It was time. The doors had opened. Soft music played. Monty and Simon proudly walked out, remembering not to walk too fast. She focused on the flowers she held in front of her. A few "awww"s were audible from where she was. The flower girls walked down next tossing out a shower of pink rose petals. She tried to clear her mind of all thought. It was her time.
She raised her head and took in the wide expanse of the church. A sea of faces were staring at her. There were so many eyes watching. She hated having all this attention focused on her.
She only recognized a handful of guests. One caught her attention with his shaggy brown hair. She couldn't place him though.
She walked forward staring straight ahead, looking at no one, she couldn't. Could they tell what a terrible person she was? Did they know only minutes before she was contemplating committing an act of violence with a little cherub statue? Could they tell she didn't want to be here? That she wished she was the one with the veil and train?
She tried to smile. She didn't look at him as she passed, wouldn't give him the satisfaction. She took her place to the side. How was it possible to love and hate someone at the same time?
Sometimes Peter had to ask himself how he got here. The simple answer was that he flew. The long answer was…well complicated.
So much had led him here. Driven was more like. He wasn't here because he wanted to. He wasn't proud of what he had done. He didn't exactly feel what he had done was wrong either. That was wrong though, not to feel wrong about it. What he was doing now felt the most wrong even though it was technically probably the best thing he had done in a long time.
As he said, it was complicated.
Either way, it didn't really matter anymore. He had to fix it. What had happened was his fault and he had to do what he could. He would. He could live with it, he had too.
They stopped in front of the Petrelli mansion. He made them visible again.
"Wow." Simone let out a rush of air. "That is going to take a while to get used to." Simone held onto his arm as she was regaining her feet.
"Well, we have time." Peter met her gaze and let a tiny smile form that hardly matched the big one she was wearing for him.
Simone was easy to be around. Smiling around her was natural. He could see what had first attracted him to her, what helped make him love her.
But his feelings weren't the same as they were when he first loved her. They had changed. He still cared about her deeply, but it was different now.
But she loved him. And he would learn to love her again in that way. Love was a choice as well as a feeling. He would choose to love Simone. They had the rest of their lives. He had the rest of his life to forget a certain girl with emerald eyes.
They stopped on the front steps as he rang the doorbell. He held her hand in his own as he had made a habit of doing. He heard footsteps echo and come closer, muffled voices.
The door swung open.
Peter stopped breathing, which he had a habit of doing also every time he saw her. She stood there, the owner of those haunting emerald eyes. They were wide, staring at them for a moment before letting them in. It was like she was trying to confirm to herself that they were really there. She did this every time. Like she half expected to open the door one day and see them disappear right before her eyes.
Peter once again noted the small changes in her appearance such as the weight loss. Did anyone else notice or was it just him?
"Come on in." Claire said in a breathless voice. Peter reminded himself to breathe at that. Claire led them into the foyer then went to tell the rest of the family that they were there. It was like she couldn't stand to be in his presence too long. He understood the feeling.
Simone fidgeted beside him. "Nervous?" He asked. He found it amusing that she was anxious. He thought he would be the one who would get nervous. He did seem to have a better reason to. He could picture those eyes when he told them the news. He had been up all night thinking about it; thinking about her reaction with Simone lying in his arms.
He was messed up. He shut his eyes, forcing the thoughts away. The past was over and done. Time to live for was now. He was going to do this.
He squeezed her hand in reassurance. She smiled at him.
"I love you."
Peter opened his mouth to speak, forcing the words back in return. "I know. I-I love you too." He returned the smile and planted a kiss on her forehead as penance. Eventually he would be able to say it with no hesitation. He really didn't deserve her.
He felt her presence immediately and looked up to see her standing there watching them. A flash of pain shot through her eyes. "Brunch is ready." Claire told them in a brittle voice then turned tail and half walked half ran out of the room.
He kept listing all the reasons against being with Claire over and over again in his head as his mantra. He ached to go after her, tell her he didn't mean it.
"Let's go." He tugged gently on Simone's hand. Not back out though, as half of him was urging him to do, but out of the fryer and into the fire. He walked into the dining room.
He helped Simone into the seat next to his. Unfortunately it was right across from Claire's. She was studying her water glass intently like it held the secrets of life.
Simon and Monty were both rapidly talking to him at the same time as only children can. Normally they brought a smile to his face. Today his face was stuck with a different expression on it.
Heidi was asking him about his work, making conversation. He replied with a minimal and satisfactory answer. He asked Nathan about how it was going, being a congressman, a topic he normally evaded. He wanted someone else to speak, so he wouldn't have to think of meaningless drabble to spout. Normally he could do it but today he didn't think he could without exploding from all the tension he felt. He was sure Claire felt it too, her not saying much of anything either. Just the occasional minimal answer when a question was fired at her.
Simone more than made up for his lack. His mother had asked her about another art gallery piece. They both started talking about pieces, which ones they particularly liked and which not.
Simone glance at Peter a while later, after the meal was winding down. He nodded to her to go ahead. Simone stood up to begin to speak. Peter made himself stand up as well. They were doing this together. He had to be convincing, he told himself, remember why you're doing this. He put a hand on Simone's shoulder.
Simone held up her left hand for all to see. It bore a silver band with a big amethyst on it. "We're engaged!"
Heidi was delighted. She raced over to hug them both. "You're engaged! Congratulations!"
Nathan chuckled. "My brother is engaged. Who knew the day would come." He teased. Peter shot him look of mock indignation, playing along. He thought the smile would crack his face and it would fall into a million pieces on the table.
