The Cave of Wonders

Deep within the dudgeons, the Doctor was chained to the wall. He hadn't been killed and was trying to reach his sonic screwdriver from the shelf where the guards thought he couldn't reach it. While he did this, he kept thinking of Rose.

She's the Lord President's daughter. What was I thinking in telling her all that stuff about me? I must've sounded so stupid to her!

"You know, you can ask for help," said voice, startling him.

The Doctor turned around to see an old man hobbling towards him. The old man took the sonic screwdriver off the shelf and used it to take his manacles off. The Doctor then pocketed the screwdriver before rubbing his sore wrists.

"Thanks," he said. "I'm the Doctor, by the way. Who're you?"

"A lowly prisoner, like yourself," said the old man. "But together, perhaps we can be more."

"Meaning what?" asked the Doctor.

"Have you heard of the Cave of Wonders?" he asked.

The Doctor's eyes widened. "The Cave of Wonders? It's supposed to have treasure and technology beyond anyone's dreams. But it's just a myth, isn't it?"

"No, it isn't. I have seen it. There is something in there I want, but I need something with more youth to go in after it."

"What is you're after?" asked the Doctor.

"There's a freak and a blue box that I need. The freak has somehow been placed in a trans-dimensional container that keeps him in abnormally small space. It's a little lamp. So, how about a deal? You get the box and the freak for me, and I'll help you find a way to impress that Lady of yours."

"How do you—? Never mind," said the Doctor. "Why do you want this 'freak'?"

"He owes me a favor and the rest is none of your business," said the old man, flatly. "Do we have a deal or don't we?"

The Doctor sighed. He didn't like this, but there was little choice. "Alright, we've got a deal."

"Excellent," said the old man. He took the Doctor through a secret passage that led them out of the dudgeons and into the open space.

Eventually, they came to the Cave and it roared at them.

"Who disturbs my slumber?" it demanded.

"Uh, it is I, the Doctor," he said.

The tiger narrowed its eyes. "Proceed," it said. "Touch nothing but the lamp and the box."

"Remember, Doctor, first fetch me the lamp and the lamp and then you shall have your reward," said the old man.

The Doctor carefully walked inside the Cave. The stairs were tall and the Cave was only lit by torches. Then he came to a room filled with treasure and technology he'd never seen before.

"Good heavens," he muttered. "Just a bit of this stuff and I could bribe my way to being Lord President."

Doctor? said a soft, familiar voice. Doctor, is that you?

The Doctor spun around but saw no one. "Hello?" he said.

Doctor, over here!

The Doctor turned again and to his shock, he saw his TARDIS in a corner. It was still a beautiful blue box. Quickly, he ran inside and fingered the controls.

"This isn't possible," he said, still shocked.

Nice to see you too, Doctor, came a grumpy reply. I see your manners still need work.

The Doctor chuckled. "I've missed you too, old girl. But how in heaven's name did you wind up here?"

I honestly don't know. After the battle, I just remember being here and you were gone.

"Well, I'm here now," he said. "As soon as I find some lamp, we can get out of here and I can fulfill my part of the bargain."

Bargain? What're you talking about?

The Doctor quickly explained what had happened and when he finished, the TARDIS was silent for a few moments before saying, I don't know anything about this old man, but I know where the lamp is. The prisoner can't get out, but I go talk to him everyday. Some of my wires got damaged and I can only go here and to the prisoner's room. Could you fix it, please?

"Yeah, sure, no problem," he said.

He repaired her and then they were off. He stepped out of the TARDIS and saw something resting on top of another huge staircase.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding," he said.

I wish I was. This is why telepathy comes in handy. I can't get up there, I'm sorry.

"Don't worry about it," he said.

He climbed up the staircase for what felt like forever until he finally reached the top. He was surprised to see it was just an ordinary gold oil lamp and next to it was a ruby the size of his fist. That tiny little lamp was supposed to hold some prisoner the old man wanted? He shook his head and picked up the lamp but his hand brushed against the ruby and sent it flying downwards.

"Oh, dear," he said.

"YOU HAVE TOUCHED THE FORBIDDEN TREASURE! NOW YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY!" roared the Cave.

Fire and lava exploded everywhere around the Doctor as the stairs turned to a slide and he fell down. He almost fell into the boiling lava before the TARDIS flew by and managed to catch him. The Doctor was in frenzy trying to get the TARDIS and himself to safety as the TARDIS narrowly dodged cascades of fire and lava. Eventually, a huge rock hit the TARDIS and the Doctor flew out and barely grasped the ledge.

"Help me!" he said.

"Throw me the lamp or the box!" ordered the old man.

"I can't hold on. Please!"

"First give me one or the other!" said the man.

The Doctor grunted as he handed the man the lamp. He reached up, expecting to be helping but the man just pushed him back down, but not before the Doctor grabbed the lamp.

The Doctor fell down, unable to grasp anything or save himself. The TARDIS managed to save him and he hit the control panel before passing out.

XXX

Back at the palace, Rose's father was lecturing Koschei for his wrongful execution. He made Koschei swear he would talk to him before executing anymore prisoners. Koschei just obeyed the Lord President, but he was in very foul mood for the rest of the day. Rose didn't care for her father's advisor. She could only think of her friend who'd died because of her.

