A/N: One shot r/r please
She knew her skin was cold and wet but she did nothing about that. She knew her body needed food, and her dry aching mouth needed water but she did nothing about that. She knew her legs were in an uncomfortable position,
but she did nothing about that.
She could do nothing but lie on her bed and stare. The cream wall was the only thing in her eye line, she could not even will her eyes to move. She wasn't sure how long she had lay there but the dimming of the light filtering into the room sugested it had been too long,
but she did nothing about that.
She was numb. The tears had stopped but she did not know when. The aching pain, and uncontrollable longing still raged on. She was still on the outside but inside she felt like she was summersalting at a hundred miles an hour through the air. Her head was pouding, her heart was breaking, and her lungs were aching but only she would know that.
The silence was defening. She wished she could find the engery to break the silence but all she could do was let it consume her. She was vaugely aware of people coming in and out of the room but her brain never quite registered who they were. When one of these faceless people broke the silence, she could never quite hear what they were saying.
Her phone had bleeped and rang countless times but the texts had gone unread and the phonecalls unanswered. The world outside had ceased to exsist to her. She did not care about the latest post on Gossip Girl, or the party everyone was heading to tonight. She did not care who had been seen kissing whom, or who had broken up with whom. She did not care.
The dress she was wearing was becoming creased but she did not care. She did not care about anything anymore. She knew whoever was seeing her in this state would be disgusted but she did not care. The miscara had dried into her skin long ago. The seconds, minutes, hours passed her by and she remained unchanged. She didn't move, didn't make an effort to put on a brave face like she had done so many times before, she did nothing.
She heard people mention doctors and thought maybe she should make an effort to at least speak but she couldn't remember how. Her body, mind, heart, they were all consumed by grief, hurt, pain. She didn't bring herself to think of what had caused this pain. Instead, she ran over events from the past.
She thought of prom. Being voted Prom Queen. He had done that. She had thought he was trying to ruin her prom but instead he had tried eveything to make it perfect for her. She had seen him smiling from the stage. He had wanted her to be happy. Although she doubted that now because she felt anything but happy.
She thought of the kiss at his father's wedding. Dancing with him felt right. One day she had hoped she could make him happy but now that hope had gone. All hope was gone. The hope that he would drop all the walls and let her in. The hope that the games would stop and they could just be Blair and Chuck. The hope that she would be happy. It was all gone.
She wasn't sure what she had, but she knew what she didn't have. And what she didn't have was what she needed. Blair was protrayed to be this hard cold person. She was dubbed "Queen Bee" because everyone thought she had all the power, but really she had no control. She had to hide her emotions, because if she didn't she would loose everything.
The door opened again and another person walked in. Blair felt a hand on her side. The heat of the hand made her shiver, but as for a voluntary movement, there still wasn't one. A person spoke her name and asked her a question she did quite comprehend. She did not attempt to move. She did not aknowlege the person that was in her room. The pain consumed her. It dragged her into a near comotosed state. If it wasn't for her heart beating so loud it was taking over the room she would not have know she was alive.
The person lifted a blanket and laid it over her. She thought if her mind had room to think about anything other than the crippling pain that took her over she would have lifted the blanket herself. She willed herself to feel angry. She wanted to hate him, she just wanted to feel something.
The faceless person left the room. She could hear muffled sound coming from outside her door, then the silence took over again. Blair sat up. She didn't realise her brain had given her body a signal until she had sat up. The numbness that had once spread over her body was now raging pain.
She looked around the room without really seeing anything. She felt like there was something covering her eyes that made everything blurry. She heard a piercing scream followed by deep sobbs. She didn't reliase until a tear hit her hand that the noise was coming from her. The pain had caused her to loose control. The numbness had smothering the pain. The battle between pain and numbness was over, and pain had won.
The person entered the room again. She now realised it was Serena. Serena rushed over and took Blair in her arms. Serena rocked her back and forth as she cried out in agony. All the bad memories she had hidden for so long were now flooding through her head. Him leaving her to go to Tuscany on her own. Him telling her it was only a game. And the one memory she did not want to remember. Him walking out on her and leaving.
She had asked him for help. She thought she could trust him. He was meant to be her boyfriend, her best friend. He knew her better than anyone else did. He had seen her at her worse, well her worse until now. He had been there for Serena when her biggest secret came out and supported her. He even helped her deal with the problem but he couldn't do that for her.
She was unconsolable. She was lost. She wasn't Blair anymore. She was broken because he had done nothing about that.