TWAZOID: OH GOD, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE!

and oh god! its been ages since i last updated and im soo sorry, i got really sick and then to top it of my INTERNET crapped out on me!!
forgive me and dont try kill me!

xo

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I planned to confront him today at school.

but i got so worried and then the squirel started mouthing off at me that i totaly forgot. so by at least 10pm i finally noticed something was diffrent. "Ohh shit" i whineed, rubbing my head againgst the ground.

what was i ment to do!

i sat down and strocked my mane.

play with mane- check. eat broken glass-check. lift up tail for no reason- check. tell edward i think he was a vampire- check... wait oh no!

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3 days later i planned to confront him, but i got so distracted by a squirrel mouthing of at a... DEJAVOU!

i walked to school, past the armidillo man and up over the moat, the bridge troll popped out and started talking about my mane and how it rivaled billy goats gruff's one so we had a jolly good laugh and skipped down the yellow brick road to Knifes highschool... forks.

(fork it! hehe, who said i was boring! oh right, me, the author. but i am in a jolly good mood because im british, so for no reason, i shall make them drink tea and talk about scones.)

back to bella-

Bella played with her mane, stroking it until she tripped over mike newton.

"Bella! it is me! annoying penis face man, who has no real roll to the story what so ever, but, i make it infuriating and angst ridden! shall we go make sweet beastiality in the broom closet that rivals severus snapes fanfic by my friend kate!" mike shouted, lunging at bella and grabbing her lumps....

oh jelly... in a bowl on her head.? (*shrugs*)

"i am sorry mike, but i do not enjoy normal things, i shall be the forty year old virgin, who wants to make sweet fuck with- suddenly charlie bursted in the room out of the broom closet mike was talking about with Carlisle.

"OOOOOH CHARLIE!" Cooed Carlisle, stroking charlies long, hard.... gun barrel. "Its so hard!" charlie truned around in a pink hawian shirt holding the small poodle.

"YEs, because i am a manly man with manly parts, who doesnt compensate with guns because my penis is large and manly and we do manly things together like golf and masturbation" charlie replied.
and for extra imput *INNUENDO* thrusted into the gun barrel, causing Carlisle to accidently shot him in the dingaling.

"OH GOD!" shouted Carlisle and charlie at once, carlisle in enjoyment and dirty fun and charlie in pleasure. "Im a doctor, i'll help you with that!" Carlisle shouted. It was getting a bit to freaky and bellas mobile phone ran out of space so she couldnt record it all and place it on youtube, so she left, walking towards the school, remembering 4 days ago today when she read that book that told her everything about edwards type.

---------------------------------------------4 days ago.

The idiots guide to vampires~

Edwards a vampire, do him bitch-

--present

Bella strolled up to edward, who was strocking himself while looking into a playboy magizine named "Cold Hard Bitch".
Insted of being interesting and starting a argument in the school leading to hard beastialtiy by edward and bella and an armildilo, she walked past.

And edward being the cold fucking hot sick as manly bitch horse fucker he is, followed.

Suddenly bella stopped and turned to face edward who looked like he had serious blue balls. which he did, he is cold and dead after all.... oh and he was looking at bellas cute horse butt.

"I know what you are" bella said, walking around edward, who stood very still.
"Your fast, i watched you jack off the other day through your window and you were done in secounds" she muttered. "Your so cold, i want to lick you but am frightened i'll get frost bite".

Edward kept watching this all very stotic like, even though kate was on her knees in front of him bobing up and down.
"What are you doing kate!" Bella shouted.
Kate turned around poointing to his shoes. "It worked on harry potter" she said with a wink.
Suddenly she evaporated leaving behind nothing but a small hahahaah.

"where was i" bella mumbled, while edward walked up to her and started eating her hair and sniffing her neck.
"Say it" he mumbled, licking her eyeball. "Out loud"

"YES!" Bella shouted, making edward think he did something very naughty to her, but then he heard the sound of mario cart racing.
"Oh bitch i am so going to own you!" he shouted joining in. three hours later edward sat on a tree staring down at bella. "Im a vampire" he said, sniffing her neck.

"Bite me bitch" she mumbled, pushing him out of a tree. "i'll do more then that" he mumbled.

Suddenly Alice jumped past and into screen shot.

"Yaaaaaay!" she screamed happily! "Finaaaaly i get a part in this!"

Jasper, Rosealie, Emmett and Esme popped up looking pissed.

"Yeah Ellie! what the hell is up woth that, arnt we good enough for you or something!" the shouted.

Me, being Ellie, slowly backed away towards Edward.

"Save me Edward!" i shouted lunging on to his back and promptly hitting Bella in the face. "of corse Ellie, you are so beautiful and interesting lets make sweet non beastialty love. My family, she is MINE!"

Edward shouting, slapping my butt (*LMAO*)

everyone looked awkward...

"ellie your messed" emse said, looking worried.

"Yeah your a fucker" alice mumbled, grouping jasper.

"dude everyone calm down!" Jasper muttered, accidently sending off lust waves.

Jacob popped out the bushes. "HEY LOOK A CONDOM AND A BANANA!" he shouted at bella, shoving the condom on and puting it in her mouth.

.....................

ON THE BANANA THAT IS!!!

Carlisle popped out in his malibu barbie outfit. "get back on track ellie!" he shouted, doing his hair.

"Yeah ellie! do you know how much interent costs to get broadband in heaven!" said jesus.

"Fine, Fine" i mumbled...

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bit crazy there.... so .. yeah... enjoy!