Disclaimer: Theirs, not mine. *Sigh and shakes head sadly*
A Legend's Journey
Chapter 7
But that laugh. It seemed to erupt from somewhere down in his middle, his head tipped back a little. She wasn't quite sure what he found so funny, but she realized that if she could hear that sound again, she didn't really mind if he was laughing at her.
'Raine, what has happened to you?' She should be thinking about her situation here in a totally strange world, but everything was completely overshadowed by this very big man and she was totally baffled by him and his behavior.
At times he seemed as if he was pleased with her. Then in the next minute there was a cold wall of reserve firmly in place. There is no way she could make heads or tails of it!
She had to find a way to survive in this world. She couldn't expect him to provide for her forever. He had said that it was his duty as a Guardian, but how far does that duty go? She didn't completely understand this 'Guardian' concept anyway. Apparently it was a very, very high calling here, most respected and he was the best of the best.
She signed. I need to think. Somewhere away from him.
Auron was looking out the window, seemed to be thinking and he was. He felt good inside and he liked it! Laughing. Him! He looked at her. How did she do that? Make him laugh? He couldn't remember anyone else ever doing that.
Her cheeks wore a pink flush as she turned away, "I think I'll go upstairs for a while, if that's OK...." He nodded.
He sat on the couch, staring out the window at the leafy trees in the enclosure. So many things he should be considering and deciding upon, but his mind seemed incapable of staying on course, straying instead to soft dark hair, lips he wanted to touch ….. "Guardian!! Control your emotions!"
He could hear Sandor's voice harshly scolding him from decades past. He felt real anger rising up inside. He had obeyed those commands and had lived by that rigid code all his life. But the world was different now.
Sin was defeated, no more pilgrimages, no more Summoners to protect. His sword wasn't needed now as it had been. Wasn't it time to have something of a life for himself for a change? Would that be so wrong?
Since Raine's unexpected arrival, he was experiencing feelings and emotions he never before had – and he wanted it to continue. He was tired of sacrificing himself. He wanted a life!
He thought back to that moment this morning when his lips nearly met hers and he felt a stab in his chest. In his mind, he saw a beautiful face sincerely smiling at his best friend. He saw puzzlement and even a little hurt in blue eyes when they looked at him. A groan found its way to his throat. His desire for a life of his own vs the service and code of a lifetime were painfully pulling him in different directions.
The tinkling bells of the wall door interrupted his struggle. Shaking his head to try to clear it, he went out into the compound and opened the door. There stood Harlan, his wife and several of his older daughters, all loaded with carefully wrapped packages.
"Good afternoon, Sir Auron! Is it convenient for you to accept the clothing you requested?" Harlan's bright eyes and expectant smile told of his eagerness to show off his handiwork.
At Auron's nod and gesture for them to come in, Harlan introduced his wife Calley and each of the daughters. The girls were eying Auron and were quite flustered to actually find themselves this close to him in his own home, yet!
Their eyes followed him as he went part-way up the stairs and called out, "Raine! We have guests." He moved as easily and smoothly as a cat. A very powerful cat!
Raine descended the stairs from the roof wondering what was going on. The eyes of Harlan and his family followed her graceful descent, the hearts of the girls falling. They exchanged glances that said maybe they would try their luck elsewhere.
Auron introduced her to the tailor and his family and explained that Harlan had accepted the commission to provide her wardrobe. She greeted each one with a shy smile and a soft "Hello."
As the many packages were unwrapped, Raine could barely contain her excitement and happiness at the sight of the beautiful clothing! Auron silently stood back in the shadows and just watched.
Harlan and Calley went over each piece with her – gowns, dresses in the style of the day, several pairs of slacks from her own world with tops and shirts, dainty underthings. And the most beautiful cloak she had ever seen! Deep ocean blue with a narrow band of scarlet around the front edge of the hood and down the front edges. It was stunningly beautiful! Her eyes sparkled and little bits of laughter escaped that she just couldn't contain.
Calley suggested that Raine try on one of the outfits to double-check the fit. The two of them went to her small room. Calley showed her how to wear the garments of this current world. The style almost had a medieval feel, with a touch of the orient – just lovely and very feminine.
Raine realized that apparently bras hadn't made it through to this time zone - and that would take some getting used to! She was well-blessed and felt very exposed. She would have to get used to that much of herself showing.
A criss-cross of fabric over the breasts and shoulders melded into an almost-snug fit down to the waist where it flowed into a soft, graceful, loose-fitting skirt that fell to mid-calf. There were wide colorful bands that fitted from just below the bust line to the waist – almost like an obi. The selection of bands in deep jewel colors would lend many different looks to the same dress.
The top of this bodice was white; the band she had chosen was red, bordered top and bottom by a narrow, dainty gold braid; a skirt of dark blue softly flowed around her. Worn with a pair of the new slippers Harlan had thought to secure, Raine felt as if she belonged in a fairy tale book. The fit was perfect!
There wasn't a mirror in the room for her see her reflection, but Calley's sigh and "Oh....." gave her encouragement.
She opened the door and a bit shyly went to the living room. Harlan's huge smile gave testimony to his happiness with the results of his labors. The soft "ohs" from his daughters stated their approval.
She turned to Auron, standing far to the side in the shadows. She couldn't really see his face, but after a long moment, she heard him clear his throat and rumble his approval.
She thanked Harlan many times for his skillful work. He couldn't have been more pleased and could hardly wait for her to appear in public wearing his beautiful creations! He had really done himself proud.
Clothing all neatly hung in the wardrobe, more smiles, more thanks, Harlan and his family took their leave.
In the quiet that followed their departure, Raine turned to Auron, still silently standing in the shadows.
"Auron, you - are a so kind and thoughtful." Gesturing at her new dress, she said, "I'm - overwhelmed! Thank you."
She felt a little confused by his continued silence and started to turn away.
"Raine, I …." He stopped and shook his head.
She looked into his beautiful dark eyes and was troubled by the pain she saw in them. "Auron, what's wrong?! Is there something I can help you with? Do for you?"
Another deep growl and he turned quickly away and walked out into the yard of the compound.
Raine didn't know what to think. Had she done something wrong? Was it the clothes? A long sigh, 'I just don't understand!'
She turned to the kitchen to begin preparation of their evening meal.
Auron paced back and forth on the grass like a caged animal, a ferocious expression on his face, emitting sounds that were like a cross between a growl and a groan. This was a battle within himself, fighting himself. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.
He lost track of time but he finally realized it had gotten dark long ago. He should go back inside. He knew his behavior puzzled Raine but he couldn't explain it to her just yet.
Raine.
A long ragged sigh and he reentered the villa.
It was quiet and dark except for a small lamp in the living room and one in the kitchen. It was much later than he thought. He saw that she had prepared a meal, now neatly wrapped and waiting for him on the table.
No sign of Raine, so he assumed she had retired. He had no appetite, but he certainly could use a drink! He poured himself a very large glass of sake and went to the rooftop. He sat on a bench, sipping the drink, taking in the soft quiet of the darkness.
Blue eyes. He closed his eyes. He could not get her out of his mind. She invaded every thought he tried to put together!
He was her Guardian! He had to behave like it, not like some school boy! Taking care of her was his duty, as he had taken care of and protected others. Why did he feel such agony in his being? Why couldn't he fall back on the training that had served him his entire lifetime? What was it about her?
He went back to the kitchen just long enough to refill his glass and returned to the roof garden. He sat and thought. In spite of everything, he knew that what he really wanted to do was to hold Raine in his arms, to kiss her soft lips. But it could not happen! He was a Guardian and she was his charge.
His head dropped. He felt as if he couldn't breath, as if he was being suffocated. How could he do this? How could he keep sacrificing himself for this code ingrained in him? His jaws were clenched tight. Why couldn't he live a normal life? Why couldn't he have to freedom others did to share their lives, to love, to have a home? WHY?
He was in deep agony.
He finally left the rooftop and went down into the kitchen. He washed the glass, put the food away and went to get a shower.
The hot water pelting him helped release some of the tension from his body and he felt the effect of the strong drinks he had consumed. Maybe he could sleep. He was tired.
Dressed in his sleeping clothes, he laid down and covered himself with the blankets.
Raine was truly frightened and in distress! She had watched him pacing back and forth, back and forth, a thunderous expression on his face. She didn't have the nerve to interrupt by telling him their meal was ready. She knew she couldn't put one bite into her own stomach, so she wrapped the meal and left it where he could find it whenever he came in.
Frightened at his behavior, she thought it best if she just got a fast shower and was out of sight when he did return.
Many hours passed before she heard him enter the house. Her ears followed his footsteps as he moved about and went up to the roof.
'What can it be? What can it be??' She couldn't fathom. What if he sent her away somewhere? No, he just couldn't! She hadn't been able to identify the feelings that were growing in her since her arrival here, but she did know that she wanted to be near him, even if it meant keeping out of his way as much as possible. At least she would be close to his vicinity.
Why, oh why did those dark eyes keep looking back at her in her mind? The touch of his hands when he had held hers at the table or touched her shoulders made her draw a breath. She remembered his strong arms around her when she tried to describe the experience of being transported. His lips were so close, yet so far. 'Raine, you are in a mess!'
It was impossible to think without Auron appearing in her thoughts and taking them over. 'I don't know what to do. Mother, I wish I could talk to you!'
She heard him get his shower and settle himself in bed.
Silence reigned but it wasn't an easy silence.
At some point she drifted away to sleep.
Auron's dreams were tortured by harsh lectures from Sandor and other monks who had so arduously trained him. Interspersed were scenes of bloody battles and fiends he had fought, barely escaping with his life at times. Summoners he had protected. Friends and companions who had died along the way. A whirling sea of faces, screaming monks and blue eyes.
Even in his dream, his anger rose to the surface. NO! Not this time! No, he wouldn't give in to them. Just this once, just - this - one - time, he wanted to live as a normal human being – and they weren't going to take it from him! NO! NO! NO! Sandor was screaming back at him, "Control your emotions, Guardian!" NO! NO!
Raine awoke with a start at the sounds coming from Auron's room. Heart pounding, terrified, she flew across the hall and into his room.
He was thrashing from side to side, face screwed into a furiously angry mask, words rasping from his throat, "NO! NO! NO! NOT THIS TIME!!"
She knelt by the bed and called his name. Nothing. She took his hands in hers and leaned over him, calling his name. "Auron …... Auron!" He was so very much stronger than she, there wasn't much more she could do until he awakened from the nightmare.
As she continued to call his name, he suddenly snapped awake to find himself looking into very frightened blue eyes above him, her hands holding his. He managed a very deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. 'No. I will not be denied the remainder of my life.'
She loosened his hands, got a clean cloth in the bathroom and let cold fresh water from the tap wet it thoroughly. She wrung it out and returned to his bed, sat on the edge and gently wiped his face, not daring to speak, as his eyes searched every inch of her face.
When she put the cloth aside, he took her hands in his just stared into her eyes. Finally, he dropped his eyes and sighed.
"Raine, I'm so sorry I troubled you. A nightmare ….. " There seemed to be more but he remained quiet.
She so wanted to hold him, to stroke his beautiful face, to move that lock in the front of his hair that always stayed curled forward, to give him comfort. But somehow, there was some barrier that stopped her, something in him that prevented it.
Finally, she removed her hands from his and stood. Troubled, she looked down at him, wishing there was something, anything she could do to help. It brought back memories of the long years when she cared for her mother. She felt the tiny sting of beginning tears in her eyes.
Looking down, she turned to leave, not knowing what to say, except a very soft "G - good night, Auron."
She knew she couldn't go back to sleep so she went up to a rooftop bench. She sat while thoughts tumbled around her mind. She simply had no experience to draw upon and was at a loss as to what she should do or say. He had her thoughts and emotions in upheaval!
'OK, I've got to sort some of this out! The man has taken over my mind, my emotions - I have no idea why I feel the way I do and I don't know what to do about it!'