Simon and Monty just seemed confused at first. But they lightened up realizing it must be a good thing because everyone seemed so happy.
Angela smiled then nodded at Peter with approval. Peter knew his mom thought that he had made a fine choice. Simone would fit right in with the Petrellis. She was probably hoping she'd help open him up at social functions and such, mold him more like Nathan.
Angela came over and shook Simone's hand. "Welcome to the family my dear." Simone beamed. She knew how much this meant. Peter couldn't help but smile at Simone's relief at being accepted.
Claire had been watching him. She had seen the smile. She could only stare.
"Claire," Angela reprimanded. "Aren't you going to congratulate them?"
Claire didn't say anything for a moment, like she was actually considering if she was going to or not. "Congratulations." She barely whispered. "I have homework." Then slowly she stood up and calmly walked out of the room.
The rest of the family really didn't notice. Heidi was pressuring Simone into telling her about how he had proposed.
Peter knew how much it cost Claire to do that, walk out like it was nothing. He felt his insides in upheaval. He wanted to go after her. He also knew he had to stay here. Who knew that loving someone so much would make him have to and want to do two very different courses of action.
One side won, for now
Claire counted the stairs. For every one she breathed in, the next one she'd breathe out. She gripped the stair rail so hard she was half certain it was going to break off in her hand. She wouldn't think, wouldn't cry, not until the safety of her room.
Her room, she thought bitterly. When did she start thinking of it as that? Oh, right, when it was the only place she could truly be alone, take off the mask and let it all fall out. She was truly alone now. Nobody saw, nobody knew…
She opened up the door to her bedroom than shut it behind her. She didn't bother turning on the lights. She just slowly lied herself on her bed, staring at the ceiling.
Breathe in, then out she commanded herself.
She couldn't believe he had done it. He really did it.
She desperately blinked back the tears.
She should have seen it coming should have known.
She took another shuddery breathe, her body silently shaking.
That first week after he left her, when he first brought Simone over for Sunday brunch to tell them they were dating again, she should have known. They came every Sunday and to every event.
She was sobbing now.
She should have known this had been his intent. All those parties he took her with him, they'd dance, like they once danced. He'd whisper in her ear. She didn't want to know what he said to her.
Her head hurt. Tears were no longer silently falling but coming down in torrents.
She had thought, foolishly hoped. After today, the tiny spark she had carried had been blown out.
If she kept crying, would she ever be able to stop?
She heard a knock on her door. She knew who it was. She didn't answer it. He'd come in anyways. She knew he wouldn't leave, not until he was assured she was okay, like the damn gentlemen he was, like he actually cared.
Was she okay? Would she ever be?
She heard the door open and the foot steps that stopped at the entry way. The hall light flooded her sanctuary. Claire watched the shadow he cast on her ceiling.
"Claire?" His voice was tentative, with a hint of yearning under it.
Claire made no move, still fascinated by his shadow. Would it always be like this? Would she never stop loving him? Would she always have to watch him be with someone else? Would he always cast a shadow over her world, tainting every part of her life?
He took a few steps forward. "Claire…" His voice was filled with anguish.
She heard this crazed sounding laughter fill the air. It took a moment to realize it was coming from her. She sat up and faced him, her face inches form his, the hall light reflecting in her eyes.
"Don't." She hissed. "Don't even." The irony of the role reversals wasn't lost on her. Who did he think he was to play her this way? He was even more sick and twisted than she. "What did you think you were going to say? Huh? What? Is Peter going to rescue me again? My hero?" She spat.
Peter backed up, a look of bewilderment on his face. Claire closed the distance.
"Get out!"
He ignored her order and put both his hands on her shoulders. "Claire, this is for the best. Try to understand that, please."
"Stop trying to protect me. You're just like them! Let me make my own choices, take the risks. It's my life and I'll decide."
His voice was filled with weariness. "Claire, I'm doing this because I care."
Claire whipped off his hands like they were acid.
He didn't care! If he cared he would never do this to her! He hurt her! She wanted to hurt him back, give him a taste of what he had done to her. It was childish, she knew it. But for one moment she didn't care.
"I hate you." She filled it with such venom Peter paled. He stepped back his eyes filled with an unreadable expression. He just nodded and walked away, like she had earlier wanted.
But now she didn't want him to leave. She wanted him back, to be with her a little bit longer no matter how much it hurt; because she loved him. She would always love him. She fell back on her bed her hands tearing at her pillow.
She felt nothing but emptiness inside. It scared her. At least when he was around she felt something. Now there was this gaping hole where her heart used to be.
She got up and walked to her bedroom window and opened it to climb out. He room was on the third floor, the highest in the house. She felt this compulsion. She needed to feel something, anything. Before she used to cut herself to feel something besides pain. Now she'd do anything to get it back again. Cutting wasn't enough anymore.
She pulled her self out and started to climb, to the highest point where it over looked the garden in the back. She stared down. She felt no fear.
I need to feel something she thought.
She jumped.
It took but a moment before she hit the ground. Everything went black for a moment. Then her heart started pumping again. Her body was mutilated. Bones were sticking out and blood was every where. She felt it, the pain, but it wasn't enough to drown out the hurt, the betrayal that washed over her afresh. Her body was already knitting herself back together.
Her body would live, but she'd never be alive.
Her heart may beat forever but she was dead on the inside.
Author's Note: Yeah, I know, a bit angsty. Thanks for reading so far. As always if you would take the time to review I'd really appreciate it. More to come!