She walked outside knelt by her mother's grave before she gazed at the stars, tears stinging her eyes as she remembered how she and her friend had sat together, stargazing and talking. She then turned to her mother's grave.

"Sorry I haven't been here lately, Mum. It's been crazy lately. Dad's trying to marry me off. He means well, but he just doesn't understand. I wish you were here. You could talk some sense into him. He'd listen to you," said Rose.

She sighed. "I met someone the other day. I ran off and he saved my life. He was so sweet, funny, and he listened to me. You might like him. I would've invited him over, but he's gone now. I never even knew his name. If he's up there with you, please, take care of him."

Rose wiped her eyes. The only good that would come out of her being forced to marry was the possibility of becoming Lady President of Gallifrey and she could get rid of Koschei and help some of the less-fortunate people.

And she would do it in his memory.

XXX

In the Cave of Wonders, the TARDIS was trying to wake the Doctor up.

Doctor? Doctor, wake up. Please wake up. Doctor, please.

"Ahh, ow," said the Doctor, rubbing his head as he slowly stood up. "My head's killing me. What happened?"

The old man tried to kill you. Whoever he is, he's no friend of yours. And I see you got the lamp too.

"What?" He looked and saw he did have the lamp. "So I do," he said. "Might as well see who's in here." He took his sonic screwdriver and suddenly the lamp glowed and smoked as the Doctor dropped it.

After a few moments, a very familiar face appeared and stretched.

"Oh, gads, this feels good. Thousands of years of technology and they can't figure out how to expand space so a guy can stand up in his own cell," he said, not looking at the Doctor.

"Who'd you con this time, then?" said the Doctor.

Jack spun around and his jaw dropped. "Doc? Holy crap!"

"Hey, Jack," said the Doctor, embracing him. "Good to see you."

"Likewise," said Jack.

"I've got a lot to ask, but I think it can wait until we're out of this Cave," said the Doctor.

The TARDIS quickly transported them out of the Cave and to a tropical planet where the two managed to kick back and relax for a while. Then Jack told the Doctor how he'd wound up in the lamp.

"So, after we said our good-byes about two hundred years ago, I got a lead on a new con job. It was on Gallfrey and with the High Council."

"You tried to con the Council?" said the Doctor. "Jack, are you crazy?"

"Apparently. So, the con worked for two hours, but then the plan gets exposed, I'm ditched and forced to take the punishment. It didn't help that they knew of my little problem. So, they decided to seal me in there. I have to be within a mile of the lamp and I can't be freed until I fulfill two tasks and then a Gallifreyen uses the third task to free me when he or she gives out the password which is, 'freedom.'"

"Yikes," said the Doctor. "Well, how about I help you out?"

"You'd do that?" said Jack.

"Yeah, sure," said the Doctor.

"Great, so let's get working! You aren't going to regret this, Doc. I've got plenty of resources and the mind to use them to get whatever you want.

Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves
Scheherezad-ie had a thousand tales
But Doctor, you in luck 'cause up your sleeves
You got a brand of magic never fails
You got some power in your corner now
Some heavy ammunition in your camp
You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how
See all you gotta do is rub that lamp
And I'll say

Mister Doctor, sir
What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order
Jot it down
You ain't never had a friend like me
No no no

Life is your restaurant
And I'm your maitre d
C'mon whisper what it is you want
You ain't never had a friend like me

Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service
You're the boss
The king, the shah
Say what you wish
It's yours! True dish
How about a little more Baklava?

Have some of column "A"
Try all of column "B"
I'm in the mood to help you dude
You ain't never had a friend like me

Can your friends do this?
Do your friends do that?
Do your friends pull this out their little hat?
Can your friends go, poof?
Well, looky here
Can your friends go, Abracadabra, let 'er rip
And then make the sucker disappear?

So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed
I'm here to answer all your midday prayers
You got me bona fide, certified
You got a friend for your chare d'affaires
I got a powerful urge to help you out
So what-cha wish? I really wanna know
You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt
Well, all you gotta do is rub like so - and oh

Mister Doctor, sir, have a wish or two or three
I'm on the job, you big nabob
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend like me
You ain't never had a friend like me, hah!

"Impressive," said the Doctor.

"Yep," said Jack. "So, what do you want?"

"Well, I want to help some of the people on Gallifrey and maybe see…" his voice wandered off. It wasn't possible. She would never want to be with someone like him.

"See who?" asked Jack. "I smell a love story. Spill. Is there some fabulous girl in your life?"

"Sort of," said the Doctor. "Her name's Rose. She's wonderful. She's clever, brave, caring and so beautiful. But the problem is, her father's the Lord President of Gallifrey and she's got to pick a husband by her birthday in two days. And it has to be someone of eligibility."

"Hmm," said Jack. Then his face lit up. "I've got a brilliant plan. We'll just convince them you're an eligible man to marry her and bada-bing bada-boom."

"Are you out of your mind? The entire Council has psychic training, they'll know I'm a fake if we use the paper," said the Doctor. "We could be killed."

"But they haven't seen this face, we won't meet the Council, we won't use the paper and I know for a fact that the Lord President hasn't had any psychic training. Come on, Doc. This is the chance of a lifetime."

The Doctor sighed. "Oh, alright, I'll do it."

"Excellent."