Tumbling thoughts, roiling emotions, dark eyes, big strong hands. She let out a long sigh. She felt as if she could cry though that would help nothing.
She sat and thought as time passed. She closely examined these new emotions and feelings that had taken up residence in her and, as some of them became identifiable, was almost frightened.
'This just cannot be! I must not let him know how I feel! Auron is doing this because it is his duty! He said so! How has this happened??'
Thoroughly miserable, tears grew in her eyes and soon splashed onto the front of her white gown. 'Raine, it would be so much better if you had just died!'
Auron didn't think he had ever experienced such turmoil in himself. He sat on the side of the bed in the darkness. Then he realized that he had already made his decision; he was going to have as much of a life as he could for whatever years he had left! He had broken loose from the chains that had held him in total, unthinking obedience to the monks' strict codes for a Guardian.
He was more than a Guardian now. He was a real person, a human.
Raine. He couldn't pretend to know what plans the gods had for her, but he did know that he wanted her in his life. In his unyielding obedience to the codes taught to him, he had almost convinced himself to crush his feelings, his emotions for her under the heavy weight of that obedience.
He would be cautious in revealing his feelings because he wanted her to have complete freedom to make her own choices. He didn't want her to feel any sense of obligation because he was acting as her Guardian.
'You may as well admit it, Auron. You love the girl!' Yes, he did. He had no idea how it had happened, but it had. Maybe some day he could tell her. At least he could be close to her. He didn't know what he'd do if she ever chose to leave. 'Cross that bridge if you come to it!'
Just the fact of knowing what his emotions were and acknowledging them was cathartic in itself. Declaring his independence from mindless obedience lightened his entire being. 'OK, Auron, now you just have to keep it hidden from Raine.'
He knew she had gone up to the roof but hadn't heard her come down. It had been quite a while so he thought he'd better go check on her. He got up and went to the stairs.
As he reached the doorway, his breath caught in his throat and he froze. The moonlight reflecting on the white of her lightweight sleeping gown cast a blue-white aura around her. Even her hair reflected the light as she sat, unmoving on the bench, eyes cast down looking at the ground before her, dark hair over her shoulders.
Recovering himself, he quietly crossed the expanse until he stood beside her. Still in her own thoughts, she gave a small start when he touched her shoulder.
Even in the moonlight, her eyes were blue. Her face was wet with tears.
He knelt before her, looking into her blue eyes.
"What's wrong, Raine?"
Oh, if she could only tell him! "Nothing, Auron. I guess I'm a little homesick maybe." That's all she could think of to tell him.
He considered that for a moment. 'Yes, she probably was. She hadn't been here all that long so it would be natural.'
"Raine, I know I've behaved oddly but" - a sigh - " I've had some things to settle within myself. I apologize if I've caused you any discomfort or unhappiness. You'll have a home here as long as you want it and I want you to be happy here. You will lack for nothing, you only have to let me know. I will do my best to see that you are cared for."
Raine listened to his words. They were kind words but were the words of a Guardian doing his duty. She hadn't known that emotions could cause an actual physical, gut-wrenching pain, but she knew it now! How was she going to be able to contain these feelings without them showing?! Her hands in her lap gripped each other tightly.
She dropped her head. When she looked up again, her soft voice said, "Thank you, Auron. You are very kind to me and I'll never be able to repay you for taking me in! Yes, I will stay, if you don't mind. However, I know you must be free to live your own life, so if the time comes, you must not hesitate to ask me to leave. I'll understand."
'Ask her to leave?? As if that would ever happen!' Auron took her words at face value: kind words but nothing there to indicate personal interest or involvement. Not what he wished he could hear! But what could he expect? Just because his own emotions had developed so quickly didn't mean that hers ever would.
He just nodded and asked, "Are you ready to go to sleep yet?"
"Not just yet. I'll be down later."
Auron nodded again. "Good night."
So softly, "Good night, Auron."
He turned quickly and left. She didn't see the anguish on his face as he disappeared down the stairs. And he didn't see her shoulders begin to shake as silent sobs broke loose from her soul.