TWAZOID- GET YOUR SOUL IN MY CAR RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME!!

yes, it is Ellie again, the original author whom got abducted by cairns aliens.

but i am back now.

and i have pen and paper!

--actually its a shiny laptop with graffiti on it--

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Bella sat on her bed and crossed her hoofs.

"Why oh magic author who originally wrote me as an incredibly boring character, did you decide to turn me into a movie. In which Kristen Stewart and Cathrin hardwick became the oh so infamous me?" Bella pondered, as she pulled out a mirror and it shattered into a hundred thousand million billion --two days later-- pieces... which she then smelt..and ate..

Charlie slammed opened the door in an intense karate fight with chuck Norris.

"Bella!" Charlie cried as he grabbed chuck by the shaft....

what? you erect me..ahem expect me.. to right something saying how dirty minded you are i meant the poll in his head...?

Well im not, i ment what i said. penis, baby maker, giver of seeds, the farmer, Mr.T?

urhm.. where was i..

oh right.

"Bella! I have to shout your name loud, as i fight, because i am a manly man. and as a manly man i may grope other manly men, as this is not considered homosexual. See here as i grab hold of chucks..chuck? you must learn as one day, you shall take hold of the balls of life, and grip it firmly" charlie continued with this state of mind. not noticing that Bella was all the while on the way to port angeles with her boring mates .

Letting go of chucks privets, he stared around the room.

"WHat we going to do now?" Chuck Norris asked, walking up to Charlie.

Charlie spun around. "Wanna fuck?"

* * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * *

Bella walked down the streets, showing all the males her well prized ass -ahem, her donkey boy- glad she was free from the boring jess'a'whore and her "i like this dress, it makes me look like a hoe'.

"Hello" Bella stuttered, talking to the big man behind the conter of a store, selling storys of vampires and werewolfs.

"You know you smell like leech.. right?" he said, looking at her suspicilly.

quickly she pulled up her top and removed the leech sucking her blood off her belly. "Sorry" she muttered.

"thats right, you should be. here's your book. you boring crazy son-of-a-bitch".

Bella strolled out the bookstore, suprised that the time of day had changed from afternoon to midnight in like, what 30 minutes? shit house producers...

ahem..

"oi!" shouted a male, drunk and stumbaling, completly unaware of the ninja armidillo sniffing his ass.

"you have an arm up your ass" bella said, pointing at him.

"WHAT! that was two WEEKS AGO! how do you..- he trailed off, noticing the armiillo looking shy and nervous. suddenly they started making out... what??... its not a story without bestiality!

"freaks" she mumbled, walking no faster, even though she was about to..

SUDENLY!

6 guys jumped out cornering her.

"dont touch me" she shouted, kicking her back leg out into a guys groin... he felt no pain.. he was a she'man.

"shit" she mumbled, she was being attacked by SHE'MEN!!!

suddenly a car swerved aroun the corner, bella waited for it to stop, but was suprised when it spun out of control, taking out two she'men and rolled 5 times, coming to a gracefull, bloodsplattering stop.

she bent down and started cleaning up the mess with her tounge. "mhhm" she mummbled.

"BELLA! get in the damn car!" edward shouted, coming out from nowhere.

bella boringly turned her ugly face towards the car..

.....

....which was on fire.

"uhm edward" she pointed towards the car.

"oh.. right.. well thats a stick up the arse isn't it" he mumbled.

"anyway want to come into a dark alley with me so we can go F--

"Bella!" kate - wearing an armidillo hat and no pants- and charlie shouted, simutaliously.

"what the fuck???" she said.

"BELLLA! LOVE ME!!" jacob shouted, climing out of kates armidillo hat.

"what the fuck are you doing to this story ellie?!" shouted them all, pointed accusing fingers at me.

"Listen, i have a cold" i shouted. " i havnt slept in four days, my nose hurts and i look like hell. shut up its my story!"

"yeah" they mumbled, " you do look like shit.."

i rolled my eyes "well thanks guys"

"no problem... so what you gunna do about us?" they asked, curious.

"i'll rename you edward wallbanger.. edward" i said, giving him an evil eye.

"oh crap you hear that?" he sqeaked, turning red.. even though he has no blood.

"I WANT YOUR SOUL BELLA!" he shouted as he turned into a bat and flew away, but got stuck in bella's hair.

"arge! shit get out edward! i feel so violated!" she sqeaked, waving her hands. edward suddenly turned into himself again.. still stuck in her hair.

they callapsed to the ground.

"edward! your so cold!" bella said.

"distract me bella" he said, looking evil and devious.

"uhhm edward. you were ment to say that awhile ago. in the car...- bella trailed off.

"oh right. well damn. this chapters gone to the crapper aint it?" he said, his voice changing into cockney english.

"sigh......"

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sorry bout the chapter. my symptons are true ): reviews make me better (: