COPYRIGHT NOTE: I don't own Xenosaga
COMMENTS: Writing this story has helped me realize that as much as I love Rubedo, I've got a huge weakness for Albedo, too (pre or post Miltian Conflict). Then again, I've always been fascinated with psychology and have written several stories staring mentally disturbed characters (none of which have been posted online yet, nor are they Xenosaga stories, but maybe I'll post them someday). So in retrospect, Albedo's right up my alley. This chapter is for all you Albedo fans!
PATHOS: Chapter V
Aiselne Nocturnus
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"Need You"
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It was not because of budget that the PATHOS world was so bland. Quite the contrary, there was a specific 'function' for the darkness, something Rubedo, Albedo, and Nigredo could have only learned via seeing it with their own eyes. Through the pitch darkness would come a light, faint at first, then brighter and brighter as they neared the rendezvous sight. The light multiplied, perfectly seen in the darkness, accompanied by U.R.T.V. Units 330 through 339 standing in a large uniformed circle. Similarly to usual link simulations, the standards extended their arms outward to form the mental link. However, for this PATHOS demonstration, both hands had to be outstretched, not just one. Even more distinctive was how flashes of light passed irregularly from one standard unit to another. The lights usually went to the unit directly across, as if the children were tossing the lights back and forth in a game of toss.
Of course, Rubedo and the other Variants knew what those lights were. They were part of a "warm-up" standards did prior to linking tests. The lights were bright electric blue, almost white: the lights of their consciousness in a more tangible, identifiable, and useable form. Of course, such could only be seen by a U.R.T.V., and seeing it in an ebony place made it that much simpler to notice; light contrasted by darkness, thus more easily to focus upon. After all, the whole point of PATHOS was for Rubedo to focus on and constrict his own wavelength with no possible distractions.
Dad's always got a reason for everything, doesn't he? Rubedo mused to himself before stepping before the standards to address them. The slight incident with Number 330 was still fresh in his mind, so Rubedo knew he was going to have to maintain a much better state of authority. He was, after all, the leader. "Number 666 reporting for the PATHOS test."
The standards, all males, peered back at him with their dark blue, unemotional eyes. Their glances made Rubedo feel slightly awkward, since all the old 330 units looked a bit older than him. Technically, being the 666th U.R.T.V. made, there were 665 other units that were older than Rubedo. Despite being the 'superior units,' Variants 666 through 669 were also the youngest of Yuriev's Designer Children, which might have added to the older standard units' disdain. However, most U.R.T.V.s Rubedo encountered retained their childlike appearances, appearing his age, despite being older. Being gawked at by U.R.T.V.s that looked older than him, even just by a few years, was rather unsettling to Rubedo. Of course, knowing those older standard units obviously disliked him did not calm the link master's nerves, either. Nonetheless, Rubedo remained calm and focused on why he was really in the PATHOS Encephalon.
"Since this is your first time," U.R.T.V. Number 330 spoke again, though never leaving his current location in the standards' circle. "You will first have to learn the wave constriction process via mimicking us. You do not yet possess the skill to do this on your own, so we ask that you join the circle." After 330's unenthusiastic invitation, the standard U.R.T.V. next to him obediently scooted sideways to make room for the link master.
"As I said before," continued 330. "Wave constriction will require you to disconnect from the mental link, but before you practice on your own you must first study our wave patterns. Again, wave constriction is difficult to describe in words, but it's much simpler to see via wavelengths. You will connect with us while we perform a simple wave constriction technique. It will be very mild and won't harm you, but it should be enough to give you a basic gist of the constriction process, enough for a starting point. It is true that it would be easier for you to watch the wavelengths of a stronger constriction, but that could be dangerous with you linked to us. A constriction technique at its most basic levels should not harm you, especially since you possess such a 'stronger' wavelength, Number 666."
Rubedo, along with Albedo and Nigredo, did not like the way Number 330 said his last line, particularly the word "stronger." It was spoken with the same disdain from earlier, discreetly mocking Rubedo's level of strength. Nigredo had to tightly grab onto Albedo's arm before the middle Variant lunged back out at the cocky standard, while Rubedo bit his own tongue. The link master did not want to succumb to such provocation. Besides, whether or not he liked the standards, they were Rubedo's ticket to harnessing the Red Dragon, which was something Rubedo desperately wanted. If getting harassed were the price to pay to fully control his power, Rubedo would pay it.
Albedo, on the other hand, was on the verge of dislocating his arm in order to free himself from Nigredo. He wanted to tear those standard bastards apart for ridiculing Rubedo, though the white-haired Variant was no more impressed with his twin for 'turning the other cheek.' How the hell could Rubedo allow those subordinates to walk all over him?!
("How can you just STAND there and put up with their shit, Rubedo?!"),Albedo's mind screamed across the mental link, not caring if the standard units overheard. Frankly, Albedo hoped those snot-nosed standards heard him. ("Those bastards think they're so great when YOU'VE got the power to choose whether or not they leave this place! Why don't you show them some of that power and put them in their place already?!")
