years ago. She's a lot different now, though. We used to do everything together – talk on msn, watch the same shows while talking about them on msn—,"

"Sounds so fun!" I said sarcastically as we rounded the corner of his street.

I always had thought it was fun, to be honest. I missed it, that's for sure.

"Yeah. So like, two years ago, there was this kegger...," Edward started.

This was it. What I always wanted to know. What happened at that kegger to make him hate me?

But... wait. Did I really want to know? How masochistic do I have to be? Wanting to know how you fucked up a friendship. It's not like it's going to change anything between us...

So I cut him off.

"Actually, Edward, we're at your house now," I said, looking for cars in the driveway. There were none. His parents were out.

"But my story! I need to tell it to someone, please!" He begged.

"Not me, I guess."

"Well, help me find my fucking keys then," Edward whined.

For a split second, I almost felt bad for him, since his keys were very clearly hanging out of his pocket.

"Can you come inside?" He asked, sounding defeated.

I shifted my weight from foot to foot as I debated with myself.

Drunk Bella screamed, "Yes", while sober Bella screamed, "No".

Apparently, however, drunk Bella had actually screamed out "yes", since I was being dragged into Edward's house by my wrist.

It looked the exact same. Crisp, clean and model-home-esque. My memories flooded back to me of Esme baking in the kitchen while Carlisle and Edward debated something in the living room.

This time, though, I managed to control and fight back my tears. It was too good of a memory to cry about.

Edward led me up the stairs and disappeared into the bathroom. I didn't hear any retching, so I slid into his room, effectively shattering my heart into a million more little pieces.

It was the same. Sheets and all. I could practically hear the room welcoming me back. I sat down on his bed and fingered the silky gold sheets. I was always so in love with them.

Suddenly I was pushed back onto the bed and felt Edward attempting to place kisses along my jaw line. I was so wrapped up in the fucking sheets I didn't even hear him come in.

"Edward," I grunted as I tried to push him off of me, "what the fuck do you think you're doing?!"

He'd brushed his teeth and stripped down to his boxers while he was in the bathroom.

"Hooking up with you. I never hoop up with anyone, but you're different," Edward explained in-between sloppy kisses and struggles.

"I'm honoured, but you don't want to hook up with me, trust me. Do you even know who I am yet?!" I asked, finally getting him off me.

"No, you're still blurry, but you remind me so much of—,"

"Shut. Up. Edward. Don't say it. Please, just don't say anything else," I could feel the tears streaming down my face and I started to openly sob, "just don't. I'm leaving. Forget I ever talked to you again. Remember what I said earlier? Fuck off out of my life. Please. I can't deal anymore."

His eyes widened a bit before I spun on my heel and started running. Running from the future, or running from the past, I wasn't sure. But all I could process the last moment before hitting that bottom step and sprinting out the door, was a soft, strangled sound.

"Bella."

Okay, so basically my excuse is the same as everyone elses.

I thought my schoolwork was all done (back in March) since that's what everyone always says about second semester... but then it just got laid on so thick that I was practically pulling my hair out.

But you guys don't care about that.

I updated this one first because... well, I like it more.

Fierce will be updated tomorrow (actually tomorrow. I'm not lying!) GET EXCITED!