COPYRIGHT NOTE: I don't own Xenosaga
COMMENTS: Did Aiselne forget all about Rubedo/Sakura? No-sir-ree! This chapter is by far one of my favorites to date, and I think Rubedo/Sakura fans will agree (at least I hope). You may think otherwise, but I know I'm happy with this installment (which is rare because I KNOW I'm my own worst critic).
Long chapter ahead, so consider yourself warned. Can you tell I 'got into' this chapter, seeing as it's so much longer than the others? This chapter also features another guilty pleasure of mine: dreams/premonitions (I'm a total sucker for nightmare sequences!). I certainly hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did.
* Content Disclaimer: The end of this chapter contains moments that might be considered mildly disturbing to some. The ending also alludes to a "violent" scene in the Japanese version cut from the English release of Episode II (take a guess which one). Reader discretion is advised.
PATHOS: Chapter VI
Aiselne Nocturnus
- - - - -
"Two Scarred Hearts"
- - - - -
"Go ahead, say it; I'm an idiot!" snorted Rubedo before running his hands through his red hair, furiously shaking his head. By now, his first PATHOS analysis had come and gone, ending far less painfully than it began, at least in a physical sense. The back of his neck ached due to the connection jack, and the injection sight was already scabbed over. His head was throbbing due to the after effect of the dissolved encryption implant, though Rubedo doubted the implant was entirely to blame for his current headache.
The sun had set by the time he and Nigredo left Lab #3 and had dinner in the cafeteria, the typical mess hall for the U.R.T.V. kids to eat. Normally, the area was crowded with other standard children, but since the PATHOS test took longer than usual analyses, Rubedo and Nigredo were the last U.R.T.V.s to get their supper. The 330-Units had already eaten and left by the time the Variant brothers chose a table. So the two boys sat together, across from each other at one long cafeteria table, the only souls in the large hall. No brother spoke, and the only sounds that came from their table resulted from clanking silverware. Both Rubedo and Nigredo were lost in thought, yet thinking different ideas regarding the common ground of PATHOS.
Needless to say, after Albedo's scene in the Encephalon, Rubedo's concentration on the PATHOS test dissolved…somewhat. The redhead still managed to perform a basic wave constriction, even surpassing Number 330's expectations and pulling off a compression rate of 4%, instead of the expected 2%. The standard U.R.T.V.s certainly could not mock Rubedo's boast of being a quick learner. Even so, Rubedo was mind-boggled at how difficult wavelength constriction was, and he nearly fainted after doing a measly 4%! Of course, his mind kept wandering during the test, too, so in retrospect, Rubedo was fortunate he did so well on his first PATHOS analysis.
Unfortunately, no praise was awarded to the link master. Despite his impressive performance, Dmitri was not pleased with Rubedo's handling of Albedo's tantrum. It was common knowledge that Albedo was considered "Rubedo's responsibility." Therefore, when Albedo got out of line the blame instantly went to the older brother for not keeping the white-haired twin on a tighter leash. Since Rubedo was about the only person who could keep Albedo quiet, the job of being Albedo's 'babysitter' was expected on Number 666…along with umpteen million other responsibilities. To Rubedo, it seemed like just another excuse for Dmitri to pile more work into the boy's already-full hands.
Thus, now that all was said and done with the first PATHOS experiment, Rubedo was starting to feel the side effects…and not just regarding the actual test. He just could not get Albedo's face out of his mind, and how betrayed the younger twin looked when Rubedo foolishly yelled out:
"And I don't need you!"
Rubedo nearly rammed his head against the dinner table and yanked out his hair as the overwhelming guilt surged. How stupid could he have been to say that to Albedo? Rubedo was not about to condole Albedo's actions towards the standards, but did the white-haired boy's insults deserve Rubedo to claim:
"I don't need you!"
"I'm so fuckin' stupid!" hissed the redhead whilst allowing one hand to slam against the dinner table, causing the silverware to jingle and a glass of water to tip over. As if frightened by Rubedo's anger, the split water hastily ran across the table, fleeing over the side and dripping onto to floor. Not that Rubedo cared. The leader just went back to burying his head into his hands, feeling another agonizing migraine develop.
Since Rubedo was in no hurry to clean up the mess, Nigredo silently took the task upon himself, unenthusiastically grabbing a few napkins and wiping the liquid. The water was easy to clean, and evidence of the mess was gone almost as quickly as it materialized. After wiping up the tiny puddle on the floor, Nigredo then tossed the damp napkins into a nearby trash receptacle. He then took a breath, spun around, and headed back to his table, walking as slowly and lethargically as a prisoner walking to the guillotine. To Nigredo, the clean-up was actually a nice distraction from dealing with Rubedo's laments, both inside and outside the mental link. It was getting painful for Nigredo to watch his older brother beat himself up on every verbal and mental level.
Unwillingly sitting back down, Nigredo stared quietly at Rubedo, the redhead still holding his head in his hands. No doubt, the evaporated implant was partially to blame for the link master's headache, though Nigredo knew the encryption was only half at fault. Nigredo, too, was worried about Albedo. The two dining bothers had yet to see hide nor hair of the middle Variant since he force-ejected from the Encephalon. Then again, Nigredo and Rubedo did not have time to search for their missing brother, either, so they had yet to even look for Albedo. Once again, Albedo shut himself off the mental link, so his brothers could not sense his location. Though I still have a feeling I know where Albedo is, Nigredo assumed with a gut feeling, rather than the spiritual link, before staring blankly at Rubedo. And I'm sure Rubedo knows, too.
"There's no point in beating yourself up over it, Rubedo," Nigredo gently encouraged, his teal eyes briefly lowering to notice Rubedo's dinner plate. Granted, Rubedo ate more tonight than he did in recent nights, but his plate was still half-full. Like Albedo, Nigredo could not stand watching Rubedo deteriorate anymore. Sighing, the youngest Variant raised his attention back to Rubedo's buried head. "You really should try and eat some more," he encouraged, though not expecting Rubedo to comply. It was worth a shot.
Rubedo knew Nigredo was only trying to help, but food was the last thing on the redhead's mind right now. "I'm not hungry, Nigredo," muttered Rubedo, his voice muffled under his palms. "I feel like shit right now, and the last thing I want to eat is more shit like they serve here." U.R.T.V. meals at the Yuriev Institute were not 'normal' food, despite the Designer Children possessing typical metabolisms and digestive systems of humans, albeit more efficient. Of course, the food was specially made to ensure the U.R.T.V.s health and stamina. Thus, technically the food was highly nutritious, especially for one whom may have been neglecting his eating habits. Alas, Rubedo was the first person to agree that the 'nutritious' food tasted like shit, but taste was not considered important. Dmitri figured 'tasty foods' were another 'privilege' he refused to use to spoil his kids. Dmitri's subordinate scientists and researchers ate 'normal' food, but they ate in opposite dining areas where U.R.T.V.s were not allowed. Rubedo once attempted to sneak in there and steal some real food, just so he and his brothers could try something with actual taste. Unsurprisingly, he was caught, Dmitri gave him an earful, and Rubedo was stuck with the crappy U.R.T.V. slop. Disgusted, Rubedo released his head from his hands to push the unappetizing plate away, still keeping his head low and off Nigredo's gaze.
"Starving yourself is only going to make you feel worse," Nigredo noted matter-of-factly, gently reaching across the table to nudge Rubedo's plate back closer to him. Nigredo was not thrilled with the institute's food, either. Yet, the food also happened to be high in nutrients that Rubedo's body desperately needed after three days of poor diet. "After you finish eating, we can go look for Albedo."
