State of Reality Chapter 2: angel of mine, a csi: miami fanfic

Title: State of Reality
Author: Shannon - shannyfish
Disclaimer: I do not own "CSI: Miami" or its characters, CBS does. This is merely for entertainment purposes only.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Calleigh must come to grips with the loss of another member of the team, but in the process is faced with losing her own life...
Warning: character death; possible spoilers for season (you never know for sure if the spoilers you read are actually true)

Chapter 2 – "Angel of Mine"

Author's Note: Okay, so I made sure to write an "innocent eyes" chapter, so that it's fairish that I write this. I actually have more than just the chapter, but it just needs work and hopefully this laptop holds long enough for me to make it back to California, so I can back it all up before it tries to crash again. Gotta love when it happens because of Windows Vista updates...

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"Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not yet understood"- Henry Miller

Unknown Location

I had died.

They always say that when you die, you see your life flash before your eyes...that there's a bright white light...that all your loved ones would be waiting for you. My life didn't flash before my eyes. I didn't walk towards a white light. I expected to see my grandmother...she wasn't who I saw.

Timothy Speedle.

She could remember hearing about his death and then arriving on the scene. How hard it had been. His funeral and how difficult it had been to lose one of their own, a friend. Though, of all of those who had fallen in the line of duty during her service as a CSI, he was probably the most welcoming to wake up to.

"Hey Calleigh."

His voice sounded the same. She found herself smiling up at him. She'd missed him. Speed had been a good friend and a good CSI even though he had never learned to clean his weapon. Everyone had flaws, but his had cost him his life.

"Hello," she greeted.

"How are you feeling?"

He sounded concerned. Calleigh shook her head a bit and tried to clear the feel of fuzziness from her head. "I'm—" she started and wondered why it should matter what she felt if she was dead. She started to sit up and then fell back down with a groan.

Pain.

She shouldn't feel pain. "I hurt," she found herself blurting out. Things didn't make sense. Calleigh's head spun as she tried to make sense of everything. Nothing made sense. Maybe she was in a coma? Calleigh couldn't be sure exactly sure what was going on, but she was sure of one thing.

She wasn't dead.

If she were dead, then she wouldn't feel any pain. She definitely felt pain. Speed was dead. So, therefore she wasn't awake. She was either dreaming or she was in a coma. Calleigh really wasn't sure which she favored.

Closing her eyes, she tried to clear her mind and remember. Horatio had said he'd be right back, she'd been shot and he'd ordered everyone else to stay back. She didn't blame him for that, she didn't want anyone else shot either. She still wasn't sure why her gun had stopped firing.

"Calleigh—"

"You're not real," Calleigh responded quickly without thinking. How could he be? It didn't make sense. He'd died. Horatio had been there when Speed's gun had jammed and he'd been shot and killed on scene. She'd stood with Horatio, Eric, and Alexx at his funeral. Tim Speedle was dead.

"It's a long story, Cal," he responded. "Are you in pain? I can have someone give you something for it."

She wasn't sure what to think. Whether to play along with this vivid dream she was having or to just ignore him. Of course, lying there doing nothing was going to get old and fast. Calleigh opened her eyes and looked back to Speed. "You're dead," she told him.

"It was supposed to look like it," he admitted.

"Alexx did the autopsy."

"No, she didn't," Speed corrected. "They were able to get my heart going, but gave me something so that I appeared to be dead. I didn't want to do that to the team, but they needed me and I needed to seem dead."

"Who's they?" Calleigh challenged. She didn't understand why she'd conjure up Speed instead of Eric. She thought that she could more feasibly take the story she was being fed from him rather than the man in front of her.

"Look, Calleigh," Speed said. "I really can't explain it. They're going to let me go from service with them. I was in town on...business...and I've been keeping track of everything..."

Calleigh watched as Speed's face softened and sadness overtook him. She could imagine what the next words out of his mouth would be. Eric. Was that the only reason he'd been around though? Had he come to attend Eric's funeral? She imagined that he could easily stand across from her and she wouldn't have ever noticed, he hadn't changed so much but he'd still changed and she wouldn't have been looking for him.

"I'm so sorry about Eric," he said.

"I still don't believe that you're alive," Calleigh told him. She knew that Eric was dead; it didn't mean that he was real. If she was in a coma, then he was a figment of her imagination and would know everything she knew because he would be a part of her.

"The funeral is today."

Calleigh froze and thought about it. He was right. Eric's funeral. She closed her eyes and tried to keep the tears at bay. She was never thrilled to attend a funeral, but they were often something that helped with the grieving process and ultimately to move on with their life.

Tears pricked at her eyes and she couldn't keep them at bay. They rolled down her cheeks, leaving wet trails. She closed her eyes and turned away from him. She felt horrible that she'd be missing his funeral. Worst of all, she was wherever she was...people were worrying about her. She didn't want to be a burden on any of them.

"Do you want to go?"

"Go?" Calleigh asked confused and opened her eyes to look at him.

"The doctor's removed the bullet and as long as you take it easy and probably agree to take some pain medication, you can go," he offered. "You can go home. Horatio will be happy to see you."