("It's because of that power that I'm keeping my mouth shut and doing as they say, Albedo"), Rubedo briefly spoke back before taking his place in the circle beside Number 330. The 330-Units were a few inches taller than him, towering over the redhead with their resentful eyes glaring into him. Shaking off the awkwardness, Rubedo extended both of his arms, mimicking Numbers 330 through 339 and concentrating. Before he connected to the standards' mental link, Rubedo spoke to his twin. ("I don't like this anymore than you do, but I have to control my power. I WANT to control it, Albedo.")
The determination in Rubedo's voice was rivaled by his own fear, too. Albedo could tell that whatever the hell the Red Dragon truly was, it was more than just a powerful anti-U-DO power…it was something that mortified Rubedo. Albedo could still remember the horrified look on his twin's face upon seeing his shadow for the first time: a dark, devilish presence that easily overwhelmed the boy. There was something odd about a fearsome power being feared less by its victims and feared more by its master. Rubedo did not want to harness the Red Dragon just so he could use it efficiently. The leader underwent PATHOS so Rubedo could keep that monster locked in a cage and prevent it from hurting anyone, especially him.
Why did that sound so…cowardly? Surely Rubedo was not going through this PATHOS experiment on account of sheer cowardice. Albedo considered his other half much stronger, physically and mentally, but there was no denying that Rubedo was scared of himself. Albedo always considered himself the skittish half of their formerly conjoined whole, while Rubedo was the brave half. Rubedo was not scared of anything; he was the leader for God's sake!
While Albedo became lost in his ignorant, naïve thoughts, Nigredo looked on as Rubedo linked with the standards, closing his blue eyes to concentrate on their wave patterns. Unlike Albedo, Nigredo better sympathized with Rubedo. He, too, wanted Rubedo to harness the Red Dragon, not just for Rubedo's benefit. If PATHOS went was planned, everyone would be benefitted.
"U.R.T.V.s 331 through 339," ordered Number 330, obviously the 'leader' of their little standard group. Upon call, all the other standards, 330 included, shut their eyes and began focusing their attention on the exercise. "Set wave constriction starting levels to 13% and keep it at a steady .04% compression per second rate. To Number 666: as this is a very minimalistic constriction, the wavelengths will be very minute and difficult to read, so I advice that you pay as close of attention as possible."
"Got it," Rubedo murmured, doing just as Unit 330 ordered and tuning his attention on every detail across the mental link. All he could see at the moment were hairline wavelengths, and since this test would 'compress' the wavelengths, it meant the hairlines would get even thinner.
Nodding, U.R.T.V. Number 330 then initiated the wave constriction. Only visible to Albedo and Nigredo's open eyes, the circle became illuminated by a vibrant white ring of consciousness. The light passed through all of the participants' hands, as seen in the U-DO simulations. As 330 noted, the wavelength was very thin, though easily seen contrasted by the black nothingness of the Encephalon. As the link pulsed through the participating U.R.T.V.s, Rubedo watched the imaginary numbers and wave patterns of the consciousness, only visible to a U.R.T.V. As ordered, the wavelength minimized gradually by .04% every second, getting smaller and harder to read. However, the advantage to reading the compressed link was Rubedo was able to see, and more importantly feel, how the standards were constricting their wavelengths. Number 330 was right; wave constriction was much harder to describe in words, and it was something one had to feel to understand.
Everything felt compressed to a single point, as if Rubedo took all of his separate thoughts and refocused them on one thing, ultimately making them a whole. Then, it was merely a task of taking that whole and shaving away the unnecessary parts until it was a mere fragment of its former self. His thoughts would gradually become less and less specific, dropping the details until the thought was as basic as possible. If he were thinking about what a plant looked like, he would forget about the leaves, the roots, the colors, until all that remained of the stripped thought was a seed. Then the seed would be reduced down to its most basic of components, until all that remained was a name, but no illustrating image. And then the name, itself, would be stripped to its linguistic roots, until there was no longer a word. In the end, all that would be left was a thought of something, but what that 'something' was remained unknown. Lastly, when the thought was gone, all that was left was a feeling. Wave constriction was simply the process of stripping one's thoughts down to the barest of feelings: the ultimate meditative process of clearing the mind. Since U.R.T.V. power was rooted in the human consciousness, stripping that consciousness to its clearest form was the ultimate way of restraining it.
It was so simple. To harness the Red Dragon, all Rubedo had to do was clear his mind and keep his thoughts as minimal as possible. It was so brilliantly simple Rubedo considered it 'too' easy.
Of course, he did not remain cocky for long. After all, Rubedo knew he was not very good at keeping his thoughts straight when he became frightened. His mind wandered to too many 'what-ifs,' and his inherent fear of loneliness only doubled his problems. The recent events of late, namely Albedo's discovery of his immortality and Sakura's suicide, did not help matters, either.
Rubedo desperately needed to learn how to better control his emotions.
So from now on, Rubedo would control those damn emotions. He swore right then and there inside the PATHOS simulator that he would learn to control himself, and in doing so, control the Red Dragon. He could not speak verbally or telepathically due to the exercise, but Rubedo knew his emotions better than anyone, and knew what he was feeling was resolve. He was going to get his act together, not to appease his father or anyone else, but for himself.
The Red Dragon was his responsibility, and come hell or high water, Rubedo would handle it. He swore it.
"Participating U.R.T.V.s: prepare for disconnection," Number 330 suddenly called out, loud enough to grab Rubedo's attention. Gradually, the compressed wavelength enlarged back to its original size, necessary before the link disconnected to avoid any mental damage. When the parameters were safe, Rubedo and the other 330 U.R.T.V.s disconnected from each other, opening their eyes while the tangible wavelength Albedo and Nigredo watched vanished.
"Was that adequate enough for you, Number 666?" U.R.T.V. 330 asked, looking back down to Rubedo.
Nodding confidently, Rubedo put in a somewhat appreciative smile. He was not overly fond of the 330-Units, but at least they helped him come to the decision he needed to improve himself. "Yeah, thanks," Rubedo replied, not expecting the unemotional standard to return any sign of gratitude or pleasure. "I think I get it now. It's basically clearing the mind to the barest essentials, right?"
Number 330 blankly nodded. "Correct, but it's not as simple as you may think, Number 666. Keep in mind that these PATHOS simulations are currently done under tranquil circumstances. It's much harder to wave constrict when under emotional pressure such as combat. Eventually, when you are more experienced, we will practice with combat simulations, but until then-"
"Why wait?" Rubedo suddenly piped up, much to the surprise of his onlooking Variant brothers. Even the emotionless Number 330 could not help but blankly blink at the link master's confidence. "Look, I know I'm just a beginner, but with the Descent Operation a month away, don't you think it'd be best if I got as much combat training as possible?"
"That is not our, or your, decision to make, Number 666," the standard U.R.T.V. contradicted, causing Rubedo's face to soften slightly in disappointment. "You haven't even attempted constricting a wave on your own in this stable environment. What makes you think you can handle it under fire?"
"I'm not saying I can handle it," Rubedo countered, though his typical confidence started welling inside him, something his Variant brothers knew all too well. "But trust me. I'm a fast learner, and I learn best when the stakes are high," he grinned confidently.
"Experience may be a rough teacher but I find it works for me."
That was just a nicer, 'cooler' way of saying he learned best by foolishly throwing caution to the wind and flying by the seat of his pants. Unfortunately, Rubedo did not realize how naively he was talking, nor did he fully understand the situation he was in. Granted, Nigredo did not know everything, either, but he knew a hell of a lot more about the Red Dragon than Rubedo. "This isn't something to fool around with, Rubedo," Nigredo quickly voiced, causing both Rubedo and Albedo to turn around and face him. "If Dad and Numbers 330 through 339 want you to take it slow, I think you should heed their advice."
"Well I'd like to 'take it slow,' too, Nigredo," retorted Rubedo with a soft huff. "But in case you haven't noticed, life's not slowing down for us. The Descent Operation's a month away and that's the last place I want the Red Dragon running loose. Even if I have to undergo the hardest PATHOS tests, they'll probably be miniscule compared to whatever we'll engage with on Miltia. At least here, everything's just a simulation."
"People can still get hurt here, Rubedo," Nigredo reminded the link master, "Or did you forget about Number 623?" All the Variants were treated to the unpleasant memory of the U.R.T.V. Albedo beat up in Sakura's subconscious domain a few months ago, right before the discovery of his immortality. Unit 623 was still alive, but a recent report, or more specifically a recent 'scolding by Dmitri,' concluded the boy's damage. 623 had a broken nose and broken arm, along with three broken ribs. Such damage inside the Encephalon left no such scars in the 'real world,' but usually any wounds acquired in the Encephalon left damaging effects on the diver's brain. Number 623 underwent a brief coma following Albedo's attack, and after awakening, Dmitri concluded that the standard boy could no longer function properly. The brain damage rendered the boy unable to connect to the mental link, the most basic U.R.T.V. function, making Number 623 useless. Whether or not the jobless 623 aimlessly wandered the Yuriev Institute or had been disposed was unknown, but the Variants never saw him again. Not wanting a similar incident reoccurring, Nigredo shook his head at his older brother. "Pushing yourself won't do one bit of good if it gets you, or any of us, hurt, Rubedo."
Nigredo had a point, and while Rubedo tended to be impatient he did not want a relapse of what happened to Number 623, either. The link master was getting ahead of himself, which was not in his favor, either. Besides, Rubedo did not want to rush through his PATHOS training and wind up with a half-assed control over his power. He was going to do this the right way, even if the 'right way' happened to be the 'long way.' "Alright," relented Rubedo, before turning back to Number 330. "So what's next?"
"Next you will practice wave constriction on your own," explained 330, before turning to his standard comrades still standing in a circle. "The ten of us and you will link again, only this time you will be the one to perform a simple constriction, whilst we will be the observers. Due to your inexperience, our linkage should not pose any threat during your practice, so don't worry about harming us. Just concentrate on minimizing your wavelength, at least compressing it by 2%. Our observations will help in critiquing you afterwards and make sure you performed correctly. If all goes well you'll then practice on your own, disconnected from the link as I previously informed."
"Alright then," nodded Rubedo, before obediently walking into the center of the standards' circle. He could feel the ten pairs of eyes once again staring into the disliked leader, making Rubedo feel the familiar awkwardness and self-consciousness from earlier. In addition to the ten pairs of eyes of the standards, Rubedo could feel two additional pairs of eyes from his Variant brothers, idly watching. One pair of eyes, in particular, seemed to drill into Rubedo's thoughts more forcefully than all the others.