The mentioning of his twin pulled various strings inside Rubedo, but the most visible reaction came in the form of a surprising snort. Resting his head on only one hand, the redhead kept his eyes on a nearby window, displaying the dark courtyard outside. "As if you don't know where he is, Nigredo," Rubedo murmured with a pint of sarcasm in his voice. "He's probably in the forest doing his God-knows-what in there again." Rubedo and Nigredo knew all about Albedo's visits to the forest area. However, they just did not understand what the hell the middle child was doing playing in the dirt. But every time they attempted to ask Albedo, they were always inclined to leave the middle Variant alone, as if what he was doing was not for them to know. Thus, Rubedo and Nigredo could only periodically watch before leaving Albedo to his own devices, however weird and unexplainable those 'devices' may be. There was something odd about the place that repelled Albedo's brothers.
"Besides," started Rubedo, before looking away from the window and back around his table. He so nearly peered back at Nigredo, but quickly averted his gaze on his own reflection in the polished tabletop. For however depressed he felt, Rubedo could tell by his reflection that there was a resentful glint in his sapphire eyes. "I'm fed up with running after him."
Nigredo was visibly surprised, which was a rarity since the black-haired boy rarely showed a high degree of emotion. However, his teal eyes still widened and his mouth slit open a crack. It took Nigredo an extra second to process what just came out of Rubedo's mouth. The redhead had a bad habit of saying things that first crept into his head, but he did not necessarily mean them. "You don't mean that, Rubedo."
Maybe he did, maybe he did not. Right now, Rubedo was unsure. "Don't you think that's what Albedo wants, Nigredo?" Rubedo challenged, though still never looking his littlest brother in the eye. "Don't you think that's what everyone wants? 'Albedo throws a shit-fit, and Rubedo runs after him.' Then I'm the one stuck taking the damn blame for all this!"
The black-haired Variant could not entirely argue with Rubedo, but "You don't have to take 'all' the blame, Rubedo."
True, but Nigredo's words did not totally relieve Rubedo. Nigredo always had a way with words, a masterful speech that effortlessly chose his words at the most efficient levels. This undoubtedly came in handy with his powers of mind control via voice, so such verbal expertise came natural for U.R.T.V. Number 669. Rubedo was not so lucky, and known for getting into trouble thanks to his big mouth.
However, that did not mean Rubedo was ignorant to understanding eloquent and clever word usage. He may not speak the most properly, but the red-haired Variant was well read and prided himself in being able to 'translate' hidden meanings in words. Thus, Rubedo effortlessly caught onto Nigredo's hidden message: "You don't have to take 'all' the blame, Rubedo." "Yeah, but I'm still responsible for 'some' of the blame, right Nigredo?" retorted Rubedo with a sly glance towards Nigredo, though it only lasted a second before he looked away again.
Glancing away, Nigredo then absently took his fork and played around with a few leftovers of food on his plate, for lack of anything better to do. What he wanted to say was anxious to be released from his mouth, but Nigredo was afraid of how Rubedo would take it. "All I'm saying is…" he paused, treading lightly as to not set off Rubedo's temper. "…You of all people know what Albedo's like, Rubedo. You know just how to make him happy or sad. I'm not trying to pressure you like Dad, but…" Another pause, alongside a brave gulp of oxygen, before Nigredo finally dropped the potential bomb. "…In knowing how Albedo ticks, that does warrant you with a certain level of responsibility, Rubedo."
Ah, yet another one who has to remind me, Rubedo bitterly thought, though he expelled the anger quickly. He did not want to hold a grudge against Nigredo, especially since the younger brother was absolutely right. Letting off a puff of air, Rubedo scoffed a "Yeah, I know.
"But I'm getting sick of it, too, Nigredo," admitted Rubedo, before finally locking his eyes with his brother's. "I'm not saying I'm sick of Albedo, but everything's starting to really piss me off," he snarled, though constantly keeping his temper in check. Rubedo saw no point in taking out his anger on Nigredo, and plus, Rubedo did promise himself that he would start controlling his emotions, too. Rubedo never broke his promises. "Dad's constantly on my ass lately over every mundane thing I do. I don't have time to be screwing around with Albedo's cries for attention."
"Do you really think what happened in the Encephalon was a cry for attention, Rubedo?" questioned Nigredo, though the answer was obvious to both boys. Just the thought alone of Albedo's betrayed expression was proof that what happened in PATHOS was no childish cry for attention. "Albedo was hurt."
"Yeah, as if I'm not," scoffed Rubedo, though his tone was more downcast than sarcastic this time. Rubedo had his own smarting wounds to contend to, some of which he blankly ignored, rather than treated. From experience in battlefields, Rubedo knew an untreated wound lead to future problems, such as infection. Mental wounds were the same. They needed to be treated, and Dmitri's denial of allowing U.R.T.V.s to grieve was only making Rubedo's emotional scars become infected. The scars around his heart, left by Sakura's death, were becoming contaminated by neglect. The wounds still bled, they still hurt, and not relieving them was making each breath harder.
And as if Rubedo's heart was not suffering enough, his damned twin brother seemed to find the need to scar Rubedo's other heart, the heart he and Albedo shared. So now Rubedo had two hearts; both scarred, both untreated, and both hurting.
Something was bound to break.
Sensing the danger, Nigredo shuddered slightly via the tense pulses emanating from Rubedo's wavelength across the mental link. Bit by bit, Rubedo was sinking, and Nigredo was determined to keep the redhead afloat. For one reason, Rubedo was Nigredo's best friend, alongside Albedo. However, Nigredo also did not want Rubedo to give up, lest the Red Dragon take advantage of its host's weakness. If Rubedo gave into his pain, only more pain would transpire; pain that Nigredo was fated to end. The sad, and most ironic, part was that Nigredo truly wanted to 'end' Rubedo's pain, but he feared he would only be able to do that via the Red Dragon's execution.
But what else could Nigredo do? "You're the leader, Rubedo," Nigredo softly reminded, careful not to irk Rubedo on the tender subject. "You can't change who you are…" He paused, glancing down at his lap where his right hand rested, partially concealing his serial number '669.' "…Anymore than I can."
The Variant's fatalism seemed valid, but it also bothered Rubedo. While Rubedo did not mind Nigredo's personality as much as Albedo did, there were still elements to Nigredo even Rubedo disliked. Chief among Nigredo's personality was his obedience: a double-edged sword that was both admirable and disgusting. Of course, Rubedo was the 'free spirit' of the Variants, often going his own way. Nigredo was the exact opposite of the leader, and followed Dmitri's law without question. This irritated Albedo, but it occasionally got under Rubedo's skin, too, such as this evening. What bothered Rubedo the most was how Nigredo followed their father's words…all while wearing a miserable expression on his face. If Nigredo hated his life, why did he not seek to change it? It was Nigredo's lack of willingness to change his fate that irked Rubedo the most.
"You know what your problem is, Nigredo?" snarled Rubedo, glaring his azure eyes at the disheartened little brother. "Dad's raised you to believe you can't do anything outside his authority. Yet, it's plain as day you can't stand him anymore than I can. You're a bird in a cage, with the means and desires to fly away…and you still refuse."
Rubedo was absolutely right, but "It's not that simple, Rubedo," Nigredo regretted to say. If only the baby Variant could be as optimistic as his elder brother. Honestly, Nigredo deeply admired Rubedo's spunk, even if that spunk did sound very naïve sometimes. Of course, the only reason Rubedo spoke such foolishness was because he did not understand the entire situation regarding the Red Dragon, never mind Nigredo's duty. "I've tried to…change," he confessed, wording himself as vaguely as possible to prevent spilling the truth. "We're just not normal kids, Rubedo. Maybe normal children have the privilege of changing their destinies, but not us."
This conversation was going nowhere, and just increased Rubedo's migraine. He was not in the mood to be hearing crap like Nigredo's fatalism. "I feel like I'm talking to Dad," scoffed Rubedo, before sliding his chair and getting up, much to Nigredo's surprise. Not even bothering with his food, Rubedo started to leave, though not before shooting his little brother a final glare. "When you finally learn to make decisions for yourself, let me know," Rubedo grunted before heading out of the cafeteria, leaving Nigredo behind.
When the cafeteria's doors boomed closed behind Rubedo, Nigredo was alone in the hall, blinking a few times in the direction of where his brother vanished. Naturally, Rubedo's words stuck to Nigredo as if they were drenched in glue, and repeated in his mind like a broken record. As the black-haired boy turned his attention back on his unappealing plate, Nigredo stared aimlessly at the food, deeply considering Rubedo's words.
Make decisions for myself,Nigredo repeated to himself, before placing his right hand on the table before him. Unfolding his fist, Nigredo gazed at his tattoo, wondering if by some miracle he could ever wash it off. However, something was telling Nigredo that even if he could 'wash' it away, the number could not be cleared by 'water,' but rather via 'blood.' Of course, Nigredo was not talking about the literal meaning of "washing," either. In removing a stain, Nigredo feared he might only create a bigger stain.
That was why the blackbird stayed in his cage.
- - - - -
Rubedo went straight to his room after leaving the cafeteria. He had no intentions of returning to apologize to Nigredo, nor was he in the mood to go look for Albedo right now. The redhead just wanted to be alone, something he felt he deserved after the past few days. Thus, the moment he reached his cot Rubedo fell onto it face-first, burying his red head into his white pillow.
Nothing was getting any easier. Rubedo once read an old proverb of how "things get worse before they get better." The redhead could only hope that soon "things would get better," since current events were definitely getting "worse."
When his pillow began to suffocate him, Rubedo rested his head sideways, while wrapping his arms around the fluffy pillow and squeezing it. It was a 'technique' he taught Albedo when they were six years old. Long before then, the Variant boys all slept in one big bed, but upon age three Dmitri changed them to individual cots. Naturally, Albedo did not like the change, and often crept into Rubedo's bed late at night. For the first few years, Rubedo did not mind, since he, too, liked the companionship. However, come age six, Rubedo started weaning Albedo off the old habit and encouraged the younger twin to sleep in his own cot. When Albedo claimed his bed was lonely, Rubedo suggested that he hug a pillow. The theory was based off an ancient Lost Jerusalem method of helping children sleep via the companionship of stuffed animals, yet another fact Rubedo read in a book. With his eyes closed, it would feel like he was hugging someone, and thus he would not feel so alone. Now Albedo slept every night in his bed, embracing his pillow like a child sleeping with his favorite plush toy.
Albedo was not the only one content with the pillow hugging, either. Rubedo never admitted it, but he occasionally needed the same pacifier to get himself through a couple of 'lonely' nights. Fortunately, he was not a sound sleeper, and tossed and turned so much his pillow almost always wound up on the floor. Thus, come morning, nobody would notice his childish grappling of the pillow. He especially did not want Albedo to notice. Rubedo did not want his twin to put two-and-two together that the redhead was just as lonely, lest Albedo consider it an invitation for them to share a bed again. Not to sound like his father, but even Rubedo believed the boys were too old for such nonsense.
However, there was no denying that Rubedo wanted some form of companionship. Unfortunately, at the moment, his prime targets for companionship happened to be out of his grasp, some by his own hand! In one day Rubedo managed to push Albedo and Nigredo away, nixing their aid. There were no other U.R.T.V.s Rubedo could turn to: the standards would probably laugh in his face, and Citrine would probably spit in his face. Rubedo would have been Goddamned if he went to Dmitri, and any other Yuriev scientist would just tell him to grow up and take his duty like a man. He was, after all, the leader.
God, I hate this.
Clamping his eyes shut, Rubedo tightened his grip around his pillow, so tightly if he were holding a person he might have snapped their vertebra. Now having regained his breath, the boy buried his face back into the pillow, deeper and harder than before. His body was pressed so tightly to the pillow's fabric that he could have fused with it, or at least have burrowed into it. Perhaps that was what Rubedo wanted: to burry himself from the outside world. Just keep digging further and further, until he found the other side of the world, where freedom might lay. Then Rubedo would be liberated.
Then he would be alone.
The right side of his chest hurt. It had been hurting ever since he yelled at Albedo. The middle child might have been disconnected from the mental link, but the 'link' between his and Rubedo's heart never ended. He could feel Albedo's pain and torment after the awful words Rubedo spat at him, and now both twins were suffering.
However, the left side of his chest also hurt, doubling Rubedo's pain. His own heart was hurting, and had been hurting for some time, at least ever since Albedo learned he could never die. That afternoon drove one stake into Rubedo's heart. Then, three days ago, Sakura's suicide drove another stake, and this afternoon drove another one. How many more stakes would tomorrow bring, or the day after? What about the Descent Operation? Rubedo did not know, nor did he want to know. He was hurting enough, after all.
It hurts…
When suffocating himself with a pillow proved to only add to his pain, Rubedo freed his face once again, panting as he rested his head sideways again. With his eyes open, he stared blankly at the cots beside his. Right next to him was Albedo's empty cot, and to the farthest end was Nigredo's, which was currently occupied by a sleeping Gaignun. A faint smile pulled Rubedo's lips upon seeing the content cat, envying the animal's life…free of worry, obligation, pain, heartache…so carefree and peaceful…
…Rubedo envied that kind of life.
As Gaignun's image became liquefied, Rubedo buried his face back into his pillow, clamping his eyes tightly shut. He would not cry, especially not after he swore to better control his emotions. Besides, no matter how painful times were getting, crying was not going to solve anything. If anything, it would probably only make him more prone to torment, just like his little scene with Juli yesterday. Thus, no matter what, Rubedo would not cry.
He was, after all, the leader.
So instead, Rubedo took deep, relaxing breaths, vanquishing any oncoming tears, and instead invited a much-needed, peaceful slumber.
If only his sleep did prove 'peaceful'…
- - - - -
When Rubedo's azure eyes opened, he was instantly greeted by a different place, albeit a familiar one. He did not even need another moment to recognize the room he was inside. It was not his sterile bedroom in the Yuriev Institute, but instead a much smaller, brighter, and more inviting locale.
Bright sunlight penetrated through a paned window, opened halfway to invite a tranquil breeze that made the window's pink drapes elegantly sway. To his left was a wooden desk and rocking chair near a couple of tall oak closets. Each closet towered to the ceiling and was large enough to fit a few kids his size (he and his brothers knew from experience). Directly next to the farthest closet was a large stuffed Bunnie sitting in the corner, blankly staring at Rubedo with its squiggly black eyes. Beside the white toy was a small nightstand under the window, covered with a small lamp and various trinkets only a girl could cherish: bracelets, a small bottle of perfume, and a music box. And then, next to the nightstand came the bed, taking up most of right-hand wall's length. Its frame was built out of the same wood as the closets, and the mattress was flat and covered by a simple-designed comforter and pillow. It would have been considered a very dull bed had the headboard not been modestly decorated with a carved heart. At the bed's foot were a couple of bins overflowing with colorful toys, sandwiched between the bed and another oak desk. Everything in the bedroom was untouched, silent, while at the same time emanating a sense of longing to be used. An aura about the place seemed to feel lonely, as if the very room, itself, missed its former inhabitant.
Not that Rubedo could blame its loneliness. He missed Sakura, too. Dearly.
The breeze from the window mixed with the outdoor scent of summertime countryside and the indoor fragrance of cherries. Rubedo could smell her, as if she were actually in the room with him, but Rubedo could not see her from his position at the room's threshold. Besides, even Rubedo knew he was dreaming. There was no way he could truly be visiting this place, and Sakura could not possibly be here, since she was…
His own loneliness swelling inside his heart, Rubedo slowly walked further into the empty bedroom, minutely enchanted by her sweet scent. The further he went, the stronger the smell became, as if he were getting closer to her. He kept telling himself not to be so foolish, but a minute pang of hope filled him when Rubedo came across the closets again. Those mammoth enclosures were large enough for someone to hide, after all.
Like the last time he stumbled upon those closets, he flew the door open in a flash, unveiling the insides. However, as Rubedo soon realized, it was as empty as he last found it. Slamming the door shut, he tried his luck with the other closet, tearing it open like the first. This time, the second closet was occupied, but only by a rainbow of colorful dresses. He quickly leafed through them to see if anyone was hiding behind them, but all he found was more clothes. No Sakura.
Rubedo told himself not to be disappointed, since he already knew the truth. Alas, he was honestly disappointed, and angrily slammed the closed door harder than the first, filling the room with a brief boom. A moment after the door was shut, Rubedo rested his forehead against the polished oak, clamping his eyes tightly. When he felt the damned tears sting his eyes, Rubedo moderately pounded his head against the door, reminding himself to get a grip on his emotions.
Sakura was dead…she was not here…Rubedo swore he would control himself…there was no damn point in crying!
Steadying himself, Rubedo pulled away from the closet, glancing at the nearby Bunnie. The cute toy was still looking at him with those weird black eyes and its goofy grin, which always put a smile on Sakura's face. Such was why she loved Bunnie. Unfortunately, the rabbit did not have identical impact on the red-haired boy. Bunnie was cute, but Rubedo did not understand how Bunnie could smile anymore. Did Bunnie not know its master was dead? Did Bunnie not understand that these were unhappy times unworthy of a smile? Did that stupid Bunnie think Sakura's death was funny?! Was that friggen Bunnie mocking Rubedo like the stuck-up standards?! What the fuck was that Bunnie smiling at?!
He so nearly kicked Bunnie's face so its damned smile went inside-out. Fortunately, reality sank into Rubedo and refrained him from beating the snot, or stuffing, out of Sakura's favorite toy. What the hell was the matter with him?! Was he getting so hysterical that Rubedo felt the need to take out his frustrations on an inanimate plush toy, never mind blame it for 'mocking' him?! Recollecting himself yet again, Rubedo ran a hand through his crimson hair, before shooting a slightly remorseful glance at the oblivious Bunnie. Which was worse: the fact that he took his anger out on Bunnie, or the fact that he actually felt the need to apologize to the toy?!
I need help…
Alas, no help was going to come for Rubedo, not as long as his wonderful father kept jamming Rubedo's 'leadership' down his throat and deprived U.R.T.V.s of grieving 'privileges.' Exhaling, Rubedo finally left Bunnie alone, no longer feeling comfortable by being gawked by the rabbit. He glanced over at the nightstand, where Sakura's trinkets laid. Various bracelets gleamed in the overhead sunlight, glistening in an array of colors and metals. The transparent fluid visible inside the half-empty perfume bottle also glistened by iridescent sunrays, making the nightstand's accessories sparkle.
Of course, none of the items sparkled as beautifully as the music box's exterior. It was decorated in shiny seashells of all varieties, expertly glued onto the box in an attractive pattern. Normally, Sakura stored the box downstairs, but she occasionally took it to her room. She said she liked to play the music on lonely nights, using the song to lull her to sleep. Rubedo keenly remembered that music box, and not just because of its lovely appearance.
"My Mom gave this to me for my birthday last year. It's my favorite birthday present!"
"But…what IS it, exactly, Sakura? The box, I mean. Is something in it?"
"You don't know, Rubedo? It's a music box."
"And…what are they?"
"It's just like the name says; they're boxes that play music. They were very popular in the Lost Jerusalem era, and pretty rare nowadays. Actually, this box was my Mom's, and she said HER Mom gave it to her when she was my age."
"Wow. So it's a family heirloom?"
"I guess."
"Cool. So, how does it play music, Sakura? Do you put a coin in it or something?"
"No, nothing like that. What you do is you flip it over…like this. See that little knob underneath? You crank it clockwise until it can't turn anymore. See? Then, you let go, turn the box back around, set it down somewhere, and open the lid."
"And…what happens when you open the lid?"
"Hehe, why don't you see for yourself, Rubedo?"
And so he opened the lid, and just like his first time, Rubedo's ears were enchanted by the soft melody of the music box. The tune was gentle, very relaxing, and bittersweet all at once. It always reminded him of Sakura…that sweet song they shared.
Sakura's seashell music box; the first music box Rubedo ever saw. But that box held so many more precious memories. For one reason, Rubedo's introduction to the music box was one of the first memories he and Sakura Mizrahi shared. It happened on the day they first met, actually. After he and his brothers better introduced themselves to their female acquaintance, Sakura happily showed the Variant boys around her house. Since Sakura's home was vintage, it was unlike anything Rubedo and his brothers ever saw, and they were naturally curious about everything. In retrospect, Rubedo was amazed he never drove Sakura insane with all his questions about "what's this?" every two feet, but Sakura never minded.
However, the music box was a subject Sakura brought up, not Rubedo. Before the Variant boys were scheduled to leave her domain, Sakura wanted to show them one last thing. That was when she brought out her seashell music box, which was fascinating to the boys, especially Rubedo. Originally, Sakura meant to show the U.R.T.V.s the box so they could replay a message to Juli about Sakura's remembrance of the birthday gift. Instead, the topic of the music box became an educational experience for the Variants.
Of course, for Rubedo, the experience was more than just educational…it was a milestone. Sakura showed him how the device worked, and introduced him to 'music,' another thing Rubedo had never known before. Thereafter, he took an instant liking to the subject and read as many books about it as he could. However, reading music and hearing music were two completely different elements. Rubedo was absolutely thrilled when he found out Sakura, in the real world, played the piano. Needless to say, Rubedo jumped at the opportunity to play alongside her with his harmonica.
Yet, there was still something different about the music box. It created a simple tune that could not be identically duplicated with more powerful instruments like pianos and harmonicas. There was something unique in the music box's simplicity that Rubedo preferred. It was the only instrument by which he preferred hearing that unique song hymned.
"Rubedo, tell my Mom. Please? Tell her about the music box. She'll understand."
"Don't worry. I'll tell her."
"And…tell her I love her, too. Very much."
"I will, Sakura."
"Thanks. I…I'm really glad the three of you came to visit. You don't know how much it means to me. I've been alone so for long, and…"
"Hey, we understand. How about the next time we come over you tell us more about that 'ocean' you were talking about? You' know, where you said those seashells came from."
"Oh, wait until you see it, Rubedo! The ocean's beautiful! Seashells are just a few of the MANY things the sea has to offer! There's sand and waves and fish and…"
"Sounds' fun! I can't wait until we see each other again Sakura!"
"Hehe…me too, Rubedo."
He never noticed when the box stopped playing its melody: the device inside reaching the end of its cycle, ending the song in a drawn-out, dying finale. Then Rubedo was plunged into silence, still surrounded by the looming fragrance of cherries. Maybe somehow, somewhere, Sakura was listening to the music box, too, alongside him. It was something the kids shared; listening to the music on warm summer afternoons and letting the song enrapture them. Sakura often brought the box outside, placing it on her lap whilst sitting on her porch swing. Rubedo would be beside her, and the two would silently listen, absently rocking the swing in coordination with the tune. It would lull them into a tranquil sleep. Often, Rubedo and Sakura would wake up (or be woken up by a grinning Nigredo or an irate Albedo) and notice they had accidentally fallen asleep on each other's shoulder. Even in their dreams, Sakura listened to that song alongside Rubedo.
Did that mean she was still listening to the song, even in death?
Rubedo certainly hoped she was listening. He needed her to listen to the song…to listen to him. He needed her…he needed…
I need…help…Sakura…
The scent of cherries still lingered in the room, but Rubedo noticed it gradually became faint. When he finally realized what was happening, it was too late, and the fragrance was gone. The breeze through the window dissipated, leaving the pink drapes to hang lifelessly by their rods. Rubedo fleetingly attempted to savor the final whiff of her scent, inhaling it deeply and holding his breath, holding onto her as long as possible. But eventually, he had to let go, and when he did…
…Sakura was gone.
The exhaled breath was accompanied by a persistent sob. Rubedo managed not to cry when hearing the song, but now that it was done…now that Sakura was gone…now that he accepted that she was gone…one very steadfast tear managed to slide down the right side of his face. Mentally cursing himself, Rubedo was quick to wipe it away before anymore tears followed. Alas, when his hand reached the damp cheek, it did not merely wipe the tear line away. Instead, as the hand remained on his cheek for a moment, Rubedo instantly recalling another time when something else caressed that cheek, though far better than any tear.
Sakura…
The memory of her kiss drove a second tear down the opposite cheek. Rubedo knew if he kept thinking such painful thoughts, he was going to completely break down. He swore he would get his act together, and come hell or high water, he would! Sakura would not want him to break his resolve. She would want Rubedo to be strong, and she would cheer him on if she could. Rubedo had to remember that Sakura's kiss did not come without a price, either. He had to stay strong, not just for himself but for Sakura's mother, and Sakura's unborn little sister, whoever she may be. Rubedo promised Sakura he would look after them, and thus, he had to stay strong, just as Sakura would want him to be.
Though…would Sakura want him to bottle up this pain, either? Very much like wave constriction, Rubedo was attempting to compress his sorrow, burying it so he could stay 'strong.' So many people placed duties on his shoulders: Dmitri with his leadership and Sakura with her promise. Rubedo wanted to stay strong but he felt like he was only fooling himself, too, and building himself up for an explosion.
He was getting lost…all over again. Everything Rubedo did seemed to be wrong.
What am I supposed to do, Sakura? I…don't know anymore…
But Sakura was not here, or anywhere, so she could not respond. Nobody was here. It was as Rubedo feared; he was alone, lost in the sanctuary of his dead beloved. Now, all he had were his brothers, and even they were nowhere to be found, undoubtedly thanks to his own big mouth. Like Albedo, Rubedo did not want his loved ones to leave him, but Rubedo never realized how he was the very cause for their departure; he pushed them away, he failed to protect them…it was all his fault!
"Don't blame yourself, Rubedo. You're not entirely to blame."
Rubedo shut the music box's lid the second he heard the unexpected voice, jumping with a start and spinning around to its source. His heart rate skipped for a moment, furiously pumping blood, though it quickly eased when the image of Nigredo processed in his mind. Rubedo had no idea when Nigredo arrived, or why he was here, but at the moment any companionship was a relief to the redhead.
Swallowing, Rubedo breathed carefully, calming himself as Nigredo patiently waited at the bedroom threshold. "Nigredo…" Rubedo said in a surprised exhale, though it sounded more like a whisper. Desperately, Rubedo tried to remember what his youngest brother just said, yet his thoughts kept spiraling in confusion. Shaking his head in an attempt to clear his mind, Rubedo then steadied himself and managed to salvage his memory to recall Nigredo's words. "…W-What're you talking about? Why are you-?"
"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Rubedo," noted Nigredo, taking a step closer to his older brother. The glint in Nigredo's teal eyes easily made Rubedo's own eyes blink a few times, baffled by what the younger eyes unveiled. The black-haired Variant was notoriously nonchalant and serious. Yet while Nigredo still maintained his typical demeanor, his eyes told Rubedo another story. Nigredo's eyes were a mixture of sympathetic viridescent and perturbed cyan, mixing into a disturbing turquoise. Those eyes told Rubedo that Nigredo knew something, perhaps many things Rubedo did not. It was as though Nigredo was attempting to divulge his secrets…without actually divulging them. Instead, all the raven-haired boy said was, "Don't submit to pain, Rubedo. You've gotta' break free from it before it's too late."
What the hell's he talking about? Rubedo mused, more and more disturbed by Nigredo's words. Nigredo was definitely warning him about something, but what? What could Rubedo possibly have to worry about, especially in regards to his pain? His first thought was the Red Dragon, but Rubedo instantly dismissed it. As if Nigredo knows anymore about the Red Dragon than I do. Rubedo was getting frustrated, and instead scoffed under his breath,"You are hardly one to talk about 'breaking free,' Nigredo."
"I can't break free…anymore than you can, Rubedo," continued Nigredo, causing Rubedo to perk at the boy's reiterated fatalism. However, unlike their dinner conversation, now Nigredo was categorizing Rubedo as also being trapped. Who the hell was Nigredo to make such assumptions? "We're all pawns in Dad's game. We're all trapped in the same cage, Rubedo."
"Bullshit," grumbled Rubedo, shaking his head at how well Dmitri managed to 'brainwash' poor Nigredo into thinking so negatively. "We have the power to break free!"
That was the point. Rubedo did not even understand how correctly he spoke. The U.R.T.V.s did indeed possess the power to kill Dmitri, chief among them being Rubedo and the Red Dragon mode. Technically, their father was at the mercy of his anti-U-DO children, since he, himself, possessed a part of U-DO after the Salvator's traumatizing contact. Dmitri took a grave risk in creating the U.R.T.V.s, but he was not foolish, either. He raised them to be obedient, and he raised them like Nigredo: to believe they could not escape the cage Dmitri locked them inside. In actuality, the cage was a farce, though it did exist in the form of Dmitri's verbal influence. There was a reason Dr. Yuriev used bioengineered kids instead of bioengineered adults. All their father had to do was convince the impressionable children that they were at his mercy and Dmitri was in total control.
Except Nigredo. The last U.R.T.V. understood the reality far better than any of his siblings, since Dmitri flat-out told him. Of course, Nigredo was the only U.R.T.V. lacking the powers to kill Yuriev. Nigredo did not possess the power to irradiate U-DO, nor could U-DO ever irradiate him. Thus, Nigredo could not take advantage of his father's only weakness and kill him. Therefore, there was no harm in Dmitri telling Nigredo the truth, since there was absolutely nothing Nigredo could do to change his destiny. If anything, by telling Nigredo the truth, Dmitri succeeded in adding to the boy's crippling hopelessness. Nigredo would forever be wrapped around Dmitri's finger, forever locked in his cage. He wanted to break free, but Nigredo was afraid to leave…and he could not leave.
"Rubedo…" muttered Nigredo, glancing away for a moment into oblivion whilst his older brother perked at the address. "You're right. I do want to break free. I want all of us to be free, to live like normal kids, and to have normal 'privileges.' There's so many things I want to do, but…" he paused, pursing his lips for a moment before finally looking back into Rubedo's eyes. "…I'm trapped. If I can't free myself, I need someone to help me…someone to liberate me.
"Rubedo…" Nigredo spoke again, before closing his eyes shut, as if attempting to block any tears. Respectfully, the youngest boy dipped his head slightly like one begging for his life. Unfortunately, Rubedo soon discovered that Nigredo was not begging for his life, but begging for "…Kill me."
Naturally, the words that came out of his little brother's mouth quite literally knocked the wind out of Rubedo. The breath was taken right from his lungs, momentarily choking him before Rubedo forcefully reminded himself to breathe. Even when he did finally breathe, the process hurt, as if there was an obstruction lodged his throat that prevented normal respiration. Swallowing, Rubedo staggered a step, looking and feeling as though he had just been punched in the gut. He was dizzy, his legs were wobbly, and Rubedo needed to retrace the step he just took so he could lean up against Sakura's nightstand. He required a moment to recollect himself, staring blankly at his feet with wide terrified eyes.
"…Kill me."
"H-How can you-?" stammered the redhead, desperately attempting to multi-task: clear his thoughts, calm his breathing, and attempt to speak. Rubedo's words came out in a choppy, almost hoarse tone, forcing him to swallow again. He could just not believe what Nigredo just asked…no, told…Rubedo to do! Just thinking about those two little words Nigredo said twisted another blade into Rubedo's heart. It was nostalgically like the time Albedo claimed he wished to die if Rubedo died. Both moments cut Rubedo so deeply, and easily drove tears to his eyes. He did not want to cry.
Yet, "H-How the hell can you p-possibly tell me to do that, Nigredo?!" the leader choked, before swallowing another painful lump in a feeble attempt to remain composed. "You're my brother for chrissake, and I-I-" Rubedo paused, finding it increasingly difficult to restrain his emotions. He so desperately wanted to finish his sentence and tell Nigredo the heartfelt truth, hoping maybe it would snap the young Variant out of his fatalism once and for all. Nigredo was his brother and Rubedo loved him just as much as he loved his twin. It was a different kind of love than he felt for Sakura, but Rubedo was smart enough to know it was 'love.' Though he did not always act like it, Rubedo cared about his younger brothers so very much. They were best friends, they were always together…they were all each other had! Perhaps it would not have killed Rubedo to admittedly speak his heart once and a while. Alas, the words were too painful to say without spilling tears, and Rubedo was steadfast in his resolve.
Mustering enough courage and composure, Rubedo swallowed another round of tears before averting his attention back at Nigredo. In any other situation, Rubedo would have happily fulfilled a request from his brother, but never something like this! "I…won't do it Nigredo," Rubedo swore, shaking his head once for emphasis, though Nigredo never saw it due to his still-dipped head. "I may be a bioweapon…but I would never kill my brother!"
Rubedo figured his words would have put Nigredo's mind at ease. Alas, the black-haired boy's glance remained fixated on the floor, unmoving along with the rest of his body. For a moment, Rubedo wondered if Nigredo somehow did not hear him, or was ignoring him. However, just as Rubedo was about to take a step closer to his little brother, he stopped and noticed something. For however inanimate Nigredo was at the moment, Rubedo noticed one single, tiny glistening tear drip from Nigredo's face, cascading to the floor. It vanished as soon as it appeared, and no others followed.
All that did follow was Nigredo's unemotional, chilling words:
"If o-only you knew, R-Rubedo…"
Gasping, Rubedo was taken aback once again, but not wanting to waste time like before he regained himself and attempted to confront Nigredo. However, as if there was a hidden mechanism on the floor, the moment Rubedo's foot stepped forward…
…Everything went black.
- - -
When his blue eyes opened again, they opened in a flash. However, unlike last time, Rubedo's eyes shut as soon as they opened, blinded by a bright light burning his retina. Shielding his eyes with a hand, Rubedo needed a moment to adjust his vision to the bright light, blinking several times and squinting before he could see more clearly. He could not see anything else at the moment, just the bright light surrounding him. It was not a warm, comforting light like before, though it still came from the bedroom window. He was still in Sakura's room, standing before the window as the sun set at just the right angle to bathe everything in a bright red hue. It was a painfully bright red, illuminating Rubedo's world in an ominous, burning crimson.
Was this Hell?
Don't be stupid, Rubedo chastised himself, before taking his eyes away from the window and spinning around. He still felt rather dizzy by the bright light, but his eyes were able to now see more surroundings. Sakura's room was still as he last saw it; her bed, the nightstand, the closets, the desks, Bunnie…
What a sec… Rubedo paused, doing a double-take as he once again studied the stuffed rabbit. Just as before, the toy sat in the corner, staring up at him with its eyes. Only this time around, those eyes were angry, slit into a glare with a severely furrowed scowl. He knew what it was; this angry face was the other side of Bunnie's head, making the weird creature quite literally two-faced. Sakura never liked 'angry' Bunnie's face, thus she normally kept its 'happy' face showing. However the hell the toy got turned around was a mystery to Rubedo. Maybe Nigredo turned it, though why WOULD be?
Reminding himself of his brother, Rubedo spun back around towards the doorway, wondering whatever happened to the raven-haired boy. It was still painful to look around the bright red room, but since Nigredo had such dark hair he would easily stick out. Sure enough, a second later Rubedo spotted Nigredo's head of thick black hair…
…Laying on the floor along with the rest of his body.
His eyes burned due to the red light and widened in horror as Rubedo saw his fallen, unmoving little brother. He never wasted time to try and figure out what happened. Instinctively, Rubedo ran over to Nigredo, falling to his knees and checking for any vital signs. He was trained in basic CPR, one of many survival skills, though Rubedo prayed matters would not come to such desperate measures. Grabbing Nigredo's limp shoulders, Rubedo shook them gently yet forcefully enough to wake Nigredo, screaming "Nigredo?! NIGREDO!!"
"Rubedo?! What's wrong?"
His head shot up at the voice. It was not Nigredo's voice, but instead a softer yet equally concerned tone. The redhead's quick reflexes prevented him from fully processing the situation before Rubedo's wide eyes rose up upon…
…S-Sakura?
It was indeed she, the brunette in the long white dress. Against all odds, Sakura was standing right before him, remaining at the threshold and clutching the doorframe. Clearly, Rubedo was too disoriented to find any source of logic or reason behind the matter. He knew she was dead, and he knew she could not really be here.
Alas, Sakura was right here, standing before him. Frankly, real or fake, she was enough to make Rubedo's heart squeeze.
There were so many things he wanted to tell her before she died. Rubedo hated the fact that Sakura died before he could even get the chance to say goodbye. So many things flooded his thoughts, all overloading his cognition and making him feel nauseous. Nothing made any more sense; Sakura, Nigredo… Oh God! Nigredo! Rubedo suddenly remembered, cursing himself for even forgetting his unmoving brother for a second. Tearing his eyes from the beautiful vision at the doorway, Rubedo then looked back down at Nigredo.
"Nigredo…w-won't wake up, Sakura…" Rubedo managed to choke, noticing his image of Nigredo liquefy. Rubedo did not even know how Nigredo wound up like this, and not being able to wake him made Rubedo feel all the more helpless. "I don't…know what happened…"
"…R-Rubedo…" he heard Sakura's soft voice suddenly tremble, as if in fear. It sounded very much like the time in the winter domain when she noticed the redhead's demonic shadow. Just like that time, she suddenly gasped, "…Look!"
Events were getting a tad too nostalgic for Rubedo's taste, but he turned his head towards Sakura, noticing she was pointing a shaky finger at something near him. He did not want to see that shadow again, but before Rubedo's fear took control his eyes obediently followed Sakura's point. They landed right next to Rubedo, where something innocently laid on the floor beside the redhead.
As if his eyes were not wide enough, Rubedo's stung even more when they saw the gun by his side. It was a pistol, one of the many models U.R.T.V.s were accustomed to. This particular model was used in most practice sessions, as they were easier to maneuver than heavy rifles. No doubt, it was a pistol specifically crafted for a U.R.T.V., meaning only a U.R.T.V. could have used it.
…And now Nigredo was down…
"Oh God, Nigredo. No…" Rubedo's voice shook, along with his head. Back and forth, the link master attempted to shake the horrifying thought out of his mind. Alas, his attempts were overridden by his memories of another painfully similar instance. It happened several months ago, specifically the day Albedo unearthed his immortality. Rubedo still had occasional nightmares of that scene, haunted by the image of his own twin brother raising the pistol to his head. One pull of the trigger, and…
"Not you t-too, N-Nigredo," whispered Rubedo through another choked sob. Gingerly, the link master cradled his youngest brother's head in his hands, delicately stroking it to try and find the wound. Nigredo's hair, body, and uniform were sticky with the familiar, disgusting adhesive of coagulating blood, concealed to the naked eye due to the room's red ambiance. Rubedo's fingers failed to find the hole, which somewhat relieved him, but also made him wonder where else the bullet might have gone. Rubedo could only pray that he would find the wound in time to remove the bullet before Nigredo was gone.
"…Rubedo?" Sakura's soft voice questioned, while the sounds of her nearing footsteps faintly resonated. Too concerned with helping Nigredo, Rubedo did not look back up at the girl, even if he was overjoyed to see her again. Alas, at the moment, Sakura was not the one in grave danger. She swallowed loudly, before her footsteps stopped right beside the redhead. "Rubedo, how…could you?"
So many things almost poured out of his mouth at that second. Rubedo was scared, and he had no idea what the hell was happening, why it was happening, or how it was happening! Yet, no matter how overwhelmed he got, everything still kept happening without any consideration of the terrified boy. Rubedo was on some sick merry-go-round that refused to stop, and anytime he asked to get off it would only spin faster and faster.
Yet, in spite of the welling madness, Rubedo still managed to process Sakura's disturbing question. "…W-what?" he choked, blinking quickly before pausing his aid for Nigredo. Rubedo did not want to stop, but he could not help it after hearing Sakura's words.
Swallowing again, Rubedo looked back up at the girl, the young lady he fell so deeply in love with during the past few months. In any other situation their reunion would have been more eventful. Hell, Rubedo dared to believe any reunion between him and Sakura would be just like such scenarios in an old romance/fantasy novel. His beloved returned from the dead, offering a second chance, and he would take her into his arms and refuse to let her slip away again. Not only that, Rubedo wanted to tell her how sorry he was for failing, for not curing her illness and not being there to stop her from taking her own life. But most importantly, he just wanted to hold her…or perhaps he wanted her to hold him, to tell him she was still right there with him and always would be. The urge to pull her into his arms intensified with each passing second, though Rubedo still managed to cough back a "…W-what're you talking about, Sakura?"
She did not verbally answer immediately, though her eyes answered his question. Instead of those emerald orbs being fixated on him, Sakura's eyes dropped back down to the gun on the floor. A hand absentmindedly went to her chest in a frightened manner, as though the pistol would jump out at her if she were not careful. But as her eyes skimmed the situation, Rubedo soon got a suspicion that Sakura was not entirely frightened by the gun, per se. The dark-haired girl visibly shuddered before her eyes darted from the gun to Nigredo…to Rubedo.
Sakura did not have to say anything for Rubedo to realize what she was thinking. Stumbling to his feet, the redhead saw her instantly take a few steps backwards, maintaining a moderate space between them. When he put two-and-two together, Rubedo bit his lip before taking one more step forward, while Sakura took one equal step back.
"Sakura…" started Rubedo, clearing his throat in an attempt to sound as benevolent and honest as possible. "…I don't know what happened but…it wasn't me!" he swore, taking another step while Sakura backed, regaining her original position at the bedroom threshold. As before, she clutched the doorframe, though she frighteningly held onto it this time. It was painful for Rubedo to watch look at him with such terrified eyes. "Sakura…I'd never shoot Nigredo! You know that!"
Alas, the young girl continued to grasp onto the wooden doorframe, turning her knuckles white as she grappled onto it like a cat. Her entire body shook uncontrollably and her teeth chattered as if she were out in frigid temperatures, contrasting the nervous sweat glistening at her brow. But, as before, her eyes unveiled everything through wide-eyed emeralds glistening with terrified tears.
How could she look at him like that? How could Sakura possibly look at Rubedo as if he were a…
"…M-monster…" she choked, before mustering all her courage to spin around and bolt out of the room, leaving behind the sounds of her feet scampering down the stairs.
Unmoving…stunned…numb…Rubedo stood in place, staring blankly at the spot where he last saw Sakura. No longer did he feel as though somebody ran a stake through him…no longer did he feel anything. Surprisingly, Sakura's words did not "hurt" as literally as Rubedo figured. The words just left him in her room, unable to respond in any way, as if she just spoke the password to shut his body down like a computer.
He did not go after her. As if an invisible force field encompassed the bedroom, Rubedo felt unable to leave it. He was afraid his pursuit would only make Sakura run faster and he could not bear the rejection. When feeling started to return to his body, Rubedo silently turned around, away from the doorway. He was too stunned to speak, and certainly too stunned to cry, so he performed the only other available function of returning to Nigredo's limp side.
"…M-monster…"
Sakura… Rubedo thought, wincing by the stinging pain in his heart, before turning back, thinking, how could you think that?
It was not as complicated of a question as Rubedo figured. Surprisingly, the answer to his question came almost faster than he managed to formulate the question. As if plagued with the identical fear as Sakura, Rubedo's body froze in place when he saw…it…standing behind him. There it was, that tenebrous beast inhabiting his shadow, perfectly contrasted against the hellish red light. The demon easily towered to the ceiling, its menacing red eyes bearing down on its terrified little host. Ironically, for however bright the red light was, Rubedo's eyes burned even more as he stared at the dark nothingness of his shadow, an abyss of malevolence.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
"Sakura?!" Rubedo exclaimed just as her ear-piercing scream tore through the house. It was a blood-curdling scream, followed by the loud echoes of multiple booms and thuds resonating through the walls. The sounds were nearby, but not in the same room Rubedo remained. His instincts told him to run, run and save Sakura, but his feet seemed unable to go past a certain point, as if he was on a leash…and his shadow was the one restraining him. Glaring angrily at the beast, Rubedo felt his blood boil. "What the hell happened to her?!"
Naturally, his shadow did not respond. Instead, the demon extended a long talon-like claw of an arm, extending through the red light and edging closer to…Nigredo! Spying the gun a foot away from him, Rubedo ran closer to his shadow, within restricted range to seize the pistol and train it on the lurking monster. He doubted a bullet could harm a shadow, but Rubedo's lack of options, poor cognition, and fear drove him to the gun. Not wasting any time with threats and orders Rubedo pulled the trigger three times, shooting…nothing. Three clicks…it was empty. Son of a bitch! Not having time to lament any further, Rubedo did the only other thing he could do, screaming "LEAVE HIM ALONE!!"
Of course, the beast never listened…never stopped…and graced Rubedo with the entertainment of watching his own shadow…strangle Nigredo. Faint gasps for air emanated from the black-haired boy, still weak, but still alive…barely.
"STOP!!" screamed Rubedo, nearly running forward to tear the damned shadow away from his dying brother. Alas, just as the penumbra wrapped around Nigredo's tiny throat, something also wrapped around Rubedo, albeit it wrapped around his shoulders from behind. Restrained, the redhead attempted to free himself, though failed tremendously due to his crippling fear and overwhelmed breathing. "Let…me…go…dammit!"
"Let him go, Rubedo," whispered another familiar face from behind, powerful enough to stop Rubedo's wiggling for freedom. "Let's get them out of the way." The malevolent voice was not Sakura's or Nigredo's but…
"…A-Albedo…" Rubedo gasped, glancing at his twin through the corner of his eye. Even then, Rubedo still could not see the middle child, though he could feel the reverberations in his right chest throb in a disturbing way. It felt as if someone wrapped barbed wire around his second heart and sadistically pulled the strings. Something was wrong…with Albedo. "…W-what're you…?"
"Aren't you happy, Rubedo?" chimed Albedo, tightening his hold around his brother in an affectionate embrace, rather than as a restraint. Rubedo felt his brother's soft white hair nestle against his right shoulder, while perplexing giggles echoed from Albedo's mouth. They were not happy laughs but…twisted. "We're both monstrous bastards. You killed Nigredo and I killed Sakura, hehehehe. We ARE alike!"
W-what?! Rubedo's eyes widened with horror as they glanced back at where Nigredo fell limp and silent, his throat crushed by the link master's own shadow. When Nigredo's hand fell lifelessly by his side, Rubedo felt tears furiously water his wide eyes. To hold back those tears, he had to bite down on his quivering lip until it bled, trickling blood down his chin. No…no…NO!!
"Don't be sad, Rubedo," Albedo reassured with a sadistic ring in his voice, offering no sympathy for his fallen baby brother. "We don't need Nigredo or Sakura to be happy. We're all the other needs."
As droplets of blood started dripping from his chin and speckled his uniform, the devastated redhead had to cough back a sob in order to speak. "…W-what did you d-do to Sakura?!" he blasted in a choked voice, spitting blood while he glared at his twin through his tear-filled blue eyes. "Tell me, Albe-!"
"Shhhh…" hushed Albedo, unwrapping one of his arms from Rubedo in order to raise a hand to the redhead's mouth, covering and silencing it whilst smearing the blood. The taste of metallic carnage pressed to Rubedo's lips felt like a perverted kiss with the devil, and the sounds of his twin's devilish laughter did not ease Rubedo's anxiety, either. This was the very thing Rubedo feared all along; one day he would see the true demon Albedo became. The younger brother's laughter was acidic and caused Rubedo's second heart to writhe. This was not his precious twin…this person in Albedo's physique was a monster.
"None of that matters anymore, Rubedo," reassured Albedo, before releasing his hand from Rubedo's blood-covered mouth and resuming his hug. "I'm happy being a monster if you're one. We can go to Hell together."
Perhaps that idea sounded mesmerizing to Albedo, but it terrified Rubedo. The link master did not want to be a monster, even if his younger brother was one. Rubedo wanted to protect others, not kill them. He wanted to save them from death, not bring them to it! There was no way Rubedo could live with himself knowing he doomed so many people, especially…Nigredo…Sakura….
"…No…" Rubedo muttered, before darting his glaring eyes to and from his shadow to Albedo. This was not the life he wanted. "…I refuse to be a monster, Albedo."
"Too bad the choice isn't yours to make, Rubedo…" sneered Albedo, while Rubedo felt the arms around him begin to migrate to his neck, gradually choking him. "Don't betray me, Rubedo…" Albedo warned in a deep, threatening snarl as he began depriving his other half of oxygen. "…Or I'll make you regret it!"
Unable to claw free from Albedo's hold, Rubedo struggled to raise the pistol to his brother. Rubedo knew the weapon was empty but figured a swift swipe of the barrel against Albedo's temple would be enough to stop him. Shaking due to fear, anger, and pain, Rubedo managed to hesitantly bring the gun to his twin's head, attempting in some way to muster enough force to knock out Albedo. Unfortunately, due to the lack of air, Rubedo's weak hand easily dropped the pistol.
It never reached the floor, however. In one swift maneuver, Albedo inexplicably released his twin, tossing the weakened Rubedo to the floor. Just as the gun neared the floor, Albedo swiped it and gazed longingly at the weapon while Rubedo clutched his throat and coughed furiously. Haggardly breathing, Rubedo's wide eyes managed to glance back at his brother, once again holding another gun in his hand. Now free from Albedo's grasp, Rubedo could fully see the sick, maddening expression painted across his twin's face.
"You want to kill me, Rubedo?" Albedo asked in an innocently dark way, as if he were talking to a defenseless creature he was about to take pleasure in killing. Snickering and curling his lips defiantly, the white-haired boy tauntingly waved the gun like a toy.
"It's…empty…" reassured Rubedo, his feeble attempt at proving his brother's accusation wrong. If he were not so busy regaining his breath Rubedo probably would have cried at Albedo's cruel assumption. How could he…think I'd want to kill…HIM?!
"Aw, that's too bad," grinned Albedo, before bringing the gun closer to himself…dangerously close to his…head….again. Noticing the horrified look in Rubedo's wide blue eyes, Albedo grinned in amusement. "Why are you scared?" asked Albedo with another innocent tone as his lips caressed the barrel. "It's empty, isn't it?" he recalled, before his finger teased the trigger. "And even if it weren't, all I have to do his regenerate, or did you forget?" the boy asked with a sick grin, before his violet eyes lit up with a demonic excitement. "Here…let me remind you!" he gushed before the barrel slid into his mouth…
"ALBEDO!!!"
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TO BE CONTINUED
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A/N: (Was the gun really empty? Hehe, I'll leave you to decide) Yup, cliffhanger. Damn I love dream/premonition sequences. Anything goes in them and I can exercise my sick twisted imagination. Heh. So…a lot happened in this chapter. I hope you enjoyed the Rubedo/Sakura goodness. There'll be a few more Rubedo/Sakura instances here and there in following chapters, but this installment is the biggest. I apologize for the long length of this chapter, but I actually felt bad about making the earlier chapters so short. I guess I'm trying to make up for them.
So what did you think? Yes, weird chapter but dreams are supposed to be weird. I'm sure you're starting to see the disturbing direction this story is taking. The story gets even darker in the NEXT chapter. I'm giving you readers another friendly heads-up: the next chapter will have the previously mentioned "self-mutilation" scene. However, in spite of that scene, Chapter VII is also another favorite of mine and it's going to have some rather sweet little moments. Plus, it's also one of "PATHOS'" most pivotal segments, so I'm sure you don't want to miss it.
Please R&R (read & review) and then treat yourself to a little R&R (rest & relaxation). You deserve it after reading a chapter like this (and you'll need it for the next chapter, too). I'm dying to know what people think of this fic's darker chapters! Thanks as always.