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Chapter 22: Too Much
The car ride home was silent. Troy was angrily thumping at the steer wheel as he chanced glances at Gabriella. Gabriella was staring intently out the car window. Arguing with her mind.
'I should just tell him. He'd understand. Why did these nightmares come back? Maybe he could help me figure it out. No. No. No. He would lose his focus. Then we'd lose. Then the school would hate him. The school couldn't hate him. But they could hate me. Then he'd dump me. God, why is life so difficult.' A single tear streamed down the side of her face.
Troy looked over at her. She was battling inside her mind. She refused to let him in.
"What's going on?" His voice echoed through the silence.
She looked at him, her eyes mirroring fear. "What do you mean?" Was that her voice. That thin, nervous noise that seemed to fly from her mouth.
"What do you think Gabriella?" Her face fell, 'Gabriella', so simple, yet so meaningful. Her full name. Not 'El' or 'Babe'.
"Just leave it Troy." Her voice held an ominous warning.
He pulled into the driveway and parked. Slamming his hand violently on the steering wheel he turned towards her, "No. I won't leave it Gabriella." She shook her head and stepped out of the car, her bag forgotten.
Leaving his bags as well he followed her inside, "Just tell me what's going on." His voice was raising.
"No, damn it Troy." Tears streamed down her face, "You won't understand. No one understands. Just leave it." She turned to walk away, but her grabbed her arm spinning her around.
"Who were you with at lunch? Where did you go after school? Everyone is so worried. Sharpay, yeah remember her, your best friend?"
"Don't lecture me on friends Troy Alexander Bolton. You have no idea what's going on!" She shouted. By now Jack and Lucy were watching from the kitchen doorway.
"Then tell me. Is that so difficult? Is it so hard to understand?"
She shook her head violently, her hair flying every which way, getting tangled, much like her life right now, "No Troy! What don't you understand about 'no'. Is it the 'n' or the 'o'?" Sarcasm laced her angry and distressed voice.
"Don't give me that bullshit Gabriella! I want to know what's going on! Why the fuck won't you let me in?" He ran his hands through his golden brown hair, making it stand on ends, "You let me in when you don't know me. Without a single damn objection. Then you get to know me and you shut me down? What kind of crazy ass logic is that?"
"God! Troy just let it go! You don't get to know everything when you want to." Her voice rose to a high-pitched wail before she took a breath to compose herself, "Believe it or not, not everyone falls to their knees giving you everything you want. I am not at your beck and call. And I sure as hell don't answer to you! You are not a God Troy Bolton. You are a normal guy and I don't have to tell you everything. Especially when I'm not ready." She turned on her heel, this time he let her go. He heard a door slam. Her body slamming violently into. He turned towards the wall and took a breath.
"Don't." He warned his parents. They nodded. He walked back to his car and returned a few minutes later. He dropped her purse and backpack outside her room door before walking back into his own room, shutting it with and angry slam.
Gabriella sat with her back to her door. Violent sobs wracked through her frail body. It was too much. The nightmares. The running. The feeling that he was watching her. Never taking his eyes off his prize. And that prize? Her.
Another sob echoed through her room. She clutched her stomach, feeling the pain of each blow. As if he were really present. In her room in Albuquerque, standing over her with his foot poised for another blow to her stomach. She flinched. Pushing herself up she stumbled towards her bed. She continued sobbing until she was asleep.
Lucy announced dinner, letting it ring through the house. Jack came in from the study, taking his seat at the head of the table. Troy pulled himself out of his room. Reluctant to see Gabriella. That's what sucked. Living with her and having to see her when they were fighting. To him it sucked. As if fighting weren't crappy enough, they had to see each other. Because they lived together. But Gabriella's petite form did not find its way down to dinner that night.
The three looked at each other. Jack stood up, marching up the stairs her opened her bedroom door. Any anger that was coursing through his body for having to deal with the ups and downs of dating as a teenager stopped. Cold. Right in their tracks.
Her tiny form was huddled in a fetal position on her bed. Tears streaked her face, mascara and eyeliner staining her usually glowing and tan complexion. Even though her eyes were closed in sleep he could tell they were puffy due to all the sobbing she had done. He walked over to her bed and carefully sat down. He ran a hand through her hair. She stirred.
Gabriella woke up with a start. Her eyes flying open in fear. She clutched her stomach protectively. She looked at Jack without any hint of recognition and jumped back, falling off the other side of her bed and startling Gilligan.
"Gabi?" Jack's voice was slightly confused. And like a bolt of lightening she was out the door and down the stairs. In search of protection.
Troy was sitting at the dining room table when he heard the clatter of her heels. Sprinting, she came full force lunging into his lap. Sobbing hysterically. Shocked, Troy quickly wrapped his arms tightly around her shaking figure. Trying to calm her down. Trying anything to make the shaking stop. And it did. As quickly as she had arrived, it stopped. She pulled back. She looked into Troy's confused and concerned blue eyes. They were a stormy gray. They looked like rain was going to fall any moment.
"El?"
She shook her head 'no' and simply buried her face into his chest. Trying to dig herself into a deep hole, away from reality. She murmured an apology to Jack. The room remained quiet. Her breathing evened out. She was asleep. Troy, Jack, and Lucy shared a concerned look. Heaving her into his arms, he carried her upstairs to her bedroom, placing her down, he pulled the covers back and tucked her in.
Gabriella woke up in her bed. Unaware of how she got there, but knowing that once again sleep was futile. She pulled the covers back. Walking into the bathroom she ruefully surveyed herself in the mirror. Her face stained with make-up, blotchy and red from too much crying. She shook her head, turning the water on to a scalding hot. She stripped. She stepped into the shower and let the water soothe her aching muscles.
Her body held no bruises, but she felt as though she were covered in them. Every night. Every time she closed her eyes. There he was. Alcohol in his hand and on his breath. His foot ready to let loose in another powerful kick. Or pulling her up by her hair. She shook her head, trying to shake the numb feeling that was growing in the pit of her stomach. The one that she'd gotten used to carrying around. Until Troy.
Light broke through the darkness. Filling her room. She'd been awake for hours on end now. Up doing homework that had been forgotten the night before.
Her alarm buzzed. She'd forgotten to turn it off even though she'd been awake. Pulling her comfortable sweats off, she slid into a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a long-sleeved aqua crew neck. She placed brown ballet flats on her tiny feet and applied very little make-up. She was aware that tears would be shed when she spoke with Cathleen today. She smiled. The older woman was no longer a dragon in her eyes. No longer a source of unbearable pain and torture. Instead she was a safe haven. Shelter from the overpowering storm that had taken control of her life. She was Cathleen. She was simply indescribably amazing.
She walked downstairs and was met with questioning gazes. She smiled. Putting on the front.
"Gabi?" Jack looked hesitantly at her, afraid she would lose control if he was too close, "Are you okay?"
She walked over and gave the man that was now her 'father' a tight hug, "It was just a nightmare, I'm sorry daddy." The word slipped out so easily, she didn't even see it coming. The room was silent.
Jack kissed the top of her head, "I love you Gabi." She sighed contentedly. Troy coughed. It was time for school. Kissing Lucy on the cheek she headed to the door.
The car ride was silent. It had seemed that the fight had resumed. And in full force. Especially when Gabriella flat out told him, "I have no intention of talking about it so please don't try."
"Wasn't gonna." Troy muttered under his breath, turning the radio on to fill the bleak silence.
The car was parked. They walked into school. Troy was walking ahead of Gabriella, who was numbly making her own way through the crowd. Students whispered. The 'Golden Couple' was in a fight. It was clear. Their faces held no emotions. The only thing betraying what was lying beneath the surface was their actions. They were a couple, unafraid of showing displays of affection. They held hands. He pulled her close. They kissed. He had no problem of feeling her up. She would even giggle a little. But now? Nothing.
The Wildcats turned to look at what had caused the havoc among the students. They tried not to let the surprise fly across their own cold faces. The King and Queen walked up. Neither speaking. Gabriella opened her locker and put her books away. Not a word from her.
"Boo?" Sharpay carefully asked as Taylor, Kelsi, and Martha pushed her forward, she was the chosen victim, "What's going on?" She put on her dumb blonde act.
"Cut the shit Sharpay." Gabriella slammed her locker shut, "It's unappealing really." Sending a small glare to Troy, which a few students picked up on, she turned on her heel. Leaving her friends in the dust.
"What's going on?" "Did you hurt her?" "Is she okay?" "Where is she going?" "Is it that time of the month?" Thwack. Chad clutched his head, which was in serious pain due to Taylor's abnormal strength.
"What?" He whined.
"Not the right question." She answered through gritted teeth.
"I don't know. And right now I don't care." Troy answered harshly.
No one seemed to notice the two blondes missing from the group. Sharpay and Ryan, their twin telepathy kicking in, decided to follow Gabriella to see where she ended up. They found themselves at the theater. Glancing curiously at each other, they crept unnoticed into the back row.
"I thought I'd find you here." It was Darbus.
Gabriella sighed, "Morning Cathleen." Cathleen?
"And how are you feeling today Gabi?" Gabi?
"Just so…aggravated." Gabi groaned, her elbows hitting the keys on the piano beneath her.
"Anything else?" Darbus asked, pulling a chair next to the piano and sitting in it.
Gabi shook her head, "I don't know."
"Play how you feel." Darbus suggested. Ryan and Sharpay looked at each other. Gabi could play the piano?
Her fingers found the appropriate keys as she began playing.
I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down
Even though I'm not the only one
Who feels the way I do
I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world
Got the radio on, my old blue jeans
And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve
Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine
Could you tell me what more do I need
And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah
But that's okay
I'm alone, on my own, an that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world
Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission
But I'm ready to fly
I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world
She sighed, "I think that encompasses sort of how I feel. Maybe. I don't know. I just don't know."
Ryan and Sharpay gaped at each other, they didn't know Gabriella could sing. The bell sounded. To their surprise, Darbus and Gabriella remained in conversation. Silently the twins got up.
"Should we tell Troy?" Ryan asked
Sharpay thought for a moment, "No. Boo doesn't want anyone to know. It's our secret that we know." Ryan nodded his agreement, letting Sharpay enter before he did.
"Where have you been?" Taylor hissed in her ear.
"Around." Sharpay's voice was airy, the one that came when she didn't want to be messed with. The conversation dropped.
"Well that song was beautiful Gabi." Cathleen raved on about it.
Gabi blushed, "Thanks Cathleen."
"So how was your evening?" Cathleen looked at Gabi out of the corner of her eye, trying to assess her emotions.
Tears streamed down her face, "Troy and I got into a huge fight and we aren't talking!" she wailed. Her nightmares put aside as Cathleen pulled her into a bone crushing hug.
10 minutes later the door to Ms. Darbus' homeroom opened. Darbus herself entered with a grand stance, nothing new. Gabi followed meekly behind her. She'd been crying. Whispers erupted as everyone wanted to know what had happened.
Frowning, Darbus shut them up. Gabriella sent her a thankful smile. And she returned it. Chad frowned. Darbus knew how to smile?
"Hockey puck off the table Mr. Danforth." Chad tried not to roll his eyes and refrained from telling her that it was a damn basketball not a hockey puck.
Homeroom ended. Gabi got up and nodded to Darbus who seemed to understand what she meant. Heading towards her locker, Taylor, Martha, Kelsi, and Sharpay flanked her. The boys remained with Troy. They'd made a silent agreement to get what was going on out of the two of them before the day was over.
Free period came, "I'll meet you girls in the gym. I just have to drop something off at the office." Gabi lied to her friends. They all nodded and left. Happy that she would at least go to the gym.
She was closing her locker. She turned towards the theater. Slowly walking she began thinking through everything. An arm reached out and She was spun around. Gabriella gasped in shocked and found herself face-to-face with half the football team.
Regaining her composure she narrowed her eyes, "What?" her voice was cold as ice.
"So you and Bolton have broken up. That's what the word on the street is anyways." Kyle Lindsay. Football captain. Resident asshole.
"Look Lindsay, I don't know what street you're frequenting but that's a load of bullshit."
"Well you two didn't look to cozy this morning. Maybe it's because you drove your daddy to drinking." Gabi froze. Did the whole damn school know her past now? "And then cried abuse when it wasn't true."
Gabriella snapped. She got right in his face, "I dare you to mess with me. I'd love to see what would happen." She turned and walked confidently until she rounded the corner. Only then did she allow the tears to fall as she sprinted full force into the theater, collapsing next to the row that Cathleen was waiting at.
"Oh, Gabi, sweetheart." Darbus gently lifted the girl to her feet and led her over to the chairs. Sitting down, she gently rubbed Gabi's back until her sobs subsided.
Wiping away her tears she shook her head, "It's too much. It's just too much."
Song: A Place in This World by Taylor Swift
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Mollie XOXO