("Rubedo! Get away from those…'things,' already!")
Discreetly rolling his blue eyes, Rubedo shook his head, glancing across the congregation to where Albedo stood wearing an irked expression. ("Lay off, Albedo"), Rubedo instructed, his response causing his twin to bite his lip and furrow his brow angrily. ("These 'things' ARE our brothers, and they ARE helping me.")
Albedo abhorred the way Rubedo selected his spoken words. ("How the hell can you call those 'things' your brothers?! All they ever do is scoff at you! Don't be so stupid, Rubedo! They're not 'helping' you! I'll bet they can't wait to see you goof up the wave constriction just so they can make fun of you!")
("I'll deal with it, Albedo. I'm the leader, remember?")
("Do you think they give a shit about that, Rubedo?! They're WELL aware that you're the leader…THAT'S WHY they're always mocking you! They know their insults can get to you!")
("Their insults DON'T bother me. They bother YOU.")
("OF COURSE they bother me!")
("That's because you LET them bother you.")
("It's because I can't stand them making fun of you, Rubedo!")
("Albedo, you don't need to worry about stupid stuff like that-")
"'STUPID'?!" Albedo suddenly exclaimed aloud, causing all the U.R.T.V.s to turn and face him. Of course, Albedo paid no attention to any of the other children around him; only Rubedo, staring at him with those irritated sapphire eyes. Of course, Albedo's eyes were not very tranquil at the moment, either. They glared a vicious amethyst at his other half, while the rest of Albedo's body faintly vibrated with a welling anger. The younger twin could not believe what Rubedo just told him. "You' think my worrying about you is stupid, Rubedo?!"
Nigredo did not relish the particular direction this scene was headed, and certainly prayed Rubedo would put an end to this before matters got ugly. Unfortunately, as Nigredo turned to face the link master, it was obvious via the irritated look on Rubedo's face that matters already got ugly. Oh great… Nigredo feared. He hated it when Rubedo and Albedo fought, primarily because Nigredo never liked to get in the middle or take sides.
This was certainly not the first time Albedo made a scene like this. However, despite his older twin's 'experience' in dealing with Albedo's moments, episodes like these still irked Rubedo. Rubedo was not blind to, nor thrilled with, the standard U.R.T.V.s, but he was willing to deal with them for the purpose of PATHOS. Albedo failed to notice his tantrums were only hindering his older brother from wave compression training Rubedo desperately needed. "What's 'stupid' is your immaturity, Albedo," Rubedo scolded, folding his arms tightly while narrowing his blue eyes. "The sooner you quit making a scene the sooner we can get the hell out of here."
Such was true, but it did not comfort Albedo. "Why the hell do you always defend those 'things,' Rubedo?!" the white-haired boy demanded to know, pointing accusing fingers at the unemotional standards watching the show. "They never defend you!" he spat, his purple eyes aflame with fury before pointing his finger at himself. "I DO!"
"You're not defending me, Albedo," Rubedo countered with another eye roll. "You're just using me as your excuse to pick fights with them. Look, you made your point earlier with 330's lie. Leave it at that."
Oh sure, Albedo would love to 'leave it at that,' but he knew the standards certainly would not be so generous. Albedo could tell just by looking at the blank, yet expectant, looks on Numbers 330 through 339's faces. Those horrid 'things' could not wait for Rubedo to mess up in the simplest way, and then they could torment him about it. Their dull eyes watched every move of the link master, critiquing every minute detail and awaiting for some innocent slip to become ammunition. Then they would be able to harass Rubedo, just like they did so many times before.
And contrary to his older brother's overblown boast, Albedo knew the standards' insults did bother Rubedo. The link master was just too damn stubborn to admit all those times the standards' snide remarks haunted his thoughts, depressed him, and deeply hurt. It was quite obvious their dubbing Rubedo a "monster" bothered the leader to this day. Albedo could always tell when Rubedo was upset, and yet Rubedo foolishly tried to convince his twin, or perhaps convince himself, that he was aloof to the pain.
Rubedo meant the world to Albedo, but Albedo was also the first person to admit that his other half was very, very half-witted sometimes.
"Why don't you tell these bastards how you really feel, Rubedo?" snarled Albedo, balling his fists angrily whilst narrowing his violet eyes into slits, glaring right into Rubedo. That familiar rage and mania from the other day in the winter domain was beginning to resurface, and Albedo could feel his rage swell to dangerous levels. "You hate them just as much as I do, don't you? Go head…tell them!"
"Just because we're twins doesn't mean we're identical, Albedo," Rubedo retorted seriously, getting fed up with his twin's persistence. Albedo's nonsense was getting out of line, and Rubedo would not tolerate it. "Don't assume I hate the standards just because you hate them. We're not the same."
'Not the same'?! Albedo repeated to himself, unsure if his thoughts could be heard by the other onlooking U.R.T.V.s, not that he cared. 'Not the same'?! Rubedo's words struck very profound cords within Albedo; cords that crisscrossed into one gigantic knot. Half of those cords were based on sadness, hurt by Rubedo's cold clam of him and Albedo not being the same, practically denouncing their precious bond.
However, before anything emotional erupted from Albedo's sorrow, the other half of those 'cords' took over. These cords contradicted the others, and were based on pure rage. "'Not the same'?!" Albedo finally voiced incredulously, though his lips somehow curled into a sneer, while his eyes flashed wildly. He could feel the seductive mania coursing through him, coercing him to snicker deeply. "Rubedo…Rubedo…" he sang darkly, shaking his head with each call of his twin's name. "You have no idea how alike we are, do you?!"
Rubedo had seen that look in his brother's amethyst eyes before, bearing a striking resemblance to the incident in the winter domain with Rubedo's shadow. This time around was not as dramatic as the last, but Rubedo did not want matters to get so bad. Standing his ground, Rubedo so nearly stormed out of the standards' circle to put his brother in his place. Despite their bond, Rubedo had no qualms about pummeling some sense into Albedo once and a while. "Cut the crap, Albedo!"
"The only one pulling the crap around here is you, Rubedo," Albedo continued to taunt. "But I've seen the real you, and I've seen how ugly your wave pattern really is. It's just like mine, meaning if I hate the standards, so don't you," he observed, taking the opportunity to observe his twin's mental pattern, still possessing that 'odd' aura. "It's reddening…angrily…furiously…"
"If I'm getting furious it's not because of the standards!" barked Rubedo, feeling his own temper begin to flare. Albedo's words were getting stranger; what did he mean by having seen how 'ugly' Rubedo's wavelength appeared? What the hell did he mean?
"Tell the standards how you really feel, Rubedo," Albedo softly coerced, wearing a sly grin on his face while shooting at few glares at the disgusting 330-Units. "Tell them how much they hurt you. Tell them how much you wanted to send that pain right back at them!"
"I don't know what the hell you're talking about, Albedo!" blasted Rubedo.
"Why do you deny it, Rubedo?" Albedo retorted, taking another step closer to his fuming twin. "You can't possibly value those 'things'! What could you possibly gain by defending them?" he snorted, before arrogantly grinning as if he just boxed Rubedo into a corner. "You know they'd never defend you if you needed them most! You know they'd rather stand idle and watch you die, rather than save you!"
"I don't need to be saved!" yelled Rubedo.
"You did yesterday," Albedo noted matter-of-factly through curled lips, causing Rubedo to blink in surprise. "You needed Dr. Mizrahi to relieve you of all that pain, didn't you, Rubedo?"
Albedo was the last person in the world Rubedo expected to hear such low words from. Even Rubedo was surprised how deeply Albedo's words cut, causing the link master to minutely falter as he felt a particular stinging inside his chest. The middle Variant was the notorious one for always crying, and yet there Albedo was, mocking Rubedo for the same exact crime. Frankly, Rubedo was usually the one known for teasing Albedo, occasionally calling him a crybaby. The teases never went the other way around.
"…You miserable bastard," Rubedo murmured under his breath, not caring whether or not Albedo, or anyone, overhead. Before anyone else could notice or respond, the redhead leader stormed out of the standard circle and stomped over to where his twin brother firmly stood. Rubedo's blood was boiling at dangerous levels, so dangerously Nigredo noticed and fleetingly attempted to stop the older brother as Rubedo passed. Everything else, from the PATHOS Encephalon to the U.R.T.V.s, was blocked from Rubedo's mind. All he focused upon was his cocky twin…and putting Albedo in his place.
"As if getting lectured by Dad isn't enough…" snarled Rubedo, balling his own fists threateningly as he faced Albedo, locking his enraged blue eyes with his twin's. "…Now I have to put up with your shit, Albedo?!" he blasted, before so nearly raising a fist against Albedo. Rubedo managed to control himself, or at least control his fist. Of course, Rubedo was never good at controlling whatever poured out his mouth. "You have no right to bitch about the standards mocking me when you're stooping to their level!"
"I'm just stating a fact, Rubedo," defended Albedo, not particularly liking the way his twin categorized him in the same category as those 'things.' "I only brought up Mizrahi to prove you need someone to help you!"
"I do not!" swore Rubedo at the top of his lungs, launching a fist targeting Albedo's jaw before screaming out, "And I don't need you!"
The fist never reached its destination. However, something else did hit Albedo…something far more painful than any punch Rubedo could have materialized. As if he did suffer the blow, the white-haired Variant took a stumbling step back, his face turning almost as white as his hair. It was amazing how powerful Rubedo's words were, possessing the ability to shift Albedo's thoughts so instantaneously. Nigredo's powers probably did not even come close to the tone behind Rubedo's words.
"And I don't need you!"
As if Rubedo's voice frightened away the mania that had temporarily overtaken Albedo, the younger twin felt his brief arrogance drain. All that was left inside of Albedo was an empty, hollow feeling…a very lonely feeling.
"And I don't need you!"
Albedo did not want to be alone.
Rubedo instantly realized his mistake, and cursed himself for being so stupid. He, of all people, knew he tended to shoot his mouth off when his temper overtook him. This was certainly not the first time Rubedo's big mouth got him into trouble, but all the previous times were trivial. The worst punishment he might get was a lecture from Dmitri or a bruised shoulder from another U.R.T.V. However, Rubedo knew Albedo would not lecture or take a swing at Rubedo…even though Rubedo deserved it.
Instead, Albedo silently force-ejected himself from the Encephalon.
"Dammit!" Rubedo hissed, watching as his twin vanished from the PATHOS environment, not stopping for anything or anyone. For one thing, force-ejection was dangerous on the diver's brain, and Rubedo did not want Albedo's mind to be 'damaged' anymore than it might already be ruined.
However, the real reason Rubedo hated seeing Albedo leave was because the redhead knew he was now in the wrong. Albedo had no right to stoop to the standards' levels and mock Rubedo, but Rubedo did not have the right to say such an incredibly stupid thing to Albedo. Albedo was already overly sensitive, and now…
…And the worst part was, thanks to Dmitri's wonderful encryption implant, Rubedo could not go after Albedo. Goddammit!
"Shall we continue constriction practice, Number 666?" the blunt voice of 330 finally asked, as if the scene that just happened was 'no big deal.' The standard's oblivious attitude was very much like Yuriev's carefree tone concerning Sakura's death; nobody cared. Alas, what just happened was nobody's fault but Rubedo's, too. Rubedo claimed he did not need help, and odds were, he was not going to get any help, at least regarding Albedo. Only Rubedo could fix his twin.
Not possessing the means of escaping the Encephalon, Rubedo cursed under his breath again, before unwillingly heading back to the standards' circle. He did not want to hear his brothers' sneers or thoughts. More than ever, Rubedo just wanted to get the hell out of PATHOS.
Albedo…
- - - - -
Nobody stopped him, not even Dmitri. Of course, nobody could stop him, either. The second Albedo recovered from his force-ejection the Variant burst out of his dive pod and rushed out of Diving Lab #3. Nobody followed, either, but why would they follow? Nobody cared. Crybaby Albedo was just throwing another hissy fit, and everyone had better things to worry about. So they let the middle child run, and run he did…right out the institute.
The courtyard was painted in a bright orangey-red glow due to the artificial afternoon sunset. Everything was radiant, warm, and much more inviting than the indoors of the Yuriev Institute. The outside was such a contrast of the 'inside worlds:' the dull sterile labs, not to mention Sakura's winter domain. Outside, Albedo felt…free, even though he was still trapped on the institute's premises. At least the outside world was beautiful to behold, bathed in a red sunset.
Red. Albedo always liked that color.
Few people were outside by this time of the day. By sunset, U.R.T.V.s usually finished training exercises and headed to the showers to clean up before supper. Most of the scientists did the same before having dinner and retiring to their dorms. Of course, due to Dmitri's 'enhanced' work schedule to accommodate the Descent Operation's new deadline, more people were working late and 'burning the midnight oil.' However, for this particular afternoon, few people were outside enjoying the lovely synthetic weather.
Albedo never minded.
Once the sound of dirt and gravel crunched under his boots, Albedo stopped running, panting and sweating hard as he stood by the familiar brick wall. There was a ragged hole there, large enough for any adult, never mind child, to pass. Albedo never understood how that hole got there, nor did he care. Even so, that hole was like a portal to his own little world, and after regaining his breath, the white-haired boy entered the small forest.
It was darker there, as the treetops towered over him and blocked out the golden sunrays. Only a few rays peeked through the gaps in the trees, cascading to the ground like horizontal arches. The enclosed little forest was cooler than the open areas of the courtyard, a refreshing temperature for one to enjoy after a long sprint. As he traversed the dirt ground, Albedo absentmindedly walked along the small path before reaching his destination…his favorite place.
Nobody else came here except him. The signs of disuse were obvious, since the forest area was rarely tidied. Overgrown weeds and foliage were everywhere, occasionally attempting to trip the boy, punished by a swift grind under his boot. The scientists had no need to visit the forest, since Heaven forbid they dirty their expensive white lab coats. Very few U.R.T.V. children went in there, too, since the standards actually preferred the cleaner cobblestone areas of the courtyard. Only the Variant boys showed any interest in the forest.
Rubedo originally introduced Albedo to this place. Actually, it was more or less due to a silly prank that Albedo ever noticed the forest area of the Yuriev Institute. The Variant children were around eight years old, and at the time had been playing "Hide and Go Seek" around the institute. It was Albedo's turn to count while Rubedo and Nigredo hid, a job Albedo disliked, but unfortunately won after losing "Rock, Paper, Scissors." Nigredo was always the easiest to find, since he usually felt comfortable hiding by the fountain. Rubedo, on the other hand, always picked a new hiding spot and enjoyed making it difficult for Albedo and Nigredo to find him.
The younger Variants searched for over a half-hour: an unheard of amount of time for playing one round of Hide and Go Seek. By then, the 'game' was not fun anymore, and both Albedo and Nigredo were worried about where Rubedo went. As part of their 'rules' for playing, the U.R.T.V.s disconnected themselves from the mental link, since otherwise the game would be too easy. Thus, there was no way of sensing where Rubedo hid. Albedo and Nigredo searched everywhere, or at least, thought they searched everywhere. Fortunately for them, Rubedo's vivid red hair stuck out like a sore thumb amidst the bland sceneries of the institute, so he was not impossible to find. Still, nobody figured the mischievous link master would hide in the forest, either.
Until then, the Variant boys never set foot in the forest, since it was dark and rather spooky for the eight-year-olds. But being the boldest of the three, Rubedo took his chances that day and hid in the forest. Albedo was scared out of his wits going in there, hating the shadows and crisp air, and not having Rubedo to hold onto did not ease the younger twin's anxiety. As if Albedo was not jumpy enough, he nearly had a heart attack when his troublesome older brother popped out of a nearby bush and yelled, "Boo!"
The startled Albedo yelped and fell backwards onto the dirt ground, dirtying his once-pristine white hair and clothes. Nigredo instantly lent the middle child a helping hand while the oldest brother burst into laughter. "What took you guys so long?" Rubedo chuckled while placing his hands on his hips and wearing his notorious grin. "I thought you'd never show up!"
His younger brothers failed to see what was so funny, but alas, Rubedo continued laughing while Nigredo and Albedo looked on, certainly not joining in his laughter. Albedo, especially, did not find Rubedo's actions amusing. That giddy redhead had NO idea how worried Albedo was over him! The whole time during his and Nigredo's search, Albedo had been crying…and now was no different.
"Don't…EVER do that again, Rubedo!" Albedo suddenly screamed, instantly silencing his twin's giggle fit. Albedo certainly was not laughing, he was crying…very hard, too. The dirt that had stuck to his face via his fall was quickly mixed with falling tears, while Albedo's body trembled with wracking sobs. "Nigredo and I-I were…were…so worried a-about you!" wept Albedo, not even attempting to wipe the endless tears off his face. "It's NOT FUNNY!"
Nigredo had placed a sympathetic hand on Albedo's vibrating shoulder, silent proof that he indisputably agreed with Albedo's words. But just before Nigredo could voice his own opinions on Rubedo's behavior, Albedo felt another hand touch his other shoulder. He knew that touch, and Albedo knew the voice that accompanied it.
"Hey, I'm sorry, Albedo."
That was all Rubedo said, and frankly, Albedo did not think 'sorry' was good enough. However, considering he had been worried sick over Rubedo's safety, and now his prayers had been answered, Albedo gladly accepted the apology. The middle Variant found what he came for, after all, so what right did he have to complain?
Albedo could have sworn his brother groaned some tease, but Albedo was too busy wrapping his arms around Rubedo and sobbing to notice. "R-Rubedo…"
That was the first day Albedo finally realized, and admitted to himself, how important his twin was to him. In retrospect, it was also the first time Albedo started developing his little phobia of loosing Rubedo, long before the discovery of his regenerative powers. However, at the same time, that day was also proof that no matter how hard Albedo held onto Rubedo, Rubedo always managed to go his own way. Rubedo was the adventurous one; the half willing to take chances and try new things.
Albedo was not so brave. He had a grave fear of the uncertainties of the future. He knew Rubedo and Nigredo would die someday, but when? How? In a way, Albedo wished he could know, just so he could prepare himself for the dreaded days. If he knew his loved ones would die tomorrow, Albedo would savor each drop of every second with them. Rubedo once read in a book how people of Lost Jerusalem often contracted terminal illnesses, diseases no longer in existence. However, despite their illnesses, the sick people often 'lived life to the fullest,' or 'lived like it was their last day.' Albedo would do the same if he knew the exact amount of time he had left with Rubedo and Nigredo.
Alas, Albedo did not know. Rubedo might die tomorrow or seventy years from now and there was no way of knowing. Despite U.R.T.V.s possessing telepathy, an extrasensory perception, they were not psychics with clairvoyance who could read into the future. Thus, all Albedo could do was make feeble attempts at 'preparing' himself for the dreaded day of Rubedo and Nigredo's deaths.
So Albedo came to the forest…and dug.
He had been doing this ever since that afternoon he unearthed his immortality. As always, the ground was soft and cool, rather soothing as Albedo's hands and fingers dug into the artificial soil. The dirt was always easy to move, solely because it rarely stayed put long enough to firm. Albedo always dug in the same spots. Occasionally, a few weak tree and plant roots would get in his way, attempting to stop him. However, if nothing could stop Rubedo and Nigredo's deaths, stupid roots could not stop Albedo from digging their graves.
It was rather uncharacteristic for Albedo to be doing this, actually. Rubedo was usually the one fascinated with the rituals of Lost Jerusalem, not Albedo. Nowadays, if somebody died, their bodies were disposed, at least in the institute. Nobody dug graves anymore, so Albedo was taught to believe. Such rituals were dropped after the abandonment of Lost Jerusalem centuries ago. Cremation was the more common 'ritual' these days, and Albedo could have sworn he overheard Dr. Mizrahi saying such would be done with Sakura's remains. However, Rubedo was the one who unintentionally introduced Albedo to ritual of grave digging after reading it in a book and making simple conversation about such.
So now Albedo dug graves…just like Rubedo told him…in a place Rubedo introduced to him. Albedo liked to think Rubedo may be flattered.
"And I don't need you!"
Who the hell was Albedo kidding? If Rubedo ever found out about his twin brother's sick obsession with death, the redhead would be disgusted, not flattered! Even Albedo knew grave digging like his was not natural, or healthy. Like those 'sick people of Lost Jerusalem,' Albedo should have been savoring his last memories with Rubedo and Nigredo. Alas, Albedo was smart enough to know his own limits. If Rubedo and Nigredo died, the middle child knew he could not handle their deaths for the rest of his unending life. Albedo could not live with the pain forever, nor did he want to live with it forever, either.
So Albedo dug…deeper…
"And I don't need you!"
The grave before him was small, though large enough to fit a child his size. He wanted to make sure the hole was not cramped. After all, Rubedo liked his personal space, even though Albedo often deprived him of such. However, if the hole was too big…say, big enough for two…
Albedo instantly stopped himself. Even if he did get buried alive with his brother's corpse, it would not change anything. If anything, it would only make matters worse. Albedo's body would never deteriorate, while he would be forced to watch his precious Rubedo rot before his eyes. If Albedo had to live with the reality of Rubedo's death, Albedo at least wanted to remember Rubedo as he was living: the spunky redhead who was always causing some mischief with that perpetual grin on his face.
"R-Rubedo…"
He never even realized he spoke, since Albedo doubted any words could even escape his mouth at the moment. The ground before him was dampening, along with his face, as multiple lines of tears freely fell from his puffy pinkish purple eyes. The boy's hands were still covered in dirt when he raised them to burry his face, shaking it wildly in a vain attempt to block out the truth about Rubedo's impending death.
"What? Are you saying…you can't regenerate?"
"Of course not!"
"That's a special ability only you possess."
"…Only…me?!"
"W-why does it h-ave to be me?!" sobbed Albedo, doubling over and resting his forehead against his knees, his dirty pantlegs speckled with dripping tears. Why was Albedo cursed with this immortal fate? How was it that Rubedo, his own other half, would die like any mortal, while Albedo could not? How the hell did Albedo acquire this damn power and not his twin? If Rubedo were immortal like Albedo, then neither would have to worry about loosing the other. Deep down, Albedo knew Rubedo did not want to loose his twin, either.
"I don't need you!"
Then again…
"You're both going to d-die…a-and leave me be-hind…"
Maybe death was what Rubedo and Nigredo truly sought. Maybe they wanted to die and eventually leave Albedo behind. It was very obvious that everyone across the Yuriev Institute was getting tired of Albedo's tantrums. Dmitri was always hounding him to pull himself together, and the other scientists were no more sympathetic. The revolting standards did not care about anything, and the Variants…
"I don't need you!"
…The Variants were obviously getting tired of Albedo, too.
"WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ME?!" Albedo screamed, nearly ripping out his white hair through dirtied fingers. Holding his head and shaking it wildly, the distraught boy dove into the grave before him, large enough for a U.R.T.V. of his size. Rolling from side to side, covered in the earth, Albedo writhed with painful sobs, his face smeared in tear-mixed soil. When he finally stopped moving, he found himself laying on his right side, staring absently at a wall of dirt. Even in the artificial world of the Yuriev Institute, there were still nanobugs in the soil; little parasites awaiting the day they could happily feast on Rubedo's carcass. But they would not touch Albedo, since immortal beings could never become carcasses.
As tears continuously rolled across his face, Albedo took his watery gaze off the nanobugs and bravely peered over his shoulder. He scooted over to his right, cramming his face against the grave's wall, leaving some space behind him. Then he would close his eyes, and imagine opening them and seeing Rubedo behind him. They would be conjoined again, as they should be. Rubedo would still be his snide self, and would probably complain about them being crammed inside a dirty hole, or tease Albedo's crying. The twins would laugh, and Albedo would…smile.
But when Albedo did open his eyes, and saw nothingness behind him…
"I don't need you!"
…Albedo knew there would always be nothingness behind him.
So he just cried.
"R-Rubedo…if you d-die…I want to die…t-too…" the terrified boy wailed again, before clamping his eyes shut and curling up into a tight fetal position. Albedo wanted to die, and he sincerely wanted to be buried alongside Rubedo if Albedo's death ever materialized.
And yet, that dream, too, would never come true.
"I don't need you!"
But I…need y-you…Rubedo.
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TO BE CONTINUED
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A/N: The story is starting to get a bit darker, neh? I certainly hope you're enjoying this story (I mean, as much as you can possibly 'enjoy' a drama like this). For those who love Rubedo and Albedo, there are some good chapters coming up for the two. If you're a fan of the twins in some way you should like the approaching chapters. Fear not, I haven't totally forgotten about Rubedo/Sakura, either, but that's for next week. Till' next time.
* One final note: The upcoming Chapter VI is the beginning of the "darker" chapters in "PATHOS." Meaning, as previously mentioned in earlier chapter disclaimers, this story will start involving more mature content, most notably in the form of disturbing moments and bloody violence. Content disclaimers will be posted at the beginning of the applicable chapters so do heed them. There's no way of me knowing how sensitive each and every reader is when it comes to disturbing/bloody content. Thus, I figured I'd give everyone a heads-up in preparation of the approaching 'darker side' of "PATHOS." The story gets progressively darker from here on out.
Reviews are greatly appreciated. They help me know if all the effort I'm putting into this story is worthwhile.