"He had to leave me," Calleigh said. "I know that he probably feels guilty."

"I snuck in and took you before he got back," Speed said. "I was too afraid that you'd lose too much blood if you were left there for too long. No one needs a second funeral."

"No," Calleigh said quietly. "They don't."

"So?" he asked.

"I don't have anything to wear," she found herself saying. It sounded stupid...conceded, but she was pretty sure that the clothes she'd been wearing before had been tossed since she had a bullet hole through small pieces and blood all over the others.

Speed laughed for a second. "They went out and got you some. You have appropriate clothing for the funeral if you want to go," he told her. "Otherwise I can escort you to Dade Memorial."

"I'd rather not go back to a hospital," Calleigh told him. "I'd like to pay my respects, if I can."

"Sure."

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Cemetery

It didn't feel like a dream, but Calleigh didn't know how else to think of it. The weather was typical of Florida, though Calleigh thought that it was ironic that the weather seemed to mirror her feelings. The sky was filled with dark clouds that were slowly pouring down onto all of the mourners.

Whoever Speed was working for had gone out and gotten her a black blazer, grey blouse, black slacks, and black heels. It had all fit perfectly and she'd been given a dose of pain medication that would help to keep the pain away enough so that she could be on her feet at the funeral. Speed had her arm as they headed away from the dark vehicle he'd driven them there in, his other hand held an umbrella to keep the rain off of them. He wore a completely black suit with a fedora; Calleigh could only imagine that it was to keep his identity from pulling too much attention away from the funeral.

They walked slowly towards the gathered crowd. It didn't look like it had started, though Calleigh imagined that she'd missed different parts of the funeral. With his family being so religious, she was sure that they'd had a church ceremony as well. At the very least, she could be there now. She knew that that was something.

As they got closer, she recognized people that were gathered. Alexx, Frank, Natalia, and Ryan she quickly spotted. She kept her head down, almost ashamed to be there, she'd most likely worried them with her disappearance. After a moment, she realized something, she hadn't seen Horatio. Frowning, Calleigh lifted her head and scanned the gathering crowd as the ceremony started. She knew that Horatio wouldn't miss the funeral.

"Calleigh."

"Horatio," she said looking to her left side to see that he'd crept up behind them.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

She nodded. "I'm sorry if I worried y'all."

"It's not her fault," Speed spoke up.

Horatio smiled. "I'm just glad that she's okay...and of course, that you are."

"We can talk after," Calleigh said quietly.

The ceremony was filled with the priest talking about Eric and his loyalty to both justice and to God. It had been quickly followed by a prayer. They waited together to walk to pay their respects, being the very last to do so.

As they turned away from the closed casket, Speed guided Calleigh carefully and closely towards Horatio as they walked. "The doctors have removed the bullet."

"Do you have it?" Horatio questioned.

The rest was a blur as she felt pain shoot through her. She crumpled between the two of them and felt both pairs of arms guide her to a sitting position. The position didn't help with the pain. She groaned.

"Calleigh!"

Each voice belonged to someone different, but Calleigh just blinked because her vision was blurring. "I'm okay," she said trying to stop the fuss.

"I'm not stupid, Baby... You're not okay."

Alexx.

Alexx was there. She'd given away their position, she'd given away Speed. She hadn't meant to. She thought that she'd be able to make it back to the vehicle, but the ceremony had felt like it had lasted for some time.

"You need to be in a hospital."

"I don't want a hospital," Calleigh argued with Alexx.

"You'll do as Alexx says," Speed spoke up.

Calleigh felt herself being scooped up and into someone's arms. She wasn't sure who's she was in, but they were strong and holding her tightly. She gave up and closed her eyes, taking comfort that she was safe with Horatio and Alexx and even Speed.

..............................

Dade Memorial Hospital

Calleigh awoke in the hospital. It wasn't a place that she was thrilled about being, but she felt relieved when she saw Horatio sitting by her side. She was finally awake. Awake from the dream. She smiled at him. "Hello Handsome."

"Hello Sweetheart, how are you feeling?" he asked with a smile.

"A little sore," she admitted. "I had a crazy dream..."

"She's awake?"

Her head quickly turned when she recognized the voice. She had thought she'd woken up, but she obviously hadn't. Tim Speedle was still there. Her head started to spin.

"I'm not awake," Calleigh said quickly as she tried to sit up, she didn't sit up all the way because of the pain, though the pain was less than it had been before.

"You are," Horatio told her.

She felt Horatio's hand take hers and she stared down at it. She didn't know whether or not to believe it. His hand felt real enough, but she wasn't sure what to believe. "But Speed—"

"Concentrate on getting better," Horatio tried.

His voice was soothing and she was thankful that he was there, no matter if it was real or just a coma-induced dream. His hand gently caressed her cheek and she closed her eyes, but tears fell. She could remember how Eric would be so gentle with her.

"You should sleep," he told her.

She nodded, but key her eyes closed. Calleigh turned over onto her side and tried to sleep. A bit of pain shot up through her, but she ignored it and tried to think of safe, happy times...

"Sleep well," Horatio said quietly.

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TBC...